₦airaland Forum

Naijasinglegirl:
Dear Nigerian boyfriends

We hope that you and your ATM card are getting ready for Sunday?
In no particular order, below are a list of items we WOULD NO LONGER accept as Valentine day gifts.

BBM BC’s
Whatsapp BC’s
BBM PM Shoutouts
Instagram Woman Crush Sunday.
Romantic sms except it is accompanied with a credit alert.
Card: Soft and hard copies. This is not applicable to recharge cards. Please note the s.
Leaves/Flowers: Fresh, rubber, dried, scented, unscented, cooked and uncooked.
Perfumes from an unnamed designer: That type that stains cloth and produces rashes.
Cheap jewelries made out of copper, steel, zinc and iron.
Cheap chocolates.
Rice & Chicken in Mr Biggs nylon.

However, while we are still saving for your Bentley, we expect that you’d receive your regular valentine pack of a handkerchief, a singlet and a boxer with sincere appreciation as these three items connotes a deep meaning that has more value than silver and gold.
A white handkerchief signifies gratitude. We are indirectly apologising for all the times we made you sweat and thanking you for sticking with us.
All the wonderful things you could use your handkerchief for
You boys never have more than three singlets. This is why we keep adding another one year after year.
We wouldn’t be giving you briefs/boxers if we haven’t envisage a future with you. We care about your body & the packaging of reproductive organs.
Extras of ties and cufflinks, who doesn’t like a perfect gentleman?

In addition to the above, you are expected to observe the following rules from now till 15th February.
– You are not allowed to take any one week impromptu trip to the village to visit your uncle’s brother husband. No fake business trips! No disappearing acts!
– You are advised not to fake any form of terminal disease or sickness. Be warned.
– No bad phone, bad network, bad battery, phone speaker is bad , power button is not working excuses.
– No ‘ATM is not working or card has been blocked’ excuses. You have from now till Friday to register your BVN.
– You are advised to increase your tolerance level for all our excesses. No ‘we should go on a break’ ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ or ‘I have been thinking about this relationship’ speech will be accepted.
– Third service, fourth service, prayer meeting, youth meeting and fasting MUST NOT be used as an excuse come Sunday the 14th.

Please pass to respective parties. We thank you in advance for understanding.

Signed:
By @Naijasinglegirl,
On behalf of girlfriends in Nigeria.

http://www.naijasinglegirl.com/open-letter-nigerian-boyfriends

We hear u, but what do u do when u do all dts necessary for Bae to be happy bt Bae wldnt want to satisfy ur needs becos she's virgin n she's not ready yet?

catchfun:
lalasticlala
http://www.vanguardngr.com/2015/12/how-well-fund-n5000-welfare-scheme-lai-mohammed/

Laicadesical Muhammed a fool is known by the multitude of his words. Eccl 5:3

SenseiX:
Former president Jonathan pictured with some Nigerians at Heathrow Airport this afternoon.

Goodluck goes to London. Without the bowler hat.


https://mobile.twitter.com/chineduozordi/media/grid?idx=0&tid=607545924307558400

Now living a normal life, no entourage, protocols, aides etc. Well done jare, enjoy the rest of ur life in peace n prosperity, n continue to touch lives with ur generous n compassionate heart. God be with u.

Sunymoore:
Visit www.nysc.org.ng and click 'already have an account' and enter your details. Goodluck...
I'm posted to Jigiwa
cc. Lalasticlala Ishilove

Hey guys am a serving Corps member, serving in Niger state, I welcome u guys all on board, I say congratulation as u cm 2 play ur part in the quest to serve our mother land. Wherever u r posted 2, if u don't like it, apply 4 relocation in camp, bt if it doesn't workout, enjoy ur stay there, its nt a threat its reality, pray 2 God 4 u 2 be posted 2 a favorable place. What ever happens, knw that God is in control, pray always, n so much 2 say bt let me nt bore u. If u r posted 2 Niger state, u welcome, u wnt regret it. Enjoy ur service year. God be with u all.

Jimiyke:
Eeehn! Imagine!!!

Can u see what I saw inside that white plate?!

Presidential tea break with N20 sachet Milo?!

Thank God ooooi!

No more budget of 1.2 billion for presidential meal.

#CuttingCostModeActivated

This Buhari of a man seems to hv a listening ear, he is always listening, u hardly see him talk, always listening. If u look @d foto, u see dt he's listening 2 his vices advice. Come 2 think of it, he's hvn breakfast or smthing wt #40 peak milk, instead of d usual exorbitant breakfast by our so called "leaders". I think we can gv him a chance n see wts on the bag when he arrives. Good luck 2 him come may 29th.

emusmith:
Relationships are a necessary part of our existence. However, relationships can be healthy or unhealthy. Healthy relationships contribute to our overall well-being while an unhealthy relationship does the exact opposite. There are different things that point to whether a relationship is healthy or not. To tell if your relationship is healthy or not ask yourself these questions:

1. What does he/she bring out of me?

The quality of your relationship revolves around what you become by it. How is the relationship impacting you? Note this is not about the other person forcing you to change who you already are. In a healthy relationship, you don’t feel forced to change who you are but rather inspired to make needed changes. In other words, it does not try to fix you but rather help you fix yourself. A true partner knows your weakness but shows you your strengths. Feels your fears, but fortifies your faith. Sees your anxieties, but frees your spirit. Recognizes your disability, but emphasizes your possibilities.

2. What does he/ she think of me?

What your partner thinks of you really matters. It tells or determines the value he or she places in such a relationship. And we usually give quality attention and care to whatever we value. Does he/she see you as a plus in his/her life? Relationship works when it involves mutual contribution. If your partner does not see you as a value or at least a potential value in his life, the intimacy and closeness will likely diminish with time.
Also, people tend to become what the most important person in their lives believes they can be. That’s why people in abusive relationships are usually self-critical and timid.

3.What does he/she think of my future?

Every true relationship invests in your future one way or the other. Your relationship should contribute to your dreams and aspirations. Does your partner support and consider God’s plan for you. Does he/she help it or hinder it?
This emphasizes the need for you to determine the direction of your life. If you know what you want in life and where you are going, it is easy enough to figure out who fits into the picture.

4. How does he/she behave towards me in difficult times?

The real test on the quality of your relationship comes during difficult times not when the goings are smooth. If he/she turns abusive or one way or the other makes it look like you are the cause of his/her problems, that’s a negative signal.

5. What does he/she thinks about my values and beliefs?

If you are in a relationship where you have to sacrifice your core values, beliefs and things that really matter to you, you may need to re-consider that relationship. It is true that we are to adjust and sacrifice certain things in a relationship. However, when it involves relegating things that really matter to you; you are likely to end up unhappy in such relationship. One thing peculiar with couples in healthy relationships is the fact that they have similar values, beliefs and focus.

6. How does he/she reacts when issues arise?

Disagreement occurs every in any relationship. What matters is how it is handled? If he/she holds grudges for days and drags every little issue or disagreement to the extent that a third party need to be involved before it can be resolved, it does not tell well about that relationship.

7. How much do I trust him/her?

A relationship without trust breeds insecurity, heart breaks and emotional instability. It is impossible to have a relationship if there is no trust in such relationship. Couples in a healthy relationship are quite open to each other. That’s why communication is very important in relationships. If he/she allows you to wonder or try to guess what he/she has in mind; If you constantly sense insincerity from him/her, then there’s bound to be trust issues in such relationship.


Have a lovely night rest.

How do they react when u need them most? A friend in need is a friend indeed, do they attend 2 ur needs aside sex? Is what u hv 4 each other mutual? Thnk God if ur answers 2 those questions r 2 the positive.

lalasticlala:
http://www.vanguardngr.com/2015/04/ambode-wins-lagos-gov-poll-succeeds-fashola/

No o, na me him suppose succeed. Online liers

misspatsy:
Its comin down.look at how d stairs is designed,typical nigerian ones

u r right, if u look @ the steps carefully u will observe hw its built n u will understand its coming down. The good thing is, everybody has his or her perception so it depends on personal view. Some can tell u the cat is flying.

Allohrandy:
The writer of this article is very biased. Election was rigged in both north and south by both pdp and APC. However, he didn't talk about the toxic votes GEJ got in Delta, Akwa Ibom and Rivers. If the election was free and fair, Buhari would still have won GEJ

how many votes were u xpecting GEJ 2 gt in Delta, AKB n Rivers. It suppose 2 surprise u dt he got far less than he did in 2011. Every dog has his day, they hv won 2day, 2moro is another day.

Nice write up, Mr Femi, ur analysis was encompassing n very expository. It was obviously a gang up btw the entire north, South west n Jega. They think they r born 2 rule, n they hv won once again. We know where 2 hold their balls.

politricks:
These guys again. I just hope when they start, it's only their region they will destroy because that's what the north did(according to them).

don't worry my dear friend, we don't attack communities, talkless of disturb ur peace, we will only fight 4 our oil n our fight is strictly with the FG, so u hv no cos 2 fear.

The ways of God is not the ways of men, as the heavens n the earth are far apart that's how our ways n thoughts are different. God knows what he is doing, there cld be sm fake prophecies which didn't cm 4rm God, however God rules in the affairs of men n he gives authority to who he pleases. Cm 2 think of it, who said this saga is over, sm of this prophecies time line has not elapsed. Let's keep our fingers crossed, n pray 4 Gods will cos I know Gods will is the best. The Lord said, "For I know the thoughts I hv 2wards u, thought of good n peace, n not of evil, 2 gv u a perfect end". So let's pray Gods will is done. Amen!

Buhari don't celebrate yet, change is on the way, yes positive change that will turn the table 2 another way. We 2 can manipulate the figures. Egbesu, akala amadioha, ebezike including Jehovah jaire will all work 2nite n by morning we will be singing a new song. Sai continuity.

okpamson15:
God is stil saying something. Women are not angel so dnt expect 100% frm them. If you know this your marriage wil work out wel. I always comment first in this man of God message, it seem to me there is something special about it. May be i wil become a pastor.

I pray. U cn strt workn 2wards dt.

[quote author=Emytexboy post=30964884][/quote]I don't think that's a good prophecy, that's rather an obvious prediction as a result of political tension in the country. It wld amaze this man of God that Nig will be @peace during n after the elections. As 4 Oyedepo, if they can change the seasons, stop the covenant of day n night, then they can think of killing Oyedepo. I think his jst seeking attention. Sorry bro, anybody can get up n predict a civil war like Gadafi, I think he died b4 Nig. God bless Nigeria.

EhiJeremiah:
The running mate of GMB of the All progressive Congress Prof. Yemi Osibanjo who tweeted a photo of their Kano rally that turned out to be Rev. Bonke's crusade photo, generating sentiments on social media has now cleared the air in his recent tweet.

" A little relieved to hear the last image isn't Kano right now, I was beginning to worry about the heat :-) Kano wants #Change"


"I have to stress hear, that some of the pictures we get are sent by you, the Nigerians on the steering. Again thank you. #Change. "

its a pity that pple r so blinded by sentiment 2 the point that they dnt want 2 see anything but who they think shld rule irrespective of his qualification. We can easily go back 2 the savagery days where, there was jst survival of the fittest. Even a so called prof errs in written english. May God help us.

[b][/b]

jokesmaster:
I was coming home one Saturday evening after a hectic day and found a small bag on the ground. I opened it and behold what I found inside; $20,000 dollars!! Fear first catch me, but I took the bag home and when ...I emptied It, I found some Documents, ID card, ATM card and an Iphone. I thought about throwing the sim away and keep the phone and also dispose the documents and keep the money. After a long thought, I decided to leave things as they were, hoping that the owner would call. Not long after a call came through on the Iphone, I picked and talked with the caller. Apparently it was the owner of the bag coz he named absolutely every content of the bag. We met afterwards and i handed him the bag. he offered me $2,000 dollars but I turned it down , he collected my number and i left. Yesterday he called me and offered me a job at Chevron worth 750,000 Naira per month, a 3 bedroom flat fully furnished, and a 2012 BMW X6 As I was smiling and testing the car my brother just slapped me and said "Oya Oya Oya Wake up eba don ready.

Did you just laugh?

Hit like

I want 2 laff last, u knw wt that means.