₦airaland Forum

Ineffective governor

That defines my ex. Whenever we hang out, she would criticise the food including the aroma. Her popular lines, "this rice is not done,,, the spices are too much,,, the meat is too strong,,, yet she will finish it.

I've exhausted my bleeps. Don't have any to give now.

sashishalom:
Whether shes lying or not,shez hurt and she can be fixed...
Your involved now and she should know getting better now isnt just bout her or for her but for the both f you guys...

I'll also recommend you doing some test bout some infections one can be exposed to through rape...

Talk to her and let her know how it would affect you guys if she doesn't heal and how you wont be happy...

No matter the kind of help she gets,if she doesnt open up well,she wont heal...

She knows it's a big snag & has made a few promises about working on it. Truly, she felt freer discussing it with me this morning. She was expecting me freak out or get annoyed yesterday but my reaction made her open up more this morning.
As per the test aspect, I already know she will run some tests including the one for fertility.

Achievement:
Let me tell you the truth she is just lying to you. .. .. . You'll one day discover she did an abortion in the time past what better way to bring it up than through this means?

It's not impossible though, but i dont like counting odds. I will surely consider fertility test.

here:
Lack of communication or unhealthy one is key always key I keep telling people.Some would say let what happened in the past remain in the past and they only care about the future that's also perfect but for this case how can this be explained? In relation even if no intimacy but it should be discussed freely and let the partner make his or her choice. Afterall you kissed ;would give room for understanding and issues cared for rather than put a partner in a position to decide if he or she can live with something after full commitment. Not like am advocating putting your story out there. No wonder some partners don't even know about an ailment until almost wedding...not fair...no partner has to bear the burden left by the past if he or she doesn't want to and should be given the chance early to decide.
Dear friend,it's your life...sort it out,if you chose to stay make it work.But be sure she is interested in healing,if not you will get frustrated by the time she heals and the circle continues...pain.
The thought of this your first time will make you frightened each time you want to ever sleep with her...no male ever pray to. experience what you did...not many males would ever want to be with her intimately because of feeling of pity,but you get to decide how you want it to stay...many will tell you support her but you gauge ur strength and chose what you want to do...would be beautiful if you go through this healing together but both must show desire I repeat...because sometimes rescued partners who played no part seem to wear out the relationship in long run..goodluck with whatever you decide

Wow, thank you v.much. It is even the thought of ending up sexually depraved for the rest of my life that made me post it here. I believe I can work it out with her, but all the i's must be dotted b4 we cross the Rubicon. She has accepted to work it out with me, but refused the idea of seeing a therapist. Sex too is canceled forthwith.

To your first statement, I must say that I don't blame her for not telling earlier. Intact, I am glad she was able to open up with all the little details. This part of one's life is not what can be easily shared. None of her close friends know of this.

extwoo:
It's bad enough to lose the company's money, it's worse yo get rapped in the process. It's horrible to get rapped by someone, its even more horrible to get rapped by 3 guys, and getting pregnant, now having to read get rid of the pregnancy. Bro. She needs a life time of Therapy, there's no forgetting this easily.

Guy, her story made me know what many ladies passed/are passing through albeit their smiles and gorgeous look. No wonder why some ladies always say that men are wicked.

Kondomatic:
She said don't tell anybody.








and here you are

I know, but she only meant that I should not tell my friends and her colleagues and not that I shouldn't seek help. I don't mind telling her I posted it here. Besides, the encouragement and answers I got here are so wonderful.Thank you.

Divay22:
since she appears to have accepted the condition as part of her life,it's up to you now,she needs your constant reassurance of your love for her,her been healed fully is directly related to you,she needs all the love,attention,care now.........
Recovery from this trauma is not linear,there will be good days and bad days,Just be kind and gentle........

You are right. I'm even thinking of getting someone who suffered same to help her out, but I know no one. My happiness is that she is open to me. I believe she will get over it.

CorGier:
Ephort, hmm if at all her story is genuine, I doubt you've got the time or the patience to see her through this trauma. Victims of rape rarely ever recover fully, let alone one who was gang raped and impregnated in the process.
Obviously you love her, so it's normal for u to feel the need to want to "fix" her. But bear it in mind that there is no quick fix, cos a lot depends on her willingness to forgive herself, and whether or not her level of trust/love for you is really enough to make it work. So if you feel you're up for it, then she needs lots of reassurances from you. Once in a while, pull her close, make her feel safe, get her to open up to you about the stuffs she enjoyed in the bedroom b/4 her sad incident, get her to loosen up a bit, tell her what you like, get her to want to touch/please you - just be comfortable with your bodies, then little by little you can then escalate to PIV and see how it goes. Good luck, you've got your work cut out for you.

Thank you so much. Yes, she might loosen but I don't know how soon. It's not too big a sacrifice for me if she is willing to work on it.

sweettease:
*whistles*
She needs real support and psychotherapy, it's a major problem that won't be easy to overcome but with the right emotional and psychological support, she'll cope better in time.

I'm just wondering if two years is not enough time to overcome such. I thought of psychotherapy too but I don't know if it will work on her. It appears she has accepted the condition as part of her life. I will check online tomorrow to know if there is any established institution that does it here. Thanks for your suggestion.

Onijagidijagan:
she's might be lying...

I don't think so. I was told the story of how she was robbed of company's money, and how the company made her pay part of it because she did not report immediately. That was the day it happened, according to her, but she told nobody this part of the story except one staff who later took her to a doctor for the procedure. I know the staff too.

..