₦airaland Forum

Ujujoan:
ROTFLMAO

Hilarious and ingenious piece!

im cooking up a better one to be served hot! its about cooks in the great kitchen, the melting pot, and the theme is "How too few cooks/crooks spoiled the broth"

Mein gott! i never knew anyone could be this deluded. IBB IS the root of all the problems in naija, he made things so bad it'll take at least ten successive generations of good leaders to mop up his mess. all his economic policies did was to erode the middle class. and as you know, kill off the middle class and you've effectively created a boomerang disaster. consumerism and production go hand in hand, afterall.

i'd rather the devil himself win the election than IBB.

here's the roster:

IBB: disqualified by virtue of his past mideeds. no reason to think he's going to do any different. first looter-in-chief. single-handedly created and institutionalized overt corruption. source of wealth: unknown.

Atiku: Politically bankrupt, morally empty. self-centered with a false sense of destiny, suffering from borderline kleptomania, most disturbingly charmless and uncharismatic personality known to man.

Buhari: witless, unremarkable personality, full of anger and wrath for reasons unknown, unhealthy socialist streak, the merchant of death who nearly crippled commerce with his draconian and orwellian policies, undiplomatic, lack of tactical and strategic foresight

GEJ: blunder-prone, projection of weakness and confusion, irresolute, master of flip flopping, unable to restrain or evaluate his personal convictions, using rhetorics to solve problems, desperate, OBJ's stooge, incapable of political strategies, unable to contain spouse

Ribadu: quickly gives in to passion, dubious patriotic bent, has no prior political know-how, bears too many grudges, has too many enemies,

Shekarau: looks stoned, a complete joke.

Gusau: not remotely close to being appealing, knows too many secrets, no exhibition of leadership qualities, shallow in economics and diplomacy


Saraki: has sworn fealty to his father so his allegiance is to the dynasty that spawned his political career, green in every sphere of political knowledge



Miscellaneous a motley collection of unknowns, unknowables, and drops in the ocean

DISCLAIMER:

for the benefit of the half wits in this forum, the above is a satirical piece. if you adduce anything political or take it literally then you're solely responsible for your own infantile delusions.

It all began in the early sixties when the Brits handed over a shiny new car to Nigerians. Not really a charitable act since the car was cobbled together with disparate parts from different parts of that blessed patch of land the Brits once lorded over. Ambitiously they named the car NIGERIA, handed over the keys and left for their dreary island, sniggering in the presumption that the glue binding the parts won't hold and the car will fail. Immediately Nigerians got aboard eager for adventure.

Not long after that, the car was seized at gun point by a bunch of rogue soldiers while the hapless passengers watched. Martial music blared from the speakers. The actual civilian drivers, Nnamdi Azikiwe and Tafawa Balewa, were replaced by gun toting renegades but the renegades didn’t even have the luxury of sitting in the driver's seat before they were ousted by General 'Ironsides' Ironsi. In a twist of fate the new driver had barely gone three miles before a counter group of soldiers kicked him from the seat. Yakubu Gowon, from the North, took over.

The ride was a bit bumpy but to his dubious credit the driver did his best to pacify the grumbling passengers especially as a sizable bunch were on the verge of mutiny regarding the conceived ill treatment of their tribe particularly the previous driver.

Choice seats were occupied by the Northerners, or so it was claimed, and a fair number of fists were raised in threatening gestures.

Suddenly from the eastern corner of the car came a hue and cry about secession, which meant that the aggrieved were carving the rear portion of the car and going their way on two wheels, with or without engines. The petrol tank, after all, was situated at the rear! (Of course the Niger-Deltans occupy that important part of the car, but to the secessionists they were one.) A free for all broke out, windows and heads were smashed, upholstery and skin torn, but the passengers succeeded in subduing the warring faction and an uneasy calm settled. The brain behind the aborted evisceration of the car, Ojukwu, fled out the nearest window.

But the brothers-in-arms had another falling-out when Gowon was booted out by General Murtala who was to last only half a tank of the journey. He too fell to the assassin's bullet and the new driver unmercifully placed upon the passengers was a bit chicken (in many manners of speaking, for he was to become a chicken farmer) when it came to the job.

Tired of the infighting, the passengers called for an election on who to drive all the way to the final destination, wherever that was, and the lanky, tall hat-sporting Shagari emerged winner. Meanwhile the old driver felt managing chickens was less of a challenge and he handed over to Shagari, and retired to his animal farm to tend to birds and goats.

He was destined to resurface later.

Now Shagari could have been a fine driver, but he didn’t have a clue what road to take, so he took the low roads. There was a lot of hair-splitting regarding his navigational skills and this contention built to a crescendo on the eve of another election but the wily driver won by the skin of his nose. He didn’t last long. Another adventurer from the north full of socialist compassion for the passengers took over the driver's seat at gun point and proceeded to drive full speed in first gear, the car screaming on full acceleration but going at a snail's pace. Apparently to this gap-toothed gentle officer hitting the pedal to the metal was a faster way to go top speed rather than changing gears. He almost blindly drove over a cliff until fate sent a Minna Gun Man along to save (if that's your point of view) the helpless passengers. The new driver, surprisingly also gap-toothed, made a few tough changes to the driving system and charged the passengers more, but he promised to later hand over the wheel to an elected civilian. However when time came and a South Westerner won the Minna General invalidated the exercise, handed over the wheel to a befuddled unknown civilian also from the West, and made a hasty retreat to his seat. This civilian, bewildered to find himself placed in such an overwhelming and precarious seat, meekly started the engine, slammed in the gear, and drove in circles. Apparently he felt going nowhere fast was a better option than heeding the angry shouts of the passengers who all had different routes they wanted him to follow.

Sweaty, scared and confused, he looked for help but it came in a form none foresaw. A quiet, introspective, brooding and goggled General took over. This was a no-nonsense man who clearly had a predetermined road in mind.

He drove roughshod and brutally with no fear of potholes and traffic laws (well, he was the law, wasn't he) but at least the car was moving; wobbly, admittedly, but not in circles. His strict demeanor stifled the rancorous horde at the back and for a time progress was made towards a destination only he knew.

Suddenly the driver slumped dead on his seat apparently exhausted by the ordeal of driving such a fickle bunch as Nigerians.

A replacement had to be found since the apparent number two, the conductor, was locked up in a cabin for plotting to overthrow his master (or so they told us) like the military men of yore. A caucus was patched together from a coven of old grizzly Have-Beens, a conglomerate grew from that and a party was formed. The party was called Plain Drivin' Party (PDP) and its chief candidate was the former General turned driver turned goat herder who was cooling his heels in another cabin for allegedly plotting to overthrow the dead driver. This polished, re-branded and refurbished driver claimed God himself gave him the car keys and thus he sat in the seat, put the car in gear, and drove backwards! All pleas and advice fell on deaf ears. He alone knew better. No mere passenger was going to ruffle his feathers! So he drove his way and damn the consequences.

Clearly lost on the dusty trails he looked towards the Israelis and Americans, so good at conjuring Road Maps out of thin air (ask the Palestinians), for help. But not without extracting their pound of flesh, they told him. A trifling sacrifice, he thundered, and proceeded to hand over bits of the cars' parts to them.

With a new road map but absolutely no skills of interpreting them, our gallant ex-General bounded over uncharted, murky terrains safe in his delusions. He took left where he was to take right, slowed on freeways and sped up in traffic, butting off who ever tried to overtake him in a violent road rage that nearly crippled our roads (FERMA had to be created to clean up some of the mess). Someone mentioned driving by the book, the Traffic Regulation and Guideline book (the 'constitution' they called it) but the joy-riding general smacked the offender for daring to question time-spawned (and time-worn, truth be told) grand wisdom honed on a chicken farm.

Halfway on the long road to nowhere the passengers and driver, constantly plunged into gloom on account of the rusty battery, realized that they were actually seven miles behind where they started. The driver, fresh in the wake of a manipulated election (on which he trumped the first gap-toothed ex-driver who now had an ax to grind) decided the best course of action was to buy a plane. So he sold bits of the car (to himself, his cronies and the Israealicans) and emptied half the tank of fuel and sold it off. Also, a new hounding outfit was created to scare the passengers into submission and it had the less catchy name of Exorbitant Fares Collection Commission (EFCC). The creaky old car, badly battered by years of merciless and senseless adventuring, was on the verge of final collapse just as the British thought. Indeed, some in the western world quoted the car a mileage of just 15 miles before it became a heap of scrap.

However the car and passengers persevered even though the radiator was long gone, sold off to Farmer Jones' Trans-Car Corp.

Our gallant soldier-turned chicken minder contrived of a plan to prolong his wild and wacky stay at the driver's seat, but some tumbled, rumbled and utterly road sick politicos ganged up to kill off the "third term" bid of our befuddled driver. In the face of such overwhelming hue and cry the poor generalissimo had to vacate the driver's seat.

But not without swearing revenge!

Quite ruffled, prickled and wallowing in righteous indignation at the effrontery of a few bellicose passengers who dared question destiny our resident despot schemed and plotted and conspired to prop up a terminally ill passenger from the Northern part of the car. he paired him with a quiet, introspective and unassuming hat-wearing sidekick from the south-south part of the car to ride shotgun upfront with the new though spent driver as co-pilot.

brave yaradua! how he tried to navigate the dangerous roads. for most of the journey the car was on autopilot as the driver struggled with grumbling factions and rumbling innards until at last he blew a gasket (and a kidney) and shuffled off this mortal coil for the journey from which no traveller returns.

I wont bore you with the machinations that followed the sickly driver's demise, but suffice it to say that the most bewildered, incoherent, and gaffe-prone driver was ushered onto the hallowed seat, and suddenly the shop-worn mantra of "divine elevation" started making the rounds within the creaky old car. this new driver, the radius of whose hat brim is twice that of the steering wheel took it upon himself to go into cahoots with our gallant chicken soldier for advice and evilry such that poor Johhny-go-lucky will, in the calculations of the general, be reduced to a mere proxy driver.

Anyway, now we stand on the cusp of another round of "selection" to determine who next to sit on the coveted seat. already some contenders (a few serious, most just clowns) are jostling for the job. among them are the two gap-toothed drivers of yesteryear, a mere kid born of dynastic shenanigans, a former cop of dubious resolve, and assorted odds and ends mostly from the North who have thoroughly failed their people in everyday sphere of the human condition but yet are such revellers and joyriders that the adrenaline rush of driving dangerously is an overbearing indulgence, a sort of portent drug to be had at all costs.

Last I heard, the car is still in the wilderness on the high road to nowhere endlessly looking for its destination. They say it's in safe hands . The new driver is still in first gear peering through the wind shield for the best road not taken. We can only pray for him and the steely passengers, for they have endured much. Despite all odds, the glue held. Let us also pray for providence to hasten the ageing process so that the old evil manic general goes back to coo with his pigeons before senility and the other debilitating factors of time ravage what's left of his infamous grey matter.



One has to commend the street car named Nigeria.

soldee:
LOL!! LWKMD!! With GEJs level of sophistication he should have been left at the Local Govt. Level - and spared us all this tragic comedy

judge NOT a man by the brim of his hat but by the company he keeps.

anyone who handbags OBJ must not wish nigeria and nigerians well.

there is nothing in GEJ's manners, carriage, disposition, speech, wardrobe, mien and composure to impress him upon us as anything other than a simpleton who rouses our best jokes.

but the proper indication of GEJs unfitness is his irksome, baggy-eyed, roughly-hewn village madam of a wife.

"the president was once a child".   .   . really? who'd have thunk it?


"the senators were once a children".   .   uh oh  

in roughly twenty to thirty minutes, some gawdawful delusioned babbling id10t will appear and start offering lame excuses that GEJ DID not send the "reform bill", that Dokpesi did at the prompting of IBB, and that its Northern senators trying to set asunder what god hath ordained.


PROOF:


"did you send the reform bill to Dokpesi?"

"na we do am. meet me  make i brief you"

"lets meet at IBB campaign office"



19 minutes.  .   .  

18 minutes, ,  . .

Finally! an african country not run by bumbling, incoherent monkeys in cowboy hats!

how can an SSS personnel claim to "not be aware" of something so serious as a case of terrorism? a suspect is arrested and the official spokesperson is not aware of the hows and whys and whens of the circumstances? so who is going to protect us if a national intelligence agency is "not aware" of goings on in high profile cases? she is the spokesperson for gawdssakes! its her business to be AWARE! she speaks for the agency. if she doesnt know then the whole bl00dy SSS doesnt know jack. is this not incompetence?

i wonder what would happen if the FBI says it isnt aware why Mutallab was arrested.

and why is no one asking for the smoking gun evidence that links Okah, Dokpesi and IBB or even Ben Jessy et al to the crime?

forget semantics, rhetorics, methaphors, euphemisms, puns and irony. WHERE IS THE PROOF?

WHAT IS GEJ WAITING FOR IN ARRESTING THE PEOPLE HE CLAIMS TO KNOW AS THE PERPETRATORS?

WHO IS ISSUING THE LATEST MEND WARNINGS AND WHY THE HUCK ISNT THE "HIGH TECH" "EXPERT" SSS ARRESTING THEM?

SINCE GEJ KNOWS THE SUSPECTS, WHAT IS THE SSS STILL "INVESTIGATING"?

Beaf:
^
Answer your posts?
I'll only bother to reply you when you start making sense and actually begin to sound less partisan, uncouth and immoral

dont avoid the points i raised. your president is a halfwit. what is partisan, immmotral or uncouth about that? truth be told, if he didnt engage in partisan politics, employed uncouth statements about the opposition and chose to immorality pin the blame on northerners for the sins of his blood brothers i wouldnt call him the dimwit he is. do any of his actions and statements regarding the bombs qualify him as a president, leader, diplomat, nationalist?

Beaf:
. Right now, other more intelligent posters are getting my attention.

please! you flatter yourself. i wasnt craving your attention, i simply wanted you to answer a few questions if indeed you're unshakable in your convictions. i only wanted to be convinced GEJ deserves to be where he is.

Beaf:
Your regretably childish choice of words against the President and Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces of Nigeria only shows your character and leanings. The average Nigerian (even the area boy and almajiri) is more cultured and respectful.

now who is deifying criminality and mediocrity? the president is not some hallowed saint. when he blunders and acts like an idiot, dangit ill call him an idiot. im just exercising my right of opinion and free speech. you cant fault me for the impression he choses to make of himself.

Beaf:
Dude, you sound exactly the same as the bitter, tribalistic and hate filled goons; Ciroma, Yakasai, Bello, Kaita and their weird colleagues. You will find that those clowns are full of sound and fury, but are as empty and powerless as a smelly fart. They threatened that the "North" would start impeachment proceedings against GEJ, what happened to that threat? It is so funny that people like yourself are foot soldiers to a bunch of tribal lords that cannot tell time of day and are so immoral, they will be first to pr0stitute for contracts in GEJ's 2011 Presidential term.

partisan? immoral? uncouth?

stiyke:
@ Oyb,

Y are you jittery? let the investigations proceed and conclude, lets not conclude otherwise till the security agencies complete their work.

do you actually believe there is any serious investigation going on? GEJ himself did say none of the previous bomb blasts was investigated. what do they even have to go on? all the years that MEND has been blowing sh1t up, was there ever any case file built up that says such-and-such did it?


in all the years the SS, EFCC, ICPC, NSA, etc were bungling investigations no one referred to them as experts.

suddenly a bomb went of in abuja, GEJ tried to politicize it and now we have experts.

experts who couldnt solve the cases of Bola Ige, Harry marshall, Rimi's wife, warri bombs, pipeline bombs, Dele Giwa, Siemens scandal, Enrol scandal, $300b NNPC missing funds, who is really looting our treasury, boko haram and its financiers, MEND and its patrons, kidnappers and their overlords etc etc

here is proof that kissers of GEJ's bollocks are fools:

1. your dimwitted president says he knows (not "suspect", but KNOWS) who did it. him knowing means he can prove it

2. so what is he waiting for?

3. if its Okah and the FG knows, why are they yet to firnish SA with the damning evidence?

4. if Dokpesi is involved and the FG "KNOWS" and has proof, why is he still walking as a free man while Okah is in prison?

5. where is the proof against IBB? (for the record i despise IBB and all he represents)

6. and where is the proof MEND didnt do it?


kindly supply answers to the above and we may well believe that buffoon of a president.

also, you must be monumentally daft to do either or all of the following:

1. believe every utterance of the govenrment

2. assume any of our security agencies has anything remotely worthy of being tagged "expert".

Beaf:
I am shocked that you can call someone a "colossal jacka55" and then totally avoid disputing the fine points they raised?

i called you a jacka55 only because you persist in proving you are one. fine points raised? what fine points? you keep parroting the official lines of the SSS as if they are saints, intelligent, impartial etc. they are only doing their master's bidding just like the EFCC and other such police apparatus are used for scare tactics. i'd rather believe Dokpesi, IBB heck even Okah than the SSS. if your precious SSS was so good how come they claim to have towed 65 vehicles (no evidence they did) based on intel received prior to october and STILL the bombs went off? they failed the victims and they failed naijans collectively and i wonder why heads didnt roll.

tell me one high profile kidnap or murder solved by the EFCC. or so far not one single suspect has been apprehended by the SSS from all the pipeline bombings or the Warri bombing incident or the real culprits behind the incessant religious unrests or the real arms dealers stockpiling their deadly cargoes within naija.

a bomb went off at the eve of political elections and in less than 24 hours its solved. even the FBI doesnt work that fast.

besides we only have your word that the FBI, MI6 and Interpol are involvd in the "investigations". im yet to see proof.

Beaf:
You have based your arguments on very faulty ground, which is, that nobody has been found to be directly involved in the crime

NO! i based my arguments on VERY SOLID GROUND. all i ask for are the following?

1. proof that it wasnt MEND that did it.

2. proof that Dokpesi/IBB did it.

3. proof that GEJ knows who did it

4. proof that the people in SSS custody are linked to it.

5. proof proof and more proof

im sure you are relatively smart enough to know that quoting official sources ("dont believe anything until the government denies it" and dubious newspaper interviews quoting "sources close to those who know" simply wont suffice. if GEJ knows who did it, and the SSS has concrete evidence, what the heck then are they waiting for? christmas?

Beaf:
. I have a couple of questions to straighten your thoughts:

[list]
[li]What do you understand could be the reason why 4 people are being held by the SSS? Fun and games?[/li]

no, not fun and games. political slandering, calumny and intimmidation.

Beaf:
[li]Why do you think the SSS won a case to hold the 4 persons for an extended period?[/li]

same as above. applies to all your questions.

naijaking1:
If someone or his agent I had paid 4million naira sent me a text, and those people were implicated in bombing, the FBI, for example will not only arrest me, the will arrest my brothers/sister, mother/father until they can prove they had nothing to do with every kobo of that money. You know that.

this is utter nonsense and a barefaced lie. the FBI are not the SSS and i bet you if they do that then the Justice Department is in for a heavy lawsuit.

the people that are usually arrested as suspects are:

1. people who are physically linked to the crime/crime scene

2. people who are circumstantially linked to the crime/ crime scene

3. people who have strong motive for the crime

beyond these categories no one else can be legally arrested. when Timothy Mcveigh bombed the Oklahoma Building. was his family arrested? how about the shoe bomber, richard reid? come to think of it, why wasnt Mutallab's father arrested by the FBI then?


@Beaf

you keep proving you're a colossal jacka55. just like your master GEJ you keep harping on strenuous connections as evidence. so there was an exchange of N4m between Dokpesi and certain people. has the N4m being proven as integral component of the bomb blast?

NO!

so what evidence?

so Dokpesi has had prior encounters with certain people. have these people been proven as involved directly or indirectly in the bomb plot?

NO!

so what evidence?

so Dokpesi gave some people N500k, have these people or the money been implicated in the plot?

NO!

so what evidence?

the burden of proof does not lie with Dokpesi, IBB, MEND, Okah, Ciroma or everyman and his dog.

the burden of proof lies with GEJ and his Security apparatus for claiming they had local and foreign intelligence BEFORE the blast, for cliaming they KNOW the plotters.

Let them furnish us with that info.


as for political mudslinging, if GEj had not opened his fat dirty mouth to spew his incoherent verbiage that suggested IBB did it, we woudlnt be caught up in this quagmire. he started it, and now cant finish it.

anytime i see someone say IBB did it, or "hmm, the truth will soon be out", i feel sorry for them. the truth is obvious enough.

shame on you blind, deceitful, dense GEJ supporters.

sometimes i wonder if Boko Haram did it whether every single northerner wont be persecuted and hanged. we wouldnt have heard the last of it. now that its southern militants all the deluded scum of this miserable motherfuckery of a nation are making excuses and shielding outright terrorists.

meanwhile if the SS was so good and "high tech", why is the death of Bola Ige a mystery? or harry marshall's? or rimi's wife? or the endless kidnapping syndicates that are growing stronger everyday?

let toss in a few words to the pile again. our biggest problem is we suffer from a culture of tolerance far and beyond the normal expected ration.

we tolerate bad leaders

we tolerate bad cops

we tolerate bad wives

we tolerate bad kids and neighbors

we tolerate armed robbery and kidnappings


we tolerate barefaced lies


we tolerate arms proliferation


heck we even tolerate intolerance (religious, ethnic, regional)

we easily fool ourselves that naija is actually two countries-North and South. the good people of the south think what happens in the north is not their can of soup and the average Northerner thinks goings on in the south may as well be as far removed as sh1t going down in timbuktu.

well, every looting, every theft, every embezzlement, every lie, every kidnapping, every killing affetcs each and evey one of us because not only does it take away a bit of your humanity when you have no empathy, it could very well be you stolen from, lied to, kidnapped or murdered.

whether northerners or southerners stole from us is not the issue: the issue is, SOMEONE stole from us. we are just making things worse thinking and acting like our thieving evil leaders dwelling on the christian/muslim/north/south divide.

i bet you when our senators and reps congregate to share their loot, they dont think along those lines. they laugh and hug and kiss and swill alcohol and make merry and boats of their mistresses and their fat swiss accounts bereft of shame or responsibility . the only ideology they bequeath to us is divide-and-rule.

the system was designed to facilitate their corruption and enrichment. yet in face of this glaring fact somene still says "god forbid for another northerner to rule us" or " no way will i pray for a christian to be president". does it even matter the tribe, religion and ethnicity of who steals from you? would a fellow tribesman make the theft any easier to tolerate?

we yearn for good leaders and leadership: they wont fall from the heavens. they will rise from our ranks. but not with the midnset and thought processes i see here.

all i see is more bad leaders in the making. within you ive seen a thousand IBBs, GEJs, Abachas, OBJs, ABdulsalams, Boko harams, MENDs, and all the factors that are turning this country a derelict.

i pity our children and their future agony i see brewing here.

this thing is rather simple.

GEJ says MEND didnt do it, that is, the MEND he knows. remember, he is from the niger delta and "no one, not even MEND, knows niger delta more than" GEJ. forget the fact that the same Jomo Gbomo using the same email address he used to alert us on prior bombings claimed responsibility.

no! MEND didnt do it, says GEJ.

and the proof that MEND didnt do it? why, it lies in the fact that no one knows the niger delta more than GEJ. surely THAT IS PROOF ENOUGH?

forget the fact that the most popular face of MEND-Henry Okah-implicated GEJ in the conspiracy. this doesnt prove anything because the notorious Henry Okah has suddenly become a "drowning man". and how do we know? because criminal elements from splinter groups who have no idea who currently are the footsoldiers of MEND congregate for tea and croissants at GEJ's pleasure (and our money) say so!

so lets do the math, just walk with me here:


MEND has long been in the business of bombing pipelines. is this terrorism? YES!

MEND has long been in the business of kidnapping. is this terrorism? YES!

MEND has long been in the business of fighting and killing nigerian troops. is this terrorism? YES!

MEND set off some bombs during a meeting of SS governors. is this terorrism? YES!

given all of the above, is MEND a terrorist group? YES! VERY YES!!


BUT. . . .

our dear leader (no, not kim-jong il, but men-tally ill, ie GEJ) says "MEND did not do it, it was a terrorist group".


so, according to GEJ, MEND is not and has never been a terrorist group.

and the proof, the evidence? GEJ knows the niger delta better than everyone. shikenna!

if MEND has been blowing things up for years, kidnapping, killing and threatening to deal with the nigerian state, then is it beyond their forte to place a few random bombs in Abuja to make a political statement?

blowing up a pipeline is a singular symbolic act; a political statement.

blowing up a few cars that were not meant to kill (because of the prior warnings) is likewise a political statement.

Abuja may not be warri, but blowing things up is blowing things up. is it beyond the capability of MEND?

okay here is my point: if MEND has been acting as a terrorist group all these years, and GEJ says the Abuja blasts is not MEND but terrorists, is that not the same thing?

if GEJ says MEND, which has happily been blowing sh1t up and claims responsibility, is not a terrorist organization, isnt THAT AN EXONERATION?


okay, suppose Alqaeda blew up the World Trade Center and Bush says they are not a terrorist group because they didnt blow up the Murrah building in Oklahoma, and invited a few ex al qaeda goons for coffee and cigars, isnt that an exoneration of all their misdeeds past and present?

what really happened is this:

1. MEND blew the cars up in Abuja and racked up some unintended collateral damage which hurt their political symbolism

2. GEJ and/or his handlers saw a political opportunity to diecredit, dishonor and chip away at the IBB mythos and quickly made a gaffe in his frenzied bid to score a cheap and dirty political point.

3. Henry Okah threw a spanner in gthe works, so now the GEJ camp is trying to spin their way out of this. problem is, damage control is always after the fact.

4. GEJ apologists with their heads stuck in their nether regions are running helter skelter trying to make unconvincing excuses to whitewash their poo-drenched idol who unknown to them is beyond salvage UNLESS and UNTIL their is concrete proof IBB/Dokpesi are the brains behind Black October beyond some puerile, jejune and utterly outlandish text messages.


Beaf/feab, unpluck your head from said dark recesses of your anatomy and face the facts as they stand: some of us naijans are daft, but not ALL of us. GEJ did not sanction the bombs neither did IBB, but of the two GEJ is the first and only party to make a durn fool of himself. you cant convince us otherwise with your sourceless asinine innuendos ("dokpesi is singing like a birdie" etc).



oh, and can someone analyse this: " the name of MEND was used as a STRAW. . ." and tell me exactly what our dear incoherent leader means by "STRAW"?

i dont know which is more saddening; that there was a bomb blast thta killed innocent people, or that a vast majority, as showcased by the sample here, of the populace is daft, dense, dumb and clueless. no one GEJ fronted those puerile text messages as evidence: he knows the dumbos would lap it up.

when does any government ever say the truth? what evidence has been presented besides the silly text messages that even nollywood wouldnt dare present as serious material?

if this is the intelligence of naijans then we really do deserve that dimwitted chicken for a president.

God save us all.

tamedo:
The crux of the matter is dat I don't think we have any genuine SSS in dis country but those dat can assist d presidency to frame ppl up

one of the best comments here

[quote author=Igwe. link=topic=525500.msg6885330#msg6885330 date=1286358605][color=#006600]his utterances prior and after the incident  clearly depict his motives and what he stands to gain which is definitely to comeback to power.[/quote]why, the same can be said of jonathan. and what is wrong in wanting to come back to power? you still havent given me concrete motive.

[quote author=Igwe. link=topic=525500.msg6885330#msg6885330 date=1286358605]why can't people like you see the political affiliation to this?[/quote]oh, but i do see it. that has been my point all along. the bombing was a terroristic statement by MEND, GEJ saw the political implication and quickly seized on it to give a dog a bad name. im no fan of IBB, heck i care less who becomes president in 2011 so long as peace is maintained. im just not as dumb as the government wants to believe all naijans are.

[quote author=Igwe. link=topic=525500.msg6885330#msg6885330 date=1286358605]This is exactly what Gej was trying to avoid by being hesitant in declaring his intention to contest, knowing fully well that it will overheat the polity of our their nation.[/quote]the bomb in and of itself didnt overheat the polity. GEJ's utterances and actions did.

[quote author=Igwe. link=topic=525500.msg6885330#msg6885330 date=1286358605]As long as im concerned, we don't need recycled leader again in this country.[/quote]really? then GEJ has no business yearning to succeed himself. he is now substantive president; returning in 2011 is recycling him.

marvix:
What was intricate about a blast at the Ministry of justice when d president was at eagles square, havent u hrd d SSS report, they were to have started the bombing days b4 the independence anniversary, but those were foiled, If we are actually talking abt a $100m bomblast i dont think its just for 2 car bombs, we must try 2 look dispassionately, the govt had info deployed its security agencies all areas the President was expected to use where covered, that is the only reason y they didnot panic at eagles square because they must have been sure that the arena was safe.

IBB may have planned to have the president murdered so the $100m would make sense, a sensitive job lik dis wld require upfront payment, now the Nigerian security is known to be lax and very weak in intelligence so y wld u want to employ high intelligence, armed robbers in Nigeria spend their stolen money in police barracks, so why would boys who feel they are well covered be careful.

The bomb blast would help his campaign by pointing that Jonathan does not have a grip of the security of the nation.

really? i dont see how that is a sensible rejoinder. one hundred million dollars for a few homemade bombs? what, that money can buy you two nuclear warheads off the black market. while the ragtag towelheads in iraq concoct IEDs with fertilizer, artillery shells, cow manure and household nails with enough punch to kill at least 30 and wreck armored humvies your "IBB Plotters" need a whopping $100m just to kill 10 or 12. wow!

okay, so IBB needs to place a few bombs to discredit Jonathan Badluck. does he even need to bother? Johnny already has lost grip of the security situation else tell me how 15 school children can be abducted off the streets of Abia in broad daylight. Kidnappers, armed robbers, arms dealers and various assortments of hoodlums are having a field day, and still IBB needs to bomb ten random people to hammer in the point? PLEASE.

everyday all kinds of folks get kidnapped off the streets, and those lucky enough to get free are set so without any credible intelligent operations. most probably in high profile cases the ransoms are paid while Joe Average is left on his own for his family to secure his release.

tell me this:

if IBB has a craving for whatever reason to set bombs to discredit johhny, the first assumption is that it should be shrouded in utter secrecy to maintain maximum surprise.

WHY THEN WAS THERE A SERIES OF WARNINGS BY MEND (OR SOMEONE CLAIMING TO BE MEND) DAYS BEFORE THE INCIDENCE?

imagine if Osama Bin laden planned 9/11 and then warned the US security agencies days before 9/11. what is the point then?

also tell me this:

on what information did johnny badluck act to claim Mend wasnt responsible? how was that information arrived act? why wasnt it acted on sooner to prevent the blasts?


if GEJ knows who done it and it wasnt Mend, why is Henry Okah an actor in this drama?


if indeed IBB set off the bombs to ram in the point that johnny has lost grip of the security situation, has his purpose then not being achieved since the government supposedly has information BEFORE the blasts, and is still yet to arrest the known culprits AFTER the blast.

As i type this there is panic in abuja over phantom bombs. this displays lack of confidence in the security apparatus. if they couldnt prevent the first one from happening, whats to say they can prevent subsequent ones?

if its true that the security outfits have diffused and thwarted other car bombs around september 9, how come we never heard about it until now? it would have been done with much fanfare becuase it would have been a feather in johnny's cap. and it would have served as a basis to issue warnings and advisories especially around the time of an event like Independence Day celeb.

funny, MEND has spent years using bombs to blow up pipe lines and JTF personnel. they have the know-how, the supply, and the need to make a political statement. now that its done in abuja, you find it convenient to deny the truth. it was only a matter of time before they took their pyrotechnics outside the niger delta. afterall, kidnapping has already been moved out of the creeks to the national stage.

if you want t convince IBB did it, then offer a credible motive. tell me how it benefits him.

idiot stoned bomber 1: " you don collect the balance from DOKPESI?"

idiot stoned bomber 2: " na we do am. meet me make i brief you"

idiot stoned bomber 3: "let's meet at IBB Campaign Office".


they ought to find the idiot stoned 5 year old who wrote this and give him a good spanking. my mind refuses to believe an adult concocted this tripe.



here is my take


A: "have you collected the balance from DOKPESI?"
   
1. presumably one DOKPESI (the name cant be unique, im sure there are a few dokpesis in ND) has aready paid part payment for.  .  .  something (the texts dont say what exactly). therefore A is asking B whether he has collected the balance from this dokpesi. now, if A is asking B without informing B what the balance is, the amount and for what job, it is to be adduced that B already knows fully well what A is talking about.

2. if indeed B knows what A is talking about, then A also knows B is fully in the picture. in this case, text messaging being tedious, A would want to save time, and rather than going to the trouble of typing DOKPESI all in caps, he'd simply say "have you collected the balance?" of course B knows what and who A is talking about, no need for last names in uppercase letters. obviously, the name DOKPESI in caps is meant for emphasis, our attention is supposed to focus on it so we can have an "aha!" moment. FAKE.


B: "Na we do am. meet me make i brief you".

1. this B may not be the same B as above. Na we do am does not necessarily tell us what was done. "na we do am (ie painted the house, helped the old lady across the street, put up GEJ's campaign poster, baked the bread). This in no way implicates dokpesi, ibb, or even the suspect.

2. for this text to implicate dokpesi, it must have been directed at his number, it must explicitly state the thing done was the actual bomb blast, and it must show that the person being invited for briefing (if its dokpesi) must either have had prior knowledge before the blasts, or sanctioned it, but funny enough the text doesnt clarify that important point.

C: "Lets meet at IBB Campaign Office"

 1. apparently this follows the wake of the invitation above. this text also tells us nothing, because it has not been proven that the suspects actually caried out the bombings. now, if Ibb's campaign office is the HQ of the bomb plot, the nerve center of the conspiracy, it must be common knowledge to all the plotters, i very much doubt the plotters need to mention it by name. i mean, its tedious to have to type IBB + Campaign+Office. why not simply say "lets meet at the office"? or "HQ" or such-and-such street"

lets say you and i both attend Ahmadu Bello University, and we usually study in Kashim Ibrahim Library. if we need to meet at our fave rendezvous, would i say:

"lets meet at KIL/the usual/lib/the library etc"

or would i say:

Lets meet at Ahmadu Bello University's Kashim Ibrahim Library

remember, this is via text, im pretty excited, nervous, tensed, wary, cautious, and pumped up. in this state would i have the luxury of time and composure to neatly type this long winded fatuity?


please. you are so much smarter than this, O Ye GEJ Apologists.

bombay:
you have a man from the niger delta fighting to be president

so true. the keyword being FIGHTING. but you dont need to fight, threaten, haeass, blackmail, lie, cheat, and dishonor yourself to be president unless you happen to be a lesser man, a man of straw.

bombay:
so that he can change the equation

really? you mean the most blatantly naive, substanceless president we've ever had is capable of changing the equation? sir, GEJ is not the solution, he is rapidly becoming the problem itself.

bombay:
but instead you want to run him down.

nah! his incompetence-and his wife-are pretty much doing that already. good mileage too.

bombay:
What his he trying to achieve.  .  .  .

.  .  .   .   .is a return to the obasanjo dark days

bombay:
the same northerners that have stolen the the resources from the niger delta

wow! still bandying about that asinine fallacy? and how, praytell, did the northerners steal from ND? in any case, long before oil was discovered, nigeria had an economy, with GDP and all the fancy trappings. i wonder if the owners of the resources pooled into the common wealth in the days before oil shoudnt also start playing the victim card.

bombay:
It is a shame okah could be fooled into this plot you know why greed is the reason.

i feel duty bound to edit: "its a shame GEJ could be fooled into this plot you know why greed is the reason (sic)"



when all is said and done, when the idiots have been distilled from this discourse, the pertinent question that should linger is the obvious one, as already asked by someone else: who stands to benefit from the october 1 mess?

consider ibb:

as the genius behind so many successful coups he must be a master tactician, a cunning strategist. as a onetime military ruler he knows the inner workings of government and security agencies. and the former NSA Aliyu Gusau is an ally. so, how can someone with such pedigree hand over such an intricate plot to a certain dim bulb media mogul, one who apparently isnt smart enough to avoid direct contact with such lowly cretins as the text-messaging bombers? does that sound like the evil genius maradona of legend, myth and folklore?

then again what would be the whole point of the bombing attempt? how would it benefit IBB, or advance his cause? how is it political capital? how can such a brazen act of terrorism with all its propensity for leading to one's demise be a smart political move? WHAT IS THE POLITICAL GAIN IN IT?


now GEJ.

this hollow, daft, naive caricature of the poor man's leadership material is not smart enough to pick a glamorous wife, and is unbelievably too dense to conceive of such a bold political move as happened on october 1, even though he has the most to gain from it. obviously it was an opportunity that presented itself and was quickly seized upon by OBJ and Tony Anenih and packaged and sold to the dimwitted GEJ who pounced upon it and let loose his mouth without a second's consideration for the need to weigh the benefits against the consequences.

no one public figure possessing just one molecule of brain tisssue would pre-empt security agencies and quickly say who or who isnt guilty in such a short space of time. if indeed GEJ has good intel, as some have suggested, it wouldnt be his place to tell us. thats what dora is paid for. if indeed they know it wasnt MEND and they have had such info BEFORE october 1 then the poor wretches who lost their lives died in vain due to the callousness of GEJ and his cohorts for not exposing/arresting the masterminds in time.

in essense, MEND did carry out the attack, GEJ's animators saw the glaring opportunity and then stringed their puppet into action.

GEJ is dragging this country to the precipice, and his apologists are too blind to see it. in the end the outocme, for better or for worse, will affect everyone.

lalaboi:
Does it really affect anything?

Your bar dropped by one and does it mean your calls will drop? or you cant use the 3g?. . . Absolutely not!

Unless you in a low network area. . and the phone which is trying so hard to stay connected and then its signal is blocked. . . What ya expect. .

i hardly believe the lecture was necessary, seeing as im no luddite. no one mentioned dropped calls, i said "attenuation", which simply means gripping it that way affects signal, which is obvious by the way the signal bars drop a couple of decibels. you dont have to have "no service" or dropped calls to prove that the iphone 4 design is flawed as far as the antenna is concerned. its not a deal breaker, but its there and im only proving it to counter precisely your kind of point of view.

thing is, too many fanboys consider antennagate a myth. but this is one reality no field can distort.

replicating the attenuation by death gripping the iphone 4.

contrary to what apple claims ive not been able to do this on my other phones.

leuelliot:
Dude you got yours? how much was it? (in Naira)

all of 160k

texazzpete:
Still in it's protective wrapper, i see

yes. im yet to whittle down my precious sim. i have a rebel sim cutter but the thought of mangling ol' faithfully <shudders>

texazzpete:
Send it down to PHC. if you hurry, you can still get it on the late flight today

ok. . .wait, what? there are flights to PH? whatever happened to all those dugout canoes? the times, they're a-changing.

leuelliot:
dude is it for sale? i want one!

you're already one sibling too late

leuelliot:
dude don't tell me you have automatically become a hatter just by owning an iphone 4? that's amazing

me, a hater? lawd no! hating is when i dont have one and still piss on it. my point is retina display isnt all its cracked out to be (amoled is more vibrant) except if you're into super-sharp fonts. also, the much-touted speed isnt that noticeably a giant leap from the 3gs, which is blazing fast. sure, the camera is good, but overall its not really that necessary a purchase as the 3gs was. there is still no game center in sight, no iads, heck so far no use for the gyro! and facetime? tried it but stuck at "waiting for activation" or such cr@p after jailbreaking. and i can easily replicate the antenna issue; signal drops in the death grip.

its good for hi-rez games (archetype, splinter cell) but if you already own the ipad, as i do, then best with your trusty old 3gs. believe me its more than capable.

unless, of course, you love shiny new redundant things.

save yoour money, buy HTC Desire. this phone is overhyped. especially if u own a 3GS.

well here it is: heavy, fragile, overhyped, and still need to cut your sim.

android, IIMMM BAAAACCCKKK!!!!

Double N:
The average ipsw file is about 160MB-200MB

those days are long gone. now its 320-400mb. the custom fw i churned out is exactly 400mb (cydia bloat maybe), the GM i had on the itouch is 316mb.

why cant they port pwnagetool to windows? why is ih8sn0w taking his blessed time updating sn0wbreeze? why are iphones tied to one account only!! my mac is in abuja, had to use my bro's, cant sync my apps!! dammit!!

sometimes android just makes life easier.

gone legit. . . sorta!

my iphone 4 ETA: 16 days on the outside.

Phillfree:
@Texazzpete, i'm patiently waitin for your help

pretty much outta luck, boyo. iphone apps only work from firmware 2.x and above, which is just a step up from 1.1.4. the app store made its debut on 2.x, so this pretty much means you cant install app store apps (cracked or otherwise) on anything pre-2.x, 1.1.4 inclusive.

the world is moving on to 4.0 (have done so already since last week on my ipod touch). however, since you obviously own an iphone 2g, the highest mileage you can get is 3.1.3 as apple is no longer supporting the original iphone.

if you do want to enjoy app store apps then you need to upgrade, jailbreak and unlock. there are countless tutorials on how to go about mucking up but a few pages back all the way from 2007.

otherwise your best best are tool-chain based apps via RipDevs no-longer-supported Installer.

does this even warrant an entirely new thread? isnt there a thread named "lets talk android"?