[center]Here are some Real Life answers on quiz shows:[/center]
THE WEAKEST LINK
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what "J" is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.

Anne Robinson: Who was a famous Indian leader, whose name begins with G, revered by millions, who was assassinated and received a state funeral?
Contestant: Geronimo!

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW, BBC BRISTOL
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er,  Mexico?

FAMILY FORTUNES


3) Name the capital of France? - F

4) Name a bird with a long Neck? - Naomi Campbell

5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? - A burglar

6) Where is the Taj Mahal? - Opposite the Dental Hospital

7) What is Hitler's first name? - Heil

9) Some famous brothers? - Bonnie and Clyde.

10) A dangerous race? - The Arabs

17) Something a cat does? - Goes to the toilet

1 Something you do in the bathroom? - Decorate

21) A sign of the Zodiac? - April

25) Something slippery? - A conman

26) A kind of ache? - A fillet of fish


RADIO LINCS PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain.

STEVE WRIGHT SHOW, RADIO 2
Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Contestant: India.

Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Contestant: Espresso.

Wright: What is the capital of Australia? And it's not Sydney.
Contestant: Sydney.

BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

BOB HOPE BIRTHDAY QUIZ, LBC
Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant: Four

BBC GMR, PHIL WOOD SHOW
Wood: What "K" could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er, 
Wood: It's got two syllables,  Kor, 
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run, 
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I, 
Contestant: Walked?

DARYL'S DRIVETIME, VIRGIN RADIO
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Daryl Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?

Jose Mourinho has walked out on chelsea. though I'm a Man United fan, its quite sad to see one of the most controversial and talented managers leave the premier league.

no doubt the premier league will miss Jose,   as he brought more competition to the premier league.

and indeed i think he was the special one. how else can u explain 6 trophies in 3 sessions?

no doubt we will all miss him. i was looking forward to his visit to Old Trafford, Sir Alex has only ever beaten him once,  and i was hoping we could do it now.

i bet chelsea will miss him. apart from winning 6 trophies in 3 sessions, winning the premier league for chelsea after about 50 years, and spicing up the premier league., he never Lost a single game at stanford bridge.

as a United fan, I raise my hat to him,  he was a worthy adversary.

@ mukina

Got ya, just responded.

lmfao, u go kill me oh

@ Mukina

@ Fola
wetin?
you want try am out?

Try wetin, Rat Soup?

Abeg I never ready to die

@ Aloib

hahaha!! mehn tomorrow, brandy mehn!!! gives me body ache sha when i'm wasted thats why i sleep when i get drunk wid brandy, beer and vodka baby

mukina, gimme another one

Please go for the brandy, nuffin knocks u out better

Rat feet soup Kee,

Mukina u go kill person oh.

Brandy will do the job better, no let Mukina kill u oh

I would assume that ur cyber cafe is a floating cyber

@ Lauryn

Howdy

u still dey go school at ur age?

anyways, me i dey sha,

so wats popping?

@ Mukina

I dey where una put me oh.

just got a bit too busy to be bothered with NL over the last couple of weeks.

so wetin dey happen now?  

wetin i don miss?  

@ mukina

Long time  no hear,  
wat have u been up to?  

abi parachute business done go international?  

what did u do with iice?

@ Lauryn

shrimp fried rice

Hmmmmmnnnnnnnnn sounds selicious.

I agree, One Nigeria,

will update these jokes regularly, so please stay tuned,

I dont mind getting spanked, as long as u dont peel my butt

I will update these jokes regularly, so please stay tuned,

I will keep Updating these jokes, so stay tuned,

@ Baby Glow

@falanusi, You should download sudoku from www.2dplay.com! Let me know when you finish all 75 puzzles! Maybe we can be friends!

have done that already, 

I'm a marstro, 

Next is 23

NB: U all have forgoten 2

I think U all Missed Number 3,

Next One is 17,

@ Baby Glow

Anyone play Sudoku here?

Yes I play sodoku,

A man checked into a hotel in Brazil . There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile , somewhere in Australia a widow had just arrived home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which Read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've arrived
Date: June 3 , 2005
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. Everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.s. It is damn hot down here!!

na wah oh

ROTFLMFAO

this is too funny, the machine for kill the man oh

this is too funny, unbelievable madness, but toooooo funny

[center]NAKED[/center]
Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair. The first morning she comments how lovely it looks. The new maid pulls off the hair and says, "I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there."



That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband. He says, "I've never seen anything like that. Please tomorrow, ask her to go into the bedroom and show you. I want to hide in the closet so I can have a look." The next day, Mrs. Schmidlap asks the girl, the two of them go into the bedroom, and the girl strips and shows her. Then the girl says, "I've never seen one with hair on it. Can I see yours?" So Mrs. Schmidlap pulls off her clothes and shows her.



That night, Mrs. Schmidlap says to her husband, "I hope you're satisfied, because I was pretty embarrassed when that girl asked to see mine."



Her husband says, "You think you were embarrassed, I had the four guys I play poker with in the closet with me."

Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife wasn't wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed him and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" John admitted that, well, yes, he did.
She said, "You can have it, but it will cost you $100." After a minute or two, John indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should come to her house around 2:00 PM on Friday.
Friday came and John went to her house at 2:00 pm. After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex and then John left.
Bill came home about 6:00 pm. He asked his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?" Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Bill asked, "Did John give you $100?"
She thinks, "Oh hell, he knows!" Finally she says, "Well, yes, he did give me $100."
"Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back."

Wahala Dey Oh !

Issue

Was that supposed to be Humour? 

What is this, Could u please write that in English

I don't blame you 

@ banderas

u are full of wisdom,
  go with the winning Team, 

@ Razzor

una go Bow, 
the game go do u like horror film, 

can u tell me difference between one naira and 100 kobo?

One Naira will fit in your wallet,
but u go need Sack to carry One Hundred Kobo

And also Conductor go collect Note,
but conductor no dey collect coins,

United   2
(Wayne Rooney 19th & 67th)

Chelsea  1

(Didier Drogba  79th)

As for you Folanusi, just follow the footsteps of your fellow scummies and sharraaaaaaaap!!!  No one wants to hear your excuses!

You were beaten - Period!

LMAO HAhAHAHAHAHAHH  

not making excusses, , just preparing you for what is coming next,  you will feel my wrath.
One United

@ mukina
na everybody you dey love?, Ash*wo  
i thot i was your one and only, 

@ all Gooners in the house

If my memory serves me well, , I think the stinker Gunners finished 21 points behind the Champions last season,  so all gunners

In a sense its kind of cool that united lost that game,
 it will give us something to work towards,  the taste of defeat is never sweet even when there is nothing at stake, ,

that been said the advantage of the defeat is that it will prepare the lads for the competative games in the prem league, and more importantly, a taste of the pedigree of european teams in the CL.

lesson learned,
, u need to play really well to win against top opposition,  im sure united will know that and realise that they are not invinsible.

I can assure you that the quaility of play will be diffrent when the season kicks off,

starting with Ambromovic Babes (Chelski) in the charity shield, 

or when Rooney cried 'ill find that pic again . its godo for records
Scummies is shit

we shall teach their gay chewing manager and the entire team a lesson

How dare u come here and start Gunning for trouble?

u need to show some respect to the champions or i will close ur parachute business.

One United