₦airaland Forum

Might not be able to update... My body aint feeling too well...

Please bear with me. If I'm able to, I will make it up to you!!!

flow1759: I assure you, my next update is gonna be loved by Ladies.

Looking Forward...!!!

Good night y'all and thankz for all your comment. You guyz are the bomb!!!

“Daga inna kuke?”
**Where are you coming from**

Adamu asked as he saw us that morning. We both looked like men who had fought in the civil war. We looked tattered and dirty plus the fact the Flow’s face had the signatory map of Nigeria created by dried out saliva. I keep wondering why Flow never closes his mouth when sleeping.

“Ba ruwan ka”
**None of your business**

Flow answered him. It was the normal thing since he looked more down beaten than I was.

“Flow, free the man na, him dey show you care”

I told him laughing.

“Make him go show him papa for village care first”

Flow hissed and walked into the completed building. I followed suit as we entered into the main building that was supposed to house the Landlord of the house. The painters and POP guys had done a great job, both in fixing the POP ceilings and screeding the wall for the painting.

“O boy, na our last day to feel like kings o”

I shouted to Flow as we made our way to different bathrooms. I was going to overdo my bathing today. I smelt like a dead fish, my mouth was feeling rotten and my anus was sticky. I could not find something good to clean my ar’se plus the fact that I was scared not to pick up a snake in the process.

“Baba God, make my own ma done”

I screamed as I locked the opening of the Jacuzzi. It was really going to be fun but I had to wash my ar’se first. I quickly sat on the glittering white, pull and flush toilet. The cold touch of the ceramic on my ar’se was priceless.

“U-la-la”

I said silently taking a deep breath in. I did what brought me there, used water and disinfectant to wash the pieces off my ar’se and flushed the smelly stuff into oblivion. I was feeling on top of the world.

“Make I feel like oyinbo for once jor.”

I said to myself as I turned on the heater. I filled the Jacuzzi to the brim and stepped inside, burying my ar’se inside the hot water. The feel of warm water on my dicckk was tickling. I just laid down inside the water, my eyes closed and had a perfect dream.

***************************************************************

“Mr. Man, is this how you were trained to serve people?”

I asked Flow. He was shivering and shaking like a jelly fish.

“Oga, abeg no vex.”

He replied through trembling lips.

“I should not be angry eh? I asked for chicken pepper soup and you went to prepare turkey. Do you know the fatty content of this piece of meat”

I asked Flow who just stood like a dumb fellow.

“In fact, I am sending you back to the village. No more food for you in my house”

I screamed at him.

“Oga, no vex. I no get who to meet for village o, na only me dey this world. If you pursue me now, I go commit suicide.”

He replied crying like a child.

“Stupid boy. You don’t know that making money is difficult and you are here spending it. Turkey is more expensive than chicken for your information”

I shouted at him.

“Honey, please take it easy on him”

I heard a beautiful female voice telling me. I looked up to seeing my “supposed” wife, She’ida, coming out from the inner room tying a white towel. Immediately the hunger for food disappeared and was replaced with hunger for her body.

“Get out of here, stupid boy. Now it is my wife you are looking.”

I said, dismissing Flow. I quickly jumped to where She’ida stood beckoning on me while batting her eyelid. I packed her in my arm and gave her a long, sweet kiss which made my anaconda to react.

“Baby, let’s go to the room”

She said to me, holding me by the edge of my agbada which bulged hugely in front.

We did everything that would put us in the mood, her moans and screams making my blood to pump more when she said:

“Honey, please take me now! I’m ready for you now”

Being a sharp guy, I wanted to perform some finger act on her when all of a sudden, her puna’ni disappeared. Instead a dicckk appeared in my hand and her face transformed to the commercial sex worker’s own.

**********************************************************************************************

I woke up with a start to see my hand clutching Engineer’s diicck who was screaming loud and myself back at the world where Engineer was the tormentor while I and Flow, the tormented.

“Kai, shege, I want kill me? I dey craze”

The pain had made him forget English too soon.

“Oya, comot prom zat water, you are pired today walai!!!”

I just looked him up and down and continued bathing not until I saw Flow all dressed up did I stand up from the Jacuzzi and slip into my clothes. Engineer just stood speechless as we made our way out of the house with our belongings never to return.

Wait… We did return and yes, hell started from there before devil came to occupy it.




TO BE CONTINUED…

THE WAYS OF LIFE

Hardened and grounded in love
Passion zipped and nipped
What am I without love and care
Bathed in the rustiness of pains
Posited at a reclined angle
Watching myths and legends sail away

Such is me in this world
Created when there was no need
3.2 billion yet there be turmoil
None ready to step for the baton
Such is the ways of life
Fallen on my already fallen self

Adage and tranquility spoke
Stories of bravery and deaths
Killings with justifiable policies
Morals thrown into the dustbin
World, oh my world just crumbled
But-- Such is the ways of life



lol... Nice topic and I am kinda drawing attention here because of your location.

Sorry to bother you though...

Signing out!!!

"But Flow, you mumu o, see as you carry us enter bush for Nomansland"

I said to Flow after we had gone deep into the bush. Nomansland is notorious for ritual killings and dumping of dead bodies in the "Maikwatashi" bush. Several times back then, should a child go missing, one of the sure place to find its body is to take a stroll through Maikwatashi. You might stumble on something that looks like that child's own.

"How I go do abi you want make those Policemen charge us to court again?"

Flow asked.

"E no better make we go jail go chop beans than make some Alhaji put our head inside im cupboard?"

I said the obvious.

"But you be coward o, no wonder you no gree talk when that policeman dey ask you question."

Flow stated but stopped abruptly. The only light source we had was the moon that was up overhead but the surrounding darkness still have this eerie feeling. My skin started to crawl as I listened for what had made Flow stop. Soon a stench hit my nose.

"Hunnnn.... Na wetin be that?"

I asked.

"Na my mess dey sweet you like this? What if I shi't?"

Flow made an irritating statement.

"So na mess make you stand like say you see bad thing. In fact self, I dey come make I sh'it"

I said to Flow pulling my trouser down.

"Make I join you jor"

Flow stated immediately squatting some distance away from the place I had squatted. I was finding it hard to press the rock-solid sh'it that was threatening to tear my a'rs'e out. Flow's shi't maintained a tempo of "putuputu" like a song that had reigned one time. "putuputu no fe, If obama hamma, all the way from kenya to america"... Una know the rest.

"Flow, my nyash don block o, sh'it no gree comot and if I force am, my nyash go tear".

I said between clenched teeth, the breeze of harmattan not helping matters as it dried my anus giving a feeling of cold.

"But you take Alomo na, why the shit still dey stubborn?"

Flow asked refusing to open his mouth. He knew he too was not immune to the stench of his sh'it as it would kill him.

"I tire o, na this time na im igbo dey make sense"

I stated the obvious. Legend have it that whenever you want to take a sh'it and it is proving stubborn, wrap a jumbo size weed, light it, drag it and try again. You will come back having wind blowing inside your stomach as your bowels will be as empty as OJB's account.

We were in that position for long, not because I wanted to keep on being there but because my sh'it had come out and was hanging between my anus and ground. I could not push it out and could not take it back in. I was in a state of innuendo. Flow was relieving the last particle in his bowels.

"Flow, I don die!!! Na me be this?"

I was sweating on my foursquare head.

"See, relax the muscles of your nyash, the sh'it go come out"

Flow advised. An advise that when I tried, it was like a rugged stone was buried halfway in my ar'se.

"E no dey work oooo"

I screamed back at him.

"Push am hard like say you dey for labour at the count of three. 1, 2, 3!!!"

I pushed hard and the stubborn faeces came out with liquid feeling others following. It was like I was in heaven as the burden was taken off my shoulder.

*****************************************************************************

"See that house wey the generator dey on, make we go sleep there"

I advised Flow as we found our way out of the bush into Burma Road.

"No, make we go sleep for church."

He said back.

"Na boxers you wan carry go sleep for God house abi?"

I asked him looking at his blood stained boxers.

"Na true sha. Make we sleep for under the balcony of the house."

Flow answered. We got their, laid down on the hard earth talking of the multiple twists and turns our lives had seen that day as sleep slowly came to steal us away. As soon as I started hearing movement, I stood up and found Flow still sleeping peacefully. I woke him up and off we went to board a bike which took us straight to Works Layout. Our last day as labourers and servants to the illiterate Engineer.



TO BE CONTINUED!!!

I will like to apologize for dropping only an update. I was so busy I thought busy day should be made a public holiday.

Flow also travelled and he could not update because of ... NEPA!!!

I promise today will be different.

Good morning y'all...

Wait... Where would I start from? When something bad happens to you which is preventable, it could cause a trauma. You might re-live the experience over and over again. That was the same thing that happened to me that night.

''Baby, come to bed!''

She more of ordered than cajoled.

''Ehm... Are you sure this na right idea?''

I code mixed English.

''Are you scared?''

She asked licking her lips in a bit to entice me. Why should I not be when the person before me looked like Dracula without a mask. I thought I was ugly but seeing her I knew the real defination of ugly. Hers have double ''rr''.

''Please stop doing that''

I said to her as she rolled her eyes on me. I felt her eyes were planning to suck my blood.

''I will give you a b'low'job.''

She offered.

''You never see customer since morning?''

I asked. In my heart I screamed:

''Na only God go punish Flow! See wetin him give me while him dey enjoy that yellow sisi''.

I never knew my prayer was already answered. I was busy thinking how to make the dracula in front of me lose interest.

''Hunnnn... Wetin dey smell''

She asked, twitching her very big ugly nose.

''Na mess o, na so I dey mess if I wan do the thing''.

I replied. Her ugliness broke into a smile which instead of making her a little bit beautiful, did the opposite. She was transformed into a zombie right in front of me.

''Na wetin I like be that''

I heard a sound like a cloth being torn forcefully. She had farted.

''Jesus!!!''

I felt my head swoon, I stopped my self from passing out. She could bite me in my unconscious state. The room smelt like a decaying body whose belly was opened.

''Na so me ma dey mess when I dey do the thing''

She replied me, baring her teeth. My already shrunk diicck shrunked the more. My b'alls disappeared.

''Come climb bed now''

She ordered me. This time she jumped up while I tried bailing out of the room. The door was locked!

''I take God beg you, na virgin I be ooo''

I cried, wishing the tears would fall but I was too hardened plus men don't cry.

''Na wetin you pay for I dey offer you so''

She said advancing towards me slowly. I felt like a trapped animal.

''If to say I know say na wetin I pay for, I for run leave my money''

I wished I said that.

''I know, but the money small and see as you big''

I answered. Truly, I was like a dwarf when she stood up. She had muscles on her arms and a chest on her b'reast.

''Na the last time wey I go call you be this''

She threatened. Her voice sounding like a man. I refused to bulge. She just turned, reached under the bed and...

''Splash!!!''

I was bathed in smelly water. Probably she had used to wash her inner cacus plus panties.

''Get outtt''

She screamed while I struggled trying to unbolt the door. I freed myself.

''Thank you Lord! I no go commit adultery again''

I jubilated.

''Na wetin you dey inside dey do since. Abi the enjoyment too sweet?''

I heard a voice and a low laughter in the darkness. I turned to see Flow, a shadow of his former self. His cloth was torn while his face appeared a little bloody. I looked down to see blood on his boxers. He was not putting on his trousers.

''Flow, where your preek!!?''

I screamed.

''E dey o, but that girl wan kill me.''

I was surprised. I thought he said he had degree in Knackiology from the university of straffing.

''You own better. Na oracle you carry give me.''

I replied him.

''Na rape she rape me ooo''

Flow said, his voice sounding teary.

''Na the first time wey dem dey rape me o.''

He added. I was lost for words to console him.

''Make we dey go before them go rape me join''.

I said to Flow leading the way.

''Nobody move''

A voice shouted. We continued walking because only our looks was enough to tell anybody that we were penniless. We reached outside to meet a waiting police pick-up van. Before our instincts could kick-in we were among 25 men being bundled to Nomansland police station. All of our pleas fell on deaf ears.

''If una no get money, una go go court tomorrow''

A police officer screamed at us. I looked at Flow and he shook his head. We sure were going back to prison.

It was a night too many!!!

Sleeping thingz!!!

As I ran, I turned back to see Flow running not from only one person but from 50 people. All the abokis in the area had joined in the pursuit just for some little change I had picked out of the bag of the call-maker. I increased the velocity of my race but discovered Flow catching up with me. My head was definitely pulling me backward. This was the first time I knew my head was an obstacle.

"Attai, tear if not them go tear you"

Flow said as he passed me like Usain Bolt. The recharge card seller was right there her hand outstretched to catch me. She had outrun the other chasers. I still held unto the money because my very life depended on it. Apart from the drinks and weed we had kept in the almost completed building, nothing was on us apart from the money paid to us by Engineer.

"Gbosa!!!"

I heard a huge fall prompting me to look back and see our very own "chioma" rolling on the ground like a sack of potatoes. She had tripped.

"God, if I escape, I promise not to pick pocket again o"

I prayed in my heart as I strove to catch up with Flow. The prayer was more like asking to stop breathing, swimming is to fish as picking pocket is to me.

"Make we stop to dey run, dem don stop to chase us."

Flow slowed down as I said that. Of a truth, they all stopped as their supposed leader crashed like a rickety vehicle and had to help her up. All this I saw by constantly turning behind me.

"O boy, no go kill us like fowl o."

Flow said pushing me on my chest. I smacked his head.

"Na wetin make you run pass me? You wan make na only me them go kill?"

I said to him forming anger.

"Na me send you?"

He asked hissing.

"What are friends for na? Haba, you self no be better friend. Your head suppose follow my own go down na"

I said to him laughing. He just hissed and continued walking. There was no way we could stop and catch our breath in the process. It had to be done walking.

"Flow, na wetin Dumelo say na?"

I asked him after we had settled down in "Kankana Drinking Spot". He drank his favourite Udeme while I settled for Alomo. Beer was not my thing since I was trying to keep fit and rid my body of unnecessary fat that had gathered. Weed burns fat, that at least I knew.

"Him say make we look for somewhere sleep o, say Alhaji give us tomorrow and him tomorrow na tomorrow."

Flow answered much to my disappointment.

"Na where we go sleep na?"

I asked a question that sounded both wise and stupid at the same time.

"Na for mama house we go go sleep"

Flow answered stupidly.

"How you go take know the value of Mama since your own don kpeme tay tay"

I said trying to get back at him.

"No talk about my mama like that"

Flow warned. I knew he was not joking because I sensed the venom in his voice.

"No vex na, what are friends for?"

I stated the obvious. More like a rhetorical question.

*************************************************************************************

"How much be all night?"

I heard Flow asking a commercial sex worker that had called him. We both concluded to go and spend the night in a brothel since it was already late and the girls there would be looking for extra money. The girls don't usually allow all night when the business was still bubbling but the moment 12:00am reaches, they would accept even a token for an all night. This is how homeless boys get a pillow to sleep on at night and since we were both homeless, we decided to do same.

A night which we came to regret!!!