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"Come o, make una come see wetin this boy dey do for backyard o, him don shit full everywhere"

Na so my head turn upside down, my eyes roll inside come waka come out as I just stand hook, my hand for trouser bur I no fit pull am come up because shit still dey comot from my nyash. If to say I know say na so e go be I for just ask my friend where their toilet dey but how I even wan carry do am self. That na question wey only boys go fit answer if the friend wey dem visit ma like me na girl.

**Code switching tinz**

I prayed deeply in my heart for the heavens to open and a great white Angel flying around holding a giant golden trumpet in his hand blowing it with all his strength. At least I will know how to explain to Apostle Peter that I was caught shitting and could not wash my ar.se on time so was late for flying towards heaven. **God forgive me**

Well, wishes are not horses and God answers prayers His own way so I just stood/squat there waiting for a miracle which I knew deep within me like Jonah knew he had effed when trying to runaway inside the belly of the fish, that there was no way my prayers would be answered.

A mini-crowd had formed round, angry faces holding their hands over their noses and cursing me in every dialect they could think of. From

"Dan banza" to "Omo olori buruku ni" to "Onyiara"

Chei only me with all this insults and curses but then the curse should have been directed at my bowels for failing me at that crucial moment. If only it had held a little while after Juliet excused herself to go and dish the food she was preparing for me, I would have been at home by now doing the stuffs. Hunger too should be blamed because there was no way I was going to return to my room at Shagari Quarters after visiting Kanti (both in Kazaure in Jigawa State) purposely to eat this food.

If only I had not visited George the previous day this stuff wouldn't have happened so their curses should also be directed at him. Afterall freely I had received so freely I had given. I had visited George at the unholy hour of 11:00pm when I could no longer control the hunger, Monday was far and the tendency of my phone vibrating after receiving an alert was very slim. At that unholy hour I had met George cooking beans on an almost dying stove. He too was going through the same financial meltdown as me but he could still boast of beans and a little kerosine while I could boast of nothing.

"George, George!!! George in my house"

I had greeted him that night. He looked up momentarily from the food he was cooking to flash me a scowl with the unspoken message.

"You no dey sleep for house neh abi na here your winch send you come"

Since it was an unspoken word I had no reason to answer than to walk up to him and pat him playfully on his back. This brought out the demon in him.

"Guy, stop to dey touch me like that... Which kind nonsense be this, visiting me this kind time never do you, you wan gay me join"

He said between clenched teeth.

I would have replied in the same venom but looking at the beans that was floating in a pond of palm-oil I changed my mind and swallowed saliva.

"Ehn George, me and you na paddy na, I no fit gay you, in fact our love dey like David and Jonathan own for olden days"

I replied his voice with a calm one. This seemed to piss him off the more:

"Guy stop to dey use bedroom voice for me before I scream RA.PE!!! here."

He threatened. This made me enter into an uncontrolable fit of laughter as I walked into his room to pick a spoon and joined him immediately outside in keeping a vigil over the cooking beans. If he was angry, he showed it, if he was going to murder me to eat the beans alone he also showed by constantly hissing.

"See, them no send me come feed you for school na, you know say this na lock up period but you still dey show. Na because of you I dey prepare this food by this time"

He finally said.

"Haba George, you know say I never chop since morning but since you say na because of me you dey cook by this time I dey happy na. At least na me and you go chop this food finish o."

I replied him.

"Your dad men"

He abused.

"Na you mum boyfriend"

I replied him.

Moments later...

"Chei!!! Kerosine don finish oooo!!!"

I screamed before George even noticed. Some of the beans had already drowned but a few still swam in the surface of the oily pond.

"See, make me allow am soak for 10 minutes then make me chop am, man no die, man no rotty"

George suggested.

Who am I to refuse the free food, I nodded my head like an agama lizard, the saliva in my mouth changing from drip-drop to a stream. Eating beans at such an hour was bad but eating it half-done was suicide mission which I willingly took because of the hunger biting my stomach to bits.

"O boy, this beans make sense wella o"

I said minutes later as I made a sucking sound on the water filled, half-done beans.

"Na true o, thank God say I put that Ajino-moto wey we make during practical last week o".

Immediately I knew my world or probably the world of my stomach had crashed from that moment, in fact, multiple engine failure had already occured, it is just the total shut-down of the system that was waiting. Why had I decided to allow my hunger push me to George's place in the first instance. Well, some questions don't have answers.


*************************************************************************************************

"Juliet, I am sorry, I never meant for it to happen that way"

I was pleading with Juliet the next day when I met her going towards her department. She just stop to look at me disgustingly before proceeding leaving me standing with my hands and palms opened in supplication, a prayer that was answered the moment female students started tripping out of their hostel passing through my direction.

"Na him be that na... Attai, na him sh.it for backyard wey everybody see"

I fainted!!!

VanTee20: Thanks my sister, I go update the story soon.