₦airaland Forum

All these men Abeg make we hear word, what is it sef? I’m now beginning to think you people are just making these stories up.


Your wife just dey attack you with hammer and nail and chisel, just like that, Abeg make we hear something.

Na wa o! Is your wife a witch?

But then, I’ve learnt enough to know you don’t judge man and woman matter based on a one sided story.

All I can say is, take heart, till we hear from your wife.

But wait o! Who are all these people fussing over this bbn thing like this? You sure they are not getting paid for it? Cos I don’t get how an adult can be so into something as meaningless as bbn.

What kind of life is this biko nu? How can somebody make over 1 billion Naira a month? God e no good o, this kain partial is too much.

CeeJay9ja:
What about the poor intending widow?

She’s just a baby making machine, no one cares, she can go to hell.

Mumu

starbuck:
Catholic Church ooo

Haha! The man wey thief your slippers no try at all.

Officialgarri:
Inspire to acquire to own whatever you require.

Ashey na thief dem dey thief..

Rotflmao

starbuck:
That was how they stole my N500 slippers I carry go Chapel upon all the awon CCTV wey dey dịa.. It happened that the man even carry sack and motors bag pack every every



Ever since that incident, even for ordinary bathroom slippers, I dey put am inside handbag enter Chapel, do my thing and waka back home, can't ever be barefooted again

Na cele you dey go? You are funny.

Joystark:
I could almost feel Mr. Ibu's pain through the story.
His seemed like the realest of the bunch.

The other people... I don't get.

I’m glad I’m not the only one that feels same way, although having brain tumor has got to be a very big deal.

TV01:
I said I'd post on the one topic this evening. My initial impulse was to have a good laugh at Freecocoa' matter - but that can wait. Let her humble herself a bit more first. Plus your issue is eminently easier to fix. First i need you to answer the following questions;

1. Does the situation persist? Are you still after advice?
2. Are you legally married, having fulfilled all traditional rites?
3. Do you perform your basic spousal duties of nurturing, providing and protecting your family?

4. Have you ever traumatised your wife by cheating on her, subjecting her to violence or, otherwise causing her harm?
5. Is your wife suffering in any other way, health issues, bereavement, post partum depression etc. - and fairly recent, not long past?
6. Do you have cause to feel your wife may be cheating or have cheated - did she show any such tendency during courtship?

If you answer yes to the first et of 3 questions and no to the second, I'll be happy to drop my 2 shekels - otherwise I'm off to Freecocoa' thread - for some merriment


TV

Okay, I see someone missed me.

GboyegaD:
Unfortunately, you are coming from a bias perspective and makes it difficult to explain to you. While I agree some men would support their family over you, i think it is about finding a way to show that their actions hurt you so that he understands but many times, most women would rather nag about it.

What makes you think my perspective is biased? I’m a woman who hopes to have a son someoday and also be a MIL, so how exactly am I biased?

Logobenz2:
When you get to oshodi ehn,repeat this same line to all those hungry,homeless kids you see under those bridges you hear?
Nonsense!!
Did the mothers of those children do what they were suppose to do?
Now some of us did not pass through all of that horror because heroes gave birth to us and we will worship them till we die.
I repeat,no woman is worthy enough to get the same kind of love a son should give her mother who sacrificed her all to give their kids a better life.
Only an idiotic man does that.

What exactly does or will this idiotic man do, as regards his wife and mom, to be termed idiotic?

If mama is insulting his wife and he tells mama not to do that, that makes him idiotic?

sassysure:
U are absolutely right.
But, some of the mothers, despite having their husband's unconditional love are still extremely possessive of their sons especially the rich ones.
The answer is control.

If u are a control freak, no amount of love will do.

U see manipulative and competitive young girls? ( competitive in the sense that they will want to have what their friend has, they metamorphosis into young women who will want their boyfriend to buy that latest iPhone for them not because they need it or the guy has the money but because the hottest babe in town or class has that), they are the type that cling to their sons.
They emotionally blackmail their sons with sob stories that their wives will be a nobody before them.
They don't actually love their sons. They did what they should do as mothers( it's ur obligation to train ur child as long as u have decided to get pregnant and have a baby.
U don't do ur child any favour at all.its ur job. The emotional manipulation don't work) but they use that to hold and control their sons as long as they are alive.
It takes some times for some sons to shake off that shackle of control and see their wonderful mum as who she is.
A control freak.
My aunt is a perfect example. She was worst than patience uzorkwor
Her son almost killed the wife( 8 months pregant) b4 this man got himself. The only difference was he was not sleeping with her mother. The mum was the wife.
When this man got himself he became completely opposite.
The hatred he had for this woman was second to none and barred him from visiting him in the city.

The same thing I think. These women are just annoying bitchy control freaks, you even see some young women exhibiting these sign. They are the sisters in-law you are probably even older than, who wants you to serve/worship them because you married their brother. Tell me how such a person won’t turn into a sadistic MIL tomorrow?

People are just really crazy in this world.

project4OO:
When your man always sides with his family, then simply stop fighting your husband's family. When there is no fight, there won't be a need or reason to take his parents' sides.

Why do you have to assume the woman is the one fighting the family? I think my post even made it clear that it’s the man’s family, fighting the woman. Or are you saying the woman should take whatever’s thrown at her?

bukatyne:
Mothers don't have unconditional love for their daughters?

Fathers don't have unconditional love for their daughters?

When I start to hear 'my mom is first' bla bla, it tells me that such mother never enjoyed the love of her husband so her son has to compensate.

I do not see sons from loving families have 'excessive' love for their mothers.

Can we ask why these men never profess such love for their fathers?

Or are the fathers not worth it? Or the fathers did not sacrifice for their children? Or their fathers cannot do anything for them?

Well, like I tell my sisters, shine your eyes.

I don’t even like how it’s made to seem like one has to choose, ofcourse if it came down to having to make a choice, a spouse must put his/her partner first, for me, this should just be something everyone knows but don’t have to mention or talk about. A mother should know that if she wants to (for instance)have her hair done(most basic example) and her DIL needs to do same and the man can only provide for one person,
the man should know the money is automatically his wife’s, mama sef should know this if she’s sensible, any reasonable person should know this. I’ll only leave room for special occasions where mama can be put first in times like this, a reasonable wife should know that as well.

But alas! Just look at what these men here are saying, I sorry for the ones that will marry these men walai!

bukatyne:
Funny how we keep cherry picking.

The man that does not understand oneness in marriage will open his mouth to yap about submission.

Gen 2:28 clearly states that a man will LEAVE his mother and father and CLEAVE to his wife and the two will become one flesh.

Simple, short and precise.

If you are not ready to do this, don't bother with Christian marriage or hoping to reap its benefits.

Odiegwu o! The thing no tire you?

Is it that the men aren’t listening or that the mothers just won’t let go? Cos quite frankly, thinking about it, I begin to wonder, why do these mothers even allow such nonsense continue? Why want to play the role of a wife to your son? Are you well at all?

Then the man, you can’t man up to your mum to tell her what’s real, yet you want someone else’s daughter to worship, adore and treat you like the lord of the whole world, yet simple “mama please stop” you can’t say, you are a very stupid and weak man that shouldn’t be taken seriously.

nairalandposter:
As usual, and not surprisingly, here is what the irresponsible folks overlooked about the topic:

- The thread title says "family" meaning people, not a person.

- Most immediately jumped up to defend their "family", which to them does not mean their wife and offspring. They feel nothing for these ones (especially the wife) besides hostility.

-Many are behaving as if their "family" specifically requires them to have these attitudes, like a deep fear their status in their family is somehow under threat if they don't behave in this manner.

- Women are telling some folks they don't require this excessive show of foolishness to prove filial love, anything or whatever you call it, the person (a man, supposedly) is still arguing they do. Unfortunately, excessive attachment to a particular person, be it wife or mother, is never good for your mental health. You might not know this, but it hinders your ability to function effectively as an adult. That's why a mother who knows maturity would not encourage it.

You get it.

I really don’t understand how people can’t be reasonable simply because their family is involved, ofcourse I understand the love and special sentiment you have for them, but that doesn’t mean you won’t use common sense when dealing with issues. I know how much I love my siblings, however, that doesn’t mean I can’t call them out when they in the wrong, especially concerning someone I love, who is now also a member of said family, by virtue of marriage.

Me I just tire o.

I get crazy when I see a man team up with his siblings and mother, to harasses his wife, this has got to be the highest form of weakness/cowardice ever.

nairalandposter:
Hopefully these "nude ladies" dancing in transparent vehicles in traffic, would get defenders like we're seeing here after some time.

I find this funny but why should they not get defenders if they need to be defended?

This is Nigeria where you can get killed and nothing happens, so I wouldn’t doubt someone who says they were forced to sign a letter.

sassysure:
Not all.
I have seen cases where men are diffusers, neutral and when pressed in a very tight corner, will take his wife's side.

Marriage, if u cough, it will be misinterpreted. Common cough u can cough any how in your father's house

Haha! I know a man like that anyways though it took a while before he totally got to his wife’s corner, she had to stand her ground and fought for what she considered her right, when dealing with her MIL, and somehow, it worked for her, however a gazillion others haven’t been so lucky.

thorpido:
Okay o.
Yes,it's very common around here.The culture and the extended family set-up.
However,it has to do with training and how one grows up.

I think I agree with the training part but then, as an adult who’s mentally balanced and loves their wife, shouldn’t common sense come to play here? I’m saying because, I really can’t see any excuse for such behavior.

Logobenz2:
I know it's heart breaking but it's the truth.
How does someone that doesn't live nor provide for us be unfair to us or the wife?
She stays somewhere else to start with,so how hard can it be to ignore a person that is unfair whom you don't see everyday?
Or will you be ok if your mom treats me UNFAIR and I begin to banter or drag with her?
Like I said,there is no point arguing this because no real man will side you to castigate his mom,whether she is right or not!harsh reality.
Some will come here and start typing feminine epistles but dare retaliate or counter their mothers and deal with the consequences.
Once more,ignore for peace to reign in your home or better still,pretend

Nobody is asking you to castigate her per se, it’s more like just calling her attention to the fact that she might be overstepping, how is that such a bad thing to do? So you’ll say nothing if your mum was being disrespectful to you as a man? Or are you suddenly saying your mum can do no wrong because someone else’s daughter is the one involved?

Meanwhile, there so many ways in which your mum can be unfair to your wife, living with you or not, how exactly is this even something you don’t know?

thorpido:
The Bible says, 'for this reason shall a man leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife'.
Well a man(not a grown male) knows how to deal with his family when he is married.His family ought also to respect their space.
In a lot of wedding receptions,parents are admonished to let their marrying children have their own space and grow together.

Unfortunately,these things are set while growing and at the stage of maturity(before marriage).You can't change a mummy's boy.
If the foundations are not well laid,I'm afraid it will never change.It's like a house without a proper foundation.You will see the result on the walls.
It's not a Nigerian men thing.It's your hubby that is the issue.

Its not my hubby bros.

Meanwhile, I think it’s very common with most Nigerian men.

bukatyne:
Marry the right man with the right mindset towards marriage.

I guess this settles it but still, one is never always sure I’ll say.

I guess this means that people who already find themselves in these situations, have no option but to live with it.

LordKO:
Such happens only when a woman is dealing with an unconscientious man. Conscientiousness is the major hallmark of loyalty, faithfulness and goodness in general. So, I don't see reason any responsible woman - one with options anyway - will enter into a relationship/union with an unconscientious man in the first place.

A man (or woman) who can't stand for that which is just, at any given time, doesn't deserve respect/close relationship of another (others) who're sane.

I’ll say. Thank you for this comment.

Logobenz2:
well,I will advise my wife to ignore her since she doesn't provide nor cater for our family but using it as an excuse to be rude or violent to her?nah!
If she does,she just earned herself a reason for me to be very very aggressive around the house.
Once more,ignore.

Hmmm, how can one ignore all of that? I mean, your wife has to deal with your mum, she just has to, expecting her to constantly ignore unfairness is not a very loving thing to do, and then threatening to get angry if her human side eventually shows, is just heartbreaking to say the least.

armyofone:
Well life they say is no bed of roses.

Lol, man I’m not finding the comments here funny o, it’s looking like a hopeless situation.

nairalandposter:
In your opinion.

People are not the same, why do Nigerians find this so hard to understand?

Which one is people are not the same in this issue now? So you know anyone that likes being sided against all of the time?

bukatyne:
This is because as always, the typical Nigerian doesn't understand nor practice oneness in marriage.

If the couple is one, you would see our family and not your father, my mother. Therefore, there is no side to choose.

It is us with our family combined. Every act of the family (couple and in laws) is not viewed through a lense of bias.

The individual families also learn to respect the couple and step back except absolutely necessary.

Again, most families are given the leverage to interfere when the couple do not behave themselves in the first place.

Hmmm, so basically, nothing can be done about this then.

armyofone:
Then we have to learn to fight our own battles "alone" - some you fight some you leave for another day.

What an exhaustingly excruciating unhappy life that will be.

Logobenz2:
Yes we love to side with our families,like you females do so it's nothing new.
If say you are my wife and your brother comes to our house to steal stuff without my knowledge and you find out,will you tell me?
Or should I leave my mum and support yours?
There are some topics that shouldn't be up for debate in the first place.

How exactly shouldn’t it be up for debate? So if your mum is being mean to your wife, it’s not debatable to side with her(your mum)?

I don’t understand all these Nigerian men.