Tell your wife that such is a blessing and comes from God and only God alone. Tell her there are people like me in a situation of unplanned spacing, wishing every month that The Lord will close the gap! I wish I was her. Abeg, she should not be silly. Embrace that pregnancy.

Life is easier when you have good attitude toward your situations.

@op. Sex IS very important in marriage! The biggest mistake you will make is to marry someone you are not sexually attracted to. To crown it all, men love sex, they are the ones that keep the fire going in the marriage. Imagine yourself in the situation were your husband will want sex all the time and you are very very frustrated because he is not pleasing you the way you like. Believe me, your frustration will cascade down to every single thing you do. You do not want to be in that situation. Sex is what spices marriage up. When you fight, it makes you forget the reason why you were fighting in the first place. . . And so on. . .

I am glad you decided to give it more time. Since you already like him, give him time to learn and improve, but if it's not working, pick race o!

I cant understand why people decide to keep dangerous species of dogs in their homes as pets. It is well know that such species are dangerous and can change their minds anyday to attack you. Worst of all, these dogs are not even good to look at. God forgive me but I cracked up at the picture of the dog - very mean looking as if he is keeping malice with someone.

I love dogs but I can never live with ugly looking bulldogs and their likes. Their are better species of dogs to choose from. Would not want my life to be ended by a best friend who can decide to turn me into a piece of meat. It is just like keeping a tiger as a pet. You know it is carnivorous, it will eat you!!

May the soul of the Mayor rest in peace. I hope more people will learn from this experience.

BluStreak:
@OP, please stay away from that woman and her husband. You have a good intentions towards helping your ex which I must commend. However, the circumstance on ground makes it a very dangerous part to walk. Irrespective of your noble intentions, the man will harbour a great animosity for you and there is no saying what he can do. Employing him will be like dinning with the enemy.

The best way to help out is to recommend and probably persuade a friend to employ him. Then give the wife the details and ask that she compels her hubby to go to the company to apply and submit his CV. This way, you will stay out of harm's way.

A man's wife is his pride and anything that touches that pride stands on a dangerous ground.

My 1 kobo.

Word! I agree with this post 100%.

This post has been silent for some hours. What is the update, Mr OP?

prettyrosefave: for all who need bsm, i will soon give you a contact on where to gerrit in lagos. i suffered yday in search of bsm, i was almost cring on the road, God purnish ttc and the distributor of it. most people dont even know what it is, black watttt? what is i used for? sori hennnn was all i was getting yday, only in one place the guy finished it with molasses after i said black strap, hmmmmmm, but unluckily the store showed zero (0), helped me call other branches and they all dont have it. i weak no be small. but once i gerrit from the promised place i will tell you guys so that you can runnnn go immediately to get it before it finishes.

@G4_2012, hmmmmm, that varicocele eheeennnn, i thank God i was rescued on this the ivf thread oooo when my hubby was diagnosed of it, one of our sisters tell of how her hubby dont get a better result after the sugery, so i had to cry out to my hubby not to do it, cos he was already planning of doing it. i wish you got the infor befor nw, am sure he wouldn thave gone for it, but nonetheless, God will do a miracle for you.

Really? You know what? God is indeed awesome. He got the diagnosis before we had our first issue. He was also planning for the surgery. Hmm. I told him nooo, what if something goes wrong?
But then he started having severe pains from it down there last year. The doctors suggested he gets the surgery. This is where we are right now.

favored gal: @g4-2012....azoospermia is zero count and it is diff from low count...im not sure what varicocele is but i think iv seen it mentioned on th ivf thread a couple of times

In my dh's case his hormonal levels came back very fine but his count was low...8million..so all he discussed with us was a lifestyle change...i even mentioned ivf cuz i honestly dint trust dh to give up smoking but he said that was absolutely unnecessary...so mayb he saw something in your case to recommend ivf straight up

Ask for the specific diagnosis.....ask for more information and explanation...you have paid consultation fees so you are entitled......if you know what the specific diagnosis you can also do some more research on your own

There is nothing God cannot do however, you need the information. It is well with you

@udoka..its been 20million but WHO revised it to 15million last year or so

No, it's not zero count. His last SA came back at 7 million. He took fertilaid for 2 months did another test, it came back same figure.
Varicocele is a condition were the veins that supply blood to the testicles are not doing their job well. The surgery is to cut off the bad area of the vein for better blood flow. This was done on both sides/testicles.

I am willing to go through IVF but if given another option, I won't.

I have a cousin that went through 3 failed IVF. At the end of the day she conceived naturally.

favored gal: @venussss..hw are you? Did you end up getting af? It is well with you and you are in my prayers

@ wonyi...amen....pls dont mention..my pleasure...i pray you get your bfp this cycle ijn


@winnie good to see you here...congrats again

@g4-2012......pls ask the question about the urologist on the ivf thread...you will get faster response there. Dr emeka is very good, i also consulted with him, though in my own case he dint mention ivf at all.....are you dealing with azoospermia?

Wow, your statement surprised me that he did not discuss IVF with you. I simply had the impression that that is all he does since he did not even want to go into treating my husband. Not sure what azoospermia is? There was no name for his diagnosis. Only that he always had varicocele and had surgery, after that things went down hill.

I went back to read your previous posts and you have really really inspired me to depend even more on God. Thank you and may the Lord bless you for your inspiration.

xynerise:

The man has a mission.

Ma Outstrip, you cannot crucify a family member for helping out a loved one when you believe the person needs your support. The way things work aboard, if you don't have family to help, you are on your own. And as I pointed out we only confirmed recently that indeed he gambles, (meaning no-one knows when it actually started) which is a disturbing news to everyone.

Well, I opened this thread because like I said, I think there is still hope to get him out of his mess. Even if he will not eventually get married and have kids, he can still get his act together. So far I have gotten a majority of negative responses. I need more positive inputs please.

Prayer is a way to go now plus no more hand outs.

ifyalways:

I don't know how you can make a grown assss man change without his express consent or personal decision to change.

IMO,the family can help him by not bailing him out financially no more.Let him clean and deal with the poo he's thrown himself into.They can talk to him,encourage him in love,pray for him(if they are religious) but stop handing him hand outs.

If he's got a girlfriend or someone he admires/respects alot,the person can talk to him too.

Thanks girl. You have a point there, no more hand-outs!
There is no girlfriend in the picture. No steady one.
The last time his eldest brother tried to talk some sense into him, as usual he stormed out and didnt pick any calls for about 6 months. I tire.

MRbrownJAY:

@OP
let's be clear on ONE thing: forcing this man to marry and have a family, will NOT solve the issue at hand. the gambling problem has NOTHING to do with having a family/children/going back to 9ja.

i also have family that havent set foot in 9ja for 25+yrs. when/if your siblings or family make an attempt on your life because of money/property etc, you will probably feel the same way.

there is very little you as a family can do, other than ask him to get PROFESSIONAL HELP. gambling is an addiction as powerful as drug/alcohol, and it will take more than sweet talks to get him out of it. the important fact is that IF HE DOESNT WANT TO STOP, THEN THERE IS VERY LITTLE ANYONE CAN DO.

@BrownJAY, thanks for your contribution but you might been looking at it at in a different way. To make things clear, we are not the kind of family that kill each other.

Can you please explain more how the gambling doesn't have anything to do with family/kids/going back to Nija? Don't quite understand. Thanks for suggesting professional help but I realise that we have to work on him somehow to get him to agree to that.

Fellow NLers, I need your wise contribution and solution to this matter. 
I am a daily contributor to nairaland but have opened this new username for this matter exclusively. 

My Uncle has been living abroad (london) for the past 25 years and has never set a foot in Nigeria ever since. He initially had issues with immigration but this was sorted out a few years ago so he is now a citizen and can now travel but he doesn't seem to want to come back to even see his aged mother (my grand-mother). He clocked 51 this January. For those 25 years he did not get married, no kids, he does not have a house he can call his own. He just plays the victim each time his siblings try to talk to him. He claims that they had it easier because they were citizens before him. He would raise a storm have a huge argument, barge out and not talk to anybody for months. But the truth is that it was not easy (still not) for any of them. They have also been helping him over the years financially even till this date. 

The real problem is that even though he works 7 days a week, nobody sees where his income goes to. For 25 years, nothing to show for it. Until recently his brother confirmed that he is a gambler (though he never admits it) He is not into drugs, or women. By the time he gambles his salary away he would come back to them asking for money. And he never pays back.

So I need sensible advice on how we as a family can help him get out of this mess. Get him to get married, have kids and do something useful in his life. Even though he is 51 I still believe there is hope. 

Any body that has had this kind of experience before or have a relative with such, please I need your candid advice to remedy this issue. Thanks.