₦airaland Forum

Ordinary9jaGuy:
How embarrassing is this if you are a guy and you were told by a female that your pair of jeans is originally meant for women? “This can happen to anyone” I say just to console myself but the truth is that it can only happen to a category of people who do midnight shopping on the go. The kind of shopping you engage in at the early hours of the morning on your way to work and then the “Tokunbo Merchants” have their wares displayed and screaming attractive prices to your ears while brandishing the beauty of their merchandise (in an Ibo man’s accent).

I can still remember that faithful day, I was in a hurry to my newly employed job and I had been pushing going to shop for new pairs of Jeans pants (Trousers) for quite some time because I needed them in order to reduce the constant wearing of my Chinos trousers which were more official than casual.

Around few minutes past 5am, I rushed through the motor park trying to get an early bus to work. Even at that hour, people were many like it was broad day light. As I was fast walking, I heard the voice at a distance “Pick your jeans trousers here. Confam grade… One, One Thousand Naira”. I didn't want to b distracted from catching the first bus I could so I had even walked past him but buses going to my destination were still much on ground and in great demand, so I walked back to check out what he was offering for sale. Still in my hurry state, I just quickly browsed through his wares and 2 caught my eyes. I quickly paid and rushed to quickly grab a bus to my destination.

The natural thing you do when you buy from a “Second Hand” boutique (lol) is that once you get home, you run your clothing through a laundry (meaning Handwash) to get the funky tokunbo clothes fragrance out which I did over the weekend. I was really eager to try out my newly acquired faded slim fitted jeans trouser and the other was a loose faded soft jeans trouser. If me sef know be mumu, trying on the first one and seeing how suffocated my Johnson was should have been my very first clue to tell that those pants weren’t meant for me but I thought to myself, “I guess that’s how they make them now”(Mumury). Sincerely people, if you had seen how packed my junior was in this thing, most times I’d have to tuck it along with his two tag-along friends underneath my posterior just not to seem offensive in public. Ok, let’s say that was too much of a clue to have been noticed by me. Another was the issue of trying to pee while wearing this pair of jeans, omo I tell you “It was war”. I am just grateful to my healthy bladder because if not, I for don make front page many times “Grown man pees himself in Public the Nth Time” because the zipper was so tiny and short in length that when fully unzipped even my junior was unable to rear his head talk-less of emerging in his full majesty. And if this was the case with only one of the trousers, it would have been ok but both of them shared the same zipper construct.

Funny enough both trousers looked quite good on me and that even contributed to my ignorance of it ever being a female construct. I have been rocking both these jeans now for few months and even at one time, I wore the loose one to work and got quite a lot of compliments (If only I knew what I know now back then)… Chai! I’m many of you would be wondering where was his girlfriend when all wardrobe wahala dey happen?

The day of revelation of my fashion “Fvck Up” happened when I paid my sister a visit about a week ago and there’s the babe I am “chiking” in her compound. We were together gisting and she giggling at almost every sentence (Whining tinz). Na so piss hook me, I remember I felt the urge to pee before getting into a bus to my sister’s place but I suppressed it (thanks to my healthy bladder), only for it to resurface at the height of chiking levelz. Omo see rushing, I tugged at my trousers as I excused myself from the babe’s presence to the point that I was unable to make it to the toilet I had to rush back outside to take a leak. She watched me as I struggled with my trousers and belt just to set “Jonathan” free from his cage (But mine is not for 16years o… lol). And the worst part of it all was I was wearing the slim fitted jeans trousers, so upon finishing with my urine assignment, I just packed junior back into his cage un-arranged and walked by into my sister’s compound where the babe was now sitting on a white plastic chair. With a smile on my face, I walked towards her noticing her gaze wasn't on my stare but was shuttling between my face and my waist line. And soon I took a quick look at what captured her attention, only to see my “Jonathan loose in the Polls” due to inadequate monitoring of my campaign matters (no pun intended). I felt embarrassed about the situation and I “exit stage” left to my sister’s apartment. When I got into my sister’s place she was quick to admire my outfit and particularly my jeans trousers, she said it looked really nice on me. She continued by asking if I was sagging (Me, sag? Saggin is Faggin… lai lai) I was quick to object to it and then she mentioned my “rough packaging” and then I told her it wasn't my fault o that it was the jeans I was wearing, that the zipper was tiny and and it had little space to accommodate…. And then she said, “Come closer let me see the direction the zipper is sown into?” After a brief inspection, she busted out laughing “A she Jeans Obinrin lo tin wo kiri” translation “All these while you've been wearing a female jeans”. I was trying to do agidi in opposition but she then pointed out a tailoring trick used in differentiating between male jeans from female one. She said for a female jeans “the Zipper was much smaller and it is always sown from right to left (making it left Hand zipdown) while the couchy line was closer to the crotch in female” but in male’s “The zipper was much longer and it is always sown from left to right (Right hand zipdown) while the couchy line was farther to the crotch”.

www.nairaland.com/attachments/2344543_jeans_jpeg3b7d2623d24ba37ea971dedfbb9f2499

After all the analysis and explanation, I just stood there looking and feeling really stupid but at least now I know how to tell apart a female from a male pair of jeans when I intend to buy one. Na ma fault, I look like tailor for your eyes.

guy you sabi explain abeg. Nice writeup

If only your name is not cramjones it would have bin possible.................................... Dat your name no fit encourage nobody

lalasticlala:
A 24-year-old water vendor, Dauda Idris, has impregnated identical twin sisters Stella and Stellamaris, aged 20.
The incident occurred in Kwamba Primary School area in Suleja, where the twin sisters live with parents and a brother while Idris often stayed with other water vendors for service in the same area.

Blueprint gathered that when the news were reviewed to Dauda by the twin sisters that they were pregnant, Idris break down and lament in the sight of crowd with shock, saying: “Oh my God I never knew both of you are twins, I have impregnated twin sisters”.

The twin sisters narrated how it all happened in six months.

“Right from our childhood days, my twin sister and I are used to playing pranks on people; our parents are no exception, especially our father. The interesting thing about us is that it is only our mother, who can tell us apart.

“As identical twin, we wear the same clothes, talk and walk the same way, wear the same hairstyle, in fact we do everything together both planned and unplanned.

“Some time back, I was sitting at the balcony when this handsome water vendor walked up to fill our reservouir with water.

“Immediately, I told Stellamaris about Idris. As weeks passed by, Idris and I became close friends, and then Stellamaris suggested that we play pranks on him since I didn’t tell him I was a twin.

“However, we agreed that we would not fall in love with him, not in the least, going to bed with him.
“This charade went on for about six months until the day I told Stellamaris that I was pregnant.

“While we were contemplating on whether I should have an abortion, Stellamaris also discovered she was pregnant. “God, how can two sisters be pregnant for the same man?”

“My mother found out that we were both pregnant. She asked us who was responsible for our pregnancy as abortion was out of the way.Stella added saying “I could not tell her the whole truth but promised to take her to the house of the man responsible”.



http://www.blueprint.ng/2015/04/10/water-vendor-impregnates-twin-sisters-in-suleja/

thank God 4 you do everythin 2geda

It has to be love making na

I don fall in GALANTLY

CHIBOK GIRLS. KANO STATE. KASTINA STATE. BOKO HARAM. And ME

pharmow:
If you don't put

Patience
Okupe
Asari
FFK and
Fayose.

This list is not complete

Other notable mentions include

Shekau
Namado Sambo
Bishop David Oyedepo
Reno Omokri
Edwin Clark
Ayo Oritsejafor
Diezani
Stella Oduah
and Nairaland monikers like Barcanista, Severussnape, Temitemi, Chukwudi etc

you are so on point

OAM4J:
How can you have a VP from SW and also canvass No3 postion for someone from SW?

Na only SW waka come?

Saraka is from NC geopolitical zone... so it might go to him since no APC senator comes from SS and SE.

sambo and tambuwal are all from north west

To many nairalanders and nigerians it was imposible but GOD made it possible . This is the spirit, NIGERIA have WON. Congrats team GMB

Mynd44:
Tompolo and Asaro Dokubo will be governors

my thought exactly

It is just announced that president goodluck jonathan will be creating 10 new states to help support his presidetial re-election given the fact that the remaining states in his stronghold will be unable to help him secure his presidency. Lol

And the elections buhari contested in 4 and not 5

Oh jona go back to the fish belly 4 dats where you belong

socialmediaman:
My opinion is based on observations, credible opinion polls, interactions with different people from opposing political camps, and personal instinct.

Ordinarily, on February 14, if the election was conducted, Buhari would have had a landslide victory. The Six week postponement of the Elections gave President Jonathan time to make a very spirited comeback into the race. At this point in time, the morale of the PDP got boosted despite having not addressed the core issues surrounding the circumstances which could have cost the president a re-election.

The new campaign strategy of the presidency within the six weeks included meetings behind closed doors with monarchs in the south west believed to be the battleground, mobilization of card carrying voters and stepping up the heated campaigns aimed at polarizing the minds of voters along religious lines. For a moment, it seemed the APC had been drained and lost relevance. Being that many Nigerians usually tilt towards the side of the party gathering the most momentum, perhaps in a bid not to get left out in the moving train, the PDP increased intensity in its campaign efforts.

Despite being outnumbered, you could feel this sense of confidence and hope among PDP supporters and sympathizers. This was however mostly hinged on the belief that the election would be somehow manipulated as has always been the case in the past. All efforts to put pressure or remove the INEC chairman in a bid to stop the use of PVCs however failed. The party was still left with the option of campaigning with its money power.

While The PDP has mobilized very HUGE cash for today's election, It is still clear they are outnumbered. I am yet to see how these funds will affect the outcome of the election, especially when most voters have decided who to vote for. The mobilizers will go house to house in the villages and towns and give people money and material gifts to come out and vote for the party. It is illegal to campaign on the election day, but this is Nigeria, that may not count, especially coming from the incumbent party who controls the security apparatus. They will hope to also collude with INEC adhoc staff and security officials to have a way of confirming who their mobilized persons voted for, before giving the monetary compensation at the polling units. Again this is illegal, but with the advent of camera phones and election observers, the criminality might be reduced.

As far as i know, This is where the PDP confidence lies. The biggest challenge however, is that there is a general resentment of the party nationwide, especially in the south west, north east and north west parts of the country, so they are greatly outnumbered. Most voters who will be swayed with money to vote for the party are either sympathizers who would still ordinarily vote for them, or sympathizers/indifferent who would ordinarily not go out and vote on the election day. But when you look closer based on the participation level and average voter turn out so far, these people are in the minority.

While giving Buhari a cautious victory for today's election, it is not to say that PDP's money power gamble will be in vain. At least, i think it will only save them from a humiliating defeat widely anticipated.

ok na fingers crossed

ELECTION day is here. Nigerians what are your EXPECTATIONS?

ELECTION day is here. Nigerians what's your EXPECTATION?

Wanted to,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but can't anymore cos she cheated n I cot her . Will show her d exit 2day OFFICIALLY

jeffery251:
Damn it,Naija babes should never be trusted cos they are all lying hoes.

fear the catch me self

ULSHERLAN:
#Hope you have decided

mannnny tins in ma head

cozy7:
Plz, is that your girlfriend or your favorite dog?

If your dog doesn't sleep at home, then sell it to whoever it often runs to.......(I'm sure u get me) SORRY THOUGH!

got ya

My fellow nairalanders I greet you. Am in a fix about my 6 months relationship now as am writing. Av always suspected my girlfriend from day1 in d relationship bt av always keept cool cos I love her and have no prove. Anytime I confront her of seen somone else she do swear to me that she dozent,, av introduced her to my mum as d woman I will want to marry even,,, There is dis paticular guy I always suspect of still dating her(her ex) which she denied. What I did 2 uncover d trut was a bit silly bt I don't regret doin it anyway,,, I loged into her facebook account n ws chattin with her so calld ex onli 4 him 2 tell her dat he really enjoyed making love to her in the bath thub yestday. I played along and went offline shortly. Put yourselves in dis situation and advice me on how 2 go about it 4 I depend on it. Insultive advice must come but will only go with d mature advice. Tnx in anticipation

patrick89:
so bringbackourgirls was anti gej? Mumu

you don't have a point

Welll said

Na african FRANKS nigeria currency go the compete with o I can see its franks and some few others that is lower than our naira. What a SHAME

Who says am votin JEG? .......... Wakeup

I dey game give me your final price

I dey game 250k flat

Nice1 @ op a moral lessons for we all

Good morning my Good people,,,,,, has anybody received a call urging him/her to vote Goodluck jonathan? The day before yesterday my friend was called 2 vote wisely that is to vote for PDP I tot he was joking when he told me. Yesteday I was called and the caller was like do I have a voters card and like who I will be voting for? I told her its a personall thing and she say I should vote for PDP I just ended the call cos I was MAD. Has anybody here recievd such calls? What was your respons?

My friend gisted me somting ystday I can't help but share it with you folks. He was travelling from katsina-ala to makurdi while on transit a bike carring 2 people overtook the 18 seater bus he was in while trying to dodge the bike in front of the bus is a big tree the only option 4 the driver is to hit the bike instead of hittin the tree after the bus killed the the people on bike the bus driver stoped to obseve the situation while the passangers were weeping 4 the dead. Shortly a police mopol patrol vehicle arrived to inform them that the people on bike were bin chased for stealing in a nearby market before meeting their deserved DEATH, suddenly they stoped cryin an started thanking God 4 sparing their lives............. The driver wasint wrong afterall. What's your take?

Whatsup with GLO and their line not being alocated? Has anybody expiienced this?