₦airaland Forum

Trojan8:
Only gold diggers would read your story and try to use your sister's age as a basis for her to marry such a man.

IF she tries this nonsense that she's about to do, I can bet you that she would regret it.

Both of them are on different wavelength and that's a major problem. Add that the man doesn't seem to know how to make decisions for himself.

Terrible combo.

As her brother, I'll advice that you do EVERYTHING legal within your capacity to make sure she doesn't make such a mistake. It's your duty.


Cc Gentlesoul2021

Thank you for your input. We're doing our very best to dissociate her from the brother..

saintruky:
I'm quite impressed with your sense of reasoning. Irrespective of his batching, you still respond calmly to him. Goes to show your parents did a fabulous job raising you and your siblings. If you have a sister who's single, I'm interested.

Saying your sister is 31, is not enough reason for her to leap into the hands of a man in the name of time running out for her.

Said man has been advised to upgrade his trade, he turned a dead ear, meaning he doesn't listen and has no plan for his life other than hiding on becoming a pastor which won't materialize... Let your sister shine her eyes, devils na full church dey disguise as Angels....

I have outgrown online bangs and I know most of these keyboard warrior are kids. In my opinion she's open to talk to people, u can send a mail...

Christlike01:
Does your sister love this man? If she does, you and your mum should leave her alone! She is already 31—time is not on her side.
The fact that the man is not educated does not make him disabled or incapable. He may not have a white-collar job, but he is not unemployed.
The choice is your sister's to make. You and your mum should leave her alone. Or do you want to marry her yourselves?

Ok we're only assessing the possible future scenerio

kwaso2:
By the Mercies of God, Your Sister and family should run very far away from him and his family. It most likely will not end well.

Thank you so much... I'll show her this thread so she can know she's playing with fire...

dbanjj1629:
Tell your sister to run oooo. You mother is not doing too much by opposing the relationship. Its a relationship that is going nowhere.

Race wey pass 100hurdle

BRATISLAVA:
When men are lazy and things don't work out well for them, in Africa they become pastors. At least they'll get easy money through that.

Pathetic and they still wants to bring in a woman to their suffer head...

AlphaTaikun:
Both of them have to be on the same page in terms of intellect regardless of the fact that your younger sister is 31. He has to be an ambitious guy by upgrading himself to the aluminum fabrication business since that's a very profitable business model. Failure to upgrade his skills is a serious red flag for me as a man.

Your sister can assist him to upgrade his career path by having one-on-one discussions with him but the plan to gravitate to full pastoring is another concern. He needs to get his career going to bring in sustainable income and NOT depend on pastoring which can be demanding. Period.

Thank you for this...

bixton:
I am a bit worried though and I have just two questions before I proceed...

(1) How does he intend to feed his family(wife and children) when he eventually has one when he actually marries?

(2) A mother whose son goes out to work only for her to call him back to attend to her demands, and probably delaying his completion time for work.....!
If she could do that to him, what would he do, when the wife needs him and his mother calls him to come attend to her own demands?

The mother will even ask him a chunk sum of the money hes been paid at work. All of these is being played at my mom's face so she's cautioning my sis...

michlins:
unfortunately there's little or nothing you can do about it. Women are weird creatures and will do what they want to do

Right. We've done our all to give the best of advice... Ball now in her court..

slan87:
Love is not enough to sustain a marriage, pls have you spoke to your sister about it?
At least to know if that's what she truly want?

Never marry out of pity

Never marry out of pity, Apt. We have given her our own pieces of advice...

mirrael68:
That's not true, menopause is still far away. 31 is still good.
With God even nothing is impossible.

Sometimes sole of these kids amaze me on SM well they can only hide behind their keyboard...

Cum4me:
tell your sister to run from this religion non hard working man. He will finish your sister if they married. Tell your sister to run as far as she can because she will regrets it

Thank you so much

lightwind:
Bro no gree ur sister marry that guy, he wan use am for your sister through church things and way..

Thank you so much my bro oo... Na the thing we all dey raise eye for our sister for...

SixSeven:
When you see red flags but still waiting for VAR....

Cloudy red flag

GENTLETEE:
The educational gap is too much and over Reliance by the mother will be a big issue! Your Sister should not settle for this. I believe she deserves better!

Thank you so much

Josywhyte:
Your sister should be the one to make decisions for herself as to whom to marry,not your mother.

Ok

12345baba:
Tell ur sister to enjoy her singlehood not all go marry. The red flag on the man too much, ur sister go end up becoming a punching bag.

Thank you for your input

IJAYA001:
Have you asked your sister reason of going into marriage with such a man .
If the reason is from their pastor .... NO
If the reason is from family pressure... NO
If the reason is not clearly stated, then know your sister has bought market.

Marriage is not do or die

Thank you so much

ravensckar:
Your sister is about to get PHISHED!

A 30+ man with limited education, ancient artisanship and pastorial "calling" is nothing but a domineering, lazy and entitled gold digger. She will learn the hard way!

If you love her deeply, you should do everything in your power to sabotage that union because you'll also bear the brunt of it.

I have no problem with a man not being rich at the moment, but one thing that drives a man is ambition & focus. Any man that lacks that is a living dead and will wreck his partner.

Ambition & focus are what drive men! And clearly, your sister's suitor lacks both. A word is enough....

#Picks_tooth

Thank you so much for this..

IdeasPro:
First, her Christian faith should be strong enough to break every yoke if she has good and likable character.

Second, she needs to go on her knees daily asking and praying for God's mercy. We can never tell where we missed it in life.

Third, she must not be desperate to marry. Hear from God speak through revelation about any relationship. If any pastor say and see a man for her, let her ask for personal confirmation from God.

Fourth, she must not adulterate herself with fornication at this dicey time. Destructive temptations exist and they stop destinies from manifesting.

Fifth, her social and faith-based networks and connections should be able to bring her to men of like minds if they observe she has unfeigned virtues that define a virtuous woman in Proverbs 31.

Above all, trust God for His signs and wonders. God will break every spiritual and human-induced delays in Jesus name.

Amen. Thank you so much for this powerful words..

shoodboi2:
It appears you sister is only interested in the marriage because she is older and now has lesser suitors.

The trajectory, dynamics, expectations, and ambitions of both sides is very much different and is going to have disastrous consequences in the future.

Couples should complement and not contradict themselves. Your sister and this man clearly contradict themselves.

Thank you so much..

meobizy:
All these fake stories again.

Not a fake story please.

tiswell:
At 31,she don dey tey for house o..

If the prospective husband is financially stable and mentally stable, what's the fuss?

Your sister should tone down the level of her ego and pride as it's with most ladies that age category.

He's not financially and mentally stable and his level of education was brought in as a clause.. we don't know his direction to life...

TheStoriesOfMan:
For the bolded, I used to think it is true until a classmate gave me a contract to deliver shirts for a birthday ceremony for the governor of a South Southern State.

Education does influence the definition of a man. It's not about learning knowledge. It is about networking, psychological and social relationships when dealing with humans.

Even the billionaires who made money and dumped education are now going back to school. Some even regretted not going to school in their youthful days.

All the same, a man armed with knowledge is a man ready for change, ready for civilization/relationships and ready for the future.

Apt.

brain54:
:::



At 31 your sister is old enough to know what she wants and make a decision.


The decision isn't up to you or your mom to make. She has made her choice!

But we will partake in the aftermath of her decision if things goes bad...

Konjiboii:
Omo I get sisters oh and if any one venture brings such a man home na koboko I go use chase am.

This crack me up... Na serious koboko oo

Robertgreene1:
Marry her yourself then. Case closed. Next!!!

Be civil please..

MrPresident1:
Can two work together unless they are in agreement? How can a bird marry a fish?

You sister is going to suffer

This is the fear of most of us..

michlins:
Your sister will make the biggest mistake of her life by giving into this desperation. The man is yet to detach from his mother yet he wants to add another woman

It's actually worse than getting a second wife when your first wife is highly interested in you

Thank you for your input

MrSly:
He is saying that if your sister was the stark illiterate with not job and the man the well learned one, you would not create a thread here lamenting. So why the double standard? That is his submission.

It isn't a double standard. In our African cultural context, a man can marry a woman with little or no formal education because he is traditionally expected to lead, provide, and shoulder the greater responsibility for the family. However, the dynamics are different for a woman. She is generally expected to submit to her husband's leadership, and that becomes much more challenging when there is a significant gap in education, exposure, ambition, or life experience.

My point isn't that an uneducated man is less valuable as a person. It's that compatibility, shared values, and the realities of the roles both partners are expected to play matter. That's why the two situations aren't directly comparable.

jogojogo:
It will be in your sister's interest to avoid this dude. Not because he is financially poor but because he is visionless and directionless

Thank you..

SoliBayNG:
So many children on nairaland these days. Back in the days, you will see mature and constructive inputs.

Brah, women are focused on achievements these days. Fulls making someone that's 31 seem like she's 60. Only boys talk like that. New studies even show that men should be as wary, as quality of sperm reduce as they get older.

Brah, the signs are there. In her circles, there are many guys that are more suitable. Just cos someone wants to get married doesn't mean they should settle for someone that lacks focus or doesnt wanna upgrade himself. As a man, I get irritated with directionless women, talkless of being a woman and carrying the weight of the home.

She should not start what she can finish. A man with vision and dreams that isnt well off isnt a problem. But how will a man leave what's giving him money to go run errands? He cant think? Cant tell his mom he will do it later?

What happens when they get married? He would still tell her she's trying to change him, and she saw him the way he was. Motivating him to greatness will be termed nagging.

If I was a woman, I rather get a sperm donor, focus on my career and be happy, than be married to many men these days, that aren't worthy of being called men.

Being a man isnt a title, it's about the ability to lead, command the respect of your wife, not by coercion, but by actions.
No one can follow who isn't more knowledge than them, or they struggle to respect.

This is Africa, men are still providers and supposed to lead. If he cant do that, he's still a boy.

Age is irrelevant. Better to be married to a 45 year old lady that suits your vision and gives you peace, than a 25 year old that still has her eyes outside and leaves you restless, all in the name of marrying young.

Guys on nairaland are super embarrassing. Lots of learning to do. 15 years or so ago, you wouldn't see these comments calling a 31 year old, old. Funny enough, many of these dudes at 35, haven't achieved what this lady has achieved when she was 27.

Girls, dont be afraid to have standards. Stick to it and focus on your personal growth.

There are still fantastic guys out there that age means nothing to.

Their rude comments a amaze me but most of them,, what they can do is to hide behind their keyboard. Thank you so much for this lovely submission..