₦airaland Forum

Are you a widow?
you ready to be insulted by a governor?
and paid 2million naira,
If yes then send "Oshiomhole" to 33345.

A group of men gathered at a church
conference on how to live in a loving
relationship with their wives. The men
were
asked, “How many of you love your
wife ?” All
the men raised their hands. Then they
were
asked, “When was the last time you told
your
wife you love her ?” Some men answered
today, some yesterday, majority didn’t
remember. The men were then told to
take
their cell phones and send the following
text
to their respective wives: I love you,
sweetheart…
Then the men were told to exchange their
phones so one can read the other wife’s
reply
to the love message.
Here are some of the replies:
1. Have you impregnated someone again
2. That was then, not now
3. You wan borrow money abi?
4. What did you do again? I won’t forgive
you
this time.
5. Meaning?
6. Is that a new song?
7. Am I dreaming?
8. If you don’t tell me who this message
is
actually for, you will die today!
9. U dis man!! I asked you to stop
drinking.
10. Abeg na who be this?

A man entered a mosque carrying a brand
new smooth machette and asked “Who is
a muslim here?”
The whole mosque went as silent as a
grave yard. The man asked again, “How
can a full mosque have no muslim?”. No
one replied.
The man then grabs the nearby young
man and goes out with him and tells him,
“son come help me slaughter my goat for
I don’t know how to do it”.
After the young man had slaughtered the
goat, he tells the man that he doesn’t
know how to skin it and that the man
would have to go back to the mosque and
get someone else to help him on
that.The man returns to the mosque with
a machete dripping with blood.
When the Imam saw this, he immediately
shouts “Praise the Looooooooord! The
whole mosque responds,”halleluyaaaah!!!”

From: The Boyfriends Association Of
Nigeria To Girlfriends
With regards to the meeting held today,
the Boyfriend Association of Nigeria
decided to go on a two months strike
starting from 1st December, 2013. This
strike is not to cause any riot or any form
of breakup with our beloved girlfriends.
We plan to use this strike period as a time
for appraisal and re-dedication in our
supposed relationship. During this period,
all forms of communication (formal or
otherwise) is allowed but all form of
FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE will be put to
rest. We assure our girlfriends that this
supposed strike period, our commitment
will be 100% and won’t be questioned,
also, this period will not, WE REPEAT, will
not pose a threat to the relationship.
Full boyfriend responsibility will resume
on the 1st of February, 2014 to enable
both parties plan for the upcoming
valentine(14th February, 2014).
We thank our girlfriends for their
anticipated
“Good Behavior” during this period.
Signed; Publicity secretary BAN
With regards to the meeting held today,
the Boyfriend Association of Nigeria
decided to go on a two months strike
starting from 1st December, 2013. This
strike is not to cause any riot or any form
of breakup with our beloved girlfriends.
We plan to use this strike period as a time
for appraisal and re-dedication in our
supposed relationship. During this period,
all forms of communication (formal or
otherwise) is allowed but all form of
FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE will be put to
rest. We assure our girlfriends that this
supposed strike period, our commitment
will be 100% and won’t be questioned,
also, this period will not, WE REPEAT, will
not pose a threat to the relationship.
Full boyfriend responsibility will resume
on the 1st of February, 2014 to enable
both parties plan for the upcoming
valentine(14th February, 2014).
We thank our girlfriends for their
anticipated
“Good Behavior” during this period.
Signed; Publicity secretary BAN

A Nigerian Soldier was re-deployed to
Borno from Warri. While the soldier was
in Borno, he received a letter from his
girlfriend, Rukewe. She explained that
while he was away, she had slept with 2
guys and she wanted to break up with
him and she wanted her pictures in his
possession back. So the soldier did what
any Waffi boy would do. He went around
and collected unwanted photos of women
he could find. He sent them through ABC
transport, about 25 pictures of women to
Rukewe with the following note: I no
remember which one you be, remove
your picture and send the rest back….

Boy: Uncle, I learnt its difficult to get
admission into University these days,
except you are well connected…
Uncle: Yes thats true.
…
Boy: Since you are connected, I
came to ask you to help me get
admission into university after
my jamb.
Uncle: Ya that’s true…am connected
and I will help you.
Boy: Thank you uncle.
Uncle: You are welcome, so how is your
result, is it Waec or Neco and how many
credits did you get?
Boy: Uncle, its waec, I had only 2 credits
in Agricultural science and Yoruba
language, but I failed the rest.
Uncle: Well, that’s not bad,you can still be
a doctor, not a medical doctor really, but
native doctor (babalawo)..you will use
your credit in Agric in collecting herbs
from forest, and Yoruba language for
incantations.

During a Biology exam, the first question
was:
“Draw the female reproductive organ.”
As the exam was progressing, Ehis saw
Obehi bending down to look between her
legs,
so Ehis raised his hands and shouted at
the top of his lungs, “Sir, Obehi is copying
from the original!”

CHEATING DURING BIOLOGY EXAM
admin on March 5th, 2012
During a Biology exam, the first question
was:
“Draw the female reproductive organ.”
As the exam was progressing, Ehis saw
Obehi bending down to look between her
legs,
so Ehis raised his hands and shouted at
the top of his lungs, “Sir, Obehi is copying
from the original!”

A BOY WANTS TO BE A MEDICAL
DOCTOR
admin on March 5th, 2012
Boy: Uncle, I learnt its difficult to get
admission into University these days,
except you are well connected…
Uncle: Yes thats true.
…
Boy: Since you are connected, I
came to ask you to help me get
admission into university after
my jamb.
Uncle: Ya that’s true…am connected
and I will help you.
Boy: Thank you uncle.
Uncle: You are welcome, so how is your
result, is it Waec or Neco and how many
credits did you get?
Boy: Uncle, its waec, I had only 2 credits
in Agricultural science and Yoruba
language, but I failed the rest.
Uncle: Well, that’s not bad,you can still be
a doctor, not a medical doctor really, but
native doctor (babalawo)..you will use
your credit in Agric in collecting herbs
from forest, and Yoruba language for
incantations.

WHO YOU BE?
admin on March 5th, 2012
A Nigerian Soldier was re-deployed to
Borno from Warri. While the soldier was
in Borno, he received a letter from his
girlfriend, Rukewe. She explained that
while he was away, she had slept with 2
guys and she wanted to break up with
him and she wanted her pictures in his
possession back. So the soldier did what
any Waffi boy would do. He went around
and collected unwanted photos of women
he could find. He sent them through ABC
transport, about 25 pictures of women to
Rukewe with the following note: I no
remember which one you be, remove
your picture and send the rest back….

A guy on a DATE in a brand new Range
Rover Sport car full option with a Warri
babe, the following ensued…
GUY: I have been hiding a secret from
you & I think you’ll break this relationship
if I tell you… the secret.
GIRL: What is that my love?
GUY: Am already married.
GIRL: (Hitting him on his lap and hissing)
you scared me. I thought you wanted to
say the Range Rover Sport is not yours….

Okoro the houseboy entered Madam’s
room without knocking.
MADAM: Okoro, this is wrong, what if I
was naked or dressing up?
OKORO: That can never happen Madam. I
always peep first and if you are naked, I
go just wait small, dey look until you
dress finish before I enter.
love&laff

A man looses everything because of his
drinking habit, one morning he sees
empty bottles on the bar table, he
smashes one bottle swearing “Because of
you my wife run leave me” smashes 2nd
bottle “Because of you I nor get pickin”
smashes the 3rd bottle “Because of you I
nor get work”, but the fourth bottle was
sealed and full of beer, so he said stand
aside, “You nor dey involved”!!!

love&laff

CHIEF LUCKY
admin on March 15th, 2012
Chief Lucky: Henno is that Nondon?
Phone Operator: Yes.
Chief Lucky: Can I speak to Selator
Nawrence Dafilole?
Phone Operator: Senator Lawrence
Dafinone is out.
Chief Lucky: Can I message you?
Phone Operator: Sure!
Chief Lucky: Tell him Chief Nucky from
Nagos called.
Phone Operator: Please spell your name!
Chief Lucky: Are you ready? Oya…
L for Elephant
U for Europe
C for Scissors
K for Chemist
Y for Wire………

An Hausa man goes into a library to ask
for a book on suicide, an Ibo man is the
Librarian…
Hausa man: Pls do you have a book on
suicide ??
Ibo man: Wetin u wan read that kind
book for ??
Hausa Man: I wan commit suicide!
The Ibo man stares at him and says, abeg
comot for here… Who go come return
the book?

OSOGONO DON DELETE?……
admin on March 15th, 2012
I called a shildhood friend who lives in
Warri to ask after a common friend of
ours, Osogono, and asked “if e full
ground?”
Shildhood Friend: Shuo! You no aware?
Me: Wetin? Wetin? Osogono don delete?
Shildhood Friend: Abeg clear! Na so
person dey quick die? Na fawol?
ME: Oya no vex. Detail me the gist?
Shildhood Friend: Not to hin. No be
Sogogbish dey do first-to-die with one
kpomushele for Bendel Estate…
ME: I dey hear.
Shildhood Friend: Not to small thing o. No
do no do, na so Sogogbish preg the babe.
ME: How that one come be new edition?
Shildhood Friend: I go quench the gist if u
shook mouth put again o!
ME: No provoke. Dey relate the gist.
Shildhood Friend: Last month na hin yawa
gas o! All this while wey Sogogbish dey
comb the babe, our guy no fit decode say
she… The babe… Na second verse for one
Rear Admiral anthem!
ME: YAWA!
Shildhood Friend: Na so I dey toilet dey
kaka for Sogogbish bink I just hear
Gboaaa!!! 5 naval guys just matching
matching the door. Before I say make I
clean kaka… Gbooaaah again!! Them don
enter Sogogbish room.
ME: Where Sogogbish come dey?
Shildhood Friend: Aiiiiiiii, if you see the
beat them beat me? Me wey I no see the
babe kpekus… If u see the kpokporing. I
for no kuku clean yansh na… I kaka for
body na!
ME: Wia Sogo..?
Shildhood Friend: Sogogbish dislink
through ceiling. And I warn am… I warn
am say this Admiral babe wey you dey
RETWEET anyhow…

After a french man finished having sex
with a prostitute,
He gave her some money..
So the prostitute escorted him to the
airport so that he takes his flight,
When the french man was about to take
his flight,
He gave the prostitute a naughty smile
and said
`LA MONEY LA FAKE'
The prostitute also gave him a naughty
smile and said
`LA ME LA AIDS'.
*The french man fainted*
www.facebook.com/loveandlaff

coolchimex thanks alot invite ur pals to my facebook page

CRACK YOUR RIBS WITH THIS AKPOS
FUNNY JOKES
AKPOS IS A VERY FUNNY GUY THAT
MOST OF THE WEBSITE USE HIS NAME
AS A KIND OF CREATING JOKES FOR
PEOPLE TO LAUGH. SO I PRESENT TO
YOU AKPOS THE COMEDIAN
CONVERSATION BETWEEN AKPOS AND
HIS GIRL FRIEND JOY
JOY: honey do you still love me like
before?
Akpos: Yes love! My love for you will
never change.
joy: thats my honey. I want
you to buy me somthing.
Akpos: Just name it
joy: It's just one BB porsche.
Akpos: No problem. Just find
out the price and let me know.
joy: It's N350,000.
Akpos: Is it manual or authomatic? Is it
still in a good shape, as in the engine.
Have you checked the fuel consumption
too?
joy: Honey, its not a car oh, It's a
phone.
Akpos: Phone?!!!!!!!!! !!!!! that means it
will have a fridge, generator set, plasma
and a wardrobe, shey?
joy: Are you buying it or not?
Akpos: Please i am not oh! I can't!
joy: Helloooooo!
Akpos: Hiiiiiiiii!
joy: Dont even bother again.
I'will call Alhaji to get it for me this
evening.
Akpos: Better still, call Atiku, hewill be
faster.
joysad, cry): 'am goin to
delete you.
Akpos: Is your fone hanging? because I
have deleted you since you mentioned
porsche

for those calling me about partime, please note that it has been scrapped here...

no date yet

happy new year to all my followers

aiite

I'm not Nigerian
A Nigerian man living in Sweden decided
to marry a Swedish lady in order to be
legally certified via resident status...
but the lady was not aware of this. She
felt he really loved her. Anyway, seeing
that Nigerian men had a bad rap in that
particular part of Sweden, our chap
decided to lie to the lady. He told her
he was from Uganda.
Upon marriage, the lady came home
one day and informed our man that she
had just met another Swedish lady who
had married a Ugandan and they must
all have dinner together.
The Naija man was somewhat
perplexed, although not perceptibly,
and wondered how he'd get out of this
spot. He postponed and postponed until
he could do so no more.
Finally, the day came when they were to
have dinner. The other Swede came in
with her Ugandan husband and they all
sat at the table. Our Naija chappie was
very quiet. "My own don spoil today"
was all he could think.
The two Swedish ladies, wanting their
husbands to mingle, being from the
same homeland, asked them to speak
to each other. "Hey! It's not every day
you meet people from home.!" they
admonished.
Our Naija man, being a man of great
savvy, decided that he would just speak
Yoruba, and the guy would probably
assume he was from some part of
Uganda where they spoke a different
language. So looking across the table he
said: "Egbon Eko ni mi se? Ni bo lo ti ja
wa?" In Yoruba, this loosely translates
to: "I'm a Lagos man. Where did you
come from?" Remember, Lagos is a
state in Nigeria, and it used to be the
capital.
The fellow looked up at our friend. His
eyes lit up as he said: "Ah, bobo gan!
Omo Eko ni mi se! Omo Eko gan gan!" In
Yoruba, this loosely translates to "Hey
buddy! I'm a Lagos child. A REAL Lagos
child!"

-join love&laff