₦airaland Forum

oh please!!;;

I still don't believe it's Invincible

Segadem:
are u not one of them?

don't quote me dwag

my faith in humanity is slipping away

if she don't have parent nkor

same thing happened to me.
the girl in question was smoking hot.. she would always call and text to tell me how much she loves me.. to cut the story short I didn't because I figured out that 'It can't be right if it's morally wrong'

I don't believe in all this B.S ... if a guy wants to marry you, he'll.... even if you have been living with him since the day u were born

money-chasing dogs

straff her brain out

YOU KNOW YOUR MUM IS A NIGERIAN
1. when she says "Get my kini" and believes with all confidence that she gave birth to a mind reader
2. when you say "mommy, I'm Sorry" and she replies "Sorry for yourself"
3. when you ask her where you should drop something and she says : “drop it on my head now."
4. when she brings food wrapped in a nylon bag from a party.
5. When you say: “mummy, I have malaria” and she replied: “why wont you have malaria when you have been pressing phone since morning”
6. When you say: “I came 2nd in my class” and she replies: “soo the person that came first has two heads, abi?”
7. When she takes the dstv remote to work, just to punish you.
8. when you’re watching tv with her and then she sleeps off and still doesn’t want you to change the channel
9. if when you tell her you are going to friends place and she be like: when last did they come here to play with you?
10. when your mum asks you if the food is enough and you reply no and she says go and drink water
11. when she tells you if I hear Peem, you will hear ween.
12. when she touches hot pot comfortably without a napkin
13. when with one look she tells you, you will get the beating of your life when you get home
14. when you say: my wedding will be baaaaaaaaaaad and she replies: God forbid. Your wedding will not be bad in Jesus name
15. When she tells you: 'I didnt kill my mother, so you cannot kill me'
16. When she calls you from your room upstairs and then sends you back upstairs to bring her purse...
17. When you ask her to help you with your home work and she advised: go and meet your brother. You then say, so you don’t even know it and she replies: Awon ebi baba e ni olodo. (it is your father’s family members that are dullards)
18. When you ask her to refund the money you lend her and she tells you "all the food you've been eating at home nko?"
19. if she is more accurate with her slippers than Robin Hood is, with arrows. Celebrete Nigerian mums!

bunch of sick deranged animals

mystage:
Ohh my nicky. NICKY MINAJ all the way wit a CAPITAL LETTER(though i do also hv another sha, she is a celebrity on nairaland romance section. bt am nt gona mention her moniker so dat she doesnt bath me wit acid which happens to b d reigning thing). i wudnt mind in d nearest future to waste 10million dollars nt only in digging nicky pussy bt also her life. and when dat comes to reality, am gonna mk sure i so dig her pussy til my dick comes out frm her mouth.

oboi.... u dey scary die

no try am o

wetin dey do this igbo boy

when your girlfriend is angry but still want a cuddle. so funny.

.

The American police style: Allow the thief catch you, then you catch the thief The China police style: chase the thief till he gets tired, then you catch him The Arab police style: kidnap the thief’s wife,and threaten the thief to surrender The Indian police style: Allow a pretty damsel sing for him 2 lure him closer, then you catch him The Naija police style: Catch any person on the street, beat him until he agrees he is a Thief! True Or False

This Lagos sef don tire me. Jeje I was sitting in my car on a very long fuel queue from the Mobil in Maryland. This queue was almost getting to Anthony bus stop. It was one of those days when there was no fuel at all. Suddenly na him I see one guy run past my car with jerry can in one hand shouting “won ti bere oooooo”I quickly jumped out of my car opened my booth, got my jerry can and ran after him. He kept on running towards Maryland. When he got to the filling station he shouted again “won ti bere oooo” this in yoruba actually means ‘they have started oooooo’. He ran past the filling station and headed towards Sheraton hotel. Those that know this area will understand the distance. I tried to run faster to catch up and ask Kini won bere? Meaning “what have they started?” But this boy ran faster. I looked back and I saw like 6 people had joined us everybody with jerry can in one hand. We continued past Sheraton and headed towards Ikeja bus stop. When we got to Ikeja bus stop he shouted again “won ti bere oooooo”…and continued running we all continued asking each other ‘wetin happen’ but nobody seemed to know as we chased after him. Finally we got to oshodi isale and he shouted again by this time we were like 40 people running after him all of us with jerry can in one hand. He shouted again ‘won ti bere oooooo!!!!!!’ He continued running towards iyana Isolo and finally after getting to iyana Isolo he stopped and we were all gasping for breath both men and women, some with pot bellies, I moved close to him and asked “Kini won bere?” He answered Chelsea ati Arsenal ni, won ti bere match!! I fainted.

This Lagos sef don tire me. Jeje I was sitting in my car on a very long fuel queue from the Mobil in Maryland. This queue was almost getting to Anthony bus stop. It was one of those days when there was no fuel at all. Suddenly na him I see one guy run past my car with jerry can in one hand shouting “won ti bere oooooo”I quickly jumped out of my car opened my booth, got my jerry can and ran after him. He kept on running towards Maryland. When he got to the filling station he shouted again “won ti bere oooo” this in yoruba actually means ‘they have started oooooo’. He ran past the filling station and headed towards Sheraton hotel. Those that know this area will understand the distance. I tried to run faster to catch up and ask Kini won bere? Meaning “what have they started?” But this boy ran faster. I looked back and I saw like 6 people had joined us everybody with jerry can in one hand. We continued past Sheraton and headed towards Ikeja bus stop. When we got to Ikeja bus stop he shouted again “won ti bere oooooo”…and continued running we all continued asking each other ‘wetin happen’ but nobody seemed to know as we chased after him. Finally we got to oshodi isale and he shouted again by this time we were like 40 people running after him all of us with jerry can in one hand. He shouted again ‘won ti bere oooooo!!!!!!’ He continued running towards iyana Isolo and finally after getting to iyana Isolo he stopped and we were all gasping for breath both men and women, some with pot bellies, I moved close to him and asked “Kini won bere?” He answered Chelsea ati Arsenal ni, won ti bere match!! I fainted.

So there's a fish swimming in a creek, and he sees a fly
hovering a foot above the water.
He figures, when that fly drops six inches, i'm gonna
jump up and get the fly
Well there's a bear sitting on the bank, and he thinks,
when that fish jumps out, I'm gonna swat and catch
that fish
Well there's a hunter behind the bear, and he sees that
when that bear swats to catch that fish, he'll move out
of cover, and he'll shoot the bear.
Well there's a mouse behind the hunter, and he figures
when that hunter shoots the bear, he'll drop his
sandwich, and I'll grab the sandwich.
Well there's a cat behind the mouse. And he sees when
the mouse goes for the sandwich, he will jump and grab
the mouse
Well, sure as shit, fly drops six inches,
fish jumps to get the fly
bear swipes for the fish
hunter shoots the bear, drops his sandwich
mouse goes for the sandwich
cat jumps for the mouse, misses and falls into the creek
.
Whats the moral of the story?
.
When the fly drops six inches, pussssy gets wet.


like if you understand

I can't shout o

who wan get nightmare

obo

which kind mumu party be this toriolurun

.

11 STUPID QUESTION PEOPLE ASK# 1. You see identical twins, you still dey ask 'na twins be dis'? No bros, na picmix...lol 2. Nepa brings light and everyone in the neighborhood shouts'up Nepaaa'! My guy ask me, O boy na light be that? No oh, Na Holy Ghost fire! Lol! 3. You see person dey vomit, you still dey ask a 'you no well'? Em well, e juz dey practice how to vomit... 4.You just wake up from sleep person come ask you "you don wake?" No oh, I come buy bread wey I chop for dream.. 5. You see woman wey born new pikin u ask her "madam u don born? " No ohhhh, she buy am for Olx... 6.You greet person "good morning ma" ! She ask, my pickin you don wake? no ohhhh, I dey sleep walk... 7.My guy ask me "O boy where u dey?" I tell am say i dey bank, nd him ask me "Wat is happening there?" I go uproot cassava... *Lmfao* 8.My neighbour sees me opening the gates to drive out and asks me, U dey comot? Not at all... I be the new gateman... 9. I dey watch film… my guy enta come ask me "Guy na film u dey watch? No naa... I dey discuss with Osuofia... 10.U see me dey chop indomie come dey ask me, 11. add yours O boy, na indomie u dey chop so? No ohhhh... Na fried rubber band mixed with thread.. As it stands now, abeg i need to ask u one question ... abeg shey na nairaland be this?
CC. lalasticala, stadd, ishilove, seun

Big Bang Theory - The Premise The Big Bang theory is an effort to explain what happened at the very beginning of our universe. Discoveries in astronomy and physics have shown beyond a reasonable doubt that our universe did in fact have a beginning. Prior to that moment there was nothing; during and after that moment there was something: our universe. The big bang theory is an effort to explain what happened during and after that moment. According to the standard theory, our universe sprang into existence as "singularity" around 13.7 billion years ago. What is a "singularity" and where does it come from? Well, to be honest, we don't know for sure. Singularities are zones which defy our current understanding of physics. They are thought to exist at the core of "black holes." Black holes are areas of intense gravitational pressure. The pressure is thought to be so intense that finite matter is actually squished into infinite density (a mathematical concept which truly boggles the mind). These zones of infinite density are called "singularities." Our universe is thought to have begun as an infinitesimally small, infinitely hot, infinitely dense, something - a singularity. Where did it come from? We don't know. Why did it appear? We don't know. After its initial appearance, it apparently inflated (the "Big Bang", expanded and cooled, going from very, very small and very, very hot, to the size and temperature of our current universe. It continues to expand and cool to this day and we are inside of it: incredible creatures living on a unique planet, circling a beautiful star clustered together with several hundred billion other stars in a galaxy soaring through the cosmos, all of which is inside of an expanding universe that began as an infinitesimal singularity which appeared out of nowhere for reasons unknown. This is the Big Bang theory. Big Bang Theory - Common Misconceptions There are many misconceptions surrounding the Big Bang theory. For example, we tend to imagine a giant explosion. Experts however say that there was no explosion; there was (and continues to be) an expansion. Rather than imagining a balloon popping and releasing its contents, imagine a balloon expanding: an infinitesimally small balloon expanding to the size of our current universe. Another misconception is that we tend to image the singularity as a little fireball appearing somewhere in space. According to the many experts however, space didn't exist prior to the Big Bang. Back in the late '60s and early '70s, when men first walked upon the moon, "three British astrophysicists, Steven Hawking, George Ellis, and Roger Penrose turned their attention to the Theory of Relativity and its implications regarding our notions of time. In 1968 and 1970, they published papers in which they extended Einstein's Theory of General Relativity to include measurements of time and space. 1, 2 According to their calculations, time and space had a finite beginning that corresponded to the origin of matter and energy." 3 The singularity didn't appear in space; rather, space began inside of the singularity. Prior to the singularity, nothing existed, not space, time, matter, or energy - nothing. So where and in what did the singularity appear if not in space? We don't know. We don't know where it came from, why it's here, or even where it is. All we really know is that we are inside of it and at one time it didn't exist and neither did we.



Big Bang Theory - What About God? Any discussion of the Big Bang theory would be incomplete without asking the question, what about God? This is because cosmogony (the study of the origin of the universe) is an area where science and theology meet. Creation was a supernatural event. That is, it took place outside of the natural realm. This fact begs the question: is there anything else which exists outside of the natural realm? Specifically, is there a master Architect out there? We know that this universe had a beginning. Was God the "First Cause"? We won't attempt to answer that question in this short article. We just ask the question:

make sure I give my life to Christ