I have story by Robert Mckee....somebody actually sent it to me some weeks back...I haven't started reading it tho..

Honestly,this has been kind of a wake up call for me cos everything you wrote,I ALREADY KNOW....I guess somewhere along the line I got too concerntrated on d little things (like great dialogue which is also good by the way) and lost sight of the big picture......

For this particular screenplay, I got too attached with it (I do dat with all my work)...and dig dis,do you know I didn't even ON THE PAGINATION function on my Celtx app when I was writing it....that's why I was shocked wen u told me it was 177pages....I just kept on writing n writing and well I think it is a delight to read in terms of dialogue but to watch,not so much.....You know I've bn doing dis for almost two years now and at dis point I thought I had it all figured out,I WAS SO WRONG...

After reading through your comments these last two days,I have downloaded over a dozen screenplays/ebooks in PDF formats into my computer...simply put,I'm going back to basics,its 2010 for me again...

Villageboi..I can't thank you enough for waking me up,for reminding me dat I'm still a rookie..Thank you,Thank you,Thank you...

Hopefully before the end of the month I will make another post,I'm thinking a short screenplay (as in short film script)...I will try and incorporate all I ll be learning dis week into it and you will tell me what you think okay...Peace.

....

Briareos: This thread is getting hot!

Yeah but make e nor too hot sha.....I don't want it to make front page pls...

okpara ugo: I will soon release my own song. Am looking for a good producer.

First to comment.

Oh I'm so happy for you...u should be so proud of yourself.I know your mother will be too....First to comment,mehn dats something.....I'm impressed,I really am..





Mumu people dat just can't help demselves....I tot dis trend died sometime ago,I c u people want to bring it back again.....Oya go n cash d money wey dey put for your account because u b d first to comment...Mshewww

Pain: Tonto's Terrible Tremolo by Charles Novia.

I have restrained myself for a couple of years from commenting on Tonto Dike's career after my last comments about her role in the soft porn movie she acted in two years back, were badly taken by her and she went on twitter to hurl infantile insults on my person with expletives and uncomplimentary remarks. My reaction to such then was just a dignified silence. After all, I had already spoken on her stunted talent as an up and coming actress and further comments on her incensed tweets were unnecessary.

All through the past few hours, the social media networks have been abuzz with the new singles of actress, Tonto Dike. She seems to have joined the actors of her ilk who have the moonlighting itch to delve into singing. While no one can stop such an ambition by those artistes, I do think those who surround such artistes are their worst enemies if they can't tell them the truth about leaving their sometimes doubtful day job. Well, I will! I listened to Miss Dike's two singles a few minutes ago and my initial speechlessness morphed to a nagging laughter and then subsided into a befuddled anguish.

I'm a music label owner (November Records) and have produced and Executive Produced acts like Majek Fashek, Terry tha Rapman, Zubby Enebeli etc. I know much about music and the slant of commercial music. But after listening to Miss Dike's songs, I'm inclined to align with the majorly negative comments about them on cyberspace. Ah-ah! Whoever produced her knew she has a bad voice for singing and masked our listening torture with the Autotune effect. But even the Autotune rejected any attempt to make a bad voice worse and Miss Dike came out sounding like she was in mid-stream orgasm instead of singing! Her anguished tremolos would have been better reserved for a horror movie sound effect than an attempt at joining the revered profession of music.

If Omotola got away with her last two terrible attempts at singing, it was because Omotola is a fantastic actress and her fans could forgive her musical failings after backtracking her body of work in Nollywood. With Tonto, I can't say much either for her acting depth. She's a one-dimensional actress in my opinion, who mistakes notoriety for fame. She needs more training in acting and this I say with all sense of professionalism as a movie Director. She might achieve greater heights in acting if she trains more. But she has no heights to achieve in singing. Only a downward plunge, the stuff bad endings in movies are made of.

http://lindaikeji..dk/2012/10/charles-novias-critique-of-tonto-dikes.html#more

Simply put Charles,Its pay back time biatchh....lmao.

But serzly tho..dis guy has bn talking too much lately....
It just isn't rite to publicly diss ur collegues or whatever they call demselves...it's kinda immature.
Everybody knows d song was poo,u re not exactly saying anytin new sir.

La Parisienne: Michelle is a very very smart woman. But I don't find her attractive

U shouldn't...cos dat would have been weird...unless of course u play for d oda team...do u?

VillageBoi: Oh I'm sorry... IT'S SO FREAKING AMAZING!!!!

No be you be the same persin wey dey fire this script for every thread and people are even asking you if na cheap advert you dey find? No wonder you know about talking anuses.
You even opened up a different thread with the 'scene' of page 117 and within an hour you begin cry for the same thread "Ah people una no wan comment"... Na by force people must comment? Do they owe you? (Where is that thread sef? Na different username you use there abi?)

Please go back to the drawing board and don't be writing that page 2 & 3 nonsense that has the most ridiculous set of 'coincidences' on the planet and making stupid excuses about it... because na the dumbest bush village people you dey write for as your audience. And you no get shame to say "But I've seen worse from Nollywood"... So your best effort you need to compare with the worst Nollywood has to offer?

Oh I need to know your background? FOR WHAT EXACTLY? Go and be a flipping accountant then! Afterall there are some guys here on NL that write pretty good stuff... they didn't go to school for it but read everything they could find about scripts on the Internet and books they could find.

I don vex finish!

Now for the start of my constructive yabbing - PT1

You really don't need to post more than 5-10 pages for people to give feedback on your writing style, dialogue and so on.
When you post you don't need to threaten people with "If you wan steal my script you are a time-wasting idiot because you're too dumb to write an ending yourself." - If you want feedback, don't be giving people "I am too smart for you" comments - as you have found out, they will completely and rightfully ignore you.
I think you should get rid of the attachment and then add only the first 10 pages (that really is the most important part of your script and easier for people to read or skim through). Then nicely ask people to please read it and give feedback. You'll probably get a lot more responses that way (remember you're the one asking for a favour).

Don't you worry about my bad mouth, people know say na from gutter my mouth come. When I get back tonight I will read the first 10 pages and then write back to you without a single word of yabbing.
You say you have a real passion for doing this? Well that's the most important thing. Writing 117 + pages is no easy task so I'll give credit where credit is due. Talk to you here later tonight with - PT2

PS - Trust me, I know how difficult it is to share work with strangers. No be today I start collect yabbings from people; the good thing about it is you strive to make the next thing you do even far better.

Even though dis got beta at the constructive yabbings part,I still felt a very strong desire to go HAM on you,I wanted to tell you how you are not one to talk since dat SWEET SIXTEEN short u did is d sillest thing I've seen in a while,I wanted to even go personal n start insulting ur looks n everything but I won't...I won't because I have a feeling dat you've bn here before (at d receiving end of d yabbing)....I won't because I know even d best brains in d game (filmmaking) have received bashing from critics at some point in their career,so I guess instead of trying to justify wot I've written,I should just get used to it now dat its still early in my career...But I will however address some of the things you wrote one after the other.

First of all,I never said I was beta than anybody,if I was,I won't be putting out my work for you people to critic now would I?
And we both know how those nollywood people steal oda people's work without giving d owners proper credit so I have no apologises for that.

I told u about my background only so you will see that I learnt this shit on my own,I'm no professional and I don't claim to be.

Adam n Eve is nowhere near my best work,dis is actually the second script I wrote n to be honest,I knew d it was flawed from the start,d dialogues were abnornally long n d scenes just dragged on forever but in my defence,I literally had to build d story from stratch,I didn't have much to work with but I just knew its something I had to write and it really is a good story,a simple one but good nonetheless.....bottomline is,dis is nowhere close to my best work,if it was,I wouldn't post it on d most popular forum in d country for everybody to read....

I don't think its proper to call just 3 links an ADVERT...I didn't even leave d Entertainment section.... I admit I did it out of desperation,I tot nobody was reading afterall d main reason for putting it up n in d first place was to get feed back but apparently I was wrong,YOU WERE READING....u read d part were I wrote dat dis was actually my first time posting/commenting on nairaland ryt? I'm not fully abreat with the way things work around here but lesson learnt.

You really think I would go as far as to change my Name so I could do.....whatever u wrote there.....I simply MODIFIED the topic n changed d file from just one scene to what's there ryt now...dats all.

Dude..I've got no problem with you,maybe yabbing someone is your own way of encouragement..Its cool but in d future,just tone it down alil bit.... I really do appreciate your comments..I do...if anytin,you've made me wanna be an even better writer so thank you..

I await d oda part of ur constructive yabbings.......Or better still just chill till afta u read d whole tin (I know you will) I will be posting it on sunday..

VillageBoi: Just like little 15yr old George tells the woman on page 7 "Seriously??" Me sef go ask you - SERIOUSLY??

So a woman on her own leaves her town/city/village or whatever, goes to Benin City to find a guy she has not seen or been in contact with for 13 yrs and as soons as she gets out of the cab the first person she meets and asks says "Yes, yes, yes I know the man you came to search for on a leap of faith. Na my big brother's friend" WTF... SERIOUSLY??
I thought it was going to be a 10-page sample tops!! But you threw in 117 pages of that junk? I got to pg 7 of talking heads, talking heads, talking heads and then looked at pg 117, the last page.... which is probably just the middle of the story and it went straight in the 'trash can' where it belongs. And please don't quip back with the 'It gets much better" line.

smh!!

Thanks for reading the 7 pages villageboi n thnx for d criticism....U too much..

I know George bn d very first guy she meets seems alil plausible but its a small neighbourhood and everybody knows everybody plus.....u know what,there's no but..u re absolutely right n I ll definitely look into it (even thou it is a work of fiction n I have actually seen worse in nollywood)

As for d “talking heads” part,sori but what exactly were u expecting to see? Talking Anuses? Did I state at any point it was an action film? D whole story is driven by d dialogue...

117 pages?? Really....I honestly didn't know it was dat much..and Yes,dis is no where near d middle of d story..

Villageboi..I think its only fair u know alil about my background...I'm a student studying Accountancy...I have absolutely no training whatsoever in film/scriptwriting....I'm just a guy who's in love with film making (scriptwriting in particular)..Its d passion dats has been my driving force n nothing more (did u c d price tag on dat thing)...Now maybe at d end I will do dis professionally,maybe I won't either ways..I'M GONNA KEEP ON WRITING.....

I've bn on nairaland a long time and this is d first time I'm actually posting something...believe me,dis wasn't an easy decision to make because I know how d people on dis site are but still I went through with it and I've got no regrets..none at all.
There's a huge difference between constructive criticism and insult my friend..

P.S..The story really does get better....AND I've seen some of ur work,no offence but you re not exactly d sharpest nail in the box if u know what I mean...

Thanks again...

Mad Cow: MY GAWD.....

I will be needing therapy for this... Even AUTOTUNE couldnt save this track.. DARN!!!


I cant wait to see this thread on the frontpage...

<sub>WARNING: The song you are about to download may cause depression, drowsiness, dellusion and can also make you commit suicide. Please do not play this music if you are driving, operating heavy or potentially dangerous machinery, a nursing mother, have suffered from acute depression lately, have a hearing problem, prone to epilleptic attacks, have a history of high blood pressure or are still alive..

TONTO DIKE can not be held liable for any injuries or death that occurs as a result of listening to this song.. Listeners discretion is strongly advised..

People living in areas affected by flooding are especially advised to stay away from this song as it may lead you to commit suicide by drowning..


THE FEDERAL MINISTRY OF HEALTH, NATURAL DISASTER and COMMUNICATIONS strongly discourages everyone from listening to this song.. LISTENERS ARE LIABLE TO DIE YOUNG!!</sub>

Lmao......

It's a Text document so it might not open if you are using a mobile device unless you save it first...

Hh