₦airaland Forum

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Me sef dey wait 4 dt day o

icekream:
https://www.nairaland.com/2546364/wwe-summer-slam-2015
If nairabet dey do wrestling bet ni, I go don rich like mad

* To say hello
* To call passengers
* To make traffic lights change from red to green
* To make cars move faster in traffic
* To request thunder from the gods to fire someone
* To remind people of common sense
* To tell someone bye bye
* To tell aboki to open the gate
* To call ashewo


Lols Abeg if e never complete add yours

With the rate of disappearnce this days I think one would have to invest hugely in transponders, in form of tracker buried under d skin, @this rate its epidemic to say the least. May God help us recover this child.

Revealed from a reliable source, and sources close to the former president, preparations are in top gear for the former president to take over the sadle of the financial crimes institution, details later as it unfolds.

I have not experienced this before but it sure looks like what women would do. I can’t wait to experience this and have a real laugh myself. LMAO!

A notice goes in front of a new generation Bank in Nigeria “Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.”

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.’

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth.!!!!

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set hand brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN..

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of chequebook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release hand brake

ROTFL…

But the man don die now, abi na belated somtin b ds?

No, not yet

Tallesty1:
Because no be me and her get room.




Women don ever steal from you?

Bt she is supose to be ur babe. Now

Tallesty1:
Because no be me and her get room.




Women don ever steal from you?

Why not?

Tallesty1:
NO

Good Morning my people, Hope y'all slept well? Wishing y'all a jolly good day ahead.

This morning we gonna discuss a very serious topic bordering on r/ships:

Ladies! If u live by yourself in ur own apartment, would you give ur BF spare keys to ur apartment ?

Guys !Wd u give ur GF the spare key to ur apartement? Why or why not? Let's discuss ?


【Please click LIKE button 】

Ha! Ogbeni jeki ori e pe o, have you been to ondo state general hospital before? Ondostate general hospitals can compete favourably with any 3 star hospitals anywher within Nigeria, pls I will advice you to stop making such derogatory comparism.

TOKUGAWA:
I was opportuned to visit the Olabisi Onabanjo University Teaching hospital shagamu Ogun state,o check on my mum who was about to have a Mastectomy surgery.What I saw was beyond pathetic.

I must say OOUTH is an eyesore. I would never pray my enemy visits that place. If not for the fact that the procedure can't be performed in my mum's hospital (NNPC Medical centre Mosimi shagamu). I wouldn't allow her stay a single night there. Stinking and extremely dirty.

The Nurses are very mean and unfriendly,u get to pay for everything from using of toilet and bathing. Power is never available, to use the generator the patients have to contribute money for fueling. You can queue upto 6 hours just to see a doctor.

Mosquito nets are either torn or non-existent. Over grown weeds have taken over the hospital, each block is run by a Petrol generator. Patients on admission have to beg the nurses before they can attend to them. The roofs are falling, the risks of infection is very high here.

The commissioner for health in Ogun state is the son of Wole Soyinka, I'm wondering what the governor does with the state's funds. Despite boasting of record revenue in the history of the state.

Can't imagine a whole Teaching Hospital can be this pathetic, infact I'm so embarrassed to be from Ogun state. Something has to be done, at night its flash lights galore, all the workers at the hospital owns a flash light because never expect power at night.

OOUTH is a glorified General Hospital, infact some general hospitals in Osun and Ondo state are far far better than OOUTH.

What happened to his life?

Omero:
See ur life!

U showed that u are married, but u stil got a lot of guys following u, I don't seem to get d rationale? Abi were u once into it?

berem:
Anna Banner confirms relationship with Flavour.

Waiting for Flavour to confirm too.

So now who finances the NFF?

Yet abi?

jieta: thank GOD is not nigeria

Hundreds of Ghanaians who entered Brazil as tourists to watch the World Cup games have asked for asylum, police in southern Brazil said on Thursday.
Noerci da Silva Melo, who heads the Federal Police office in the city of Caxias do Sul, said that over the past week, 200 Ghanaians asked for asylum.
The Justice Ministry will decide whether to grant their requests and in the meantime, they are allowed to work and circulate in Brazil.
The Justice Ministry did not immediately comment.
Melo said close to 150 of the Ghanaians have left Caxias do Sul for the states of Sao Paulo and Santa Catarina, where they have a better chance of finding employment.
Melo said the Ghanaians told the police they were Muslims who were “fleeing the violent conflicts between different Muslim groups”.
He said they all entered Brazil legally to watch their country’s team play in Natal, Fortaleza and Brasilia.
Ghana finished last in its group, losing to the United States and Portugal and reaching a draw with Germany.
Vanessa Perini Moojen of the Roman Catholic Church’s Migrant Support Centre said the asylum-seekers “faced life-threatening situations back home.”
Moojen would not elaborate.
“They feel they can find work and better living conditions in Brazil,” she added.
The centre provided temporary shelter for the Ghanaians at the city’s seminary and helped them prepare their asylum requests.lum

[/size][size=8pt][size=8pt][/size]Match fixing people

Titiluvly: 6 actually

Match Fixing, broda open ya eyes.

vislabraye: This is no longer football. It is draft.

A young Jamaican father-to-be awakened the village Doctor in the middle of the night saying "Doctor! Doctor! Come fast now! Is ma wife man! Her water is broken man! She is about born a child man!"

The Doctor came over and told the father "Hold the lamp higher! Hold the lamp higher now!"

The father-to-be, obliged, and behold, a baby's cry was soon heard.

The father cried out: "Praise the Lord! A boy! I is the proud father of A baby boy man!"

The Doctor again told the father, "Hold the lamp higher! Hold the lamp higher now man!"

The father again complied, and to be sure, another cry was heard. The father excitedly proclaimed: "Is twins!! I got twins! I is doubly blessed! Glory be to God!"

The Doctor instructed, "Hold the lamp higher! Hold the lamp higher now!" Sure enough, a third cry was heard!

The father, somewhat subdued, in a nervous tone, muttered, "Oh. Thank Ja Jesus."

The Doctor repeated, "Hold the lamp higher!. Hold the lamp higher now man!", in a short while yet a 4th cry was heard.

The father said nothing, being lost in deep thought.

The Doctor for the fifth time commanded "Hold the lamp higher man! Hold the lamp higher now!"

The father then asked "Doctor, me think we off the light now man. You think maybe its the light is that attracting them."

Ghana hás beaten Portugal n usa twice in 2006 n 2010 and germany only won ghana in 20w0 by a lonê goal, for your information!

Ghana hás beaten Portugal n usa twice in 2006 n 2010 and germany only won ghana in 20w0 by a lonê goal, for your information!

adaobi123: I fear for Ghana !!

Book your space now!!! Limited FTC and FP available.

This thread is created for The purpose of sharing and getting blessed, for those who attended and for those who could not attend, let's share testimonies, your experience within The auditorium and outside the auditorium, the traffic situation, whether the projector was working where you were, what the condition of the speakers were. Let's also share the sermon of each day and miracles as they unfold. May we experience The overflow of abundant miracles, in Jesus' name.

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Happy Nu mnth n merry christmas in advance to all my fellow nairálanders, Cheers!

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The Academic Staff Union of Universities has said it will  not  suspend its ongoing strike  until the four months salaries owed its members are paid.

The union also wants the immediate implementation of the N1.2tn offer by the Federal Government to public universities, starting with the release of N100bn this year. The balance of N1.1tn is to be spread over five years from 2014.

These were some of the resolutions reached by members of the National Executive Council of the union who converged on Kano on Friday to deliberate on whether to call off the over four- month-old industrial action or not.

A source, who was privy to the resolutions  reached during the President Goodluck Jonathan – ASUU leadership meeting three weeks ago, told The PUNCH on Sunday,  that  the fresh demands were some of the issues to be tabled before Jonathan by  the leadership  during their next meeting. A date for the meeting is yet to be fixed.

 According to the source, a strong commitment to  two demands, among other pending issues, must be obtained from the President before the  industrial action will be called off by the union.

He said, “The issue now is  on trust and we do not want a situation where promises will not be kept. The authorities have failed us in the past and we do not want a repeat of that.

”That was why we decided at the NEC meeting that the government should pay us the arrears of salaries being owed us since we started the strike on July1 before the strike can be called off. The salaries should not be paid piecemeal.

“We also insist that the Federal Government should start the implementation of the offer made to us when we met the President some weeks ago.

“For instance, the N100bn he (Jonathan) agreed to inject into the university system in 2013 should be released to the universities immediately. So, we decided          that before the strike could be called off, these two conditions and others must be met not by promises but by real action.”

The NEC members, who  met behind closed doors  at the Bayero University, Kano, were said to have reviewed the reports of the various university congresses on the strike.

Our  source, who did not want his name in print,  added that the death of a former National President of ASUU, Prof. Festus Iyayi, was discussed at the NEC meeting.

Iyayi, a University of Benin lecturer, died in an auto accident involving the convoy of the Kogi State Governor, Idris Wada and an ASUU vehicle, on his way to Kano  for  the  meeting.The  union’s National Welfare Officer, Dr. Ngozi Ilo, was injured.

Our source said the  accident “almost led  to the discontinuation of the ongoing negotiation with the Federal Government.

He added, “Some members expressed the belief that he (Iyayi) was killed by the government and therefore argued that the ongoing negotiation should be called off. Tempers rose but some members argued that the President should be respected because he had created the record of being the first Nigerian leader  to  meet with  the leadership of ASUU on the issue of making the nation’s university system better. They also argued that  students and parents should be considered.”

It was also learnt that after arguments for and against, about 60 per cent of the members of the NEC voted in favour of  the discontinuation of the strike  while the  remaining 40 per cent voted no.

But it was gathered that the  NEC members  unanimously agreed that before the strike could be called off, the leadership should ask  the government to pay  the four-month salary arrears being owed university teachers while the offer made by the government should be implemented immediately.

A key component of the agreement reached by both ASUU and the Federal Government when the President led the government team was that government would inject N1.2tn into public universities.

The government also agreed  that the N1.2tn would be domiciled at the Central Bank of Nigeria to show its commitment to the agreement.

The money is expected to be released on quarterly basis to the universities so that there won’t be any problem about implementing the deal.

The National Universities Commission and the Trade Union Congress will be the joint guarantors of the agreement while the Minister of Education will be the implementing officer. The government also agreed to revamp public universities by ensuring that all the issues that always lead to strike were  dealt with once and for all.

A majority of the chapters of the union had agreed  to  the suspension of the strike following the fresh commitment the leadership of ASUU obtained from the government.

 ASUU National President, Dr. Nassir Fagge, did not pick the several calls made to his telephone line by one of  our correspondents on Sunday to confirm the fresh demands.

 The  University of Lagos chapter ASUU Chairman, Dr. Karo Ogbinaka, and his counterpart in  the Lagos State University, Dr. Adekunle Idris, also  refused to divulge information on the outcome of the NEC meeting.

ASUU had embarked on the strike  to protest against the failure of the government  to implement the agreement they signed   in 2009.

The pact largely centered on better  funding of the universities, a declaration of a state of emergency in tertiary education, better wages  and  payment of earned allowances to lecturers.

 It  had suspended the NEC  meeting penultimate week following Iyayi’s death.

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Pls rejoice o, The street wher my uncle stays they have not seen light for three years.

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