₦airaland Forum

CAMEROONPRIDE: @ jalo we need u in what white women really think about black men

No, you do NOT need me there. Lol.
I am not going to jump into an on-going fight

pleep: Of course. Some dudes marry thick white women... some don't.

I actually laughed at this one, even though you may have been trying to insult me, honey

mike.okiro:
you cant say whether he reads it or not, but i am very sure he would be going through them without ur knowledge but could be silent since their was nothing there to worry about

Perhaps, but then again, I don`t have a problem with it. If my closest friends tells me something NO-ONE can know about, I would delete the conversation after, or tell them it would be better to do it face to face.

My husband does the same with me. He asks me to check his facebook for him (...he is in there maybe 1time every month, I am there on a daily basis ), and tells me to see who wrote him, and what they are saying, if he get a text and is not right next to the phone.
For us, that works good.

Ivynwa: He can take his amorous conversations elsewhere while leaving his facebook for you to be rummaging on as you like. I am surprised that you will want to demand for password from your man, guess we defer on that. I still believe that that is not appropriate. Have a nice day Jallow.

We can`t agree on eveything And yes, he can. But at the same time, it would be a feeling of safety for me.

Ivynwa: Jallow you are doing a good job chatting Marika up and diagnosing her marital problem. If she gives him the password and he snoops for a month and feels okay that she is not hiding secret lovers that is not solving the problem because she is smart enough to keep her dealings off her facebook if she wants to delve into cheating so giving him access to her facebook for him to be keeping tabs on her isn't helping anything. It even sounds sickening for a man to go snooping and sweeping the account to check on things.

No, it is not a guarantee, but for some, it would help to know that "ok, she has told me everything there was to tell." I can only speak for my self..if my hubby cheated, I would like to read the messages he get/got, and go through his facebook, absolutely. But thats ME.

mike.okiro:
@ jallow and ivynwa - Isn't that an invasion of privacy and space of another? their is nothing like privacy in marriage, put it in ur forehead, you and ur man are one, so no need to hide anything from him, he should know everything about u, if you feel you cant give, then the door is open for you to disappear.

What..?
My husband have my password, but he don`t go in and read conversations between me and my friends. I have told him that sometimes my friends tells me things in privacy, and he respects that. If I cheated, though, I would have let him read everything, just to calm his mind down, and to show I had told him everything.

marikaV: Oh my goodness, I am excited for you! I still love my husband the same way you love yours, and I know my hubby loves me too. Maybe in a few months' time we will feel the same way about each other like you will when you meet again in Gambia. I still have hope for us, you know

Have a lovely trip! And give a hug to your lil girl for me. I bet she is just as beautiful as my lil princess is.

It is something new, that`s for sure. I am almost scared of getting TOO excited, cause what if something happens, and we can`t go..? That would kill my soul, I swear.

I will, give yours a kiss on the head

I am married to a muslim, and I just want to follow this thread, and see the quotes.

Have a good day, all of you

marikaV: I just noticed this your thread. Tooooo cute! I am really happy for you. I hope your trip to Gambia will be wonderful and that all your dreams will come true

Ooooh, I can`t wait.

I am celebrating my birthday there, and told him I want some cake. On my bed, in the morning. Lol. And he better be cooking me my favouritemeals down there.. I am also going to bring some norwegian food and chocolate with me, I know he misses some things. The only thing he said I HAVE to bring was toothpaste and a good toothbrush. Guess he is tired of using the sticks..hehe.

I am also excited to see what he thinks of how I look. I have been training at home, and I see the difference my self. I am actually nervous, to be honest. I am nervous to see how he reacts to seeing us again. I am nervous about only having two weeks there. I am nervous about even getting naked in front of him again..haha. I have never been in this situation before, the longest we have been apart earlier was 3 weeks. Now it will be 6months when I go there..oh laaaawd.

Who the heck cares how long time anyone has spendt here all together?? Look at my profile.
Some days, the forum is up on my machine, logged in, even when I am not in front of the computer. I go back and forth, and answer what I find interesting. I am sitting in my couch, alone, the baby is sleeping, I might as well do some debating. Stop talking BS to each other.

One love, and all that.

marikaV: Yes, I will try to do that. This is really eating me up. My husband, the big, bold and brave man, has been crying, literally, like a baby here. I know he doenst want to break up, either. But it is really too bad that he has to start talking about it like that. I never did that to him. But of course, we react differently to things.

Well, maybe you also should tell him that now he know how you have felt over, and over, and over. It does NOT justify what you did, but some people need to be in your shoes to see your point.
Sit down with him tonight when the kids are to bed, tell him you wish to find a counselor for the two of you, because you wish to make things work.

~vicky~:
Onila, when you dress exposing your privates parts,why wont them boys harass you, you deserved it. even if you are the most holiest than thou inside as far as your dressing is not "appropriate" anything can happen. wait o you mentioned some dudes held your waist because you wore mini-skirt! ha go and do thanksgiving that they do not strip you nak.ed, come to my area and you would see hell. the way you dress matters

Wait, what?

Sounds like some people when it comes to r*pe: She was wearing a miniskirt, SHE DESERVED IT.
Kiss my white, big *ss.

onila: i dress slutty bcus i have a good body
and not because i want attention

havent u heard-show what you got?

nama!

No need to lie, hon. Of course you like the attention you get when looking hot. Every woman likes to know she is beautiful, they just show it in different ways. I also wear short skirts and shorts, but with tights under. Why? Cause I don`t feel comfortable without.
But hey; PLease, please don`t wear your skirt so short that you can`t dance or bend over without your kitten jumping out.

pleep: Yes there is.. what kind of silly post is this?
Simply check off the traits you find disgusting in a woman and BOOM.. If a girl has none of those characteristics she is "wife material" simple.

I think Cameroonpride summerized this the best. Dress however you want and let people think whatever they want. If you cant accept this you dumb!

You forgot to mention that people have different views on exactly what makes a woman wife-material. Smart*ss.

blogger1.0:
I definitely agree with your husband 100% on that...that's what i believe any real man should do.
Thats why i want to believe that this trend is mostly synonymous with women than men.
Your trust in your partner alone should be enuf to last you through marriage.

I somewhat agree...many women tend to keep their friends, even if they are not good for them, just because "they have known each other for so long". It does not matter. If your so-called friend don`t want the best for you, they don`t deserve to be your friend either.

uglything: I always like to believe that i am my own best friend. Cos you seldom find one to call a true who is willing to give you the exact measure of how much you are willing to give or sacrifice for them.

You should be your own, best friend, of course. But to have others around you who you can get guidance from, vent out too when you are angry, or just be with when you are sad..it is, for me, one of the best things in life. I would say I have two people who really understand me in this world, who I can say almost anything to, and get help, hugs, and fun with. That is one girl, and my husband. And that is enough for me.

They look to find a counselour who speaks english. There probably is at least ONE.
Or, if you both attend one church/mosque, ask for counseling with a priest/imam.

marikaV: He doesnt behave the same way anymore. I always knew when he had something going on. It was too obvious. He is not like that anymore, so he really has changed, I acknowledge that. But still, I dont know if he will cheat on me again. I just dont know.

I really want to stay. I love him with all my heart. I dont even know how it is possible after all that has happened, but I really do still love him. And I have worked too hard to let it all go. We also have three kids to think of.

Kids are happy when their parents are happy. Either together, or apart.

Get counseling. And don`t fight or bring any of this up in front of the kids. It takes two to make a marriage work, and it might be extra hurtful for him that you did this when things started to go good for you ( your words.. ). Get counseling together. Find back to the reason you fell in love with each other. Ask yourself what it takes for you to trust him, and tell him what it takes. Ask him the same; what does it takes for him to trust you?

blogger1.0:
And thats the only point am stressing here...why should i be happily in love someone and then have to consider letting go just because my friends do not like/see the person for who the person really is, even when i am the spending the rest of my life with the person?

Like I said; Love makes blind in the beginning. What you don`t see, others might see.
If my best friend, even after meeting my husband many times, still had something negative to look at, I would check too see if I could see the same or not.
And; what is a dealbreaker to one, might not be a dealbreaker for me. People are different.

I would not like to have a marriage where my husband could not be social with me and my friends. He feels the same. He has also cut out some people from his life because of the way they talk about me, and white women in general. Or their own wife..

uglything: I want to believe you've said it all cos you would be suprised at the level of envy your own friends would have for you when something is going good for you, especially financial or relationship wise.
Personally, i don't even think the parents matter either.

Am I the only one who throw away that kind of "friends"...?
When I got married to my husband, I quickly found out who was looking out for the best of me, and who was not.
If my parents was not my parents, but friends, we would not be talking at all anymore, believe me.

marikaV: Yes, I totally agree that we have both done wrong. We have talked about this for days now and I have explained all the reasons, all my feelings - everything you can think of. I have no intention of ever doing anything like that again but he doesnt believe me. I feel betrayed. I forgave him over and over again, but when I make one mistake he threatens to leave me. And this password issue...oh dear. I cannot let him read all my conversations with everybody, all my friends' secrets and all. I also think that even in this situation, and even as a married woman, I still have a right for some privacy. I dont need to open my brains up for him.

I see your point there. But when he found this through messages, he probably want to make sure there is nothing more you are hiding. And I understand him.

But what do you want in this marriage? YOu want to stay? You think he will remain faithful to you, or do you think he will slip again?

blogger1.0:
Most times it can be out of envy/jealousy that your friend would not approve of your partner. And this why i think it should not be up to them to decide if your partner is good enuf for you or not.
Going by my stand point, i think its a big plus if your parents approve/think well of your partner, and the opposite if they don't.

My friends know me better than my parents..and luckily, the people I hold closest to my heart, only want whats best for me, and not some bull-man to put a ring on my finger
When I was checking out my husband in the streets, we were sitting at a coffee-shop, I said "gadd DAMN that dude is beautiful. I want him. He is mine. You know him, seen him around?"
She answered: "Yep, I have seen him. Never seen him being intimate with any women in the streets, but when I look at him, I would not even trust him with my grandmothers garbage"
Lol.
No, she says "I was sooooo wrong. He looks like a bad street-boy, but he has a good and caring heart. He is the best for you" It only took her two-three talks with him to change her mind.

My family, on the other hand...many of them have not even tried to get to know him, and we live 30hours with a car/2hours with an expensive plain-ticket away. They don`t see the good in him, and my mother has even said I should never, ever have married him.

I choose what makes me happy. That is what is important in my life. And the people who are closest to me, should be happy when I am happy.

I think you both have done wrong.

For e relationship to carry on after betrayel, the trust need to be restored, on both parts. You need to see you can trust him, and he need to see that you trust him. For him, this probably feels like a pay-back, and he worries you will go further, like he did. And I understand that.
At the same time, he should be working his butt off to gain your trust again.

No, he should not have cheated. And no, to make the relationship better, YOU should not have cheated either. Two wrongs don`t make a right..

You need to talk to your man, and explain why this happen. If you two can not work things out and be faithful to each other, you should either break up, or have an open marriage. Betrayel, lies and cheating behind each others back will do none of you any good.

Because the people closest to you know you, and they might see things that you don`t see yourself in the moments of falling in love.

My very best friend did not trust my husband at ALL before she got to know him more. And he felt the same about her. Lol. Thats what you get with the african invorement in Norway; everyone THINK they know everyone.
It was just as important for me that he liked her, as it was the she liked him. After all, they would be seeing each other much, and if they did not get a long, it would be heart breaking for me.


You can twist it around too; Why is it important that your parents like your spouse?

debrief08: I feel you oh, Mr DB is on a course, When he is home I am the spic and span neat freak, he is the scattered one, now that he is away, at first I was happy that our room could stay clean then I got tired of the order, now I randomly remove his clothes and scatter all over then pick it up and murmur as if he was around listening to me.
My son looks at me as if I am crazy "mummy why are you scattering my daddys clothes". I told him when he grows he will understand how crazy mummy actually is

Haha, I know the feeling. When I cook, and after when I eat, I sometimes talk to myself, saying "ma, you should ahve put more pepper in, this aint strong enough, I told you many times." And then answering my self "pfft, I am a little whitey, I cant cook strong food, you put the pepper in yourself, dude."
Lol.

Anything that keeps you smiling through the day

But, I have to add..it has been almost 6months. I dont talk much fulani with my girl, I try small every day, but sometimes I remember sentences and questions that I have not used for long, and I try them on her. And she remembers...it is insane how much memory such a small child can have.

jidegirl12: I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you too ... not long, not long ( whispering)

Give that daddy's princess a big kiss for me pls

I will, and thank you

blogger1.0:
The other thread were we had ID comparing your bum with my nose.
U really look great

Lol, that one.

Thank you.