₦airaland Forum

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. "If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. "If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. "If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. "That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight! "

Tallesty1: An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said,

"Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger,

"What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no GOD, or no Heaven or Hell , or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty , but a horse produces clumps . What do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says,

"Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no GOD, or no Heaven or Hell , or no life after death, when you don't know shit ?"

And then she went back to reading her book.

xie xie

Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors. He said "Now, son... that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home. "
"I promise not to mention his ears at all " said Little Johnny. At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby's hand He looked at it's mother and said "Oh What a Beautiful little baby ". The mother said "Thank you very much, Little Johnny. " He then said, "this baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why... just look at his pretty little eyes.... Did his doctor say that he can see good? " The Mother said "why, yes Johnny... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision. Little Johnny said "well, its a darn good thing, cause he sure couldn't wear glasses!!!"

Any post without a single like wins the game.
lemme bell the cat

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Bobby? "
"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters. "
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days! "The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny Billy? "
"Well teacher, I just saw BOTH of your garters. "Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom! " This time the punishment is more severe, and tells him - "I don't want to see you for three weeks! "Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom. "And where do you think you are going? " she asks. "Well teach, from what I just saw, my school days are over! "

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth. "
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth. " His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father. "
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth. " The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother. " Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth. " The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real father a big hug. "

This guy goes to the zoo one day. While standing in front of the gorilla's cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless.
When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper.
Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means "F**k you! " in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the victim feel any better and he vowed revenge.
The next day he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and over to the gorilla's cage, where he tossed a hat, a knife, and a party horn.
Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat. The gorilla looked at him, looked at the hat, and put it on. Next, he picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla picked up his horn and did the same. Then the man picked up his knife, whipped the sausage out of his pants, and sliced it in half.
The gorilla looked at the knife, looked at his own crotch, looked at the man, and pulled down his eyelid.".

SSS1
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up tome and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy,and I don't know why.

SSS 2
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours,one movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "Thanx" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.


Senior year

The day before prom we had, she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in SS2, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as"best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over,I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't thinking of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. before I could blink, it was graduation day(26th July,2012...a day after my birthday).... I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her testimonial. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that,and I knew it.
Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her.Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said,"you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Months upon months, we met,chatted and went on as we used to do. With her love growing in the sacred part of my heart.
I looked at her like watching myself in a mirror. But she seemed not to notice me.

Her Departure
We didn't watch the demise of time ,as day by day passed by. I love her so much,even till now. I imagined my future with her and saw greatness and mirth. I went through pains ,too lonely to know or for anyone to decipher. But time is filled with myth . none of us foreshadowed what came by. I was still too shy to say how I feel.
She was called up by her sister living in Italy.
I lose her contact, her number has been changed. She's no more using her Facebook account. Hmmmm... It was the greatest loss I've ever made. And the greatest wound I've ever had.. Because the wound is still fresh in my heart.

Benswaggy: Chisos Clast sori Jesus christ,
dz z punny sori dz z funny.

Are you some kind of confused?

lol

lol

ADULTS ONLY!!
Have You Noticed?
1. If you suck one nipple well, the woman herself offers the other one. Incase you don't know, that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!
2. Everything on a woman's upper body starts with a"B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs & lower body with a "P" Petticoat, panties, pussy...No wonder men suffer from high BP!
3. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself.
Moral: In life no one helps you once you're screwed.
4. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got screwed to achieve it.
6. 3 people having sex is a party, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
7. Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.
8. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life..!
9. When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "Congrats!".But none of them comes and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!".
Moral: Hard work is never appreciated: Only result matters..
10. Now that I've educated you.....do same to others

are this files usefully to the phone?

@Op ...You are on the way . mine falls in the no 1. kinda true and accurate calcu

EINSTEINPG: Come on, don't be nervous... it's just a matter of time. Your admission is inevitable by God's grace.

Bro, have you been offered admission?

barackoking: PLS HELP ME CHECK DIS 47405543BI

not given yet

nextexcel: Pls help a friend 47620913cf

congrats

sooner , people will start building on trees like birds . creativity at its acme, really captivating.

EINSTEINPG: It takes two to make a quarrel. But in this case your opinion prevails over my anger, because I have made my anger so expensive that I don't think any mortal being can earn it.
Remember that to scare a bird is not the best way to catch it, and what is worth doing at all is worth doing well. But the bitter truth is am not yet a great man and I can't pretend to be one. So if handing out handouts is the best for me to pass messages across so be it. Though, I respect your opinion and I implore you to pardon my lengthy trash.
Regarding Dangote's educational background, please do check out his profile on wikipedia.

outstanding reply

In fact ,I'm happy without reason tonight . My prayers has been answered. perhaps, that's the cause. Can't wait to go back to school. Time flies

Emmalot121: I scored 274 in jamb and 277 in post utme oau for urban and regional planning,what is your course?

wao ,that's gross....aspiring for Architecture

Drijawe: University of Ilorin 2014/2015 Post utme Cut off mark Animal science 40, Aqric Econs/Extension 40, Crop science 40, Enqlish 50, Modern Lanquaqe 40, ISD 50, Philosophy 40, Reliqious studies 40, Cultural Manaqement 40, Theatre& Media Arts 50, Medical Lab Sci 53, Physioloqy 40, Nursinq 59, MBBS 65, Archietecture 45, Buildinq 40, Fine & applied Art 40, Law 57, Civil Enqineern 53, Mech Enqineern 53, Elect/ Elect 55, Material& Productn Enq 40, Zooloqy 40, Computer science 45, Statistics 40, Mathematics 40, Physics 40, Geophysics 40, Bio chem 45, Industrial chem 45, Botany 40, MCB 45, Pub Admin 48, Bankinq & Finance 48, Bus Admin 53, Accountinq 55, Eco 48, Library& info Sci 40, Socioloqy 42, Psycholoqy 42, Political science 48, Geoqraphy & Reqional Planninq 40.. for admission processing or assistance please call 08104237888.

Drijawe the dreamer boy . Even if possible to increase the general cutoff mark to 60%,they would have .

Emmalot121: Wetin u score 4 jamb and post utme?

I be olodo The beginning of failure is your addiction to smartphone . Jamb gimme 213 (not up to Wetin I deh expect though) Unilorin whip me with 58% . dem no go kill person fa. anyway God sure pass.

I still smell corruption. This will only be acceptable by me only if they do this on merit. Though, man proposes,God disposes, I shall make this year by his grace. No tyranny of circumstances can permanently imprison a determined will. succès est le nôtre

KillerBeauty: Its called Waec not Neco

That's skeptical to accept, I did two then i.e Junior waec and neco . stop the argument jor . Though in public schools,it was optional

rill: Beht Op u don old small o U cum take style resemble amugbo join

baddest goon

KillerBeauty: U mean u wrote Neco exam to enter ss1

I mean junior secondary school neco nah

so pathetic. it ain't his fault, but the fact that he is determined and the exam being the first thing on his mind. it happened to me when we were moving to Ss1.The school principal insisted on using neco results to determine your department. But at the long run, we were unable to access our neco result. the distribution was made and it broke my heart. that day it was as if I missed visa to heaven. though " no tyranny of circumstances can permanently imprison a determined will" I changed from Art to science in ss2. but it was like hell throughout ss1

God knows the last time they've taken their bath. nice work though, but kinda dangerous

pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovocanoconiosis,
hullabaloo,
ado,
bask,
acme,
wreath,
exuberance,
emanate,
expedite,
assuage,
litigants