₦airaland Forum

Wealthyonos:
Omo, my woman was using torchlight button phone until I bought an Infinix Hot 40i for her. Attitude changed. She stopped calling as usual. "Na the phone wey I use my hard earned money buy them take dey control her go location." I told her that she has changed because of the phone but she kept arguing with me that I was lying, that nothing changed. Until she visited me one day and I accessed her phone without her knowledge. 'Chats wey I see break my heart'. I blocked some people, deleted some numbers and booooom. She said we should break up and that she is returning the phone to me since I have started monitoring her. Mehn, we passed through a lot oo, but that's when I knew that women are unpredictable.

A woman can truly love you when you don't have much and change when you start spending too much on her. Then, she will be looking good for everyone. You'll just be creating another problem thinking you are showing her love.

Oga, you're wrong. She never loved you in the first place, you were probably the only man available to her when you met or you were the best among those toasting her at the time you met until she met someone better than you or someone that she genuinely loves.

Wealthyonos:
Some people do change in marriage. A faithful woman can become promiscuous after some years in marriage, and a former prostitute can later become faithful in marriage. "Na only God know tomorrow".

Build a marriage on this belief to your destruction, belief what you see, hear and know about a person before marriage to save yourself from a life time pain and loss.

saweide:
I met a lady about five years ago, and we went into a relationship with the intention of getting married.

The relationship started beautifully, and we have shared many good moments together. She works with her elder sister in Port Harcourt and is a single mother of one daughter, who is currently eight years old.

After work, she stays with her mother. I am a builder, and I have been fortunate enough to build my own house. However, her sister’s shop is quite far from my house, and the road leading to my place is not very good.

Because of this distance, she usually visits me on Saturdays and returns on Sundays, sometimes staying until Monday morning.

Over time, one major issue began to affect our relationship. She consistently insisted that I should rent another apartment because she could not live in the house I had built, citing the distance, bad road and other reasons.

I have tried several times to discuss this with her calmly. I even suggested that we could settle down together first while I look for a more convenient place for us in the future. Unfortunately, she has continued to give reasons why she cannot move into my house.

This year makes it five years of our relationship, and we are still struggling with this same issue.

Another important aspect is that she comes from a Muslim background, while I am a Christian.

Last September, we both agreed and made plans to get married in December this year. She even discussed our marriage plans with her family, and I believed we were finally moving towards settling down.

However, something happened around October that has left me confused and heartbroken.

There are two orphaned boys, aged 12 and 14, whom I met on the street. Out of compassion, I decided to take responsibility for them. I have been providing for their needs, sponsoring their education and trying to give them a better future.

I had informed my wife-to-be about these boys. I also told her that sometimes, when she was not around, the boys slept in my house.

I noticed she was not entirely comfortable with the arrangement, but I never imagined it would lead to what happened.

One Saturday, when she visited as usual, the boys came around. Immediately she saw them, she became angry and started shouting at me, demanding that I send them away.

I tried to calm her down, but she refused to listen. Eventually, she gave me an ultimatum: I must choose between her and the two orphaned boys.

Since that incident, she has packed her belongings from my house and left. I have not been able to reach her or know where she is.

Now, I am left wondering what went wrong.

My questions are:

1. Did I make a mistake by taking responsibility for these two orphaned boys and allowing them to sometimes sleep in my house?
2. Was it wrong for her to demand that I choose between her and these children?
3. After five years of dating and already making marriage plans, should I still beg her to come back, or should I accept that the relationship may have come to an end?
4. Is it reasonable for a woman to insist that a man must abandon the house he struggled to build and rent another apartment before she can agree to marry him?
5. If I eventually beg her and she agrees to return, but still refuses to live in my house, what should I do?
6. Could our different religious backgrounds also become a serious challenge in our marriage?

I genuinely love this woman, and my intention from the beginning has been to marry her. However, I also believe that showing compassion to two vulnerable children should not automatically make me a bad partner.

I am not trying to paint her as a bad person, and I am not claiming to be perfect. I only want honest and mature opinions from people who have experience in marriage and relationships.

Please, if you were in my shoes, what would you do? Would you fight to save the relationship or walk away and move on?

I sincerely need your advice. Thank you.

Young man, you better protect your destiny by letting this woman go. You have chosen to be blind to all the red flag that this lady is showing you, if you continue with the relationship based on everything you have said. You may lose your destiny by marrying a lady like this, if you have been able to build your own house regardless of how small it is, it is obvious that you have a bright future and you must get it right in marriage. You have not done anything wrong by choosing to adopt those young brothers, if that is what you want, don't answer to anyone. she has no right to ask you to send those boys away, she could have explained things to you with her reasons. You need to ask yourself if you have done well enough without her and she's giving you an ultimatum before marriage, what is she bringing to add value to your life?

Samantha125:
Why would a builder that's only earning peanuts take responsibility for two orphans when he's still to start his own family? Instead of taking those children to the nearest orphanage while you save the little that you make to plan for your future and for rainy days, you're here burdening yourself with unnecessary responsibilities.

One thing is clear here, you're not ready to be frugal while she's also not ready to make any compromises.

What kind of loser mentality is this?

Who told you that builders earn peanuts? I suspect that you're one of those people who believe that farmers are poor and wretched, How did you come to the conclusion that a man cannot decide to adopt children, even if he has not started his own children?

The man has a right to make his own life choices and the money belongs to him.

Mynd44:
A lot of us have seen the video and there has been different responses to it where Pastor Bolaji Idowu, founder and lead pastor of Harvesters International Christian Centre (HICC) was addressing an issue in church about financial responsibilities of men to women in relationships. This must have hit a sour side of some women who believe that men are responsible for providing them with some level of financial relief and they responded "men dey".

The slogan "men dey" came from afrobeatz, it is a slogan that simply says "if this man or men are not willing to do something or cannot do something, there are men that are able and willing to". Basically when Pastor Bolaji told his congregation that they shouldn't expect men to give them money gifts or buy them iphones, they responded with if some men are not able to afford these things, there are men who will and the pastor's response? He removed his shoes, dusted then and said "do you know what the Bible says about when you reach somewhere and they don't accept your message, you dust your shoes" the he ended with "he that has ears, let him hear".

The action the respectable pastor did was actually a commandment of Jesus which are recorded in Matthew 10:14, Mark 6:11, Luke 9:5 and it was applied in Acts 18:6

Lets look at these verses. Note that this is a direct commandmend of Jesus

Matthew 10:14


Mark 6:11


‭Luke 9:5


‭Acts 18:6 ‬


Note that Pastor Bolaji while performing this action of taking off his shoes to dust then also made reference to this verse which he might have join as a joke and not out of anger but, he is their pastor and if you ask me, he somewhat cursed them or gave then up for judgment in that case.

While I do not hold brief for the congregation, I find their action nauseating and needless as to directly say that to the pastor means you are telling him he doesn't know what he is saying.

My question is Pastor Bolaji since cannot claim ignorance of his action, should he be allowed according to Christianity to curse his flock just because they refuse to listen to him? He could have prayed for insight and soft heart but that action he did, fell short a little

What prayer do you want him to pray for a rebellious people, they know what their doing, even God will not force his will on anyone.

KosiGee:
I think this is content…otherwise she’s falling into the hole she dug for her husband.

Why would a normal thinking person attempt to divorce the husband who worked so hard to make her life better. If this is real, it’d be worse than back stabbing and more ugly than betrayal. The woman must be evil.

I still think this isn’t real.

It's not content, it happened earlier this year. The full story is somewhere on youtube, very silly and wicked woman.

Something is wrong with these generation of young men, in your own mind now, your smart with the nonsense you have written? Just make sure that you don't come back here in a few years' time crying and begging for advice when you find yourself where you didn't expect.

Meektunz:
I was watching the television on a program about Benue State Governor and his name popped on the screen then i saw this titles before his name. I nearly laughed my life out.

It's a slave mentality, where a person believes that what makes them important or valuable are the tittles appended to their names rather than who they are and what they represent. That is why people make statements like, "do you know who I am?".

Most of these people also have low self esteem.

helinues:
You are demarketing your brands with your arrogance

Is Davido claiming he's more influential, close to president Tinubu than his dad.

A lousy boy with lack of decorum . If the election was reversed and Adeleke lose glaringly same way Ambo lose, what would Davido have done, report to Trump and FIFA?

You want him to behave like a slave and keep quiet like a lot of people, he has a right to talk a concerned season of Nigeria,

yinkus6750:
OBO , no need for all this.
You even included Aliko who is a respected businessman inside political wranglings, that's not fair to him.
You need to talk less,God has vindicated your Uncle

Why should Aliko involve himself in criminal activity and why should he talk less?

That is one of the reasons why the country is going to the dogs!

Racoon:
Britain is also doing the same. So, why are they bent on fleecing immigrants before putting them in economic bondage?

Why Canada? After all these strenuous effort people put to JAPA? Then these white supremacists will just come wawa the parade for you. What the hell mean.

This has nothing to do with white supremacist, none of these countries begged or forced people to come to their countries, we have to wake up to the present reality that the economic realities of these countries are not as buoyant as they used to be and their people are also going to rough patches.

Whether we like it or not, we must fight our governments and fix our own countries.

This girl is dumb and some adults who lack wisdom makes her feel that she's smart by spouting nonsense, what as she experienced in life to say that people can't come from rags to riches and that they can never help you?

Emu4u2c:
I'm in one currently.. I love the girl but she is all shade of wrong and every Day I see reasons why everyone is against single mothers...One thing I observed about the single mother in my care..She fights me and disrespects me but you should see the respect she gives to the baby daddy...gets me confused then Why didn't he cope with her bad character..And believe me sometimes I feel like I'm her dump load where she off-loads all her rubbish...Why am I still in such relationship?.. Well I have access to free kitten why it last....I won't say I'm a Red piller..no.. but at least I'm not mentally and emotionally locked to her...so I'm taking advantage of the situation...Are we getting married?.... That's Left for God to decide and well I'm awaiting his direction but I will enjoy the moment while it last

Oga,

Your story is full of contradiction, you're asking us or yourself, why you're still with her? Then you say you're with her because you have access to free pvssy and only God know if you're going to marry, stop deceiving yourself.

The decision to marry is yours and hers and not God, you're fornicating and asking God for direction, you remain with a woman who respects her baby daddy and disrespects you while you're not married and you can't see the handwriting on the wall. You see that kitten that you call free, you will pay for it, I can guarantee you that she is ahead of you in this game except if she doesn't want to lock you down or you may already be locked down without knowing.

oweniwe:
@ sisisioge MetaBroadband, Biglittlelois, mrmislim

Bride price/wedding stuffs, are all "just a formality.."

Just do whatever you think is right to balance all sides to fulfill all righteousness and after everything, a few days, it's all over.

You don't owe anybody any explanation again

Any how the bride want to handle her family side relations thereafter, is her headache.

It doesn't concern the husband again.

So just a few days, close eyes and clear everything. Nothing bad in that.

If the bride or her mother are insisting on not contacting the biological father, its a sign of toxicity/bitterness, Its better to leave the relationship because that toxicity/bitterness can be served to the husband in the future.

If the bride in particular and her mom cannot accept to relate with her biological father for a few days just for the purpose of wedding, then it means after marriage they cannot tolerate/will be rigid and uncompromising ... It's big red flag.

The kind of home, you will call wife, sit down let's talk... She no go hear word dey form strong head

May God continue to increase you in wisdom and understanding. Many in our world today lack wisdom and understanding, so they make decisions out of emotionalism, their own faulty upbring and programing.

God bless you plenty, I pray that the op receives the needed wisdom, clarity and boldness to deal with this issue for the sake of his marriage in future.

MetaBroadband:
Thank you all for your excellent contributions. Please note the following:

1. They said the man abandoned them, but what if it's not actually what happened, so let's not be emotional.

2. I'm not paying the bride price to the biological father, but there should be an understanding between both fathers at this point. because if the child was taken away from the man or if he had acted as a child then, both parents can come to an understanding so that my wife won't hurt any part of the tradition in the course of our marriage.

3. I know that my mother inlaw would be angry, but I still feel it's my right to know. What if something bad happens to my wife because she married in a way that violates her tradition (give Caeser things to Caesar)

4. I'm doing this for my fiancee not me, because as far as I've paid my bride price nothing can come to me, but if anything comes to my wife, it automatically affects me. So it's not just her and her mum's business.

Thank you as you put this thoughts into consideration as well.

Please excuse typos

The discovery may turn out to be you in the future.

Creamypie:
Oga, try locate him, u weren't there when their fight started, don't be caught in d middle, no matter their explanation. Irrespective of his short comings. Tell them your family must acknowledge him. You will understand later. You have to hear from both sides. Your family have full right to meet him and his people. u may be surprised that she deliberately kept her father away from their lives after she met her husband, and us am to pepper the man when she's grown up.na so one wedding we attended in ogwashi uku, delta state, the girl mama no want us to meet her dad people ( dad is dead from stroke, cos of her mum wahala) even the man people were scared when we eventually went to meet them. Her mum made sure she isolated and seperated her late husband from his family, after which she frustrated him to b.p, stroke and eventual death. women. Them go still carry grudges face you and sandwich u as a married man, isolating you from ur family.

You head is very correct, I recommend that you locate the biological father to get the real story and also that the same thing does not repeat itself in your life. The last part is coded, many of the young men will not understand the last part of the above statement.

Can you still get this?

Do you know how to check and confirm that you're buying pure Boer and kalahari goat?

Or even the level of mixture?

I will suggest that you should find someone who knows the goats very well and pay them if possible to help you during purchase so that you don't loose money, the goats that you have mentioned are not rice and beans O.

They are very expensive.

quote author=Delve post=122474127]

Ok thanks[/quote]

I am interested in getting some furniture made for my house, can you provide some of the Nairaland clients that can vouch for the quality of your product and service.

LebanonCedars2:
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Deeprooted:
What particularly is this used for?

Used to absorb moisture and keep things dry.

He got me two boys who have been on my farm close to Abeokuta for one month and a few weeks now and there has been no issues.

Please send me your whatsapp number, I was expecting your reply.

I may be interested, but I need the total picture.

Would you mind stating all the costs individually here, so one can make an informed decision?

Thanks

Hello,

Where are you based?

If you're a guinea fowl farmer, please I contact me, I need some sourcing information and more.

Thanks

I am interested in buying some Alfafa and Brachiara grass seeds, please let me know if you any for sale and how you sell.

Do you still have the Boer goats?

If you do, let me know the age(s) of the males and females as we as the prices.

Where is your farm located?

I will come and inspect, make payment and pick up.

Hello Rabbit Farmers,

I am in need of some rabbit urine if you're in or around Abeokuta, I am looking to buy something between 50 - 100 litres.

Please send me your location, price and quantity, will love to negotiate and conclude in a day or two.

Young man, you better stay away from abortion. Many will tell you that it is alright because you can't take care of the child, but the short, medium and long term consequences of abortion are too dangerous for you and the girl.

You are better off facing the consequences from yours and her parents rather than face consequences that will last you a life time and may jeopardize your destinies, don't be deceived that abortion has no consequences.

That child may be the glory of your family and your own future, be very careful with the decision you make.

I pray that you find the courage as a man to face the consequences of yours and her parents without aborting a child and face your future.

You must be a man and face whatever comes your way, but not a coward, who will kill to cover up what he has done, wrongly or rightly.

I pray that you both fear God, do what his right and get on with the rest of your life. It may be difficult to face people and bringing up a child while still in school, with a very young mother, but it will be easier later on in life.

I know that you won't understand know until you're maybe in your mid 30s, 40;s or even 50s, I pray that your ask God for strength and wisdom in this time.

Those who will or are encourage you to abort will not be there when the consequences come, you will bear it yourself.

God bless you