IamMobisola:


The best thing to do is to call-off the wedding and move on with your life since you do not respect your fiancé’s wishes to leave the biological father out of the equation. They have told you to leave the man alone but you still want to go ahead and look for the man to hear his sides? And you think the man will tell you the truth if he actually abandoned the girl?

This write up actually shows the kind of person you are and I wish that fiancé of yours would call off the wedding if you insist on not minding your business which is to the girl’s family you have always known since you started dating.

Kobojunkie:
Interesting claim! So in the case the mother got the girl from a sperm-bank donor, your tradition demands you locate the donor — who was probably paid for his sperm at the time — to hand over her bride price to him? Africans— you all need to heal yourselves of what is obvious cultural foolishness!

vislabraye:
■ That's tradition, indeed.

ZIMDRILL:


this is complex but it differs tradition of every tribe etc

where i came from son in law can ONLY pay bride price to the biological father in law or the women's family. if the child was raised by the mother alone, the biological father will
be present at the bride price day to witness and given a little token, but the large sum is given to the mum and her brothers



In my culture a step father can not represent a living biological father not matter the reason
they separated from the mother and whether deadbeat.

In my culture, if the father was absent when the girl was growing up and when she is getting married the biological father is invited to charge bride and the same time they will
charge him for being an absent father. if he had not paid bride price, they will charge him pride price, meaning instead of getting pride price from him daughter it will go pay the bride price of the girl's mother

For spiritual reason you pay bride price
to the biological father


In such situations your own family (son in laws) must guide you in finding the biological father or or his relatives, otherwise you pay pride price twice

Back to the story, lets say he pays bride price to the step father and in the long run the couple fights or have problems in house, which family will intervene to help ? the step father's family ? but if pride price is paid to the biological father its easy to seek help from relevent people from the biological father's family there are related by blood.

Femi8586:


No one is writing off the foster father here..
Marriage is a delicate institution
Let him see the biological father first...it is not good to trust his fiance blindly on something that may come back to haunt him in future.
He should trust, but also verify

Why is she and her mother getting so angry with this?
If all they said were completely true and the man is a complete deadbeat father, they have nothing to be worried about.

Why is she becoming so bitter at any mention of her biological father?

Micheal56:
Please get this clear
Your father is the one that take care of u not the one who gave birth to you

Sermwell:

The one who gave birth to you is your father!! Nothing can change that!

You'll only be decieving yourself!

AmazonTopaz:

1. There would be no changes because it benefits men. It is their get-out-of-responsibility-free card.

2. The OP in my view is in no position to contact the biological father. It is illogical to do this and so I agree that it should be the mother of the girl and by reasons best known to her if she doesn't want to do it the OP should respect it he has no standing on this issue.

3. If I were the deadbeat father shame go catch me and you would not even see me there I will just be minding my business but men unfortunately are allowed to be shameless in this society.

Ufuka:
Iam so shocked by many people's comment here, I hardly comment but I have to do so cos this's a matter between life and death. In Akwa Ibom State, there's no amendment to custom and tradition, don't allow your fiancee or your future mother inlaw to lead you astray, for the sake of your fiancee's life. Listen very well, go and get the marriage list from your fiancee's biological father, the bride price and every other thing should be paid to him,
his kinsmen & your fiancee's mum alone. The marriage should be done in his hometown and he's the one to sit as a father that very day. Any amount of money you can afford, give it to the man that took care of your fiancee. If your fiancee and the mother refuse to accept it, please and please cancel the marriage. A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE.

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

I use because of you login, the blood father is who you pay bride price to,and after paying bride price and you care not to have anything to do with him ,fine ..

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

Micheal56:

Bro calm down all humans are diff
I don't joke with case of been abandoned
I know how it feel

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.
My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.
Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.
Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.
Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?
Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?
What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

satelliteDISH:


This is a very tough one.
The girls mother is very bitter. She has been nursing that bitterness all her life since she got pregnant. She doesn't want the man that got her pregnant and abandoned her to reap from the gains that come through the girl.
That is her revenge. To her, that is justice served.

To go see the biological father might not go down well with your mother in law and she will hate you for this.
Since your fiancee and her mother have disowned the man. They have acknowledged the step father as their father and husband, go and honour the step father with the necessary traditional items.

The biological father cannot come out of the blues and reap from where he didn't invest for over 20+ years of the girls life. It is an unfair trade.

123yes:
My brother any body who advised you to live the biological father aside in this issue don't know what he is saying. The dowry belongs to the biological father. If you do other wise the consequence that will come up one day, you will surely remember my talk

Creamypie:
Oga, try locate him, u weren't there when their fight started, don't be caught in d middle, no matter their explanation. Irrespective of his short comings. Tell them your family must acknowledge him. You will understand later. You have to hear from both sides. Your family have full right to meet him and his people. u may be surprised that she deliberately kept her father away from their lives after she met her husband, and us am to pepper the man when she's grown up.na so one wedding we attended in ogwashi uku, delta state, the girl mama no want us to meet her dad people ( dad is dead from stroke, cos of her mum wahala) even the man people were scared when we eventually went to meet them. Her mum made sure she isolated and seperated her late husband from his family, after which she frustrated him to b.p, stroke and eventual death. women. Them go still carry grudges face you and sandwich u as a married man, isolating you from ur family.

sisisioge:


What is your concern with the sperm donor that contributed to her biology when she has presented you with her dad who raised her? Orisirisi! Are you sure you're soundly ready for marriage? It is for people who are really grown up o

You should have asked for all her mom's ex boyfriends too fa

MetaBroadband:
Thank you all for your excellent contributions. Please note the following:

1. They said the man abandoned them, but what if it's not actually what happened, so let's not be emotional.

2. I'm not paying the bride price to the biological father, but there should be an understanding between both fathers at this point. because if the child was taken away from the man or if he had acted as a child then, both parents can come to an understanding so that my wife won't hurt any part of the tradition in the course of our marriage.

3. I know that my mother inlaw would be angry, but I still feel it's my right to know. What if something bad happens to my wife because she married in a way that violates her tradition (give Caeser things to Caesar)

4. I'm doing this for my fiancee not me, because as far as I've paid my bride price nothing can come to me, but if anything comes to my wife, it automatically affects me. So it's not just her and her mum's business.

Thank you as you put this thoughts into consideration as well.

Please excuse typos

Hhansome:
Trust me, they're all lying against the man. Woman has filled her (daughter) up with bitterness and you should be worried.

Kobojunkie:
A sperm donor does not a father make. Science has more than made that abundantly clear to us all at this point in time. You are not a mother simply because you donated an egg or carried a child to birth — women who work as surrogates can attest to this. Again, science has shown us that on numerous occasions. It is now up to us to update our individual cultures to account for this wisdom or continue to wallow in the ignorance of the past pretending we fulfill some sort of righteousness in our foolishness. That is my opinion.

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?