Wowwww...I'm a corps member and I've just been posted to TIC, Abeokuta as my PPA. Before I got d location right, I almost died (figuritatively). And I had the wrong idea about what TIC is all about. I was thinking it's an agricultural firm and has to do with poultry hatchery. I'm excited to be here! I just wish the MODs will av d initiative of pushing and putting this kinda thread to the front page. My only ish now is accommodation. I'm in need of accommodation around Panseke, Abeokuta. Anybody?

common screenshot, they no sabi

frontpage keh? lemme join u guys

It took me 365 days to compose this, so it's not gonna be short - I promise you that. So, readers' discretion not advised. Don't be annoyed if you get this message more than once, probably cos you're on more than a single social media platform with me. If you feel annoyed, please delete yourself for the time being. I've got to do this once in a year. Thank you.
On the 4th of January 199....scrap that, this is not Prof Amusan, he's just my project supervisor.
I thank Almighty Allah for the gift of life, I say 'Alhamdulilahi Robil Alamin'. (Bad belle, you don't believe I know Arabic? Come on, I'm an Alfa...just undercover). I appreciate my parents, both the living and the dead. I appreciate them for giving birth to me on this very day, cos I've not been able to celebrate my birthday amidst classmates since nursery school since this day alwaiz fall on holiday. Else people would have realized how poor I am to even celebrate my birthday. I also appreciate them for the proper upbringing, may they eat the fruit of their labour. I appreciate my grandma for giving me a pack of TomTom to celebrate, so when you guys see me, remember to collect your TomTom!
I appreciate my siblings, for putting up with my numerous bullshits. My blood brothers from another parents, we still gonna conquer the world together. My best friends, may God bless you guys. The friends that became family, even when the world is against you, family has got your back, I thank you guys. My bestest friend, that's my mobile phone! I pray I get money to upgrade you. How much is iPhone1½? I don't like iPhone 7, I heard it has fingerprint detector. I appreciate my not-girlfriend, thank you for undating me, let's go back to the future. (I wuz there, I saw us dating - as per Hollywood sci-fi naw). I appreciate my enemies too, whose presence the Lord has been serving my food. I appreciate the first caller, up to the hundredth, no kidding. MTN even called me with a different strange number. I appreciate the first messenger, the first flasher too (kid bruh, that's you). Those that wish me 'happy womb escape', I hate this greeting. Is womb a war zone that had to be escaped?
I appreciate those whu have helped me mentally, physically (I enrolled in a gym class, as per six pack goals buh I realized #10 worth of eba doesn't satisfy me anymore so I stopped), financially (I'm still using first bank PLC: 3056959326) and academically (pls, do not relent, we still have one final semester exam before graduation). I appreciate those who forgot to wish me a happy birthday, I understand recession is still on and harmattan still freeze MMM. To you all I say 'gracia hombre'. I don't want to mention names to avoid what happens in Nollywood Yoruba movies. No kidding, goan see Aiyelabowo.
My new year alwaiz start not on the 1st of January buh on the 4th buh I'm done making new year resolution. Did I even remember last year's resolution? I mean whu knew a not-50cl sachet of pure water would cost #20. Let's just go with the flow, may God abide by each and everyone of us as we proceed in our daily activities. One thing is sure though, I'll be a graduate and I'm excited. E no easy mehn, got admission since 2011 to study a 5 years course. This is 2017, laini carry over. You're right, it's OAU.
My birthday is usually when I'm most happy cos you wonderful people remember me, I feel like a celebrity. That's why I do the chore I hate most on my birthday - laundry - to suppress the happiness so I won't burst. The spread line even broke and I redid my laundry happily. So if you have any dirty clothes, send them via alli express. I won't lie, I expected all these felicitations, so I'm not surprised. I'm just overgasted and flabberwhelmed that y'all didn't disappoint me. I'm grateful. Without you guys, who are my ( that's how they write 'who am I?' in Ibadan, you can check the stickers on their danfo). Thank you for rejoicing my closeness to death...lifespan = -1.
If you got this message and you didn't wish me a happy birthday, begin to pray...cos *make I just keep shut*.
Truly eniyan laso mhi. Truly legends are born in January. Truly eleje lon di legend.
Reception follows not immediately on Saturday 7th at Premier Hotel Ibadan. Strictly by invitation.
RSVP : 08148915599.
Signed: Durodoye Jubril Akinwumi Oluwafemi aka Jubriano aka EdiblePrince aka Jubhrit aka Jubrilyn aka Prince Jub Ri Lee aka Barrack O'bril.
DJ, play me 'Olojoibi' by the legendary late Dr. Sikiru Ayinde Barrister ( Don't mind me, I grew up in an Ibadan family).

Today wuz and is still my birthday, so allow me to rant a lil bit. Surprisingly, igzactly 2 decades plus ago, I wuz born into this short brutal world and around this time also (monday nite).
All glory and adulation to: God (whu made me), my dad (superdaddy of this world; without cape, flying round the world to cater for his family), my mom (you are the best woman a man could ever have and I wouldn't have wished for another mom), my sis (I owed you #1,400 and you said I should use #500 from it to celebrate my birthday and I'm cashless o. I wish ya a successful service), my brothers (I thank my parents they gave me boiz, guys talk), my best friend together with his woman (the thing you do me....), my friends and family (eniyan laso mhi) and the girl that got my heart (na u be my alobam). Also to my dead one, continue to rest in perfect peace.
A lot of things happened last year, I travelled a lot and even travelled outta naija. Yeah, a week in Republic of Benin, ‪#‎ FarmYear‬ ‪#‎ FieldTrip‬. My best friend wuz no longer my best friend, he became my blood brother. I wuz broke and I wuz broken. I wuz cheated and I wuz cheated on. She fought me and I fought her, we broke up and we made up (just cos I promised....)
Last year wuz totally a disappointment for and to me. For the first time, I wuz robbed. I wuz robbed of my phone and #375, the phone wuz my everything and the #375 wuz the last cash on me for that week. It wuz a tuesday. Although I'm excited cos no matter how many times Oba Adaniduro University (OAU) strike this year, I'll be in my final year!!!
And I suspected last year wuz like that cos I didn't make the much expected new year resolution. Gosh, I wuz even mocking the 'new year, new me' crew. For this particular reason, I've made a 12 points resolution (obviously we have 12 months in a year) as follows:
1. I wanna move closer to God, observing my daily solat on time and reciting the holy Quran. (Adura lo le she).
2. I wanna remain celibate; call it secondary virgin buh sex is stressful. It is for someone whu is ready physically, financially, emotionally and spiritually, and I'm not!3. I really wish my dad and mom will go to hajj this year so I can start calling them Alhaji and Alhaja, I'm kinda too old to be saying 'daddy mi', 'mummy mi' (Ain't I a proud Yorubad boi).
4. I wish for my sis to be gainfully employed immediately after her ongoing service with a six figures salary so I can have my own 10%. And my two younger brothers whu just gained admission into tertiary institutions, may it be a success. Sky is your limit, famz.
5. I plan to be going home more frequently this year so I can be near my family, I mean how could I not talk about family when family is all I got. They got my back anytime anyday, today is obvious. Blood is really thicker than water.
6. I wanna reduce my circle of friends (do I really have any friend before?). I sent 37 sms on new year and received 5, even today, whu greeted me? To those whu did, gracia. Buh I need to expand my associates.
7. I wanna hustle hard this particular year (owo ni koko). Spend less and save more.
8. With the way OAU keeps striking, I need to learn one craft, say tailoring. I love tailoring!
9. I wanna stop listening to naija hip hops (iranu) and stop watching their music videos (abassa). Lotta immoralities...buh Wizkid's songs will still be on my playlist and that of Adekunle Gold's too.
10. I wanna start hitting the gym, my shortness is really getting at me. My beard should just stop its silly press-ups and start coming out, I need it to look my age more.
11. I wanna be sleeping more, reading more, and studying more. I need to maintain my G.P and be at the top of my studies.
12. I wanna come back this time next year and give a testimony!
I feel old. I wish me a very big happy birthday!

Sexcellency:
Lol. Nigerian police for you

hi...can I befriend u?

Part1, NASU strike-2.5months. Part2, ASUU strike-6months. Part3, School Closure-2.5months. Naw in Part4, NASU strike ongoing. Oba Adaniduro University (OAU), I hail thee. Wt a lot of go_home_lecturers_want_to_rest, NUGA break, lecture boycotts etc

when I got a similar msg, I just texted the Mrs Joy this: 'thunder fire ur left yansh'.
I never got that kinda msg anymore

100 OAU SLANGS AND MEANINGS complied by lhezyzabeta
This is for the newly admitted freshers of Oba Awon University that resume on May 17, happy resumption!
1.Ogba femi(femi's compound)---Oau campus
2.Dobale(prostrate)--- a tradition that performing artisite must fulfil before performing
3.Risky burger---fried egg and bread
4.Academics---lecture areas
5.Scabbash--- to pray in tongues
6.Prayo/spirikoko--- a religious person
7.Anglomoz--- love den between two freshmen hostels
8.Blocking--- The sight of a boy and girl together
9.Motion ground--- lover's spot during the night
10.Aiye o po(inadequate space)---time is necessary
11.Aro--- An annoying tease
12.School2---a particular area on campus
13.Aluta continua,Victoria asserta---end note of all announcement
14.No toasting--- a strong disagreement
15.Omo Awo--- guys who tease for fun
16.Faa aluta--- to cause pandemonium
17.Tan gboro--- commuter bus
18.Iwe--- an intelligent person
19.Broda sister wa o(and vice versa)--- welcoming address for a male in a female hostel
20.Baba na u o--- sarcastic/ ironic appraisal
21.Mr Moz--- frequent male visitor in female hostels
22.Moz101--- act of wooing fresh female students
23.Maa goo--- be smart
24.Won get mi--- to fail a course
25.Pam--- score
26.Igi iwe, eso odo--- one who reads excessively but fails always
27.cest pon kaye--- nobody's business
28.Jacking--- act of reading
29.Jacko/iwe-stramol/jacko-mycine--- one who reads a lot
30.Department of bigbig books--- health sciences
31.Oau choiresters--- law students
32.FFO/Aj--- glutton
33.Fresher---new student
34.Town--- areas outside campus
35.Maximum shishi--- punishment for offenders
36.Floor O--- school's detention room
37.Porter--- security men
38.Jo o--- an excuse or a sarcastic plea
39.wooo Wooo--- go straight to the point
40.Department of EFCC--- faculty of science. *Named after the grades they give most: E F and C*
41.White house--- faculty of science
42.Yellow house--- department of mathematics
43.Omo mi(my child)--- an aquintance
44.ota lenu(peppery)--- something accepted
45.shi(open)--- to fail/ to ignore
46.Quarters--- Staff areas
47.Omi Faborode--- tap water
48.Road 1--- main entrance to campus
49.Boss/egbon---a sophisticated person
50.spagewa--- a meal of spaghetti and beans
51.Concursion/ conkoki--- a hurriedly prepared meal or food lacking necessary ingredient
52.No animal/ without/ no protein--- meal without fish or meat
53.Alaaro--one who does aro
54.singist---a singer
55.humbility---extreme humility
56.Docki---med student
57.Orijo---material for cheating
58.Baskeh bo kot--- basket ball court used for
scabbashing
59.Omo ibo--- non Yoruba
60.Hall--- student hostels
61.Death center---school clinic
62.Maintenance---female student off campus hostel
63.Kooro--- hidden places
64.Carpenter is a around--- popular carpenter
65.Gp de shake---low Gp
66.Gp make sense---high Gp
67.moremi100,200,300level--- floors in moremi hall
68.ekaro se ma foosho(good morning,wash your clothes)---dry cleaners
69.e-problem---schools eportal
70.Omisore oke, eeyan wa n sale(omisore upstairs someone is downstairs)---usually said in Awo blocks to warn someone of pouring down water from tops.
71.Ajose parole---night time out
72.sport's popcorn--- buttered popcorn
73.rishas car---airtime recharge card
74.indospag---meal of spaghetti and indomie
75.Alhaja/Hajia---female Muslim
76.afa---male Muslim
77.Oga---male fellowship executive
78.Mummy---female fellowship executive
79.Esko/Exco--- executive
80.Parade---take an offender round the school
81.ko Funny---boring performance or hardship
82.Amarachi---any wayward female
83.As e de hot---intense circumstance
84.La cram la pour,la pass la graduate--- slang used after a frustrated effort of trying to understand a course.
85.efficiency--- someone who is too unnecessarily involved in something
86.Corner--- one's portion of hostel room
87.ise to ta(peppery work)--- job well done
88.omo wa ni(our child)---popular person
89.Iwe factorial--- brilliant student
90.kawe yo/kawe ju(over read)- hypes for an unserious person
91.omo la toro iwe labi(we begged for a child,but begot a book)---brilliant person
92.Ose igberaga(period of pride)---- resumption
93.Ife gbeyin(end of ife)--- exam period/ when
provisions are finished
94.PDP,power,APC,change----a cheer for attention
95.Ogun malaria(malaria drugs)--- any drug at
all,given by health center pharmacists
96.Lana--- to fail a course
97.won get mi(I have been caught)--- to fail a course/get a grade least expected
98.Won fun mi ni 40E(I was given 40E)---to score
40E
99.F and F---a popular restuarant in academics called forks and fingers
100.Mi ole wa ku ,Alaye longba bsc(i cant kill
myself,only the living attains Bsc)--- used after a frustrated effort in understanding a course/ after several hours of reading

Sounds like Motion Ground and Anglomoz of OAU

bright007:
shoro niyen?

ko yemi...*rolls eyes*

SkinnyDude:
11. they are portable: you dont find it difficult to hug or lift them up romantically. when doing that thing, you can rotate them 360 style like Ronaldinho eze-mmuo. you can perform every style with them, from doggystylle, cow style, spoon style, 69 style(the baddest style), snake in the monkey shadow style to standing ovation style.

12. they wont finish your food: infact, go and thank God. one pot of rice wil last a month for you. no isi ewu, sharwama, palm wine, ice cream, this and that. just buy one cartoon of indomie and FROG.

13.. them no dey bleach
14. them no go disturb you for brazilian hair.

15. when you cheat on them, they wont shoot you gun like American girls, tear your head with bottle like warri girls, take your name to babalowa house like edo girls, marry your father and become your step mother like igbo girls, call boko boys for you like hausa girls. they wil just hit you their purse and say 'cho chi wi tang yeu seu ho'.

aint u hilarious? Buhahahahaha *laffin in chinese*

69

Op, u can reply the guy that the show is obviously not for him

Sincere9gerian:
Story. Where is true federalism in all of that long story? The problem with Nigeria is structural. Restructure the country such that states can harness whatever resources they have to develop their area and people. Most especially, the current regime of clean elections must be maintained and even improved upon. Otherwise, it is same of the same

from all baba's covenants on each sector, i believe he made mention working wt states government or how else will the 'restructure' be achieved?

dayo23:
Despite been an APC member, I would say something, Incoming President General Buhari Must declare all his asset while assuming office, the Vice President, Ministers, and appointees must declare their asset too, Failure to do this then the people will begin to doubt their sincerity in Govt.

he already said he would and i'm sure he will

I can't wait for may 29 #ChangeAgent

RomanceLander:
LOLzzz

i have been hearing of bus romance since but i just experienced it today... So funny what guys can do in a public transports.

I was at the park yesterday returning from my travel, i came close to the bus to inquire if it was already occupied and fortunately there was still some spaces left. I noticed this guy standing just outside the door, little did i know he had his own intentions. i left, got my ticket and came back and he was still there. i Entered and sat close the window and immediately the guy followed, he kept his bag beside me and told me he was going to seat there. OK no 'P' i told him thinking he was like all these guys who are very cautious of their sitting positions in vehicles during travels (front seats and extremes).

After some minutes our bus left, the bus was very noisy shaa people talking about elections and stuffz, i didnt want to join so i pulled out my phone and came online.
Next thing I noticed this guy seemed restless - changing positions constantly in an unconfortable manner,i thought he was an amateur pick pocket, I never knew it was this perfect opportunity he was seeking, how could it not be right ; with the way i was sitting, the noise in the bus and the constant gallops we fell in.
He was coming nearer untill his shoulder was touching my br**** ( i was sitting in such a way that my right arm was leaning along the back rest of our seatrow and was pressing my phone with the left one.

I pretended i didnt know whats up, gosh with every gallop we fell this guy would rub his shoulders against my br**** and he seemed to be enjoying the journey and maybe pretending he didnt know i'ws aware.
I was codedly monitoring the guy and minding my phone only to see the guy already had erection.
Gossshhh i couldnt laugh, it was so funny and embarassing. I had to bring down that arm and use it as sheild... the guy noticed and also felt embarassing. lols

Uptill now i dont know i wasnt angry, just felt funny!!!
Quite a long journey tho
PLEASE SHARE YOUR OWN EXPERIENCES

i wuz returning from home after d election and when i got to park, i wuz contemplating if i shud take the bus or go somewhere else when this beautiful lady came and inquired if there's space left and she went for the ticket and got in. Right then i knew that's my bus and i just booked a seat beside her wt my bag and told her i wanted to sit there. She replied 'no P'. In my mind I said 'what a sexy voice' and I went for my ticket. We took off minutes later and the lady wuz busy playing with her fone and had her right arm across our seat row. The rest passengers were busy discusing the election and my mind wuz busy fantasizing. Somehow my shoulder touched the lady's b**b and i got the best feeling of the day. I got no visible reaction from her and then with every gallops I rubbed my shoulder on her succulent perky b**b. I wuz enjoying the journey, In no time, i wuz gaining a boner and the lady shifted in her seat and I thought I saw her looked at my crotch. She then brought her right arm down to shield my source of pleasure. I wuz so embarrassed and still embarrassed and that's why it took me so long to share my experience.....I wuz worried the lady would initially think i wuz an amateur pick pocket

Happy New Month To You Guys.
In this new month, may God continue to bless u. See below the one and only thing u need to do this month...

There is also a set of peeps that come to confirm if there's any promo on a particular product

she's so blessed front and back, her name shud be Blessing

if u still need it naijawapaz.net
next time u can make use of google to browse 'where'

OP, I realized all these posters above are worried u might impregnate the innocent girl, so why don't u have a pack of condom with u.
Whatever u do, pls don't tell ur wife about ur feeling for the girl cos believe me, insecurity will creep in. I applaud u for telling the girl how u feel since she's an adult, I believe, she also should know what is best for her.
Lastly, follow ur heart, not ur thirdleg. U don't love her buh lust her and u need to get ur mind outta it:

re-upload the picture
*Modified*
The most awkward moment is if d mom then continues to discuss the much dreaded topic of intercourse.
Mom: son, you need to be careful, you're not ready to be a dad...
I be like dhurr, na u go tell me that?

Adeyinka, mo ni'fe re.
U wanted everybody to do it and I've done it, so what's up?

yeah it's love, it happens. she loves ur personality buh I'm sure u both must av seen each other pics. Just act cool and be ursef when u meet wt her...afterwards gauge ur feelings towards her

the girl watches too much Hollywood teenage/high school romance. her confession awoke sumfin in u, sumfin u myt not av considered before and naw u're gonna act on dat tot and what she's afraid of will happen.
pls do update us later...

I'm not interested in long epistle, I don't even know how to write one. Buh the illustrated problem starts wt samwan like u; look at ur last sentence...

onihaxy:
Even common agricultural sector is now getting more respect than the teaching profession.

If agricultural sector can be 'common' to u, I dunno why education sector cannot be 'mere' to samwan else.