₦airaland Forum

Hello all,

I liv in australia. Assuming a fraudster is staying abroad and is planning on travelling to Nigeria, which people do I need to alert on this person´s arrival so that the person can be caught by the arms of the law?

The person/s has/ve multiple identities.

Legitimate and verifiable information please.

Thank you in advance.

190:
[color=deeppink]Ms doyin

Tosin has moved on,  https://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-angry011.gif You should have beaten her black and blue for not staying
by her husband during this tough trying times

advise your cuz and tell your family that tosin's gon ((Y'all should move on too)) [/color]

https://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-laughing021.gif
lol

Blazay:
Learn to keep your affairs tidy with less talk-talk.
If you want to dissolve your marriage, do so quietly.
Involving others would make for great distractions and you might just lose focus.
You will have to change your mind to accommodate all their "solicited" advices.

If you want to leave, leave.
Avoid drama.
If it bothered me that much. . . I would just up and leave. . . I will not even involve MY own parents.

i am seriously weighing these options, thank you for seeing what am seeing

obowunmi:
You hv kids with him --- its tough being a single mother. You knew he was a cheater but you married him --- FORGIVE him!

it is tough being a single mother, but actually i didnt know he was a cheater. assuming i did i wouldnt have involved myself with him in the first place. he had once strayed after three years in the marriage. i was devastated,torn and heaartbroken, why a person would put his bodily needs before that of his own family. why he was willing to break down his own home for matters of the flesh, that is really absurd. i am openminded and can understand that people can err and forgiveness should only come after a sincere apology and a dire need to avoid the temptation to do a bad deed. he proved himself worthy after his first affair but he seems to have taken me for granted,thinking that just because i have children with him,i won´t opt to struggle on my own. he is so ungrateful and i have had enuff time to think and rethink, my children come first this time.

living with an enemy,a person who wont opt for a loving marriage,is like living a bitter life,forcing yourself to accept conditions that will never change.

i will forgive him, with time

Nekai:
Please go back to your husband. Tell him that you two are not to speak of the issue again. Don't tell anyone about this, not even your own family. The broadcasting of his sins is almost as bad as the sin. (In his eyes anyways.) Go on with life like normal. Force some responsibility on him concerning the kids. Leave them with him every chance you get. If he does a bad job as far as leaving the kids in shambles (as long as they are fed and kept from danger) say nothing and complement him for doing a good job and ignore the mess. People who resent responsibility purposely mess up so that you won't put the responsibility on them again. He has the capacity to to everything for the children that you do, and a busy man is one that has less opportunity to cheat.

Act so calm and cool that he will be confused. Kill him with kindness. Take this opportunity to invest in yourself, since it sounds like you have had very little free time. Call your family and his family in his presence and tell them how wonderful he is being.

Your husband will transform back into the man you married. Even though you are suffering more, he is suffering at the thought that his wife will never trust him again, and that you will make him miserable as long as he lives over this issue.

If you don't mention it, he will bring it up and most likely appologize. Don't go into how hurt you were and how you felt, even though I know you are bursting at the seams to tell him. Actions accomplish more than talking.

In the meanwhile, carefully plan your escape. If he transforms back into the man he was when you fell in love with him, great. If he doesn't, you will have a chance to plan a proper exit on your terms. If your family has to be broken don't let it be at the hands of some girl.

thank you for your kind words. a person,man or woman does not derserve to go through this much suffering and neglect. i have to put myself first and thats heavier than allowing this man to ruin my life.

Genius100:
What do you mean he does not take his responsibility serious? Are you saying you are the breadwinner or are you saying he does not help you take care of the kids?

hi,
no am not the breadwinner,he makes his own money and he doesnt even help around with bills, add that to the fact that he does not spend enough time with his children and you´ll see just how much am struggling and suffering in this relationship

its not fair to allow children to pass thru this kind of hardship.

DrummaBoy:
I must confess your situation is not enviable and since I have not (and hope not to) experience such before basically all I would be saying would be theory but I pray it helps you. If I was to come into my house someday and I find my wife has cheated on me with a white man what should I do (note, I didnt say what will I do).
1. I expect to be hurt and for that hurt to take time to heal.
2. But because I am a christian I would call upon the name of the Lord to heal me.
3. I must forgive my wife; divorce is not an option, even for a case of infidelity.
4. I would talk to her. Maybe take a vacation and sort it out, without the kids present.
5. I would judge myself. If I have been satisfying her sexually there is a 90% chance she would not cheat on me.
6. I would attack satan; and command him to take his hold off my home. Every single challenge couple have is from the devil. While God seeks to build our homes, the devil seeks to pull it down. I would rebuke the cloud of darkness hovering over my home.
7. I would turn to my wife and give her intense lovemaking; I would show her I can do it better than that SOB white chap, and there is no need seeking outside what can be found inside.
8. I expect it to change me; giving me a new outlook to life.
9. I would come to appreciate my wife more.
10. When I have responded in love to her, my wife would be broken and will for the rest of her life be indebted to me for loving her when she was unlovable.

That, my sister, is the story of the Easter season we are in. We all have been unfaithful to God. We have been miserable adulterers. But "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for the ungodly", not when we were perfect but sinners. We today feel indebted to him for his love for us and have chosen to live all of our lives for him.

Show the God kind of love to your husband and the God of heaven will heal your home, and begin you both on a path of bliss that you will never recover from.

My prayers are with you.

so easy for you to say

haba!

@rokiatu, I have two children with him but he does not take his responsibilities seriously. He leaves me to have the whole responsibility alone and I have decided to take it without arguing with hiom about it. He just doesnt want to help out on this part at all

@ifyalways, I found condoms and saw telephone calls made to this gal, she even admitted and my husband turned abusive both verbally and physically on me. I dont want to stay in this bad relationship,it is tainted and not of love,he is out to fulfill his desires and i have forgiven him before of his sins. it feels so sad that he didn´t think of his family first before his bodily needs.

@osama10, nomatter how much time i should allow to pass,,it will still not rub the fact out that he forgot his family.i am so resentful as i know that had we traded places,he´d not have forgiven me for straying. my heart can´t take and accept this behaviour as i have forgiven him before.

@macjive01,so if i was a bisexual and cheated on my man with another woman, that wouldn´t be considered cheating,it´d be a "whiff fantasy"??

my spouse just happened to have cheated on me with a white woman. apparently he must have done this while I was away and I took the kids with me, do I tell his family in nigeria for our dissolution in marriage as I feel like I cannot continue anymore with this character?pls help

hi people, just wondering if anyone could help me figure this out:

if a naija man is living abroad and has a girl child in nigeria yet have children with a non-naija chic abroad, can the man´s brother , who is just 22yrs be handed the responsibility to support the supposed girl child or is this a mind trick where the guy abroad is using to support his other girl in naija with his daughter?

olas2u:
You guys will always cross the bridge when you also get there .Every body deserves a chance,forgive and forget and move on with life.Invest your children,the beauty of marriage is the children you have for him.He was honest with you,some people get to know when they are reading the man,s will after his death.There is a lot you dont understand,but not all african men,The future always matters to a Nigerian.what will happen in the old age?will you be living in Nigeria?Move on pls.Many women will still marry him despite that.Dont listen to advises.Once you dump him,many men will line up infront of your house to take turns,none will marry you.move on ,forgive and love again.

Thank you for your good insights.You know what, to move on is my last option coz somehow, I might be old--fashioned but, my children deserve their own father. I think I just need to know whether he can be their for them n the future coz I dont need the bond between him and my children to be broken. I know that in the future, my children will understand. Its a pity I havent been able to go back to Nigeria to get to the matter of things but I have gotten some answers from his parents and him. I found out that the gal moved on after finding out about him and me together but you never know .
I got the looks to so I know finding another man wont be a problem at all. Thing is, I´m a one man woman and that might be a bit hard

GUys is this a common scenario in Nigeria with men living abroad?

Andre Uweh:
You did not do your homework before you gave your silly body to a man you are not sure of. It is an outright stupidity for someone to invest in a man you are not sure of. You are not even married to him. An adult is different from a 5 year old 10 year old. It never occured to your memory that such an adult might have been married, or engaged with someone else or is seeing someone else before you.
Could the parents, siblings, relatives and friends lie to you at the same time?. When you are about to go into a relationship, you have to embark on a fight finding mission. When the task is completed, then you can make a choice. Probably, you are joking and in future, just look before you leap.

Oh God, how can you be so quick to judge and scorn? I AM married to the man, I HAVE met his parents purposefully to know them but my point is that I feel like I have been lied to by his parents who didn´t utter a single word about thhis other woman. We are all mature so let´s try to be civil at that. You are here insulting thinking that people are living the same kind of life like you and so everybody should see the world as you. Unfortunately, there are those like me who get into paths that we hadn´t accounted for coz DUH don´t you think the majority does a bit of background checkup before they engage theirselves in long-term relationships? I happen to fall in this category but somehow I feel like I was lied to by his parents and that´s more hurting than ever. Coz how could I have been meeting them all this time and they didnt utter a word. My mission in coming to this forum is to know whether this an acceptable phenomenon in some Naija cultures especially when Najia men or women are living abroad.

Maybe you are the one who´s not open-minded,typing before you think. Just a thought.

Andre Uweh:
A frog has to look before it leaps.

what does that mean?

I know, when things don´t turn out just the way you expected or were promised, the world falls apart.
All that I explained above is just a summary and has taken place the past couple of years.

Its hard to just leave him,although It´s on my mind. I already have 2 kids with him before I found out the disastrous news. You might be right though, maybe the other gal has been accepted into the family that I did.

Hi people. I hope you are all having a chilled out weekend---in one way or another

I was just wondering whether there are people in this debate forum that can help me understand the nigerian culture and nigerian men at that, when in comes to relationships.
I have been together with a nigerian guy for some time now, I have even met his parents and siblings in Nigeria and I found that to be a really profound experience. Well, until I found out that there is another woman in my guy´s life and she´s currently taking care of his daughter in Nigeria. I never met her when I travelled there. The weird part about this discovery is that my guy explained that at the time of our travel together to nigeria, the other woman was staying with his parents coz her parents had thrown her out when they found out that she was pregnant for him. and during the first months of us being together,he had travelled back to nigeria for 5 months and had an "affair" with this gal. I don´t know whether it´s an affair with me he´s having either . Its just heartbreaking coz I´ve invested my life with this man but I´m an african gal wondering whether this is a one man´s error or a way for him to cover his actual future plans with me coz I´m non- nigerian. What do you guys take of this? What´s the deal with having a woman in nigeria in general when wanting to live abroad?

Do Nigerian men settle for other women of african origin?

Thanx in advance for your answers.

brownbonno:
My dear a jigsaw is an assumption.100% sure of your secondary evidence,might not be admissible in law.Since there is no perfection in human nature you can as well take your man in and enjoy your lives.

my sources are very reliable,infact even I have been put in situations when I visited his relatives that bring up queries in my mind, like, why i wasn´t allowed to be at his parents´ residence for long and why I slept at his uncles place that´s just 5 mins from his parent´s place

I cannot enjoy my life knowing it is one based on a lie.some do though

bystander:
If he really hides his marriage in Nigeria, go ahead setting his pants on fire, girl!

Bystander you know,I have seen one white gyal who found out when it was rather too late,ten years into the marriage ,she couldn´t do anything after the realisation,she only had to accept the facts and she´s struggling to get her life back together after the ordeal.

Thats years of wasted life.that man was really really egoistic. he couldn´t care less of the children he had in australia(mind you he didn´t even want them to go to his homeland), his interests were that of his other family back in africa ,


busting his azz, , am working on it.bringing out that hidden marriage to light is quite a task!

due to the grand competition and envy,everybody involved will be on each other´s necks.there´s no way in avoiding this, unless everybody involved is living above average standards of living e.g in developed countries. I found out that i have been married to one and am bailing out.i wouldn´t advice it, everybody wants full attention, this habit of men getting away with crazy traditions is a no-no
well i don´t see polygamous marriages happening in the way we´ve always seen it in africa happening in western countries.what is evident in developed countries is the adam,eve and steve relationships, .that´s another football field altogether.

kokoye:


Another's mom has cancer and they think it might be the stepmom doing jazz. ,

jazz?

@brownbonno, I am over 100% sure that the information is true. and I am preparing maself for battle and like TOYOSI20 said, (sorry Toyo if I may bend your phrases,

TOYOSI20:
Its very unfortunate I find myself in this position, . . . . . . .

Sounds like the foundation of the whole relationship has been lies, lies and more lies from the onset,

The most important thing is the stability of the children involved,

it mustn't be compromised because some adoult has decided to continue making selfish decisions,

I have refused to be fed lies for the rest of our time together so i have decided to dust myself off and move on. . . . . . .

what can a person do in such a situation? accepting lies is like prolonging the inevitable. and I think that cutting ties from a close one is one of the hardest things to do in life. I think in my case the most painful one is that he´s been lying through his teeth all this while and he is still at it. better beat him at his game as I have been knowing about this for quite some time. There are tidbits of truth that are falling into place that really make my jigsaw puzzle to fit together.

can anyone eplain to me roughly how a traditional wedding takes place in nigeria? thank you in advance


@bystander,I am born and raised in melbourne,half white half black, you here as well? Holla

Btw davidylan, we have been married all along , a go chop your finger that you pointin me too much wit


@ogodona, everyday is like BREATHE IN;BREATHE OUT when I see this guy.You have no idea

@Ninani, I just remembered I didn´t put all I wanted to say to you.I will not use the baby against him or let the baby be in the line of fire, and that is probably one of the reasons I filed for sole custody.

I have decided to channel my anger somewhere else a.k.a taking care of maself



I just talked to him now and he wants me to talk to his parents tomorrow

@chikka98, I am , mebbe I need to play that song Run by gnarls barkley just the very day hehe

@davidylan, is sad how you can summerize things that short without analysing the details, I tell you I have heard of a story about a man who had children with four different women. These children came to find out about each other when they were adults!!now wouldn´t that leave your jaw on the ground then?

thanx Ninani. I have considered every thing concerning me and this guy,turned every stone and doublechecked for dust, and I saw that I need to fight for the best interests for the child, and no, I have my pack of goodies packed for him. If what they´ve been planning for me is bull,I will give them crap and I bet you he will be joining that other woman too in the village. I have come a long way and I have realised that this is not how you use other people for not only material gain,but for other selfish gains as well. A child is a human being,not a toy. I have seen men disgracing themselves and other femals that treaded their path by having good times with these girls then leaving them paged and all.

once the guys found out that the chic was pregnant,they disappear.classic story.on the flip side of the coin,there are women who trick men into sleepin with them then they become pregnant then tie the man own to support them, all sad stories, they happen but they all classic ´till they happen to us or those close to us.

I won´t negotiate with him coz he looks like he´s already set eyes on his target, I am now bargaining for me and mine

@ifyalways now that´s odd,thanx for the info though, excuse my naivety (sp) but the hell!!! , does that mean that by her living with her in-laws she has already been married to this guy?

One thing my family values in marriages / relationships is good moral values. I simply can´t understand why his family is myopic and greedy. I have known this guy for quite some time and he has been supporting and somehow there for me but I haven´t complained. I have always thought that I was welcomed to his family and that I had created a good bond with them, only to find out that I have entered a wrong family with what they have in store for me.If I cofront him,then he will call them and tell them to lie to me, I have considered this part thoroughly and has now filed for sole custody to our son. I thought that we had something going as I also have a child with this guy.

Just the thought that I was kept for benefits leaves me

I have decided to move on with my life, and let bygones be bygones

@ninani, for the next one year.we have been together for 4yrs now.

It´s just so low for the family to stopp low like that. even for the so called wife/girlfriend.I wouldn´t allow my husband to go throught all thris and I would just be at home drying up like a wliting leaf chilling for my hubby to bring me water and bring me back to life. I have decided to call it quits with this guy.

It´s so disgusting,am nauseated

I just don´t get the part where I have met his family except for his wife/girlfriend? where was that girl when i visited his whole family?

i have talked o his mum a couple of times on the phone.she seems nice but this guy told me that isometimes he talks to his married sister who is living with the mum,but other sources confirm that it is the girl who has this guy´s child.

@Ezinwannem, i have alreaady done that but he usually dodges the question and usually makes a fuss about it.since that was hs response to it i have since then decided to lay low as i have no solid proof.he lies about profound things i have realised,it´s not funny anymore.how long can this "stay-with-mother-in-law-till-hubby-returns" status last?

hi, plse help me out with these 3 questions:

In igbo tradition /culture, is it acceptable for any reason for a woman and her child to live in the house of her husband´s parents in the village?
I discovered that my Nigeria husband has another woman in Nigeria and this woman has kids with him. Is there any reason as to why his family would cover up for him?? I am thinking that he wants to secure his papers here first. I am not sure whether he is married to his other woman but I know that he has been building a house in Nigeria.

i don´t know whther they are married, why all these lies?
is it appropriate for a naija girl to live with the parents to this guy for any reason?

Some insight please

thanx guys , what I don´t understand is whether it is good to call a woman Obi because a friend of mine who is a nigerian calls me that and has even stored my name under that nickname, but "king" , hehehe, oh well

HI everybody

I have a question regaring some igbo words and was wondering whether somebody can translate them for me:
*what is the meaning of "Obi" and is it ok to call a girl that or even nickname her after that name?

*how about babaijebu, what does that mean?

thanx for your answers

GNature---sure ,imagine I have seen some today since my registration and I am like, waaa

thanx for the translation, I like how the phrase sounds

what is the meaning of na wa o , I need to learn nigerian and talk like thissss

lol!! @rottweiler:d

@loverbwoy I meant commercial in the sense that the guy was in a way going overrboard with the stunts he was doing to catch attention from the viewers.I actually said that I thought his programme was too commercial because at the time they introduced the show on animal planet, it felt like he wanted to be an onscreen popularity rather than the actual animal crusader that he was

It´s true that he was livening things up, and that is totally something unusal on animal planet.

Yeah @2old4that, and I read somewhere that sting ray attacks are actually not that lethal. He just was at the wrong place and and a bit inexperienced with that kind of environment and the sort of creature he was going to check out.Sad that death is irreversible.

Before I thought ihis programme was too commercial and I couldn´t bear watchin him on tv.Something about the way he was presenting and playin with the crocs wasn´t just my cup of tea at that time. But he went commercial and now I can´t bear knowing I won´t see him battling those crocs again . Ironical ain´t it?