₦airaland Forum

Chaulay1:
How to Deal with Complainers, Whiners and Pessimists

Negativity is contagious. Even if you start off in a good mood, talking to a complainer or pessimist can turn a good day into a bad one.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t listen to other people’s problems. Supporting each other through hard times is an important part of a good relationship. But talking through problems is different from the repetitive, unproductive negativity of chronic complainers. You know you are talking to a negative person when you feel tired during the conversation…you start feeling as powerless and victimized as he does…you notice yourself wanting to avoid the person because of the gloom that follows him/her around.

Most pessimists and whiners aren’t trying to ruin your day. In fact, they often aren’t aware of the negative ­effect they have on other people. After sharing their unhappiness, frustration or disenchantment with life, they feel temporary relief. They don’t consider the possibility that the behavior bringing them such relief causes other people to feel worse.

They also may not be aware that by venting their gripes, they alienate others, further increasing their loneliness and dissatisfaction and increasing their sense of powerlessness.

To protect your emotional health, it’s a good idea to minimize the time you spend with negative people. But if the complainer is someone you work with or is a friend or relative you care about, staying out of the person’s path may not be practical or desirable.

Several simple tactics can keep a pessimist from wearing you out. Some techniques work better than others depending on the person, relationship and situation, so don’t be afraid to experiment with different methods.

Important: Keep your tone matter of fact and pleasant. If your voice carries a hint of scolding, shaming or condescension, these strategies won’t work.

How to keep a complainer from dragging you down…

Quit Problem-Solving

The chronic complainer doesn’t want advice on how to improve his situation. He wants company in his downbeat view of the world. Even if he asks for your input, you are likely to wind up in a spiral where all your suggestions are rejected or lead to new complaints, and both of you will get progressively more annoyed.

Instead, ask in a friendly tone, “Are you looking for advice, or do you need to vent? If venting would be helpful, I can listen for five minutes. After that, I’ll have to do something else or I will wind up in a bad mood—and that won’t be good for either of us.”

Another option is to let the person complain for a minute or two, then say in a friendly tone, “Gosh, what a drag. What are you going to do now?” If the person says he has no idea or asks what you think, say pleasantly, “Hey, my advice only works for me. It’s your life, and I know you can figure this out. Keep me posted on how it goes.”

Deflect

Practice a few quick, light or even playful phrases that you can choose from to change the subject from negative to positive. Examples…

• “Wow, Mom, the doctor kept you waiting at the nursing home—sorry to hear it. What did he say is causing the pain in your hip?”
• “That does sound like something to complain about. Tell me something that’s going right. There’s so much negativity in the world, it’s starting to get to me, and some positive news would be a big help.”

• If you’re in a group that’s complaining: “Hey, everybody, we’re becoming a tad negative. Given the state of the world, we have more to be thankful for than upset about. Can we change the subject?”
Empathize

If you feel yourself being pulled into the other person’s negative view, say in a compassionate tone, “You’re doing a good job of helping me feel what it feels like to be you. I’m sorry you have to deal with all that.”

For a person who probably doesn’t receive many compliments and who feels alone in his unhappiness, this simple expression of empathy may provide the affirmation that he needs to let go of the negative topic for the time being.

mykelmeezy:
there's nothing wrong with her being blunt



absolutely nothing

people out here commenting asif they have not been stressed to a point they'll slap the next person who tries to give em more task



my point is from her response you can see she is pretty stressed about something......n the least thing she expected was her parents complaining about a gown


if you wan quote me talk nonsense abeg

mykelmeezy:
there's nothing wrong with her being blunt



absolutely nothing

people out here commenting asif they have not been stressed to a point they'll slap the next person who tries to give em more task



my point is from her response you can see she is pretty stressed about something......n the least thing she expected was her parents complaining about a gown


if you wan quote me talk nonsense abeg

Kalusha44:
....as who??wey u be...

themonk:
That someone gave you 8million doesnt discard the evidences brought against him. there are ritualists who give to poor people.
All I am saying is that the truth should prevail. I dont know who is saying the truth and who is not but the truth is just all I want.

Kalusha44:
.....greet your Dad and brothers for me... Wish them happy rapist month for me o.. U hear? ..!!

1bkaye:
All Nigerian men are potential rapists tbh

PenisCaP:
Bisola is a fool.. a miserable hypocrite.
What abt her.. a cheap olosho. A single mum with no pride.. 1 kobo ashewo.. callin another person names.

I aint a tboss fan infact i hate tboss..
But if anyone should judge tboss idnt think its bisola..bcoz tboss is far better.

PenisCaP:
Bisola is a fool.. a miserable hypocrite.
What abt her.. a cheap olosho. A single mum with no pride.. 1 kobo ashewo.. callin another person names.

I aint a tboss fan infact i hate tboss..
But if anyone should judge tboss idnt think its bisola..bcoz tboss is far better.

CaroLyner:
Let me just put the tip.

Iceman2017:
sometimes we will be quick to criticize the government, but the truthbis that most of the pensioners abused office while still serving and karma indirectly catching them up.

Thou not in support of this APC government but we need to always make a hare while the sun shines.

Crixina:
like you said, it was hit harder, not “pour in harder"

I'm out
#bye

0b10010011:
Scanty protest!


Akpabio and Fayose's plan failed woefully.



I just hope the Nigerian Armed Forces and Nigerian Police Force do the needful in due time.

oscaruzie:
no be old news be dis one?....NL no get any FP material again

Hadez:
To hell with Nigeria. I already have my Canadian passport

KingAdeOluomo1:
are u der

sauceEEP:
What's the name of that rifle?

EpicMaurice:
OK so Yoruba be claiming Lagos state ba, but how come in Xmen:prigin of wolverine, when Logan and Victor e spoke I and dead pool came to LAGOS the language they showed the natives speaking was IGBO.
how manage. even the deadpool in that movi gbo while at Lagos.
can someone explain to me why

EpicMaurice:
OK so Yoruba be claiming Lagos state ba, but how come in Xmen:prigin of wolverine, when Logan and Victor e spoke I and dead pool came to LAGOS the language they showed the natives speaking was IGBO.
how manage. even the deadpool in that movi gbo while at Lagos.
can someone explain to me why

Obas101:
My very first to comment
I don't care about the post

Aufbauh:
Sharp smart guy!....Money indeed answereth all things.
A 43 year old sister in-law of a sitting governor in an oil rich state with an ex-hubby and a 16 year old daughter getting married to a 29 year old guy probably unemployed with fainted hope or chance of breakthrough is a win win situation.

BeeBeeOoh:
Greatness is In Us. Proudly Anambra..

BeeBeeOoh:
Greatness is In Us. Proudly Anambra..