Wow sir, I fully agree with you.
May God bless you ...Amen
I'm very glad, that there are males around they can see the value of a beloved wife and mention how ....as sad as it is ....many males will change over the time.
Your words are telling me that you are a good man who found out what's the secret of real happiness.
I see it as a honor to go into the kitchen and cook a meal for my wife ....oh and of course arrange everything properly in the kitchen again.
Many men are complaining that their wifes don't have much time for them .... no wonder if those guys don't help their wifes doing all the housework together.......

Very well posted and very true!

May God touch all the hearts of men that they'll think the same way ....in Jesus Name Amen

Wow, I was very touched by that story.
While I was reading to move the mother into the house, my guess already was, that this will not went well for long.
I was raised in a different culture, people overhere say that young and old don't fit together in the same apartment.
I am not going to say it's better "our way"and the culture in Africa contain many thing which are better than in our culture.
But the couple in that story should have been aware, that mothers always see their sons like they did when they was little boys. It's a difficult and graduate process for them that the wife is now the person who take care of their sons and the couple arranged their lifestyle how they like it. Time is changing and what was normally a generation before doesn't automatically is good for the next generation.
Its sad, in that story there was a lack of communication between all three of them and the Damocles sword of the liver cancer above them.

Well, my wify often is saying that I'm too much talking and explaining, while I do think, both of a couple .....regardless what kind of lifestyle they're choosing .....should following one rule without any exception:
Never hiding anything from each other, let you become an totally " open book " for your partner, share all thoughts and never let the sun go down while having an issue between them.

The wife should have not made a secret of her pregnancy, the husband should have talked open about his liver cancer and both should have talked about the Mom and talk with her very calm and friendly but make her to understand, that the way they're living she has to accept. That doesn't mean that she's not loved or that the wife wants her to leave.

It is really sad to see a country suffering from a crisis that much. Indeed it is true like someone posted here, that even the rich countries suffered from economical crisis from time to time and as a result they are developing new ideas and became innovative and competitive again. But did they let their economy freely fall without any regulations? No.
I can remember that the last economy shrink here in Germany was under the Chancellor Schroeder who was member of the social Democratic Party.
Yes, there was a cut of the social security aka welfare system as well. But they set the tax system that under a minimum income people can apply for federal benefits ....of course after a very strictly check of the financial situation. All private savings and property has to be used before the social plans are enforced. And on the other side, the huge income of companies was reduced by tax bills with the exception, that investments into new technologies, which was supported by the government. Private treasures was falling under the tax. There was a fluctuation of money into other countries like Switzerland, because of their banking secrets. But overall, the law system was kept up, same the security situation....only just a minor increase of criminal cases was noticed. And even the poorest could afford to feed their families.
So, it's a bit naive to me, transferring the situation in a economic depression and the recovering from it just 1:1 into Nigeria's situation.
From what I've noticed, there are way more problems in Nigeria.
I never will say, that we did better here ....absolutely not. And there is no question about it, that you Nigerians are doing what ever you can to keep your country up. Whe never had the burden of being a colony of another country, and as a European I'm ashamed how our grandparents and the generation before treated and robbed Africa.
Yes we've lost 2 wars in the last century, the economy was destroyed totally. It also took a long time to establish a social democracy.
On the other hand, we never had rich ressorses like oil. Our resources always was manpower and workers.
One of the essential criteria I think is the educational system. All children need to have access to schools and colleges. The children of today are the treasure of the future.

I do not have the intention to accuse anyone here ....of course not.
But I was looking around in several countries and I've noticed, that the societies are differing.
So for example, here to show prosperity, they do this driving new expensive cars. In Sweden I could see, if someone wants to show he's rich, then he'll walk around drunk early in the morning (maybe that changed over the years, but in the 80ties, alcohol was very expensive in Sweden, so showing others that someone can afford liquer was a kind of status symbol .....I'm not going to judge)

Now please ask yourself, what is one of the status symbols in the Nigerian society?
Isn't it, that the very rich are demonstrating and behaving that they're above the law?
If you're going to answer that with a yes to some degree, then isn't it, that everyone want to show his wealth in one form or the other ......isn't that also a growing ground for corruption? (Doing what ever they want and if got caught ....okay, paying some money and the case is closed?)

For ending such behave, the whole society need to be aware, that it is a great honor to obey the law, as higher as someone's income is, as more this person should follow the law and the rules ( including paying all tax)
Another helpful doctrine was, that it was an unwritten rule, that the person in a company with the highest salary should not get a higher income than 17 times of the lowest income in that company.
I really think, that the very poor have nothing to loose, so they might try even with criminal methods to get money .....if they would have enough for living and a humble existence, they would think twice before risking their freedom.

So overall, indeed sometimes the economy will decline, but it's at the government to implement and set up the rules and the frame for getting the economy recovered. It's no good to let the people starve, they need a perspective too for not becoming criminal or very angry.

I don't want to sound like a smart@ss and I'm sure, that if we would be in your situation, facing all that issues, we probably would not be able to do as well as you Nigerians.
And for my country I wish, that our government in Berlin would rethink the politics and offer Nigeria a partnership with real equity and not for profit

icedbeatz:
Save me your blabbing, partnership for life and you want me to indulge or continue such partnership that is laid on a weak foundation? And a lier, fraudster, manipulative, cruel and selfish partner? Talk about trust, nigga you high? She been lying so where tf is the trust? Gtfohmf

Yeah, but exactly that "blabbing" you've called so nice has to do with the society.
The smallest cell of a society is a couple. If remaining in ancient times, no wonder it will be very difficult for a country to develop and making progress in economy.
Distrusting came to a good share of what the person itself is capable of and suspecting other are capable of the same.
Oh and I give a damn what you're doing with your partnership.
But I would like to know, does you was truthful all the time to your partner? What's good for the ganter goes for the goose as well.

lastpage:


What rubbish are you saying above? Are you one of those female witch who want law so they can inherit easily, after killing their husbands?

No one should be given the right to kill their spouse........ MALE of FEMALE!
Both are capable of EVIL


Lastpage!

Rubbish?
No ....while I totally agree with you, that killing another person always is a capital crime and should be punished with life sentence to prison and hard labour ....
And for inherit .....I'm coming from a country, where equity is installed in the law and in the Constitution. In our law, even it will be prosecuted when a husband rapes his wife (or reverse ....there already was some cases too) the Parliament passed in addition a new passage, that prosecution will take place even in a married couple, if one of the couple makes a statement and said "no" ... But inherit is excluded by law, if a court found the remaining partner guilty of a crime which leaded to the death of the spouse.
And fyi ...no I'm not female. Our laws only seems to be way more developed.

onoja12:
please try to explain to me what you wrote because i have read it several times but seem not to get your point

Didn't you posted that someone in the Senate wanted to give females the legal right to kill their husbands?
I was asking does that statement was made in the debate of that equity bill?
What I mean is ....just in case it was said during the equity discussion, .....to give females the same rights like males .....then this would mean that males already would have that right (to kill their wifes) ....did you got it now?
Of course I fully agree with you, that nobody has the right to kill another human.

icedbeatz:
i guess the cost of marriage and ceremony and various expenses is #100 and legal expenditures around #50 and time lost #30 so it should be easy for him to fix things right? Civilised? Who lies about their virginity to get a hubby? Deceitfully manipulating and building a marriage abi supposed holy matrimony on lies? Both effdup, we reap whatever we sore

Hm are you going to buy a car or a camel?
Marriage is partnership for the rest of the life. Both of a married couple give up their single life and share good and bad times together and each of them need to trust each other..... What has that to do with money? Isn't a partnership and togetherness in love something you cannot " buy it for all the money in the world?
And for the "virgin issue" ......is it not in the knowledge, that a defloration also can happen in hospital or gynecology?
And if it was really another man ... then simply try to treat the wife better than the other one

Violent males don't deserve wifes.
Let them first make the step from barbarian stone age into the civilised world of now!
If it is that important, why not just separating and go for divorce ....

I love my wify unconditional, no matter what might happen ...and my entire life belongs to her, would die for her and I'm not asking for something in reverse.

onoja12:
And somebody in the Senate wanted to give women the legal right to kill there husbands so they can inherit,already they are trying to kill there husbands,imagine what would happen when the law guarantees them inheritance

A legal right to kill someone? Does this is referring to the equity discussion? If it is so, how comes the husbands think they have a right to kill their wifes? Imho, the males even don't have the right to be violent physically or mentally against their wifes ....
It's always way way better to sit down and talk calm and civilised ( without any personal offence )
Yea, I know, when the brain of a male is just too weak and there is a lack of intelligence, so they don't have any logical arguments, then they tend to become violent ....but that makes their point not a single dot more reasonable.
And if a husband becomes violent, he will hurt himself in longer term, because a loving wife never would do that ....instead she's always caring for her husband being comfortable ...so the husband should care for his wife.

Poisoned food?
Do some really should accuse the partner of serving poisoned food without real evidence?
Swollen legs also could be an allergic reaction.
The only proof for poisoned food can be done in a laboratory. The contain of the stomach has to be checked by a chemist and in case of really poision a sample should be kept for the court.

But overall, I do think, the marriage is already damaged, if one partner see the spouse capable of that ......it would be interesting to know what happened in the past, that the woman would even think about poision.
It could be dark mustard and maybe in a not properly washed pot ....or even when the food was not covered .... Could it be possible that flies layed their eggs into the food? Lots of possibilities, which all should be excluded before accusing the partner.

From my time as cop, I know, that using poision is usually the domain of persons who are scared to face a quarrel because of the physical strength. But I also experienced, that unfortunately the males often gave the reasons by treating the women bad.

tpiar:
you sound more American/Nigerian than German, just wondering.

Oh really?
How is that? How does the "typical" germans sound?
I know, that from my point of view, other germans always think 25 times before they're making up their mind and tend to be conservative and the money aspect is very important to them.
To me, what's in the heart is counting and there's no place for material things. All I want is a happy family .....hm and I guess I'm stubborn enough to focus on that and nothing else. I hate it when authorities are hiding behind their paragraphs and not consider, that each law is made for human beings and not reverse. .....But it's not on us to judge others, we better leave that in the Hands of God. I know, nobody can follow the word of the Almighty Father in all aspects, only His Son did.
No, what I think is .....probably in the opposite of many other germans, that the own belongings always have to be placed behind the family belongings .....well I'm old and had a tough school of life.

Thank you for your information ....
Well, I think, if I would move to Nigeria, then there really would be no rush for an adoption, it was more if my family would decide to come to Germany. It would give the kids way more security if they could get a German passport.
You know, those german authorities are so fuzzy and strictly, that's why we are consider an adoption ......we also thought about the family Name ....I fully agree that the kids should keep their fathers name as well for always keeping their father in their hearts.

Wow, with all the respect to a minister .....
I guess someone need to study in an university very hard to be able to isolate the production of petrol and claim that it's cheaper to produce it abroad ......
Okay, I've never studied in an university, so that might be the reason why I think, that the production costs of petrol cannot be seen alone .....what about all the byproducts? What about all the families who can get food, because they're working in such a raffinery inside Nigeria?
What about the political aspect to try making Nigeria's economy independent from abroad?
And finally, what will that honest minister will tell to the Nigerian citizen when the costs will raise and producing petrol would be cheaper inside the country?
In my humble opinion, it's in no way cheaper to produce petrol outside the country ......oh and besides that, are the producers of petrol outside Nigeria all stupid fools for buying oil from Nigeria and resell petrol into Nigeria again?
Considering that each member of a government has to swear an oath to do all and everything for the best of the country, this minister I guess should go sit back and do the calculations again under the aspects of Independence, social benefits for the economy, etc.
Each single coin what leaves Nigeria is gone .....money what will remain in the country will "work" for the own economy.
Those workers in the raffineries will spend their money at local markets for ....hopefully ....buying local produced food and goods and will strengthen the Nigerian economy.
I sincerely cannot see any sense to let companies abroad doing the business and harm the own economy.

Well, I'm aware of the traditional aspects, I was more interested in the law aspects. And for the traditional aspects .....from what I know is, since more than 7 years the late husbands family gave a damn about the children nor the widow, so I'm curious how they even legally spoken have any right to claim custody now that I'm married.
They're from the south.

I see your reasonable and valid points, thank you for your comments. I only had the opportunity to stay with the kids for a few weeks .....way too short of course. But when I left, all of them was crying. My heart is still bleeding and I'm still carrying the letter they wrote to me and apologized for not obeying to their Mom like I we want them to do ....well kids of course....... But even during that short time we could spend together, I've experienced that we was on the right way with how to educate the kids ......I think, children need to be treated like "little" adults and when I or we want them to do this or that, then giving an explanation of why is always better than just an order. I can say, that I've raised my ( biological) kids without shouting at them or giving them a slap ....it just requires a little investment of time to explain them the reasons and I do think, I will not damage the authority of the parents to show the kids, that even the man's feelings are vulnerable and that overall there's the concern that the kids are getting a good life, becoming well respected members of a comunity and foremost submitting them the value of a happy family, which means that all members need to feel comfortable, save, well understood, respected and loved. I'm aware, that it will take a long time until the kids will really trust the new man at their mom's side and that they can always rely on this person. It's not a process which goes in a finger snap.
The only thing I already have done was, to explain the planned adoption to my daughters and I'm glad that they understood and are all for it ....they're exited to get new siblings already. They also understand, even when I have to admit, that they're not that happy about my intention to move to Nigeria ......
Oh and for the fact that it happens that the part of a couple which moved to Germany will abandon the other part of the couple as soon as the permission to stay will be no longer depending on living together ....yes I'm aware of that, but I don't believe that for such a separation lays at the African part only .....instead I'm thinking that it depends on how the partner from abroad got treated. If in the house only tenderness and respecting each other will dwell as well as equity and harmony, then it might not come automatically to a separation.
I rather believe that it depends on how both will see the Union .....it should always be at the free will of both of them, without any thought of possessing the partner ......of course not.
Well, because I want my wife being the boss of the family ......indeed, the female part of the family is the family core ....the whole atmosphere in any family is affected by the woman and does she's happy or not. It's on us males to take the wifes love never for granted and it's on us, to show our wifes each day for new again, how much we are loving them and admire them.
It will not damage a man's position in a family when we're showing our great respects to our wifes and that we are aware, that our reason for being in the family is to care for them in the first place. The key for a happy family is a happy wife only .....
It has not much to do with material goods I think, rather than with the emotions and being faithful and loyal to her until the heart will stop beating.
Submitting those behave to the kids hopefully will make them copy it for their own families later.

peacengine:
Big time hypocrisy in this country, but OP why do yu even want to come to this forsaken land?

Yes I know that it's not an "El Dorado" but being together with wife and kids is the only thing what counts.
I know about the public electricity, the water problems, the school fees, the health care, the social security aspects, the crime rate, the scarcity of fuel, all that I'm aware of, but my family lives there, and I'm belonging nowhere else than at the side of my beloved wife and kids.
At the marriage we both promised to stay together and go through thick and thin as long as we will live.
So the location, where we will be is not the major question .....me I think, there are living how many people in Nigeria? I guess more than 170 million ....so why not me?
Yes I know, many would like to move abroad and would "trade" with me, believe me sir, I gladly would give me German citizenship and the passport away and being able to stay in Nigeria for good ....hm yes my wify says otherwise, she wants to touch the snow in winter with her hands and live overhere. If the authorities will issue the visas, well fine, but you cannot imagine how fozzy and therefore inhuman they are ....raising each time new obstacles.....
Just one example:
We've tried to get married here in Germany and so we've applied for a visa .....they've asked me about a certificate of imbandance for my fiance ....so I tried to get such a document. Do you know what the registration officer in Germany told me? It can take up to 12 years to get it. That is absolutely ot of any question ....way way too long, that's why we decided for the wedding in Nigeria. And as a footnote: it's said overhere, that getting a certificate in Nigeria just depends on the money .....I cannot say that, the wedding ceremony at the high Court was even more detailed and with dignity, way more than overhere.....
The next issue I've experienced was at the embassies ....the nigerian embassy in Berlin Germany and the German embassy in Abuja.
Comparing both of them, while the nigerian embassy in Berlin has way colder weather, but the atmosphere was warm and human .....the german embassy is in a way warmer location, but the atmosphere is way colder, impersonal and only ruled by paragraphs.
So even when you're talking about a "forsaken country" in terms of economy and development I guess, but the friendliness of the people is counting. And overall, I do see many of the problem which you have to face in Nigeria are made from the countries abroad. I don't want to know how chaotic it would be overhere if we would have to face the same issues than you have to .....all I know is, that we would do way worse than you are doing.
And above all of course, if my family would live in a desert, or at the South Pole or even at the moon ....that's where I'm belonging too and there is no other place for me to be happy.

Hello to all the members here, I'm new to this forum. May I introduce myself a bit:
I'm 57 years old, I'm a German citizen since birth, but my heart is african. Yes since I can remember I always had a fable for africa. My parents moved in 1985 to Canada and I've travelled there to visit them quite often. But every time the plane started in Frankfurt airport, I always had the feeling that I'm sitting in the wrong place and I should go straight South instead westbound.
The reason, why it was luring me so much to Africa, I couldn't really tell, until I've seen the photo of a Lady from Nigeria.
It hits me like a lightning. In the very first second I've seen her picture, it was like reading a whole book in just a split second. I've seen a very good heart, of course a very beautiful face, eyes who looked at me so honest and true and I've seen a comrade and partner who would go with the one she will love through thick and thin.
You may laugh at me, but it's true, I've talked to that photo and said ....." If you are going to reply to my mail, you'll become my wife ......"
And this year in January we got married.
Unfortunately, because of the visa issues and law regulations I had to leave my new family and heading back to Germany, where I'm staying now again with a bleeding heart and a feeling that I'm a stranger in my own homeland now.
Since I've went back to Germany, I've lost a bit more than 20 kgs of weight because of missing her and the kids so much......
Oh, did I told you, what a warm and heartly welcome I had when I've came to Nigeria the first time? I was in quite some countries in the world, but I've never met so friendly people than in Nigeria. So let me say this - I'm very proud to became a member of my new extended family in Nigeria, I feel so very much honored and my only heart desire is to stay at the side of my beloved wife.

Hello nairalanders, I'm new to this forum.
I'm living (currently) in Germany. I've been in your beautiful country few months ago and I've been so lucky to got married to the finest woman I ever could dream of. She's a mother of three children at the age between 7 and 12 years. She lost her late husband few years ago.
Okay, the reason now for posting here is, that of course we want to live together - for me it will not matter where, may it be here in Germany or in Nigeria. My question is, because now my new stepchildren shall have the same legal status than my other three grown up biological daughters.
While I'm aware, that I never can replace the father my stepchildren lost, but I'll do my best and I'll make absolutely no difference between my biological kids and my stepchildren, so my wify and I decided to go for the adoption.
I've researched about the adoption process, but the results I could get didn't fit our case.
Does anyone know what requirements we need to fulfill for the adoption.
Oh and I do have another question too:
In case the German authorities are still so fuzzy and will raise obstacle after obstacles for my family to come to Germany, I'd like to move to Nigeria for good. Now I've been reading, that a Nigerian male who is married to an alien female can give the Nigerian citizenship to his wife.
But a Nigerian female married to an alien male is not able to do so ......hm, on the other hand, in the Nigerian Constitutions I've found that discrimination because of gender, religion ...etc is against the law. That confuses me a lot.
Can anyone help and give us some information?
Oh, my family lives in FCT
Thanks a lot in advance