₦airaland Forum

essentialone:
✓ Was she raped? If she was not raped, then she is a...

Was the boss himself raped by her that he would think to fire her for calling off the relationship? You mean the boss is also a ... since he is the one who initiated the relationship which she later called off, right? 🥱🥱🥱

kiddaz:
Selling her puzzay to secure her job = garden tools. And she's someone's seriousy... No shame. Passed around like a roll of kpoli.

Nothing wrong with selling what you have to get what you want or need. So long as no crime is committed and all involved walk away satisfied, that is no different than your everyday demand-and-supply chain that runs their very world you live in. 🥱🥱

tunapawizzy:
Olosho dun dey get confidence ..these Genz people will not finish us

So, when a man sleeps around that also makes him an olosho\hoe, too. Right?🥱🥱🥱

2elliot:
✓ What of the undue advantages you enjoyed compared to your colleagues who weren't sleeping with the boss and HR?

Assumed advantages such as?

If she caused no direct disadvantage to her colleagues by her sleeping with the bosses, why would she need to worry herself about any such? 🥱🥱

babajero:
shame on her for dishing out herself cheaply.

You means say when person ask you for sex and you oblige, na shameful thing to you, abi? 🥱🥱

Tailorcaesar:
➜Chai. I go explain taya Bro I no dey fold hand dey hold for my salary oooo Me na hustler oooo I believe Igbo guy nwanne,

Again, stop lying to other people to rope them into miserable existence!

Cromagnon:
Nah You are the one disconnected I know ppl married with 50k Just cos you can't do it doesn't mean others can't Just de thank God for your own and move in instead of trying to impose your standards for others. No be everybody de wait for rain to plant seed

. That you know millions of people doing it does not make it less wicked a thing for them to do. Anyone who would knowingly inflict generational poverty on their own lives and that of their children is wicked.

spiSeyi:
➜If she no think am poverty might frustate her (there are lots of married women who don't want to sleep with another man but the poverty level in their marriage led them to such), I still maintain my stand because women mind are flexible and they can easily bend to pressure. A lot of married women are into low level hookup just to put food in the table especially those one who don't like unnecessary drama at home. If your wife doesn't bother you about anything their is a big god somewhere.

I don't blame such women. I can't find it in myself to blame married women who find they have to resort to hooking their bodies to feed and provide for their children.

Lexusgs430:
➜Only for those, who love to twist the narrative or take advantage of others...... 😉 Traditional, Registry or church, they all have same interpretations and applications......

Registry marriages are partnership marriages by default, where the man and woman are equal partners in the marriage. In contrast, your traditional and church marriages are configured as the man as the head(master) and the woman as the subordinate/helper/slave to the man. So, you can see where you are wrong in assuming they are the same.

DelphiOracle:
.......but then. What kind of man was her ex husband? Haba nahhh. I pity the children shaaaa

Start by asking what kind of father sold his own daughter to that man, and you immediately learn much about what kind of man he likely was.

dollypi:
At a point, Wife selling was common in the UK

It is still happening to this day in the UK.

delpee:
➜Great pity that her problem started with her parents giving her out at 15 with no education or skill to live by. The chances of receiving help from them is slim so running back to Lebanon may not work out positively for her.
If there are laws that make men responsible for the upkeep of wives and children up North, she could key into that. I only know of Lagos in that regard.

There are clearly no laws since the result of Sharia up in the north literally litters all of Nigeria( I am referring to the Almajiri system that is enabled by Sharia).

Saladdin:
➜It's what occur in some part of the MENA region. When last have you seen kids been sold in Nigeria this way?
➜ Or should we use the bride-for-sale sham in Eastern Europe to generalize the whole of Christianity (which would be be very inaccurate to do)?
➜Avoid stupid and inaccurate generalizations please

First of all, this sort of thing is sanctioned by Sharia Law, which is wholly Islamic. According to Islamic law, girls are ripe for marriage the moment they are considered mature. (The definition is left to the interpretation of individuals since some consider even 4-6-year-olds mature for marriage. Worse, Islamic law also allows some of these girls to be sold into what is referred to as temporary marriage — muta'a.

2. Second, I am of the mind that religion is just barbarism carried over into what should be a civilized era. You gain absolutely nothing here from making this a my-religion-vs-your-religion exercise.

Also, the video you posted says nothing of the scheme being linked to Christians, as the reports instead link them to bridegrooms of African and Asian descent living illegally in the EU and in search of European-born brides from poorer places in the EU to give them access to EU papers they need to remain in the EU.

3. This is literally linked to Islam — Sharia law, and Muta'a allows for the sale of women in Islam from one man to another man. This is literally taking place even today in the UK where Sharia law has appeared on the streets of cities in that country.

Dpsychologist:
➜In my experience, some of the most dependent women I’ve known — emotionally, financially, and physically — are also the loudest self-proclaimed feminists.
➜ Let’s be honest: knowing the vocabulary of feminism isn’t the same as living by its principles. True equality is not in slogans or hashtags — it’s in the choices and responsibilities one is willing to share. And maybe that’s the uncomfortable truth, that beneath the labels and ideologies, most women still crave structure, leadership, and the security that comes from a man who provides. Perhaps the problem isn’t that they don’t believe in equality… Maybe it’s that equality is easier to demand than to practice.
➜ This is what i term the Feminism Paradox. What do you think?

1. In today's world, there are lots more men out there who find themselves as stay-at-home husbands in the provider-type relationships. Such men are rightly not described as submissive, dependent, or under their wives. That's because these men are equals in such relationships to their working wives. Their situation can be likened to that of two business partners who share the dividends of the marriage, including the paycheck brought in from the one partner being able to work outside of the house together. The same applies to women who seek equality in those semi-traditional roles — stay-at-home wives.

The same way being dependent on your boss for your salary DOES NOT make you less of an independent human being, is the same way a man or a woman who decides to be a stay-at-home parent/partner can be in the type of relationship you described while maintaining even his/her financial independence. (In such settings, financial abuse, along with every other kind of abuse, is unacceptable.)

2. True equality can also exist in Provider-relationships. (This is removed from the traditional configuration where the woman is subjugated— expected to submit and have the man as her leader.)

3. No paradox here, just so many wrong assumptions made on your part regarding the relationship type you seem to pretend can go only one way.

Dpsychologist:
➜You are here again Just like MTN.

Oh! So, you created a thread, and I am not supposed to post a comment? Let's all try to stay focused, OK!

Juoflife1:
Good old days. The men we have now are nothing to write home about.

The good old days when your ancestors would literally kick out a woman and her children— render them outcasts in the community — at will when he is done with them?

Jman06:
➜You are very much right, Ishi! Those who missed out on getting good spouses and those who have passed their prime without being married would tell lots of bad tales to demonize marriage and get young people scared of getting married.
➜There are good marriages around but nobody talks about them! Me I'll be very happy to meet and marry my soulmate soon and enjoy marriage

WOW... you think the tales of bad marriages out there are told by people who wish to demonize marriage? 😩😩😩

Also, do you think telling these unbalanced stories of what you consider to be examples of good marriages—many have rightly pointed out that these tales in the OP read more of tales of men doing all the sacrificing — is right as it seems more an attempt to invalidate the fact that the vast majority of marriages out there are bad? Why

2. Sure, there are good marriages, but they are only a handful when compared to the numerous examples of bad marriages out there. So, what exactly is your purpose for trying to claim that there are those out there demonizing marriage when married couples are all the evidence for why marriage is not for everyone?

pussyphilia:
➜You had serious misunderstanding with your husband or boyfriend and later he finds out he was at fault. And you're very angry and pissed off with him. Then having realised his mistake, he comes to you and kneels to apologize profusely to you. Is this something you'll love and readily forgive him or is it a turn off that would piss you off the more? Guys, can you kneel to apologize to your woman or do you consider it "unAfrican" and makes you less a man? Remember it is a very serious misunderstanding! Perhaps she caught you cheating or something like that.

Is it African to insult or hurt a woman, but un-African for a man to kneel to apologize to a woman?

If abuse is involved, I would recommend, they both go their separate ways immediately. We have seen and learned enough to know that people mostly only think to properly process their faults in romantic relationships after an extended period of separation from the ones they hurt.(This is assuming they even care to learn or change their ways.)

Shaketable:
It is always the man sacrificing time, money, resources, energy, what is the woman sacrificing? Where are d stories of women sacrificing for men, all these men r simps

. You are absolutely right to question the goodness of the tales told by the OP of those marriages being good, as it does seem that those particular marriages instead showcase the man having to do much of the sacrificing rather than it be bought couple doing for each other. That is one of the reasons why I didn't bother to indicate any of them as good since I am well aware that the typical Nigerian image of a good marriage, good man or good woman... most of the time depicts a one-sided view, never really balanced.

Gerrard59:
OP has been a long time Nairalander, that is the only reason I could believe the tale. So after all the attitudes by your wife, you both relocated to the UK? Wow!

Should he have left his wife back in Nigeria while moving abroad or something? For what purpose? What gain would there have been for him if he had left his own wife back in Nigeria to permanently move abroad alone?

OgaTheTop2:
Western world dey scatter love...Once these jezebel of women tasted Western life the love go vanish. There are many werey women over there.

Rather than look inwards, you would rather blame the Western world and life, abi?

YoungLionken:
➜Ha brother, na you dey talk this one? I mean, it is no longer news that Nigerian women don't always love who they get married to. Age, societal pressure and/or hypergamy is always the reason for them...

So, Nigerian men, love their wives, na the women no wan love them back, abi?

Adaumunocha:
If your dad has this kinda mindset, Dem for born you? Better go get married and be a man unless maybe you no guide

The 25% other people of his father's generation who no born nko? Why must he live life according to his father's template?

ISellBeer:
➜She fit still no wise and go carry another belle for the same guy again, this I see many places.
➜After all that you would do, RELOCATE HER TO ANOTHER PLACE

That depends! If the father gives them a slap on the wrist and tries to carry the burden for them, then chances her she might fall for the same lies. However, if she is burdened with working on her life, paying bills, while at the same time raising the kid, she is likely not to consider creating more burdens for herself.

2. Because the man or some other man cannot find her in another place?

Martinez39s:
➜Mtsewwww. Lol. It is not you who will tell me how to craft my principles. When it is your turn, do as you like. When it is my turn, I will do as I like. Goodnight.

I am speaking from a point of experience here. Thinking to save your pride never works out for the vast majority out there.

YeyeGbami:
➜You've said it all. Without personal will, a cheating partner will never quit. I learnt this the hard way

. Now, I don't particularly agree that a cheating partner will never quit. I cheated on my partner in the past; I never cheated on anyone after that. I believe in the end it all depends on the individual, their reason for cheating, and the resolve they have not to see such vileness emanate from inside of them after that.

Most people are aware of the costs of cheating in a relationship, particularly in a marriage. Betrayal can lead to divorce and parental disruption, and infidelity is a predictor of depression, anxiety, and domestic violence. Yet many stray anyway, prompting the question: Why? In surveys of individuals who have cheated, falling out of love, seeking variety, and feeling neglected were the most commonly cited reasons, followed by situational forces, a desire to raise self-esteem, and anger with a partner.

I also believe that once a partner cheats on the other, the relationship should be brought to an abrupt end then. Whether it is a dating relationship or a marriage, the relationship should be terminated immediately to allow the partner cheated on time away from their abuser(the cheater) to heal from the devastating consequences of the cheating. And also give the cheater time to ruminate on the devastation caused by his/her actions against the one he supposedly claimed to love.

Cheating is abuse, and abuse victims should be immediately removed from the presence of their abusers so they can heal completely from the damage done to both their mental and physical health. Having the abuser remain in the same environment as the one who inflicted the abuse only opens them up to more abuse, and I believe this is where the idea that cheaters never stop cheating comes from.

stagger:
➜When you are 70 years, come back here.

There are lots of 70-year-olds who are unmarried in today's world. Use the internet for your good.

Martinez39s:
➜ It is not a failed formula because I am not expecting any result. It is just a matter of principle: if you get pregnant, you must go be with the child's father.
➜ If the child's father accepts you and the child and steps up to his fatherly responsibility, fine; if he doesn't, still don't come back.
➜ What new results am I expecting? Result ke?

Abandoning your child to her fate is a formula that has brought countless heartaches to both mother and child, as well as the family as a whole. You call it a principle, but if the result each time is 98% guaranteed failure for the family as a whole, shouldn't you revisit the worth of this so-called principle? 🥱🥱

2. But the majority of the time, in Nigeria, especially, the child's family never accepts the woman and her child. So, again, what is the worth of this so-called principle? 🥱🥱

3. Well, people typically institute principles that benefit them and their family as a whole, not merely for the sake of pretending they are gods over the lives of others. So, I guess the question is, what do you gain from holding on to principles that end up jeopardizing the lives of your own blood? 🥱🥱🥱

@Kavara, a belief or a lack of belief in God has nothing to do with mental illness.

It seems you have yet to realize by now that the major reason why religious houses —churches, mosques, etc.,— are packed full every service/prayer time in a place like Nigeria has more to do with mental illness. Driven majorly by anxieties, worries, and depression, people drag themselves back for more of those religious lies they need to feel good, even if for a few minutes, about themselves and their lives. The reason behind the vast majority of prayers and prayer points happens to be mental illness-related and not some desire for goodness and fulfillment for others.

Kindly resist the urges to hide your anxieties, worries, and shame behind the many fantasies about God that were driven into you by men who somehow convinced you they know this god of theirs better than you or anyone else does. Be honest with yourself and face/confront your own mind for what may be the first time in your life. If you don't get your mind to your own side in this life, how can you expect to get anyone else, or even a deity, to be on your side?

Iamheretolearn:
➜Well said! Especially the shared interest and extraordinary bonds point . However,I didn't understand your last sentence.Can you shed more light as to what you meant?

It is childish to snub others.

ArcSEMPECJ:
➜Except you lack the message you were trying to pass ..

You are told that the traditional Nigerian marriage system has the woman positioned as an outsider in the marriage, and that is the response you were able to come back with? Next time, check your comprehension meter after reading to be certain your understanding is sound, to begin with.