₦airaland Forum

ukaface:
➜Don't accept her back She is confused

. She is not confused one here. She knows that OP has some unrequited love situation going on there. And tries to be nice to him because of that, but that is all she can do since her heart is not with OP. OP needs to accept his feelings and also accept that he can love her from afar since she does not reciprocate the feelings he has for her. And it is not her fault.

Makavelli001:
➜I've been Tell one girl I just sincerely liked that I want us to be in a serious relationship but she refused. Then she was working. Then after 4 months I decided to call her, surprisedly she answered me politely. Not like other times when she was always arrogant.
Then later she told me that she is no longer working. That she quit.
Fast-forward, we started relating. She comes to my house to cook sometimes. But I no chop am (knacking) becos I luv that girl, so I didn't want to be in a hurry.
So one wkend she came, a guy called her and the guy was tell her to forgive him for disappointing her yesterday. After their conversation, I did as if I don't no what was happening. I didn't ask her who was that.
But she was uncomfortable. Then after she had finished cooking, she started telling me about the guy. I told her she shouldn't tell me. That I did not ask her. Then she answered me arrogantly that I don't have the right to ask her because we are not dating.
The thing pain me but I just keep silent. This is a girl I really loved. And she have been asking me money and I have been giving her. And she have the mind to tell me such thing. To her surprise, I just stood up, and I told her to come let me see her off. Since then I Neva call her again. I deleted her from my diary. But she have been calling. Guys should I accept her back??

Block her completely so she can go find her space somewhere else while you deal with your emotions and learn to regulate without all of that angst.

Clearly, she friend-zoned yo,u and you don't like being friend-zoned; she is not to blame for this. Since you would clearly not be her sidekick, I suggest you look for ways to move on after her.

Note: If you think continuing to harass her until she eventually gives in and has sex with you is going to make you feel better or superior. Think again! Many of us have done that nonsense and ended up feeling shittier about ourselves for even thinking that was some sort of workaround for our personal emotional issues; emotions cannot be resolved by having sex, not even with the poeple who we feel have done us wrong.

blackgold2018:
A girl that refuses you sex.. claiming you will leave her after that. What does this mean?

She means you are just interested in her body, while what she wants is someone who is instead interested in her. Is that really had to note from what she said? Why not move on to find someone else whose body is available to you?

JimmySwaggart:
Is ADD not a subclass under ADHD? Were you diagnosed or you observed the trend yourself?

Trend ke?

Tekashi89:
Hey guys I'm a young guy of 26 I recently decided to go and learn a skill that will earn me big money but upon resuming I discovered that I'm very dull and not smart enough, I tend to forget even the minutest thing and small details. So guys any drug I can take or anything I can do to boosten my brain and understanding capacity

How is your sleep? How is your stress level? Do you exercise regularly? How is your general health? And your mental health?

Chemical1:
➜Oga, there are tribes where pride price or introduction is not done until the woman is died before they will do the necessary things before she will be buried..
Sometimes the man will first die and it is the members of the family that will do those necessary things..
I wanted to go further but I don't think you any idea about what I'm saying.
Many of you type from the small experience within your territory..
Like some people will said there is nothing like juju, will you blame such people, No' because when they never experienced what is called juju for their entire life they will blindly argue..

What tribe is this?

JimmySwaggart:
Not at all, from your outspokenness on here I have learnt one thing or the other and I can say that you are intelligent and smart even though many others might disagree with my assertion. Obviously, You consistently demonstrate remarkable readiness to engage in political debates, in depth and accurate religious arguments, and any other contemporary issues. Frankly, your insight and views aren't always far-fetched”. Another thing that amazes me about you is that you have been on here since 2007 and till date you are still active, so I just assume you are probably a retired scholar. And your readiness to take on anybody, Where did you get that energy from?

From ADHD minus the ADD.

MazzMet:
➜She's in school, in one Eastern University. I guess she'd be in Port Harcourt with her father during holidays. My sis was even saying if she had the means, she'd have asked her to sit for jamb next year and process her admission to UNILAG. Her dream course was Nursing but got Engineering. With that, she'd be with her mother in Lagos during holidays.

Engineering is an excellent field for girls to focus on; the course isn't a problem or an issue since engineering opens the door to lots of opportunities for intelligent students out there. After finishing up with her Engineering program, she could do something in nursing for a postgrad if nursing is still on her mind, or some other healthcare program too.

If she is doing well where she is, and her fees are being taken care of, then there is no problem with her remaining there for as long as possible. The more important thing is ensuring she does not fall into the hands of the many predators out there, like her mother before her. And this applies to all young women, regardless of their upbringing, so do not feel that the girl will be particularly targeted. However, coming from an abusive home/background like hers, she is more vulnerable.

Villa12:
➜It is not the matter of tribal bigotry but the real fact. It is a cultural thing for them. Once you didn't pay your wife bride price and marry her properly. The children doesn't belong to you. They can't treat op sister like this if she was from their region. It is what it is. Let's call a spade a spade.

Does the man seem to you like someone interested in the children... of course not.

He will likely not bother himself with any of them until he requires money or someone to take care of him later on, assuming his next victim does not give him children that will take care of that on his behalf. The main goal seems to be spreading his seeds, not caring for them.

Atolu01:
It's only the femmes of their region they see and treat as human . My Heart goes out to your sis . She should try to pull herself together (better) and get a job . All is well

Stop brandishing these lies against these women for Pete's sake! 🙄🙄🙄🙄

These sorts of men are evil to all women, regardless of their tribe or race. This man's first victim — before he met OP's sister— may have been a woman from his very own village or even from the same hamlet as he was. If the OP's parents had investigated this man back when he first showed up in the life of their girl, traced back to where he came from, they would have probably found some clues about his past victim. But OP did not mention his parents doing any thorough background digging, and not that it may have been possible to do back then, as it is these days.

OP, again, your sister needs to be strong for the sake of her kids. The one in university is right now an open target for such men; the fact that she is lacking makes her even more vulnerable. The mother should do whatever she can to ensure she does not fall in the same trap; if it is to dobale before the girl, while telling her of her own sordid experience, she had better do it if she does not want to see her own daughter taken too.

JimmySwaggart:
are you a retired scientist or an active researcher? Do you have any scientific journals in your name?

So, na only those people dey read books , where? 🥱🥱🥱

Neddyogu:
Trekking is stress not exercise. A thin fine line divides the two. Try checking ur BP from time to time. Spare a little change and make ur life a bit easy. Uwa wu ofu mbia!

Walking, which is what trekking is, does little to raise one's cortisol(stress) levels, so it is not in and of itself stress, but some of the best kind of exercise one can get out there.

blacksam01:
Due to the facts it's my huzling period, and every one naira matters alot..I am in mid 30's
I am frugal with my resources and it makes me trek alot.. infact I cover 2km in trekking daily...
Not typically going on long journeys, but my combined daily short short trek is about 2k..
Should I be worried for my old age..?

Old age? and only 2km's at that(approximately 1 mile)? Abegi make we hear word, o'jare!

Image #1 Ernestine Shepherd at 85: A Day In The Life Of World’s Oldest Female Bodybuilder
Image #2 78-Year-Old Nora Langdon is a World Champion Powerlifter Who Deadlifts Over 300 Pounds
Image #3 - An 80-year-old man ran a 135-mile ultramarathon through Death Valley. Here's what it took.

JimmySwaggart:
➜Well done ma, am observing you in 3D.

You had to create a new moniker with that name, did you? Let me guess... no life of your own outside of this?

Anyways, it's been over 49 days since Swaggart's passing, and his body is probably decomposed beyond recognition at this point (assuming he was not preserved somewhere). While, according to belief in some cultures, he may have already been recycled(reborn) somewhere out there in the vast population, a new life, hopefully without the previous lies of religion, we can hope.

Zouzer:
➜Say hi to Chat Gpt for me. So people now rely on Chat Gpt to give responses in conversations? Wonders of all wonders

I don't know much about ChatGPT itself since I have never used it myself, but I do rely on Google to access information on any and every topic I need information on. I mean, this sort of behavior should be common sense in this day and age to all except for maybe those who are too full of themselves or looking to browbeat others into accepting only their particular interpretation of things outside of facts, that is.

yemmit90:
➜Men are the heads by nature or default, women are are the subordinate by nature. If men are to be brutal or decided to shun modernity/humanity, women would still be regards as gifts or sign of affluence by men like olden days. It is natural for a woman to recognise this law of nature in her man, and in a situation whereby the said man lack these qualities, she began to look for a man that can offer them or cheat on him if she can't outrightly replace him.
➜ However, women are integral and most important part of society that makes it works. Women are weak sex, and should be protected by law, because, failure to do so may make them to be endanger species to men.
➜ As for Osinachi, I can't say, and I don't think i have business with her or how she chose to spend her life.

1. I am afraid those particular delusions are born of your religious and traditional entanglements and nothing more. There is nothing remotely natural about what is the result of brainwashing courtesy of religious/traditional delusions held over time by people and societies.

2. Again, these ideas are products of your particular religious/traditional delusions.

3. Osinachi is a case that basically trashes every claim you made regarding women. At least acknowledge that aspect of her life or religious sacrifice.

Eddodoh:
➜Nothing like that. I was born & raised by a lovely family consisting of both parents and siblings. I also maintain cordial r/ship with people from different backgrounds. The community where I grew up relate like one family. So, there's no case of abandonment or avoidant whatever.

Throughout my years as a Nigerian, and here on Nairaland, I have learned that our particular brainwashing culture in Nigeria tends to cause us to, very often, color reality with the particular colors we were raised to whitewash them with, which is why you rarely find Nigerians who honestly dissect and criticize their caregivers and upbringing.

Please, go see a professional mental health counselor/therapist asap. It won't take anything out of you if you end up finding out your particular issue does not go as far back as your caregivers. But at least it will give you confirmation, something to start with.

I also recommend you binge some of the content on the following YouTube channels, particularly those that relate to how we socialize and what that has to say about us in particular.
➜ Psych2Go
➜ The School of Life

CorrectionFLuid:
➜He tell you say he get trauma? All these arm chair psychologists sef.
➜Most men are like that. It's their nature to "own" as many women as possible.
➜ The only reason this guy is looking for solution is because of finances. No dey diagnose wetin you no know.

Yes, he literally did in so many words in his OP. You can't see it, probably because you have unrecognized and likely unresolved trauma of your own there.

2. That most men are like that does not make it natural for all men to be that way. Trauma is real, and it usually stems from situations in one's childhood. No human being owns another human being. So, the moment a human being starts acting in a way that defies nature itself, you already know something is wrong somewhere.

3. Finances may be his driving reason, but even if his finances were fixed, he would still feel unresolved, like many men who have their finances resolved but are still unhappy in a relationship.

thomas2024:
➜Oga, nothing is wrong with you. It’s just your personality. Marry many as long you can cater for. Don’t let society dictate to you.

A disorder resulting from trauma is not a personality but rather a personality disorder. Note the difference!

Hope99:
➜Good evening everyone, I thought of bringing this issue here to get more realistic perspectives about the reality of sex in relationships today.
First, the hypocrisy surrounding sex in today's relationship is something I'm still trying to understand. I think most people are having sex in their relationships and will come online to pretend they haven't even seen other person's unclothedness.
➜ I'm confused as to what to do in my own case. My partner and I are in a committed relationship with a view to tying the knots when we finally get there but I feel something is still missing.
➜ For mature minds here, how did you navigate your relationships given the fact that the society frowns at having sex outside the tennets of marriage?
➜ Since it's often said that having sex outside marriage is bad. Both male and female, how did you handle yours and still ended up being married?
➜ P.S I don't want any religious sermon. I need a realistic and holistic experience. Thank you

1. Humans and hypocrisy are 5&6. Learn this now, and you will save yourself a lot of unnecessary concern. Not saying you should ignore it— do not—, but you should not let it keep you from being who you are and the best at that.

2. Do not ignore those warning signs.

3. Live your life according to, not society's current delusion, but your terms.

4. Ask yourself this: what are the tangible — not delusions or presumptions or biases —reasons that exist for why you should not have sex outside of marriage? And what proof exists to show that — both men and women alike, again beyond relusions and fumes in the brain — having sex only in marriage leads to a more fulfilled, happier, peaceful existence for individuals and maybe others in society as well?

I bet that after you have truly processed these questions against the reality of things, you would realize you have been worrying over meaningless things.

** If you decide to have sex, make sure to use protection — both to prevent unwanted pregnancies and STDS.

Eddodoh:
➜I have problem keeping a serious and committed relationship.
I always found myself keeping multiple partners & still maintain contact with some of my exes which add to the pool of women in my circle. I find it difficult to detach from them. This really drains me emotionally and financially as I could get several demands from these ladies at the same time and it really stressed me. Moreover, age is no longer on my side.
In the past, I have lost good girls who were really committed but because I wasn't committed, as I had to juggle all of those girls together. How do I do away with this problem? I will appreciate any suggestions or advice.

Sounds like you are a case of avoidant personality/dismissive-avoidant attachment style coupled with abandonment trauma stemming from a rough childhood.
https://www.wholewellnesstherapy.com/post/abandonment-trauma-attachment-styles

My suggestion is that you put relationships on hold for a time, make an appointment immediately to seek help from a professional psychotherapist, and take needed steps to resolve the issue of the cage you keep running around in there.

Fiscus105:

➜Is it only woman endure it to make it last?
➜ Perhaps you don't understand the word compromise from both side, or you trying to proof a point with from weak defence.

1. A majority of the time, in the Nigerian situation, this is the case. The vast majority of Nigerian men would rather not officially divorce their spouses, still. This is the case for many Nigerian men, whether in Nigeria or outside of Nigeria. They would rather move on to the other woman while the abandoned partner remains stuck in marital limbo with the children. And in most cases, the abandoned spouse is typically the woman.

2. Compromise from both sides in the form of what exactly? What power does a woman who fears her husband and is abandoning her with children she cannot fend for have to lead, or at least ensure fairness in such situations? You and I are fully aware that when it comes to compromise, the lesser/weaker partner almost always loses out. So, where do you get that compromise is the way forward? Or maybe I should ask you to better explain yourself, as it seems you are just trying to sound smart by half.

DanOkonkwo:
➜This is going to be a kinda long read but I would try to shorten it. There's this cousin of mine,she had this young man she got engaged to and before we could say jack,she had a child for him.
Prior to that time,this my cousin absconded from home for a period of three months that nearly caused heart attack to her parents from when she eloped with this young man whom I would like to call X. When this thing happened was when she was just a teenager at the age of 15 years of age.
By the mercies of God the parents found her but she was already with Mr X,the parents pleaded with her to leave the young man and return home,she agreed to visit home but not to stay with the parents.
The young lady later got pregnant and under 3 years she had two more children and Mr X came to the home of my cousin to meet the family,but just as a form of introduction before Mr X was caught in armed robbery scandal that sent him to prison for a period of five years.
➜When Mr X was in prison, my cousin suffered a lot as she returned to the home of her parents,she swore never to do anything with Mr X,she later got another friend I will like to call Mr Y.
Mr Y developed interest in her and was kind to the children of Mr X,though Mr Y was very much older than my cousin, he had genuine interest to marry her,but my cousin kept posting him. Mr Y's parents got wind of the information of Mr X and swore that Mr Y would never marry my cousin for the sake of his life. Eventually Mr X came out from prison and wanted my cousin back,but she vehemently refused that he should just come to take care of his kids because she's no more interested in doing anything with him.
Mr X was furious suspecting that my cousin must have gotten another man,Mr Y on his own part swore to go contrary to what his parents say because he had real love for that my cousin.
The issue here now is,my cousin is doing fine business wise and both Mr X and Mr Y wants her,what would she do? Cancel everything marriage or..?

⚉A 15-year-old minor left the house and her parents did not report the case to the police?
⚉ A grown man impregnated a minor, and her parents did not see to report him to the police for rape of a minor? African parents are really terrible to deal with.

2. Well, your cousin is old enough to look inwards, realize her past mistakes, to determine which direction she should move towards in her future. I am more worried about the kids in the middle of all of this. Here's hoping your cousin will not repeat the mistakes of her parents in raising her children.

DEROX:
Y✓ You cant even stand the supposed lawyer one on one but everybody is a dragon online enjoy

Yet I have not only lived with but extensively debated an attorney here in the U.S for many years now? 😩😩😩

What is obviously with people such as yourself is that the meaning of the phrase, " The Law is made for the people and not the people for the Law," literally flies over your heads. No wonder Nigerians are suffering immensely. 😩😩😩

Bendeco02:
Not all women will marry, take note of that. Expecially southern/christian women.
Women are more than men in number. Even if all men marries three women each, women will still remain.
This is the reality some of you failed to know. Instead you are busy imagining the kind of man you need while you're are more in market.
You need rich and handsome man of your spec. Dey play
Even if the man is their spec and not rich, they will still reject him. Howmany men are rich and handsome? That's Less than 20% of Nigeria men population. When women are more in number than the total number of men both ugly/poor and rich men combined

Mods, this poster keeps knowingly posting false information from thread to thread.

MiddleDimension:
➜At this point, reasonable men need to ask what the point is in getting married, with all the depressing posts we have the misfortune of reading here. Why keep pretending and not wake up to smell the coffee that marriage and the idea of a ''wife'' is not what it use to be and then choose to ditch the institution once and for all?
➜ This is made more pertinent when we see that divorce is everywhere around us today and that the 'wife' is not suppose to be much of a priority to you since the next moment, you can both go your seperate ways?

Marriage has always been an optional investment for both males and females. That you have not realized it at this point in your existence is only a show of your level of maturity and nothing else.

2. Divorce has always been everywhere from the get-go. In 1980, for instance, divorce rates in Plateau State were recorded at about 80%. So, I am not certain why you are of the delusion that divorce is suddenly everywhere only now.

xtianchris:
Exactly why atleat a girl child is commendable...

Nonsense!

I bet if your father were the sick one, you would also roll it up as a girl child's responsibility then too. 🙄🙄

xtianchris:
➜A girl child will do the needful.. Male Children hardly look back to their mother highest they can do is to provide funds and look for who to pay to take care. So please try get female daughter... E get why. My mom gave birth to 6 boys no girls .So I'm talking from experience..Left for me I would have adopted but I want my own blood.. Hope you get the message ..My boys are responsible but I always know they have their lives to live. I don't want to be a burden to anyone..So I'm already planning my life. I'm still young though just 33 ..

A girlchild, you say? You people are just wicked to the core is all!

When my grandmother was sick and unable to do much back in the early 2000s— this was before she passed away several years later —, her son, who was unmarried at the time, was the one who cared for her right there in Nigeria. My uncle was in his late 50s at the time this happened. He didn't get married until about 10 years after she had passed. He hired a helper at the time who worked as her caregiver right there in his house. She was the one who stayed with my grandmother 24/7 until the end.

This happened right there in Nigeria.

kingslj:
➜you abroad?

When my grandmother was sick and unable to do much back in the early 2000s— this was before she passed away several years later —, her son, who was unmarried at the time, was the one who cared for her right there in Nigeria. He didn't get married until about 10 years after she had passed. He hired a helper at the time who worked as her caregiver right there in his house. She was the one who stayed with my grandmother 24/7 until the end.

This happened right there in Nigeria.

DeepSight:
➜Have you changed your view that people dont owe their parents anything?

How does my insisting on equality in marriage amount to my changing my view regarding another topic?