₦airaland Forum

mumumugu:
the pastor could be speaking out of members experience. People who keep quiet even when hurt are dangerous. They are piling up the patner misdeed in their heart only to unleash one day.they hardly forgive. The moment you get married to them and cook a salty food, they remember all your previous wrokgdoing.divorce

couples who disagr3 all the time forgive each other easier and even have make up sex in the process.

Couples who dont disagree get divorce over one little accusation

where's the statistic for that. Have you conducted a research on this. Please I beg you, this is too presumptive. Lets teach what is right as Christians. Can you still relate the scripture that says seek peace with all men with that. I know a friend whom I felt was too quiet, but on the long run, I realised that this is the same thing Jesus had been teaching us. Read my post again and notice where I made reference to the effect of constant quarrels. How can you assume that they will forgive each other easily when they quarrel? Let me ask you, why will they forgive each other easily and those who have never quarreled wouldn't?

The most painful part of this is that our people own majority of the so called transport companies in Nigeria. This is sooooo bad.

you see how quaquaversal and ambivalent many(i don't know if its most) of the things we say sound. The bible says, seek peace with all men. Trouble or quarrel is not something to be desired. Its like saying, to know if you are a good friend, we have to quarrel even when you've seen me doing good to you. Must we prove sincerity with wrongdoing? That philosophy is premised wrongly as far as I am concerned. Can you independently ascertain that having such a mindset that quarrels are necessary cannot make one relaxed and unremorseful when he/she hurts the other. Don't you also perceive that the incursions on affection or probably love caused by quarrels erode such core human values. Lets be careful what we teach so as not to overindulge tenuous facts. I understand that test for compatibility, temperament and all what not can be important, but I also feel it should not be made an agenda like the pastors submission in your narrative portend.

Billyonaire:
It is not about the rice, it is about mental disorder so prevalent in Nigeria triggered by stress. The illiteracy in our country is pandemic to the point that there is serious stigma associated with mental illness, to the point that thousands of people reading this are actually mental patients. PTSD, NPD, Bipolar Disorder and even full blow psychiatric patients are browsing the internet, venting their frustrations and transferring the negative energies to others.

This is the chief reason that people must stay away from where these people are, before you get clipped.

RIP, as they say.

In Nigeria, it seems people don't like treating issues with the intricacies and complexities it deserves. But on the other side, their seems to be complications with the attribution of such heinous crimes such as mass public shootings to mental disorders like PTSD. Just like the recent case in the U.S, there are ramblings from certain quarters of whether these things are supposed to be given such considerations when the crimes occur. All the same, imagine say them go allow person to carry arms for naija anyhow. o man, na im be say you go just track me for quoting you if you vex come dispatch me to the great beyond.

Mskrisx:
You see? Poverty!

But when as a Lady u try to make things right before turning to a 'Mrs' they tag u a HOE. Someone, somewhere, is dead because of less than 100 dollars.

Y'all keep discouraging young ladies trying to make ends meet because of the name u brand them with. In the end, Na person wey get money people dey call human being.

Rip to the man. May his soul find rest.
Woman! That was uncalled for you should have your own savings not only because it should be a norm for every woman but because it would have prevented you from going to kiri kiri a place equivalent to HELL

if this had been done by the man, I wonder if you would have said this.

DropShot:
How does one refusing to accept defeat in an election he had earlier conceded defeat equate to not obeying an ECOWAS court whose ruling is largely advisory?

contempt of rule of law.

doingood:
She's still receiving d punishment as I develop serious hatred for her

Oga, she has dealt a very big blow on you and her marriage. If you want to continue in that thing( sorry for being a troll) she must in all aspects of her existence prove her remorse and CHANGE. One of the problems we have in this nation is lack of appropriate marriage counselling. You will be miserable if you don't resolve this problem the right way. Both of you should go for proper counselling if you want to salvage the marriage. I wouldn't tell you what to do but will say this, you know what you want. Implying that you are still punishing her might not solve the problem. Either you send her packing or you seek a redress. I must warn, let no counselor put the blame on you. Many counselors will try to reach a compromise by giving you reasons for her wrongdoings which will seek to besmirch you. A person who wants to cheat will cheat. Even a husband or a wife who does so because their partner has done it will independently account for that sin. Do you know what it takes for a woman to open her legs for a man?. Someone says you should go for a DNA test. I strongly concur with that. Its costly but worth it.

I like the fact that you take time to admire his looks, but don't let something this trivial degenerate to some cynicism. Na like this i dey start o. If the guy no gree change, i no gree. I watched one of Steve Harvey's shows. A lady brought her husband to the show and was just busy trolling him about his dressing notwithstanding the fact that he does virtually everything in the house as the good husband most women would want( I guess). I mean literally everything even waking up before everybody to prepare meals dress the kids and still make money. The guy was very insistent he wanted to dress the way he does notwithstanding Steve's propositions and theories, since it gives him an identity of the age class he thinks he wants to fit into. You see in this case, this one don pass buy him this and buy him that. I guess what I am saying is don't make a mountain out of a molehill if he doesn't want to be dissuaded.

basically what everybody says here makes sense though some might have overindulged there emotions doing so. I guess the summary is, it is good to dress well but dressing sounds very mundane a reason to lose passion and affection for a spouse. This then raises the question, why did you marry him and was there any attraction before you did? It also validates( personally) the disposition that men or women giving excuses such as protruding stomach and all what not for the reason why they fell out of love or affection with a partner sound very inane. I always ask, if a partner loses a limb or other physical attribute which might make them look less "sexy", what will their second halves do especially after marriage? I guess my preferred type of affection goes beyond the depth of the skin let alone the clothes. OP, I hope this inkling doesn't lead to resentment and ultimately......

smark61:
The op no tell u say he choose to b celibate o

neither have i assumed so. I am narrating my own case just as others are.

smark61:
Dat dude is gay

I am older than he is and probably have even more stringent standards than him. I am very much not gay, and even have my own choice of shape in women. You never see something. A guy I told same argued it, but after serving with me in the same place, had no choice but to start broadcasting it to everybody himself.

Meanwhile, there is one I am monitoring to ascertain she has what I want. She exudes that aura and yes, I will ask her out after profiling. If she gets hooked, so be it. I don't show romantic love just because of feelings or ephemeral things, my type of love is typical of what Jesus would want it to be. I feel many people just scratch the top, leaving the main thing and that is why relationships and marriages crash anyhow these days. I have seen the so called relationships people have and from my little vicarious experience, I cannot go into a relationship I manage to maintain because the society says so. It seems your case parallels mine. Do not date or marry because they say it is what should be done. Do it because you see the need for it.

Your peeps are funny. If I tell you my age and tell you that I have never told a girl "I love you" let alone romance any, you will agree with me that you are not alone on this. I only pity you because i believe your parents are overreaching their bounds. I have deliberately remained celibate even though in my case I have ladies I crush on till today. I also have a flexible opinion like you about the country's statutes on people's sex choices, even making "suspicious" comments on SMN's. A lady once told me while I was serving some years ago that she suspected I was gay, given the way I comport myself around women. I laughed and after explaining certain things to her, she mellowed down. Freaky what I have said but I welcome every criticism. N.B, I am well above 20 and still proud of my celibacy. Guy, do not let them change your philosophy. Bunch of retar..ds

There's this girl I wish to get closer to and of course I'm working on it. Believe me, if she opens her mouth to ask my hand in marriage, I wouldn't blink an eye before accepting it. My rigid opinion though.

EmilieJones:
I ask because I have already asked my boyfriend to marry me. He said yes. To me it WAS the right thing to do. Just wanted a man's opinion that's all

Girl, that's very nice. Sampling all the opinions here, you might be discouraged but believe me, there are men who would really appreciate that. I for one do not consider some of these conventions people adhere to even though it doesn't sound logical enough.

desperation to marry. I believe and preach that marriage is not an obligation. I was very much impressed the day I listened to one of fr. mbaka's messages where he advised pastors to tell people in the church that marriage is not an obligation. We know the impression the society and some pastors create about marriage. She let that get to her. Marriage I believe is a beautiful thing but then, so are faithfulness and honesty. A woman or man who easily allows pressures get to her or him, has the tendency to misbehave in order to fall in line. I'll go with some of the opinions here, but will put it this way, take her out, ask her to sincerely tell you her age without giving the impression that you already know the truth. Starting marriage on distrust is very dangerous. If you marry her with this bitterness and distrust in your mind, I assure you, you, you will suffer both yourself and her. Things as benign, subtle and cynical as this cause tensions in relationships and that's just what the devil needs. Just a little crack.

iPrevail:
What is wrong with this generation of humanoids?

OP, the woman in question, do you love her or not? Don't say yes because I've already concluded you've got no idea what love entails.

Fine, she lied about her age.. Don't you think it's som'in she's already ashamed of?
Why can't you take you take it as a sign that was into you that bad?
If you involve a third party in minor issues as this, what will you do when serious ones come up? Report to your local government?

you know, there are things called principle and scruples. This is not just about the age but someone's philosophy about life. That is what many people do not look at before going into marriage. The issue of distrust is also there. You see how this sounds simple. Lets extend it to the same when a woman who has aborted children and damaged her womb decides to lie about this, goes into marriage and doesn't get pregnant. If the husband finds out, wetin go happen. You might say they are not the same, but let me tell you, I can even do without having kids in marriage given my philos about marriage.

JideAmuGiaka:
What of your own secrets which you have systematically hidden from her?. The truth is that you weren't open to her and you can't deny this.

In marriage, if you're fake you'll get fake.

which kind theory be this? that sounds harsh

NoToPile:
Okay , maybe she travelled with 4or 5 people as part of her entourage, I really don't see what the problem is.

Is she not entitled to some perks as the wife of the president or what am I missing.

All I can see is the Nigerian high commission spending 10,000 pounds and she going with 5 people on an official trip as the first Lady of Nigeria.

I am not for corrupt activities and as much as I like sahara reporters investigative journalism this doesnt count for a corrupt or overspending attitude IMO.

Maybe the money should not have come from the high commission ,maybe it should have come from the state house but technically its not wrong for her and her "entourage" to be sponsored by the government.

Besides this doesn't even look like the typical Nigerian entourage.

even when the president has outrightly proscribed the post?

congrats to sahara reporters. All of us in this country need to encourage sahara reporters because they have helped by exposing much of the corruption that has been going on in government. Whether it be against Gej or Pmb, we should be unsentimental. Kudos to you @ sahara reporters. This is what we call investigative journalism. Once they deny it, you release the evidence.

Well, let me finally put this across. Reach for the deepest part of your heart to find out that soft spot he has, Approach him tactfully like someone just said and talk to him passionately. I love that you've not demonized him like some women will do. It goes to show you're a good woman. Please and please, I am desperately pleading, let not this tear up your family. Things will be good. Possibly, your husband gets too frustrated so much so he'd allow that obscure his sense of judgement. That's also amateurish but can be tamed with gentility. I'm sure my submissions seem to favor him the most, but believe me I'd still ask him to mellow if he'd been the one online. I'm only trying to be the moderate conservative and seek for the preservation of core family values and the institution of marriage having seen the effect the adversity from these things can have on some kids. Its not wise to go back when there isn't anything tangible back in the village for you. Let him know this subtly. But i really want to ask again, why did you tell him you are giving him a loan. kai. That's the unimpressive thing I just read from your post. I might never sleep in the house just like him, if I was the one. Sorry, I have to upbraid you on that. See this if you are a christian. Corinthians 7:3-5 - Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the
wife unto the husband. if you are, also use the bible verse proverbs 31:11-31 to show him why you shouldn't go back but work to help him and the family. I have hope for your family.

davidif:
Cos your advice sounds so unrealistic. If you had been through a similar situation, your tone would have been more empathetic and your comments would have more insight but no, all you are doing is giving instructions as if you are talking to a kid.

Please pardon me to quote you, I listened to a radio program where the presenter asked, If you are to get married to someone and he or she loses a part of his body to an accident, may be the eye(s) or the limb(s), will you go ahead to marry the person? This is a question bordering what is called the moral evil. I will leave you to reflect on this. I hope I am not making any hostile incursion? sorry if i have.

diva90:
You are entitled to your opinion

There is this word called continence. It is also sometimes hard for the unmarried to hold themselves and they still do. If she is a christian, and she has agreed with her husband he should make this journey, there is simply no question to ask. Consider this, what if ones spouse gets sick and can't perform his or her conjugal duties, what will be your take on it? Will the Bible and i guess the Quran accept anything other than continence. As unrealistic as it sounds, that is how many morally bound issues sound unrealistic but in order to avoid problems we can't handle and of course remain within the bounds of our conscience, we adhere to these ideas.

I will never tell you what to do. I believe that no matter how auspicious any well articulated and well conjectured advice i give, you are dealing with a human being who has been through some psychological vagaries. I just have one question, why did you tell your husband who has no job( even if he had a job) that the money you are giving him is a loan? Sincerely, do you exude any vibe that suggests he has lost his role as a father and husband? Good you love him, how have you supported him emotionally during these hard times? Is there still any way you can make him compromise on his stance by letting him know he is still in charge? I think one of the simplest ways to get a man is by making him know( not feel) he is still in charge. Good luck as you make a decision.