₦airaland Forum

The Supreme Court ruled unanimously that Jack Bauer's methods were "cruel and unusual punishment". The next day the Supreme Court had nine vacancies. 165 6.54
102 Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers. 533 6.54
103 Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness. 1694 6.54
104 Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves. 2624 6.53
105 Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men. 2867 6.53
106 In order to control illegal immigration in the United States, the president installed cardboard cutouts of Jack Bauer along the US/Mexico border. 754 6.53
107 If Jack Bauer gives you his word, return it immediately and run. 346 6.53
108 When the president runs out of options he says: "Get me Jack Bauer, immediately." 103 6.52
109 A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many people were getting hurt for trying to play Jack. 539 6.52
110 On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence. 1168 6.52
111 The only reason the Chinese kept Jack alive is so that he could bring down the population. 351 6.52
112 "Jack Bauer Camp" makes "Guantanamo Bay" sound like a weekend retreat in the Hamptons. 197 6.52
113 Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer. 3845 6.52
114 The first words spoken after the Big Bang were, “The following takes place between the birth of Jack Bauer and eternity.” 95 6.52
115 Jack Bauer teaches a course at Harvard entitled: "Time Management: Making the Most Out Of Each Day." 971 6.51
116 When Special Forces raided an afghan training camp, they found an empty camp and a pirated copy of 24 Season 4. 264 6.51
117 RIP Edgar If you see this give it a 10. Just cuz it's what Edgar would have wanted. 1097 6.51
118 Jack Bauer is currently involved in a complex law suit with the California Department of Justice due to their attempt to ban Jack Bauer as an "Assault Weapon". Jack maintains he is primarily used for hunting and target shooting, and is quite safe to have around families. But statistics don't lie. 251 6.51
119 Jack Bauer does not need to use a silencer... he just tells his gun to be quiet. 403 6.5
120 When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun. 1549 6.49
121 There is the right way, the wrong way, and the Jack Bauer way. It's basically the right way but faster and more deaths. 1736 6.48
122 When Jack Bauer took a stress test, the test failed. 226 6.48
123 When you go to hell, it's just a room with you and Jack. 195 6.48
124 Jack Bauer has never caught a cold. How do we know? Colds still exist. 467 6.47
125 Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer. 957 6.47
126 The pain chart at the hospital reads ”0” for no pain - “10” being interrogated by Jack Bauer. 113 6.47
127 Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes. 1002 6.46
128 Jack Bauer was recently named "most likely cause of injury" among C.T.U. security guards. 210 6.46
129 When 24 airs on the Spanish channel everyones lines are translated except for Jack's. The reason for this, nobody speaks for Jack Bauer. 285 6.46
130 In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the Bleep have you done with your life? 3008 6.46
131 When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..." 847 6.46
132 Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry. 3412 6.45
133 Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants. 1271 6.45
134 Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away. 3699 6.45
135 Don't ever ask Jack Bauer what is going on. He'll explain in the car. 877 6.44
136 Jack Bauer once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands. 675 6.44
137 While imprisoned in China, they made him play Russian Roulette with a shot gun. Jack won. 92 6.43
138 Jack Bauer wasn't born, he was unleashed. 603 6.43
139 Jack Bauer set an ordinary flash memory card to self-destruct. Don't ask how he did it, he's fucking Jack Bauer. 698 6.42
140 When God cries, it rains. When Jack Bauer cries, a nuke goes off in Los Angeles. 169 6.42
141 When Jack Bauer jumps from an airplane, he doesn't fall to the ground. The earth rises to meet him. 198 6.42
142 When Jack says "I won't take no for an answer" you better not say no. 152 6.41
143 Jack Bauer can break anyone and anything, but he will always break the protocol first. 332 6.41
144 Chase Edmunds, Curtis Manning, and Mike Doyle have all tried to become the next Jack Bauer. We all know what happened to them. 63 6.41
145 Jack Bauer does not let women on top during sex. Why? Because Jack Bauer never bleeps up. 921 6.41
146 Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're fucking dead." 1708 6.41
147 When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help. 2710 6.41
148 Jack needed a well-earned holiday after season 5. Drugged, captured, beaten and tortured in a cargo hold surrounded by Chinese agents eager for revenge is just his preferred method of travel - otherwise he tends to get bored on long trips. 298 6.41
149 American Idol is only popular because it has a commercial for 24. 429 6.4
150 In the 18 months where Jack Bauer was presumed dead, Tony Almeida was put in a coma, Michelle and David Palmer were killed, a major hurricane raveged the Gulf Coast, and Rob Schneider made another movie. See what happens when Bauer isn't around? 1024 6.4
151 Jack Bauer once opened a can of whoop ass. All he found inside was a mirror. 282 6.39
152 Jack Bauer went out to the desert, and was bitten by a rattlesnake. The snake died. 515 6.39
153 Most pilots need 5,000 feet of runway to land a plane. Jack Bauer needs 100 feet and a gun. 293 6.38
154 If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus. 1780 6.38
155 When Jack Bauer is running, you'd better fucking run as well, if he's chasing you, you should just shoot yourself. 184 6.38
156 "You don't know Jack" is a blessing among terrorists. 245 6.38
157 When Jack Bauer calls for backup, he isn't requesting more men. He's telling you to back the Bleep up. 97 6.37
158 In high school Jack Bauer was voted "Most Likely to Kill the Foreign Kid"... and "Best Eyes." 1309 6.37
159 Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it. 2982 6.37
160 Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive. 2745 6.37
161 Jack Bauer doesn't need a receipt to return something to a store, just a gun. 191 6.37
162 Explosions do not kill Jack Bauer, they just get stuff out of his way. 840 6.37
163 If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer. 1188 6.36
164 Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent. 3586 6.36
165 Jack Bauer once won a game of Monopoly by torturing the other game pieces until they went into jail. 149 6.36
166 Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball. 1737 6.35
167 MTV once tried to 'Punk' Kiefer Sutherland by staging a robery in a store. Sutherland smiled and pulled out his SIG and shot 3 actors in the head. This is why there was a new cast on Punk'd after season one. 280 6.35
168 Jack Bauer pulled a man out of his car, and told him to "Don't get up!" from the sidewalk. That man still has not gotten up from the sidewalk. 151 6.34
169 The "Smoothie" was invented when Jack Bauer needed information from a banana. 646 6.34
170 When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, "You're in good hands with Jack Bauer". 1396 6.34
171 Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him. 1457 6.34
172 To Jack Bauer, the question is not whether the glass is half empty or half full. It's that somebody drank half his damn water, and now they will have a face full of glass. 537 6.34
173 When Jack Bauer was little, he used to tie his brother up to a chair, put a bag on his head, and ask him, "How many cookies did you steal from MY cookie jar!?" 144 6.34
174 If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Stalin and Hitler so they wouldn't have to bear witness to what he'd do to Nina. 873 6.34
175 The truth may hurt, but it doesn't hurt as much as Jack Bauer. 549 6.34
176 When playing "Truth or Dare," Jack Bauer dares you not to tell him the truth. 551 6.34
177 If Jack Bauer saw a terrorist reaching for a bomb to blow himself up, Jack would shoot the bomb first. Nobody steals a kill from Jack Bauer. 1357 6.34
178 If you wish to contact Jack Bauer by phone, your call must first go through the president. 86 6.33
179 The safety on Jack's gun isn't there to protect Jack. It's there to protect the gun. 670 6.33
180 Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer". 1709 6.32
181 Long ago, a sperm was interrogating an egg to find out its primary objective. The result was Jack Bauer. 117 6.32
182 Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice. 3285 6.31
183 Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact. 3794 6.3
184 The Black Eyed Peas were just The Peas until Jack Bauer heard their music. 982 6.3
185 Due to Jack Bauer, no one looks forward to the weekend anymore, they look forward to the weekend being over, and watching 24 on Monday. 1276 6.3
186 There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer. 1457 6.3
187 When Jack Bauer used Herbal Essences, the shampoo had an orgasm. 197 6.29
188 "Jack Bauer" is Arabic for "I'm bleeped". 1680 6.29
189 Jack has broken Tony's leg, knocked Curtis out, and shot George Mason with a tranquilizer dart. Temporary incapacitation is Jack Bauer's way of saying, "let's be friends." 883 6.29
190 If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong. 1288 6.29
191 Quetin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Jack Bauer. He passed. It was too violent. 741 6.28
192 Jack Bauer brought sexy back, then shot Justin Timberlake for trying to take the credit. 264 6.28
193 The answer is Jack Bauer, the question doesn't matter. 1288 6.28
194 If you have information Jack Bauer needs, make sure your wife is sitting next to you. 509 6.28
195 Jack Bauer is the 'i' in team. 1078 6.27
196 There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. They are all Jack Bauer. 1264 6.27
197 When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal. 1672 6.27
198 Osama Bin Laden hides under the covers in his bedroom every Monday night from 9 to 10 and cries. 914 6.27
199 Superman is one of the few individuals who could possibly survive a confrontation with Jack Bauer. But that is only because he can fly away. 220 6.27
200 When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

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