₦airaland Forum

TEACHER: Why are you late?
Lauryn: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
Lauryn: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”


TEACHER: Lauryn, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
Lauryn: You told me to do it without using tables!


TEACHER: Lauryn, how do you spell “crocodile”?
Lauryn: “K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
Lauryn: Maybe it’s wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!


TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
Lauryn: “HIJKLMNO”!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
Lauryn: Yesterday you said it’s H to O!


TEACHER: Scorpio, go to the map and find North America.
Scorpio: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, Lauryn, who discovered America?
Bamendaboy: : Scorpio!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER: Lauryn, why do you always get so dirty?
Lauryn: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
Lauryn: Don’t bite any.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

TEACHER: Lauryn, give me a sentence starting with “I”.
Lauryn: I is,
TEACHER: No, Lauryn. Always say, “I am.”
Lauryn: All right, “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher: “Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?”
Lauryn: “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime.”


*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”
Lauryn: “Because George still had the axe in his hand.”

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Lauryn: Yes it’s really strange. I’ve got another pair of the same at home

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Lauryn: Brotherly love.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher: Now, Lauryn, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Lauryn : No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher: Lauryn, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did u copy his?
Lauryn: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Lauryn: A teacher .

Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school.
Lauryn: I heard the milkman say to my mum,"After your kid leaves for school, I'm going to eat your p#$@y".

Hey Scorp, check out our divorce letters:

[b]Subject: Divorce Letter

Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've
been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you
had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came
home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked
your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and
ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game.
You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything.
Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is,
I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving
away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Your EX-Wife



Dear Ex-Wife:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that
you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far
cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your
constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off
all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look
just like a man!" My mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say
anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me
confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I
went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price
tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother
had just borrowed fifty dollars from me ! that morning and your negligee
was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could
work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million
dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got
home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you
have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter
that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born
Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
Signed Rich As Hell and Free![/b]

_singing
Na love I love O
No be crase i crase o
I sabi loff when I see am.
Dis one get as e be.

More like 1 lover realising that it's all bs and throwing in the towel. No quarrels, no hard feelings

Hi Scorp, what it is?

lauryn:
Katie Holmes, Naomi Campbell, Kate Blanchett, and some other weirdos like prince are my look-alikes.

Na lie you talk.

_singing

Never played "Hide the salami"
Hell! never even played "stinky fingers"
Must be the second coming

Seriously I'm too upset to talk right now. Seriously.

_{singing in the key of ukwua}Sussanah abi you no dey shame
You no love me again Money go, woman go.

Cam back cam back cam back to me, Oh Schoolgirl cam back to me.

You still do? You could have fooled me.

Blame it on Technology and evrything else but you know what? It's all good

Whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is right. Whatever, don't even know why I bother you are going to persist in wallowing in , anyway.

Whatever seems to be your favorite saying this days. I think we have a strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange, I'm wonderful. Like I said plenty of times b4 you warned me. I just thought ,

Typical

Scorpio mon cherie, where have you been hiding? I'm through with this ish for real this time. It's not worth all the "aggro".

Have a nice life, Kappa. It's like "Pearls before Swine" if you catcch my drift. You don't deserve me anyway.

Typical Lauryn reaction.

How's Kwabena btw? You guys renewed your vows or suming?

I'm wan folo you tak because of the other ish you did at Afrikiko among other things. You gave him the impression that, We've been down this road before.

So whats up with W, he was really getting on my case, i say i no do, im com dey yarn dust.
[quote][/quote]Abeg make you no just tell me about that ish. The ting dey pain me no be small. It's all good though. I still maintain you set that crap in motion by all the bs you were doing.

lauryn:
laugh my friggin lil behind off

"Lil behind" is right. I looked real hard on Saturday and didn't see what all the fuss was about. The guys were still talkin about it on Saturday and i kissed my teeth for 3 long minutes in utter disgust.

I'm doing just fine. I wasn't thinking about you for all of 1 hour out of 24 yesterday. I think my "emotional constipation" is getting much better now. How about yourself? I think you should drop the bs; I'm sure you miss me too. Just too hard headed to acknowledge it. Either that or you and KWABENA ARE GOING GREAT GUNS now and giving it another whirl. Well, you know how I feel about that. That's the only one option I feel is better than what you got here.

_singing Stop the love you save maybe your own,
Honey take it slow; some day you'll be all alone.

@Seun

I don't see anything wrong with these posts. Tell me which rule(s) I'm breaking and I promise to cease and desist.

How did this post turn to a "Compliment Exchange" between Lauryn and Janet?

_{singing in the key of Ukwua}
Susannah you no know me again
Abi you no dey shame
Money go, love go.

Somebody keeps moving (deleting) these posts for some inexplicable reason. How are you doing?

I still miss you terribly and,

THIS IS DEFINITELY THE BEST EMAIL OF THE YEAR !!!!!


A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife
stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please
allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next
morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.


He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids,


Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their
lunch, Drove them to school, came home and picked up
the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners


And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping,


Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.


Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds,
do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.


Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework,


Then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the
ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,
breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded
laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was
exhausted
and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he
was
expected to make love, which he managed to get through without
complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and
said Lord,
I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's
being
able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have
learned
your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they
were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last
night."

Na tyou be dis Christel (I call you  "Cristal"- you're all that and more  Abeg how I go fit apply now?

[center]Men Are Just Happier People[/center]

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never get pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Hell, you can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress: $5000.00. Tux rental: $100.00. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is not only appreciated by your friends, but practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier. Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

"A Whole New World" from the "Aladdin" soundtrack. Never heard a better love song

Slow Dance


This is a poem written by a teenager with cancer.

She wants to see how many people get her poem.

It is quite the poem. Please pass it on.







This poem was written by a terminally ill young girl in a New York Hospital.

It! was sent by a medical doctor - Make sure to read what is in the closing statement AFTER THE POEM.



[center][b]SLOW D[/b]ANCE[/center]


[center]Have you ever watched kids


On a merry-go-round?


Or listened to the rain


Slapping on the ground?


Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.


The music won't last.

Do you run through each day

On the fly?

When you ask How are you?

Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done

Do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores

Running through your head?

You'd better slow down

Don't dance so fast.


Time is short.

The music won't last.

Ever told your child,

We'll do it tomorrow?

And in your haste,

Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,

Let a good friendship die

Cause you never had time

To call and say,"Hi"

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.


When you run so fast to get somewhere


You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,

It is like an unopened gift,

Thrown away.

Life is not a race.

Do take it slower

Hear the music

Before the song is over.


--------------------






Dear All:



PLEASE pass this mail on to everyone you know - even to those you don't know! It is the request of a special girl who will soon leave this world due to cancer.

This young girl has 6 months left to live, and as her dying wish, she wanted to send a letter telling everyone to live their life to the fullest, since she never will.

She'll never make it to prom, graduate from high school, or get married and have a family of her own.

By you sending this to as many people as possible, you can give her and her family a little hope, because with every name that this is sent to, The American Cancer Society will donate 3 cents per name to her treatment and recovery plan. One guy sent this to 500 people! So I know that we can at least send it to 5 or 6. It's not even your money, just your time![/center]
PLEASE PASS ON AS A LAST REQUEST.



Dr. Dennis Shields, Professor
Department of Developmental and Molecular Biology
1300 Morris Park Avenue
Bronx, New York 10461

I have 2 Scorpio and Lauryn. I prefer Scorpio sha

No Scorpio, I ain't gonna be able to make it. I'm kinda mad at your wife right now.

Bia Lauryn, Na everyday your picture dey change for your profile? Abi dis new wan na b'day special? Make you kukuma share some of the racier one like you were doing, as a birthday treat from you to us.