₦airaland Forum

i just have to be honest and say this is why i don't deal with men. i don't trust them. i don't want anything to do with anyone who feels SO insecure about themselves that they have to control and brutalize another person. and no gender bias here. i have been on this planet for 45 years and i know that it's not the women who perpetuate this problem. why do men beat women? to me it's no different than racism. there are some people who feel that others are inferior than they are, because of the color of their skin, and so they feel justified when they demean them, abuse them and deny them any privileges. why don't male abusers see this correlation?

Yesterday,I had lunch with my mother who told me something I never knew.  Two days before our family (mother & 5 siblings) fled Philadelphia, my father punched my mother in the eye.  She said he apologized and told her he would never do it again.  Well, he never punched her again.  Instead, the next day, he ground my mother's other eye into the carpet until it was black.  Now my mother had two black eyes.  My mother then wore shades to her job as a teacher at the elementary school.  And she lied when they asked what happened to her eyes.  She said she was mugged. The following day, my mother pulled all of us out of school, boarded a Greyhound bus, and that's how we came to live in Colorado.  That was 34 years ago.

realize that I shouldn't typecast all men, but my goodness, it seems to be getting worse these days.  Why do men have to beat up on women?  Why do they kill women instead of getting a divorce?  Why do they threaten and terrorize the kids?  What  is wrong with them?

Hi Hola2ng! I had been on vacation so I wasn't able to answer you. My friend and I took the Amtrak train to the east coast and I got to visit my childhood home of Philadelphia after 34 years!!! Anyway - things are great - hope the same for you. My new fun movie is "Chicken Run". I absolutely LOVE the whole Wallace & Grommit series and love Nick Park's animation style. The tongue in cheek English thing and the slightly dark humor. Very fun movie! Anyone else like the Wallace & Grommit movies?

To Vicjustice:

Dude! I am sorry that this was your first experience in the U.S. Maybe next time, you'll just go sight-seeing(?)

No second chance. Seun & Rlst84sale have said it best - and from a male perspective. Thank you both!

After 14 years of unspeakable physical abuse, my mother pulled me and my five siblings from our various schools in Philadelphia in April of 1973 (and she was pregnant!), boarded a Greyhound bus, where we moved to Colorado and lived in a one-bedroom house. She went from nothing to where she is now - a five-bedroom home, with a media room, flower and vegetable gardens and a swimming pool.
No one deserves to be abused by anyone else. And no one should feel so bad about themselves that they think they can't be anything without the abuser. My mother is a living example that you can get rid of anyone, or anything bad in your life, and succeed without limits.

To the original poster: which do YOU prefer? Physical abuse, or a peaceful, comfortable home of your own?

Only YOU can make that choice.

Hello Hola2ng - Thank you for the clarification re your name. Seems like we like some of the same movies. I wish you well and have a blessed evening.

To Sammyjl - I couldn't agree with you more! I have also seen people with so many different (& jarring) colors on, that they look like a walking circus. But what I really don't get are the people who think they look good wearing seven different shades of the same color.

nnada - it's not about numbers - it's about what God has in store for you. So your husband has more children - if it's in your fate, then you will take care of them - maybe not in your home, but maybe you will be the vessel that provides for their well-being in a different way. I believe that God has plans for us that are deeper than our shallowest dreams,

linda m

you know what, wesleyanA?  you're absolutely right.  i should give other rappers a listen and not just base my opinion of rap on what i've heard from american rappers.  could you give me maybe 5 rappers to listen to?  i will not listen to anything that denigrates women or advocates violence. and i have no wish to see anybody's thong.  it's just that i can't stand the atonal monotony of american rap.  no offense to anyone, but it reminds me of old tarzan movies where the "savages" danced and chanted around a white person who was tied to a stake and rotating around a fire. but i will confess that i am too myopic in my views of music and would like to know what rap encompasses.  i really did like arrested development - is that considered rap? and i'll concede that at least one of their songs did advocate violence, or at least some sort of uprising against the status quo. and i do like mechell n'degeocello's (sorry for the bad spelling) plantation lullabies album.  is she considered rap?  i have no clue who contemporary rap artists are and what they're talking about.  and i can't stomach the overly sexual themes.  been there, done that. if it's no major undertaking, i really would appreciate a list or something that would guide me to explore today's rap.  as for classical music - it isn't just for the old and feeble as some have alluded to.  it's been the basis for many musical forms - from rag to jazz.  try listening to erik satie's gymopedies.  listen to "ode to joy".  and PLEASE listen to harry connick's "over the rainbow" from his "songs i heard" album - the opening orchestration is classical and sublime. listen to marcus roberts' "gershwin for lovers" which is replete with classical undertones.  if you're willing - share what you know about rap, and i'll totally change your perspective about classical music.  game?

linda m

TO ALL - i am very blessed that i'm not a vengeful, spiteful person because that really is no way to live. i accepted my husband's digressions, because i had to accept my own. (let no man cast the first stone, ). this had nothing to do with my being a "sucker" or "whipped" or anything else of this nature. i love children, and my thinking was that, if my husband and his girlfriend couldn't work it out, and if she needed help with the children, why couldn't i step up to the plate? bad situations are always opportunities to do good,

linda m

gbade.x - let's just put it this way: rap "music" is essentially the same as P. T. Barnum's "egress". Just another gimmick, packaged as one thing, but in all instances designed to fool the masses and extort the maximum amount of money possible in (what I hope) is a relatively limited amount of time. Thank you India Arie, Alicia Keyes, Norah Jones, Corrine Bailey Ray, John Legend, etc. for bringing real music back to the world. And thank you for delivering songs which are devoid of negative references to womanhood, and songs which don't depend on violence or inane (OR INSANE?) male braggadocio to sell themselves. As for any comparison between rap and classical music - it's like comparing Hitler to God. And I think you know which is which,

vehemently,
Linda M.

Old men who wear knee socks with dress shoes and shorts. Men -when you're over 45, everything should be covered. Same for women over 45 - sorry, but that tattoo you got on your boob when you were 20 doesn't look so good now.

big bumper - i do it all the time! the drivers constantly have to tell me where to insert the pass. by the way - they're always changing up the rules about bus/train passes and boarding. Welcome to America!
lm

Thank you for the laugh!!!
For all of the audiophiles - hang in there - there is REAL music and there are REAL lyrics.
And it will never be in the guise of "RAP",

Hi Ndipe - thanks for the kind word - there's no way I could hate my ex-husband's child. he's a kid, just like my own. with the same needs and wants in life. all anyone wants is love. and it doesn't matter what circumstances surround their birth - they're human and need to be loved and take their place in this world. but i'm surprised at my own reaction, given that my ex-husband abandoned my son and me for his new family. it's just like something divine took over me, and i knew it was in everyone's best interest for me to accept the situation and totally accept my ex-husband's child as my own, should he be a part of me and my son's life. i thank God everyday i live that i'm not a vengeful person, because that's no way to live.


linda m.

Penis - you really should change your name. Others might take you seriously. No offense - just that we're all adults here and you don't have to do anything for the shock value, you know?

fosh - unfaithful (richard gere & diane lane?) - that's an excellent film! i love the plot, don't you? and the outcome, as well. good pick!

hola2ng - every time i see pulp fiction it seems like i see it for the first time. have you seen the kill bill series by quentin tarantino? he's a genius. i like how he doesn't do logical sequences, and how he intersperses humor with real tragedy (like real life, !) i have to ask - is your name like the african musician baba olatunge? (i'm sure i've misspelled this). i have one cassette tape by him which i played for about a year straight - i love it!!!

oh grey - one flew over the cuckoo's nest is one of the best, and most disturbing, films i've every seen. great movie, huh? what did you think of jack nicholson's performance? one of the "disturbed" actors played a teacher on "saved by the bell", and was a subway ghost in the movie "ghost".

aleroaruya - are you mentioning "the game" starring michael douglas & sean penn? good movie!!!!! a bit confusing to me, though. it took me a while to catch on.

linda m

Greedy? I wouldn't limit greed to America. I believe it's a trait inherent in all human beings. (the moment the second person appeared on earth, the rights of the first were cut in half. and thus the quest for wealth began, )
It's also very difficult to live in America and not live in ways that would make other countries believe you're greedy. You'd be hard pressed to find anyone here, in a ghetto or otherwise, who does not own more than one pair of shoes. Even the poorest of households somehow seem to own multiple electronics, nice clothes, and at least one car. Acquisition (not necessarily greed), is instilled in us from day one.

However, it isn't always easy for poor people in America. Please read "Nickled and Dimed", written by a woman who gave up a good job to traverse the country, sustaining herself by working minimum wage jobs. One of her observations is that, yes, you CAN live on a minimum wage job in America - that is if you don't mind living outside.

All that glitters isn't gold.

to hola2ng - i forgot about pulp fiction - a very good movie, indeed!

Sharetroll - you couldn't have said it any better, "pick up a guitar or sit down to a piano once in a while and try to sing along with the music." Possible, only if we assume rap "artists" can even read music, let alone play an instrument. I propose that we re-name "rap" and call it "tick" or "leech" instead, since "rap artists" are the biggest group of parasites to ever grace the planet. As a formally trained musician versed in just about every genre (jazz, opera, tribal, classical, Broadway, roots, blues, soul, you name it, ), I laugh when I hear a new rap "song", because I can identify each and every hook, riff, & line a rap "artist" has stolen from a real musician. It's even more amusing when they try to disguise or transpose a well-known melody or libretto, and then destroy any semblance of a song with Neanderthalian utterances.

Eurphoria - what about Erik Satie? Don't you just love his "Gymnopedies"?

Sharetroll - you alluded to rap being worse than Indian Tribal Music. I think it's even worse than Ancient Druids' Chants (, or is THAT rap)

To Gbade.x - if the rap "musicians" don't want themselves portrayed a certain way, then why do they keep giving interviews on MTV, VH1, etc.?, during which they VERY MUCH perpetrate the "bling-bling, hoe, whip-driving image"? Why aren't they on Tavis Smiley, Oprah, Dr. Phil, or Bill O'Reilly? Oh, maybe because these quality shows simply don't want them,

lm

I didn't know that my ex-husband had had a child with another woman while we were still married. We were separated and I was working at Social Services. I worked in the record room, and part of my job was opening welfare cases and cross-referencing names and such, so that we could keep track of who was who. One day, as I opened a case, I came across a card with my last name of marriage, and then looked at the family composition. I was stunned. Listed was my (at the time) husband's name, his wife(!), her daughter from a previous marriage, and their new son. I knew from friends that my husband was living with a woman, but I had no idea he had fathered a child while we were still married. I felt no malice toward the child (half-brother of my son). But my friends said I should tell my son, since we lived in a relatively small town and there was a good chance they might run into each other. I was totally opposed to this at first, but when I was able to think rationally, I realized that it was better that my son got the news from me. My married surname is not that common in my town, and there was a good chance that my son and his half-brother would meet in junior or senior high school, find out they had the same dad, and then what, ? So I told my son. He was eight years old at the time, and he took the news quietly at first. I thought I had done the wrong thing, until he opened up with a million questions. He wanted to know who his half-brother was, what he looked like, etc. I explained everything as best I could, and told my son basically if the opportunity presented itself, he and his half-brother would meet. And I assured my son that my love for him would always be the same. Like several people have said on this thread - you can't always know how you will react because you're human. There are so many emotions involved. I chose to not be angry or vindictive, and to always be available if my ex-husband's son ever wished to contact his brother, me, or anyone else in our family.

linda m.

I cannot say what's the best, per se, but among my favorites are (and in no particular order):

The Color Purple
Boyz In The Hood
The Children's Hour
Paris Is Burning
Babette's Feast
Like Water For Chocolate
Sideways
The Unknown
Un Chien Andalou
The Connection
Shallow Hal
Shindler's List
Mildred Pierce
Vertigo
Kinky Boots
My Dinner With Andre
An Unmarried Woman
Tootsie
Roots
Once Were Warriors

to totjscale - not good. bad. i hope the picture is just a stunt. if you can't handle saliva or other things that are a part of owning a dog, would you consider giving your dog/s to someone who can? my dogs are my soldiers, too, but they are also my friends.

linda m.

to multitask - wink back atcha, love. thanks for the response. it would probably take an entire new post to discuss America's so-called "reluctant" involvement in any war it's participated in! keep it coming - you're intelligent.

linda m.