₦airaland Forum

A jet airliner is in trouble due to a fuel leak.

The captain comes on the radio and states they are jettisoning all luggage to save weight and make it to an airport. A few minutes later, he asks the passengers to toss out everything even their seat covers and stand if necessary.

This still isn't enough so he asks for volunteers to jump out. Of course no one comes forward. He then says,"since otherwise we crash and all die, I'll do this alphabetically..

"Are there any African-Americans on board?"

No one comes forward.....

"Are there any Blacks on board?"

No one comes forward....

Are there any Coloreds on board?"

Still nothing...

Back at their seat, a little Black girl turns to her mother and asks,

"Momma, aren't we all those things?"

The mother looks down and replies, "No honey, today we are Negroes."

Thank God I have a village,i will go back to my village and enjooy life, who knows I might find some virgins there sef.

What will you do if I come out through this computer into your room.Technology is advancing,you know?

A Nigerian man living in Sweden decided to marry a Swedish woman in order to be legally certified via resident status... but the woman was not aware of this. She felt he really loved her. Anyway, seeing that Nigerian men had a bad rap in that particular part of Sweden, our chap decided to lie to the lady. He told her he was from Uganda.

After being married a while, the lady came home one day and informed our man that she had just met another Swedish lady who had married a Ugandan and they must all have dinner together.

The Naija man was worried and wondered how he'd get out of this wahala (trouble). He postponed and postponed the dinner until he couldn't find anymore excuses.

Finally, the day came when they were to have dinner. The other Swede came in with her Ugandan husband and they all sat at the table. Our Naija guy was very quiet. "My own don spoil today" was all he could think.

The two Swedish ladies, wanting their husbands to mingle, being from the same homeland, asked them to speak to each other. "Hey! It's not every day you meet people from home.!"

Our Naija man, being a man of great sense, decided that he would just speak Yoruba, and the guy would probably assume he was from some part of Uganda where they spoke a different language. So looking across the table he said: "Egbon Eko ni mi se? Ni bo lo ti ja wa?"( In Yoruba, this means: "I'm a Lagos man. Where do you come from?"

The fellow looked up at our friend. His eyes lit up as he said: "Ah, bobo gan! Omo Eko ni mi Se! Omo Eko gan gan!" (In Yoruba, this means "Hey buddy! I'm a Lagos child. A REAL Lagos child."

First block the phone ,get a new one,and store the numbers of my friends cos I already have it written out.

What would you do if you ran out of gan on the highway,at nite,and discovered the battery of your phone was dead?

A naija man found himself lost and wandering in a forest. After a few hours trying to find his way, he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an old Chinese man with a long, grey beard.

"I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"Ok," said the naija man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, stunningly beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the naija man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone.

But during the night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read,

"Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest."

"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read:

"Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle."

In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones were better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read;

"Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

There was this very rich Ibo man in Nnewi who had only one daughter.

When the daughter was of marriage age, the father sent news around town that all the eligible young men should come out on a particular day to compete in a test which would determine who was fit to marry his daughter.

On that set day, all the able-bodied young men came out. Some came with paper and biro and others with cutlasses and swords.

The rich man took them to his swimming pool and addressed the men: "any of you who can swim from one end of this swimming pool to the other would marry my daughter. In addition, I’ll give him 15 million naira, a car and a house so they can start of life well. I shall be waiting to meet my son-in-law at the other side. Good luck!"

As the young men, all very excited at the prospect of winning, started taking off their shirts, a helicopter came over the pool and dropped snakes and crocodiles into the pool.

Immediately all the men turned back and started wearing their shirts again. Dissapointed, some of them said “make de man go marry im pikin jo!”.

All of a sudden, they heard a splash in the pool. Everybody watched in amazement as one gentleman struggled his way across, avoiding the snakes and crocodiles. Finally, he made it to the other side as the would-be in-law, panting.

The rich man, could not believe it. He asked the man to name anything he wanted.

The man was still panting uncontrollably. Finally, he got himself together and made his request saying, “…show me the pesin wey… push me inside di swimming pool”

sell it on ebay,and come borrow yours.I will get a life, i think.
What will you do,if your computer crashes before you can reply me.Seems like we are the only two people alive here

Man, swear you meant her worst enemy, not her!
What would you do if you disovered a treasure worth a million dollars? Turn it in to the police or what?

did you mean baby girl by nel oliver? or is it by a nigerian singer?

Tell them to take their time,and get a webcam to record it.
What would you do if you were in front of a crowd,and in trying to sneeze, you end up farting loudly?

I will call the CNN,BBC and the Guiness book of records.Then I will sign a deal with a producer to make a film called :The guy who became a mum.
What would you do if you found a gorrila in your bed

pretend i didnt see it of course.

In that case, I may submit your names to the Vatican for beatification along with the old pope

To speak correct English.
No, my prof didnt beat me,that would have been a monstrousity.he actually commended me for my dilligence,hard work,etc. I cant continue,because I dont like blowing my own trumpet.

am back.just finished a meeting with my prof. how bodi? shey e dey rain for ur side too?
Me i be both killer and normal pesin.Actually i had seen the joke somewhere b4

Killers, zoom off, normal people, stay.

me small boy. I neva ready to go blind o. Even ur photo, u no gree show!

Nauseate

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To become squeamish; to feel nausea; to turn away with disgust.

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To affect with nausea; to sicken; to cause to feel loathing or disgust.

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To sicken at; to reject with disgust; to loathe

Which of the above my post do you?

if you guys have such a dirty mind, i am taking the first plane outta here.Maybe i have been away too long,and have grown too decent.

Buy a head at jankara market.
What would you do if you noticed the guy in front of you forgot to pull his zipper up?

then she licked the marks of the slap off his face.
Eni ti won tori e na mi ni mo ma pada fe.
Someone should translate

The antelope (egbin) is also depicted tethered like the elephant. The antelope can also be said to be a symbol of beauty as it is evident in its oríkì19 (Fig. 3. The oríkì reveals the descriptive beauty of the antelope as an animal that is of no equal.
it is also described in another oríkì as:-

“Very beautiful antelope, its rival does not exist in the forest”

Egbin dára títi, elegàn egbin kò sí nígbó

ok. I apologise. I will buy Kazey for how much it costs in dollars to buy tom-tom in naija!

Now,that would be nice of you,and when i lick the lollipos,what would you have?
By the way,there is a site where u can buy nigerian recharge cards online www.shopforless.com

i would jump up for joy,cos a lot of other kids didnt get adopted.who knows bill gates could be my real dad.
what would u do if no lady wanted to go out with u?

ok i buy kazey for 5 rupees,and hotangel for a billion dollars

Pls let me go with loma,and live happily ever after

i am sure u meant $100, not $1000.
if am in nigeria, i will buy and sell recharge cards. in the us, i will apply for federal aid.

What will you do if you had 5 mins to talk with Bush and Blair

ok maam. i will be a good boy,so long as you buy me candy.

I will apply to start school again.Thank God, there is no jamb here. What would you do, if someone attacked you?

enjoy the experience,and i hope they have a damsel among the kidnappers.

What would u do,if u knew you had only 24 hours to live

then i got that lawyer who freed M.J, and I was out in a short time,and I ensured that guy who has hotangel was posted to Afghanistan