₦airaland Forum

mothersjoy:
ujujoan i do think you are living in coocoo la la land as stealing is a serious offence enough to deserve a whooping but only from parent who dont steal themselves.

I remember the adage in nj 'ibi ti eyan bantin she lo tin je' and he who practices this is a thief cos they use it to justify stealing such that a thief parent begats a thief child in my book.

spikedcylinder:
Yes!!!!! It stopped me from stealing milk and meat o. My mother nearly killed me!

Ujujoan:
When I say 'general', I mean majority! I know their methods were a bit tough, but I still think it wasn't all bad. As humans, they made mistakes, but they did that in good faith!

ElRazur:
I think by the time they stopped, the damage is already done. Also most of them only stopped because age caught up with them (You can still tell in their voice you that they wish they were in control)

Most of these damage are almost irreparable and sows a seed that most likely will give out negative result. I am a good example of that, I did not attend his funeral because of what I experienced from him. And as it stand, it will probably be the same with my Sister IF attempts are not made to reconcile etc.   You see, I am speaking from the heart and it is clear to see that I have hatred and unwillingness to probably forgive sown in me towards these set of people.

Ujujoan:
My elder sister had it the roughest of all of us. She wasn't even the first, she was the 3rd. But for some reason, she was just plain stubborn. The more you beat her, the worse she got.

@ 10, she ran away from home.

@ 15, she got pregnant for a married man, had an abortion on her own and almost died from the bleeding.

@ 20, she was in the university, collecting money for school fees and never going for lectures. After 4 years, she graduated, without a degree!

@ 25, she ran away with her BF and we didn't from her for 2 years. She came back, broke, single and jobeless. She had to start life all over!

@ 30, she's single, no meaningful job, has practically no sense of responsibilty and the whole family still take turns to pay for her house rent!

But looking back now, I could just see that she wasn't raised right. What she needed was love and not beatings. She was the sweetest, brightest and most generous of us all. She couldnt cope with the level of discipline and she went haywire. If I can see that now, why couldn't they see it back then    

Now, I just pray she finds her way, cos she's just a poor lost soul!    

Okija_juju:
HUH!!    

I am speechless!!


Look I understand the whole grounding thing e.t.c, but I think different kids call for different disciplinary methods. My kid sister crys when she is grounded. Grounding being; sit on the chair, with the TV tuned to CARTOON NETWORK and dont move or talk. She would cry her eyes out and apologise for whatever it is she was being grounded for. But once shes ungrounded, it barely takes her 1hour to repeat the same deed for which she was initially grounded. But if you smack her, she gets the message, and quick!!!

Ujujoan:
But 'flogging' doesn't solve anything!

You know, my elder sister was a real 'black sheep'. It was like, the more she got flogged, the worse things she did. One time, my dad poured boiling water on her fingers for painting her nails with curtext, and the next day, she used a darker shade!

If you flog your child for stealing, it won't make him to stop. It'll only make him to steal and not get caught. Hitting a child NEVER solves anything!

Ujujoan:
Don't you understand? This is the Nigerian system. Even in schools, you got beaten back then for unjusitified reasons. Serious beating oh, with koboko. It's not like it was just a few parent's thing, it was a general thing. Their parents did it to them and they felt it was thrie right to do it to their children.

If you try to complian to an uncle or aunt, they themselves will give you the beating of your life.

Nobody would intervene with that cos it's just the way the system works!  

Okija_juju:
Look!! I dont think I am wholly against whooping a child o!! Infact flogging is still one of the surest and time tested means of discipline. But IMO, we shouldnt abuse it like our parents and their parents did. I dont think flogging should be punishment for a child who went out to play football in front of the house with the neighbours kids.

But if he steals, whoop the shi't outta that kid.

elrony:
birthdays were out of my dictionary or else i would have my backside on a muhammed ali toaster oven

bblacky:
all these are common malady in the Nigerian homes way back en even now en i tell u guys till d world come to an end, as we de here so de talk ds stories ehhh na so our own children go tell them generation wetin we too do them.

in my home then, boy ehhh popsi na hard man, u dare not look him in d face, there are stipulated rules, u have your timetable pasted in your door, some of the rules;

rules 1, No playing
rules 2, no coming back late from school
rules 3, no friends
rules 4, no complaining of less sugar in your tea abi na akamu too much paper in your meal or no meat atal in your food. So many rules, u dare not violate them, as for the time scheduling of activities in and outside the home try the wrong thing at the right time en earn urself a beating dt wil land u in a clinic.
as the first baby now en a girl in a ghetto arh arh, trust d man, he never takes a nonsense not minding how tiny u look his cane is always there d koboko or his belt whicheva is near at the time of your misbehaviour.

but thank God now, hmmmm make him try me, i go just waka commot sef.

but i tell you, we were trained dt way to become what we are today, then it looks as thou we are been maltreated but NONONO, its LOVE, PURE PARENTAL LOVE, PPL

mydreamz:
This one am yet to forgive my dad about it. And yeah I plan on reminding him this when next I go home.
I was writting my waec, and I was sick, with malaria
My elder sister is a nurse, so dad gave her money to get some injection for me
And when she was ready to inject me I wasnt ready.I was so scared that she has to be chasing me around the house.
Then she was begging me that pls take this injection, remember you have exams, (I know she is so sweet).
Then popsi just overheard and he came out of his room and was like, "are you guys still on this injection issue, she should be sleeping now"
Being the disciplinarian he thinks he is and as we all fear him, he was trying to scare me to take the injection, but I was too scared of the needle
I think he got angry and went in to get a doubled wire (those black NITEL CABLE), and gbam he started trashing me.
Imagine trashing someone that is sick, Imean serious thrashing.  I should have just feigned faint,  when I look back, it still pain me. I see that as wickedness.

omar22:
NO MATTER WHAT THEY DID TO YOU,

Malachi 4:6 He will convince parents to look after their children and children to look up to their parents. If they refuse, I'll come and put the land under a curse." (amplified Version)

mothersjoy:
The question for us now that are parents is are you a loving parent, what do you do that makes your children know you love them, do you help to develop your child's reasoning skills or are you teaching them to be oppressive to those younger than them, are you a do what i say parents or do what I do i.e is your life exemplary, when you discipline them do you tell  them what they have done wrong or do you know what they have done wrong, now that you are an adult do you know the difference between discipline and abuse, which are you a disciplinarian or an abuser.

Most parents think because they have had the child he or she owes them the air he or she breaths but i think if most of them think deeply enough they will realise the only person that had a choice as to the bringing of the child into this world is them, they will realise that they owe their children big time cos if children had a choice would they choose you? big question

Ayowumie:
@dayokanu, having read through all your posts on this thread, now my conclusion:

You had a highly traumatic childhood experience.
I thank God for your life that you were able to repress some of the experience other wise Anini's scenarios in the 80s would be a child's play.

omar22:
I have seen the height of physical brutality from failing an exam to watching football or video at my friend’s house, my dad stopped the smacking when we were young but my mum! Lord have mercy!!!! From koboko, cane, pine, omorogun (eba stick) the broken stool’s leg, fan belt, electrical cable, belt, ruler (for Technical drawing). My dad has that look that could make you wee on yourself…. If I touch his car or the hi fi system I would remember the day I was born like…


All in all I could be bitter about it, but no! Because a preacher once said that theirs a curse (quoted from the bible) that follows those who turn against their parents most especially the father NO MATTER THEY DID, But I would never ever repeat what they did to my children…, We had this horrible senior prefect when I was in form one that beat every single class one student! And we are talking about class 1a- 1i (average 35 students each)…

When I was in class 5 I once tried to punish a new entrance to the school but I couldn’t go through it in the end.

One my in-law tried ever so well not to turn on her mum but, her money doesn’t mix with anything to do with her mother….

oyinda.:
what's the big deal about sex education sef.
the only children that need explicit sex education in my opinion are the ones that start having sex early (maybe due to bad friends etc). and such a child is probably already a lost cause.
most decent kids don't really need it.

OMG!!!!!! Are you joking? Please tell me you are. 'decent kids'? What's the definition`?

okunoba:
If beating kids made them better as adults Nigerians would be the most law abiding people in the World, we wouldn`t have a society dominated by dishonesty and corruption. All the abuse disguised as disciplining children is part of the reason the country is ripe with all forms of injustice, brutality and dishonesty. We learnt it all from our wretched upbringing, that culture of abuse called love by some who are still in denial.  We are bound to violence, everywhee in our upbringing there is that touch of violence.  I resent the violence inflicted on children in Nigeria by the so called love ones. As they say violence breeds violence. Y was it so difficult for Nigerian parents to talk and reason with their kids instead of using violence and abusive words, it`s no surprise even on Nairaland many of us find it impossible to discuss issues without resulting to abusive words.

eros:
This is a very sad case indeed. You should castrate the animal for preferring a man's backside.hole to the sweetness of a woman's bosom.  

tensor777:
Well it is a nonsense to claim he has always been gay  What exactly is that supposed to mean??. Nobody, and I mean nobody, was created a pervert.

Nevertheless if he was actually caught in[i] flagrant delit[/i], so to say, then you have no option but to separate - not divorce - from him. If you happen to be a Christian then you should use the separation period to go on a stint of targeted prayers against any evil power or personality that is intent on ruining your marriage

mädchen:
Those were my words exactly in this thread earlier. I'm not asking anyone to hate their parents o! (Although I'm sure some do ) I'm yoruba! someone asked!

Ujujoan:
I seriously doubt that!

Where are you from    

Ujujoan:
I seriously doubt that!

Where are you from    

mydreamz:
Aint you from Nigeria,