ElRazur:

Like you never called anyone names while you were growing up? You know, kids will be kids. While it may be wrong, we need to strike a balance between letting kids be kids etc. You dad did the right thing in my opinion. Instead of beating, detention etc works better.

Gamine:

90% Nigerian parents would have been locked up, if in some other countries.

Putting on pressure on us to become what they wanted, not nurturing our own innate abilities.
Not being physically affectionate enough. The hugs only came officially but well with so many kids to hug I blame them.lol

It's funny how many translate the relationship with their parents to the relationship they have with God (those that believe)
Many Nigerians cannot see God as a loving father. God would say 'there is Grace' They would say 'I know, I just have to prove to you I am worthy'

Sad.

martinosi:

Hmmm u have touched a point there.
I was in a church in Nigeria on my trip
2 weeks ago and the preacher was talking about
Judgement day and a christian pleading ignorance about
the Assignment Jesus gave him and the preacher said that
Jesus will tell the Angel by the christians side to "give him
a dirty slap"!!! lol u can tell this is coming from "Parental
Up-bringing"

My Dad discipline of us was serve and was boarder-line cruel
at most.But i guess they are only dishing out the correction that was given
to them as children.

But your point on God being a loving and caring father
who corrects without punishment is an "Alien Concept"
to most Nigerians due to parental up-bringing.

That could be the reason why Most Nigerian Preachers have this
Old Testament Prophet Preaching bias of Judgement & punishment
instead of a New Testament Father Son/Daughter Bias


[b]U CAN DO A CHECK ON THIS FORUM AND I BET U ONLY 1% OF PARENTS
EVER TOLD THERE CHILDREN THAT "THEY LOVED THEM" WHILE GROWING UP!!![/b]

ElRazur:


While I recognised that this thread is not a mouth-piece for most of Nigerians, it sort of make me wonder while courses like Social Work/Child care aint thriving in Naija. (Saw a thread the other day while someone who had a good degree in Social work was unable to find a job) Because clearly, there is a need for social intervention. I will use my case as an example and say, I would have run to such intervention if it were readily available while I was growing up in naija. My two cents.

mydreamz:

You got me wrong am not in support of him beating those kids, I cant just imagine him cooling down to that extent.
If you had known him back in the days, you wont believe its the same person now.
All am saying is that he has changed and he really realised his whooping was bad, cos whenever the three of us kids are talking about the trashing we got from him, he is always quiet, only my mum makes some random remarks.

Ujujoan:

Don't you understand? This is the Nigerian system. Even in schools, you got beaten back then for unjusitified reasons. Serious beating oh, with koboko. It's not like it was just a few parent's thing, it was a general thing. Their parents did it to them and they felt it was thrie right to do it to their children.

If you try to complian to an uncle or aunt, they themselves will give you the beating of your life.

Nobody would intervene with that cos it's just the way the system works!  

omar22:


NO MATTER WHAT THEY DID TO YOU,

Malachi 4:6 He will convince parents to look after their children and children to look up to their parents. If they refuse, I'll come and put the land under a curse."

Ujujoan:

Yea, I never really understood why it was such a crime to mention your birthday to anybody back then!  

Birthday celebrations were not accepted. I remember when my sister once tried to 'rebel' by saying that that day was her birthday, she got serious beating and we were all banned from mentioning that word 'birthday'. I grew up not knowing any of my sibling's birthdays or my parents'. Sometimes I even forgot my own birthdays!  

That was an unjustified act. My dad would use every opportunity to host parties back then but when it came to his children's birthday's he just wouldnt hear of it. I really wonder why!  

About 4 years ago, my BF then insisted on throwing me a birthday party. I felt out of sorts cos it was the firt time in my life I was celebrating my birthday.    

oyb:

the big question of the day:

how are WE going to go about instilling discipline in our kids

we are all 'enlightened' or so we think - bearing in mind that our parents probably were also enlightened compared to their parenst

worse - those  things tha got them so het up are in real force now - who will get caught with playboy by teachers when he has internet on his phone. dstv dey for house and we now have western idolization of musicans (rip da grin )

Ujujoan:

Yea, I never really understood why it was such a crime to mention your birthday to anybody back then!  

Birthday celebrations were not accepted. I remember when my sister once tried to 'rebel' by saying that that day was her birthday, she got serious beating and we were all banned from mentioning that word 'birthday'. I grew up not knowing any of my sibling's birthdays or my parents'. Sometimes I even forgot my own birthdays!  

That was an unjustified act. My dad would use every opportunity to host parties back then but when it came to his children's birthday's he just wouldnt hear of it. I really wonder why!  

About 4 years ago, my BF then insisted on throwing me a birthday party. I felt out of sorts cos it was the firt time in my life I was celebrating my birthday.    

mydreamz:

I remember how my friends in school used to tell me how their parents never raised  hand on them
But me, I get those DOUBLED NITEL CABLE most of the time ,though he claims he dint really beat me compared to my two older ones. And my siblings really testified to it.
Back then I used to think those my friends are being spoilt by their parents. Now I know better.

ElRazur:


Yeah that is another thing that I experienced too. My dad only ever celebrated my birthday once, and it felt more like it was his party than it was mine. I had little say etc.

Up till now, I do not celebrate anything like that. I had my first degree and what not, and I just phoned to check my results. Didn't even turned up for graduation lol. I suppose it is one of those thing that I grew up with that is now manifesting itself all over again. I am currently doing another degree and I swear to god, I will party till I collapse on this one.   (Still not keen on birthdays though) lol

elrony:

birthdays were out of my dictionary or else i would have my backside on a muhammed ali toaster oven

oyb:

the big question of the day:

how are WE going to go about instilling discipline in our kids

Okija_juju:

Look!! I dont think I am wholly against whooping a child o!! Infact flogging is still one of the surest and time tested means of discipline. But IMO, we shouldnt abuse it like our parents and their parents did. I dont think flogging should be punishment for a child who went out to play football in front of the house with the neighbours kids.

But if he steals, whoop the shi't outta that kid.

Okija_juju:

Look!! I dont think I am wholly against whooping a child o!! Infact flogging is still one of the surest and time tested means of discipline. But IMO, we shouldnt abuse it like our parents and their parents did. I dont think flogging should be punishment for a child who went out to play football in front of the house with the neighbours kids.

But if he steals, whoop the shi't outta that kid.

mädchen:

And when you 'whoop the poo out of that kid' , what does that solve? Does it stop the kid from stealing again As we have read on this thread, some people have said that they became better liars. *Food for thought*

Okija_juju:


I laugh at your Nitel Cable, Double or Quadrupled!!

Try my NEPA CABLE!! The one used to run light from Pole to Meter!! Doubled!! With bottles on the side 

elrony:

nope we were'nt@madchen

[b][/b]

HAVE U TESTED A GLASS CUP SMASHED ON YOUR HEAD

Ujujoan:

Don't you understand? This is the Nigerian system. Even in schools, you got beaten back then for unjusitified reasons. Serious beating oh, with koboko. It's not like it was just a few parent's thing, it was a general thing. Their parents did it to them and they felt it was thrie right to do it to their children.

If you try to complian to an uncle or aunt, they themselves will give you the beating of your life.

Nobody would intervene with that cos it's just the way the system works!  

Ujujoan:

But 'flogging' doesn't solve anything!

You know, my elder sister was a real 'black sheep'. It was like, the more she got flogged, the worse things she did. One time, my dad poured boiling water on her fingers for painting her nails with curtext, and the next day, she used a darker shade!

If you flog your child for stealing, it won't make him to stop. It'll only make him to steal and not get caught. Hitting a child NEVER solves anything!

mothersjoy:

Elrazur, the reasonable ones have to stop ie the disciplinarians. As the children grow up it is reasonable to assume that the children are better aware of the error of their ways and they are corrected in words rather than trashing. Some parents wait until they get into a physical with their kids and the child has the upper hand. This happened to an uncle of mine. Others get really verbally abusive and demeaning that their adult children stop speaking with them then you know the oppressive abusers.

Ujujoan:

But 'flogging' doesn't solve anything!

You know, my elder sister was a real 'black sheep'. It was like, the more she got flogged, the worse things she did. One time, my dad poured boiling water on her fingers for painting her nails with curtext, and the next day, she used a darker shade!

If you flog your child for stealing, it won't make him to stop. It'll only make him to steal and not get caught. Hitting a child NEVER solves anything!

Okija_juju:


HUH!!    

I am speechless!!


Look I understand the whole grounding thing e.t.c, but I think different kids call for different disciplinary methods. My kid sister crys when she is grounded. Grounding being; sit on the chair, with the TV tuned to CARTOON NETWORK and dont move or talk. She would cry her eyes out and apologise for whatever it is she was being grounded for. But once shes ungrounded, it barely takes her 1hour to repeat the same deed for which she was initially grounded. But if you smack her, she gets the message, and quick!!!

Okija_juju:


HUH!!    

I am speechless!!


Look I understand the whole grounding thing e.t.c, but I think different kids call for different disciplinary methods. My kid sister crys when she is grounded. Grounding being; sit on the chair, with the TV tuned to CARTOON NETWORK and dont move or talk. She would cry her eyes out and apologise for whatever it is she was being grounded for. But once shes ungrounded, it barely takes her 1hour to repeat the same deed for which she was initially grounded. But if you smack her, she gets the message, and quick!!!

Ujujoan:

My elder sister had it the roughest of all of us. She wasn't even the first, she was the 3rd. But for some reason, she was just plain stubborn. The more you beat her, the worse she got.

@ 10, she ran away from home.

@ 15, she got pregnant for a married man, had an abortion on her own and almost died from the bleeding.

@ 20, she was in the university, collecting money for school fees and never going for lectures. After 4 years, she graduated, without a degree!

@ 25, she ran away with her BF and we didn't from her for 2 years. She came back, broke, single and jobeless. She had to start life all over!

@ 30, she's single, no meaningful job, has practically no sense of responsibilty and the whole family still take turns to pay for her house rent!

But looking back now, I could just see that she wasn't raised right. What she needed was love and not beatings. She was the sweetest, brightest and most generous of us all. She couldnt cope with the level of discipline and she went haywire. If I can see that now, why couldn't they see it back then    

Now, I just pray she finds her way, cos she's just a poor lost soul!