andromida:

In your own opinion what are the duties of a husband?

A husband should provide the basic necessities of life for the family, e.g money, shelter, clothing etc.
A husband should be a GOOD EXAMPLE, GUIDE, PROTECTOR and PROVIDER.
Much asay

Mondisweets: like i already asked you, just because boko horam abuses the qu'ran will that make them real muslims or simply terrorists hiding behind a particular religion?

If Boko haram abuse a quran, it doesn't change the fact that they are Muslim of course. Even if they behave as a terrorist afterward, they acted it on the leverage of Islam which support Jihad(holy war). You can't excommunicate them from Islam.
So what are we saying here?

Mondisweets: once u abuse something it no longer qualifies as equal equality means balance and fairness... Once its not balanced or fair, it probably isnt a feminist ideology

But feminism can be abused or taken for granted, after all, abuse is inevitable to feminism practice.

Mondisweets: so if they are abusing the ideology of feminism that makes them actual feminists. So because boko horam abuses the koran it makes them real muslims abi?

Feminism is the leverage for them and they do it on basis of EQUALITY which feminism preaches.

vivalableue:

Sir,

The problem I see in your response is highlighted. You give the west way too much credit as well. In many western countries, women still fight to get things like equal salary, etc. The crux that I love about feminism is that the definition itself includes the uplifting of both genders, equally. That means that you as a man, are also encouraged to break boundaries and social norms when it comes to being a man. It means that you have the chance to experience things that were previously forbidden to you as man. For example, shedding tears (if you didn't need to cry then why were you created with tear ducts?).

Now the problem, as I highlighted earlier is this, you are equating womanhood with marriage. Now, I do understand that marriage is an important right of passage in the life of adults, both male and female. In fact, as a half Punjabi woman, I do understand the strong pulls of my society to be married in order to enjoy the status of full womanhood. However, I choose to renounce that on the grounds that marriage doesn't make me less of who I already am. Maybe in the past, things were different. But, right now, I am responsible for myself, the taxes I pay, the children I bore, bills, everything is my responsibility. If I were to be married, the situation wouldn't change except for the fact that my husband is responsible for me, and I will be responsible for him as well.

Your original question is that in my mind, I envision that a feminist would naturally make a better wife. Why? Because she is interested in the equal voice of both partners be heard in the marriage. The man can have the opportunity to be himself and be cherished for it, and the wife will have the same chance. No one would relegate each other for certain trad. roles either. For example, the father of my children is a chef. He preferred to cook every meal we had. I personally, didn't mind, because he was a slob and I tackled the cleaning of the house. Did I make him feel like a "woman" for doing this thing he preferred? No way! Besides, once a week, I treated him to a meal as well, and he tackled the house work when I was at work too. My kids don't think that daddy is a weak fellow, in fact, he's as a strongwilled as they come. He just enjoyed the fact that I allowed him to be himself, with no judgement. I personally, love to build things with my hands (carpentry) and I work in IT. I own the power drill in the house. And it suits us just fine, and our culture is still preserved because we observe the traditional holidays, family events etc. We sometimes put our own spin on things, but at the end of the day, the level of stress is very minimal.

Thanks for the dropping by, you actually flowed with trend with no cog in the wheel.
The matter I tried to raise is that; because feminism preach EQUALITY of GENDER, women should not take it for granted or abuse the TEAM WORK being observed by the husband. Like you said, your kids didn't see daddy as a weak fellow because he cook for the family, and you are not taking the help for granted too; which is a commendable approach.
Some women are ready to snap at the husband when any opportunity present itself.
Please always make your husband
and kids happy and don't try feel superior to him or make the kid feel he's weak. God will help you to survive all odds.

I wonder why my sisters down here find it hard to flow with my logical presentation; all they could see is that the OP doesn't know feminism,WTF!

Vivalableue (a Caribbean or African-American) I guess, was even of the opinion that I hyped western too much.
Well, maybe scared of going back to the stone age.lol

Happy Sunday

Mondisweets: and thats why i said u understand nothing about feminism, she is not fighting for position is head, she just wants both of them to treat each other equally. No one is trying to overthrow the other, like you are desparately trying to put it, feminists simply want BALANCE.

If our traditions are doing more good than harm for use, i guess it gives a perfect reflection of why most parts of Africa that are deeply rooted in their traditions are still in darkness, right? Sure lets keep holding on to the things that keep us from progressing. Thats what intelligent beings do after all

This is something no one can never understand about black men in general, some just feel they deserve a title simply because they are male. If you are the head, you have to take care of the responsibilities that come with the title otherwise you are nothing. This is what most black men want, you want to called the captain of the ship when you have no idea of how to stir it in the right direction. If you know you are like that, dont bother calling yourself captain of the ship because all that family will be headed for is a shipwreck.

Since you have chosen not to comprehend my simple breakdown on TEAM WORK and possible EGOISM(of a woman) that may eventually sets in on the long run in the family.
I guess you know more than me because, for me to start a thread on a topic, yet all you could deduce is that, I know nothing about the topic just because; either you can't digest my comment or you feel its too much for you to flow with or you don't agree with my opinion(after all everyone is entitle to his opinion).
That's your choice ma'am.

NB: A good number of African women are ready to abuse FEMINISM and gear it towards their own ulterior motives thereby endangering our home.

Happy Sunday

Mondisweets:



listen its the duty of both spouses to do whatever it takes to take care of their home and family. If they are bills to paid, whichever spouse can pay for them should ( the wife doesnt have to wait for the husband) if there are dirty dishes in the house, whichever spouse is at home should take care of them, its a litle something called being hygienic ( the husband doesn't have to wait for his wife to get home)

Its called teamwork, you do what needs to be to make sure the house and the marriage remains in order. A woman will never die of she pays the bills, and a man can never be struck my lightning for keeping his house clean by doing chores.

Thats whats equal partners do.

You just repeated what I said above; I am not against sharing responsibilities or teamwork in the home,I even support it(thou some men don't even wanna hear this), after all, the wife is not a slave.

The bone of contention here is when when the woman feels she can as well be accorded the respect due for the husband. FEMINISM will hint her that; hey, this man should not be pushing you around! Since you can do what he can do! We've seen women pack out of the house because they have the capacity to survive outside the marriage; which has in turn caused a lot of pain for children of single parenthood and our culture frowns at this.

I not here to bash the women folk...but to reinstate the culture that; Men must be the one in charge of home and his post as the head cannot be negotiated for anything.

Mondisweets: this pretty much explains that u dont understand feminism whatsoever. Its about being EQUAL not being superior over men.

a feminist will still give birth, take up her husband's surname, take care of the kids and cook at home... So how exactly is she losing her cultural values? Just because she will expect her husband to contribute in the house chores doesn't mean she will not do them!

please go do research of what feminism actually is, not the nairaland definition.

When you preach EQUALITY, and the wife eventually start claiming husband authority is not bound on her because her eyes is opened.


I didn't say husband helping the wife in house chore is wrong but when the wife start seeing it as the husband's duty because they are EQUAL then you start asking questions.

... and that I don't know about feminism That's your opinion anyway, you can choose what to believe.

Mondisweets: how does feminism override our cultural values by striking a balance between men and women?

When a woman begins to see herself as superior or not ready to take instruction from the husband as a result of what feminism theory might postulate, which our culture will not agree to the wife being bossy at home. A woman is suppose to rule under the affairs of her husban; culture wise.

Let's be factual here; most typical African women cannot manage this feminism they tend to lust after, because when they get hold of power they see it as avenue to manipulate men by all means.

I agree that feminism brought about some form liberation to the women folks but it should not override what our culture stands for that: men are the head of the family and various key roles in our society.
Feminism and our cultural values in this part of the world is just a way apart.

I am well informed that most ladies and feminist apologist will never flow with this, but our culture will never go into extinction.
NB: I'm a typical culture man and a Christian.

Mondisweets: In the african culture the men is the sole provider while the woman takes care of the house and the children. How many of u are against the western idea of a woman contributing jointly as a provider with the husband?










Rubbish!

We are not against the idea of a woman contributing in the home but when a woman start using femininity muscle to override the husband authority/rule in the home, then you begin to ask questions.
We are not against western; (in fact, it has done us more good) but striking a balance to know and make sure western culture is not overriding and being traded for our own basic cultural values.

cococandy: Of course I know. I should go back to primary school if I didn't know that
Lol
I was just making it clear (to him) why we thought he wasn't being consistent.

I actually raised some premises, along line my comments.
But the bottom line remains: modifying your culture, using another culture as a reference point should not make it inferior to the other culture former. The basics of the your culture must not be altered completely but edited to make it better than the referenced(western) culture.
If you had followed my some of my lines of thought up there intently, you would have noticed some level of neutrality in them, only trying to make sure my culture does not turn into slave or mediocre to the western culture.

BananaBender:

If your wife feels a need to be in some sort of competition with you, there is a problem with your marriage and that problem has nothing to do with feminism.

You mean feminism cannot probably be responsible for this? Thou may not be in all circumstances.

Tell me more dear...

cococandy:

His first sentence.

So I'm like what's wrong with that?
Then he says

Making it clear that servicing men's ego is more important than a woman's rights or needs

Then the contradictions begin.

Really? But he said

So how is her voice not 'shut down' (in his words) if whatever she thinks at the end of the day doesn't matter?
what's his definition of high standard? Yet to get it.

How can a woman make her stand on an issue and at the same time discard her stand/opinion and adopt the man's own as superior?

Yet he has a problem with those who are moving for such changes/ adjustments to be made


I could go on and on pointing out the mix-ups But I don't know what he's talking about.

@OP
You lost me bro.what are you talking about?

The bottom line of my opinion, reinstated is: feminism has its own ups and down. The bone of contention here is, we want to shy away from the cultural truth, which is: whatever a woman want to become, must be under the ministry of her husband. I agree some men need to be lectured on how to bring out the best in their wives.
I think we are foregoing our cultural identity to that of the west. You may not actually flow with me if you rate western culture more to yours.
I don't see any contradiction here; except your hatred for your culture keep rising.

cococandy: You contradict yourself so much it makes my head hurt trying to put your points together.
Neither here nor there.
If you think women should be respected abd valued,why are you saying a man's opinion should be placed above hers?

I'm not a fan of preserving culture at all cost. I would be dead today if not for Mary Slessor who stopped the killing of twins.
Only good culture should be held unto.

What culture are you talking about? You try to use christainity a western culture to blacklist feminism another western culture?

Whether we like or not.we are imbibing western culture at full speed. The whole world is borrowing culture from everyone else.
Even some african culture has been exported to other parts of the world.
People will always copy a better example.
Stop fighting change.

Cool down and flow with the trend; seems you expect me to start bashing and talk down feminism; no dear, you don't make your opinion look like its the best, you have to weigh opinions, then make your judgments. Don't talk down others; that's what education taught us. We are here to learn.lol

From your comment, you have every right to be mad at culture if not for western intervention no doubt but you should not pray for its death.
You need to know the western culture has its own flaws. Look at what our youths are turning into, due to hyping of western culture here and there.

This western we are talking about is even been adjusted day in day out to match general standard value; why can't we follow suit?
Culture is meant to complement each other like you stated but one should not overshadow the other.

Don't hate your culture, make it better dear.

cococandy:
May my daughters not meet someone who thinks like this

Iseee!

That's your wish and opinion

BananaBender:

Then, let's make the necessary adjustments. You can call feminism any name you want in Igbo, Yoruba and Hausa if you like. The most important thing is that male supremacy in the Nigerian culture has to end.



Accepting feminism will make you better. Look at that, we are finally getting somewhere.



LoL, you defined submission a few posts above and what you have defined, is slavery.

Mr Mattin, asking a particular gender to be submissive not for any productive reason but for the fact that they were born with a vag1na, is oppression. Let me help you move forward, say no to gender inequality!

I will re-emphasize this: Accepting western should not make me a slave to their culture. Human being are meant to improve and grow everyday. We shouldn't be static.
Whatever way I choose to improve myself or environment does not make it superior to me in any way.

BTW, I'm not against feminism and detest any form of gender inequality, I wanna know if feminism has any correlation with our culture; if it is doing more good than bad.

BananaBender:

True, every culture has it's own flaws and we all must work in correcting them. Feminism was never a part of the western culture initially, equal rights between gender was created because they realized their culture was hurting their women.

If a culture is hurting a huge percentage of the society, it's only logical you change it or adapt it to what is best for all.

You abandoned your own culture when you chose Christianity. You abandon your culture every time you wear a suit to work. You abandoned your culture by typing in English to me. You abandon your culture anytime you chose to order pizza instead of eba.

So Mr Mattin, there is no need for you to be hypocritical and sanctimonious about your culture, you have abandoned and is still abandoning it.
(Btw, improving your culture/values, doesn't translate to abandonment)

A woman that is submissive against her will is a slave. If she has no choice in the matter, she is a slave. If she is submissive because that is what the society has defined her to be, she is a slave. (Write that down)

I wasn't being rude, I was telling you that what you want in a wife can only be found in a slave.

If we feel our culture is not favoring women, we should look inward among ourselves and make some adjustment to that effect as no law forbids solving your own problem among yourselves. It is not a must we have to wholeheartedly incucate the western culture into our own culture. Whatever happen to cultural value going into extinction.

For the fact that I speak English, accept Christianity and peruse the western culture etc. doesn't and should not make me a slave to the western culture. I accepted the western culture because I want to be better; I want to study the western culture so as to get a better understanding of how to improve my own culture. No matter the aspect of western I choose to go into, the purpose is to make my culture a better one.

A woman don't have to be submissive to extent of becoming a slave; this is where we say women should be respected and valued.
I realised that we woman degradation is rampant in our culture, which is why should use our western education to profound solution and not exchanging the values and norms.

I have never abandoned my culture and will never do.
BTW, the western culture we are hyping is one way or the other, envying some core values in our cultural system, which you may not know and is not placing much vallue on.

BananaBender:

@Highlighted: This is one of those times. Moreover, it's stup1d to relegate ignorance to a specific time period in a human's life; as long as we are not omniscience, we are always going to be ignorant.
Cultural values are created by humans, so naturally they are flawed. Civilized humans tend to improve their culture as they also improve mentally, economically, socially and technologically. When we stopped the killing of twins, did our cultural values diminish? Changing something for the better about our culture does not diminish it, it only makes it better.

We have a culture that values egocentric men over equality. We have a culture as of now, that puts the male child above the female child. We have a culture that promotes our patriarchal society and a culture that makes a wife's needs, dreams, and decisions secondary to that of her husband. Is that the type of culture you want? A culture that elevates one gender over the other?

What really are the principles and values our culture is based on/buttressing?



Are you for real? This is scary. Are you saying that a woman shouldn't think herself equal to a man in the society?? I do not support anything that uses force, violence or insolence to achieve it's objective. Feminism doesn't support that either. In fact, feminism is against the oppression of the female gender.



Why does a woman need the mentorship or rulership of a man to become whoever she wants to become. Don't you even feel ridiculous and repulsed at the notion you're spouting about?? Why does a woman need mentorship and rulership and a man doesn't?? What does a man possess that makes him qualified to rule and mentor that a woman doesn't possess?
It's only normal that once in a while, couples will differ in opinions. A man's opinion is not superior to that of a woman because on the average, no gender is smarter than the other. Eventually, they'll have to learn to compromise. Her husband's decision also affects her, she has every right to oppose it if she believes it is not in the best interest of their home.



What you have up here is not a wife material, you have perfectly defined a slave. Mr Mattin, if you choose to maintain your sick mentality, you would have to buy yourself a slave.

Hey Bannanabender, Every culture in the world has its own flaw at one time or the other, but my stand here is: feminism is an intergal part of western culture. Why should I abandon my own value system and start decorating other people's system?
You can bash your culture for all I care but my stand remains; A woman that is submissive is never a slave but respecting the law of nature.

To your last statement, You don't have to be rude or derogatory when voicing a counter opinion.
Thanks

esof1: It depends on the husband.

Depends on the husband to contain and curtail her, should any sign of imbalance in value appear.

tatiana009: Who is a good wife material? Every man is different and so each man would have his own wife material so yes feminist make good wives to men who want that. Chimamanda Adichie is married and there are many men who knowingly choose to marry a feminist because those are the qualities they desire. Some men would die of boredom if they marry a typical wife material by Nigerian standards. My husband tells me that he knew I was the one for him the day I told him I would divorce him if he cheats on me he can't stand the typical doormat some Nigerian men want so to each his own. By the way why do so many threads on Nairaland focus on feminists? If you don't like feminists simply avoid marrying one. There is nothing to be worried about, pick the wife material you want

I wanna see women who will change the world for a better good, create a change, make their stand on issues(but with respect and humility).
I will always respect women for who they are but when the theory of being equally yoke with men comes to play, then I will not give in to that.
I am a cultural oriented man and I won't subscribe to any act that will bastardize or diminish the cultural standards we are to uphold. Feminism has its good side, no doubt, but I believe their is more to its weak side than the good side.

cococandy: It's the feminist bashing fest on nairaland once more.

OP come and ask my husband

I respect women of high standard and guarded integrity. I wanna make a stand as to know if feminism is doing us greater good or more harm, whether it is here for good or here for bad.

BananaBender: It's so ironic that feminism that advocates equal right is considered immoral.
I wonder why culture has become this supreme-invisible god that dictates what we do as humans over our common sense. Humans create their own culture. As humans evolve, it only makes sense that our culture also evolve.
Egocentric: "thinking only of oneself, without regard for the feelings or desires of others; self-centered". I don't think people realize that this is a negative word. A lot of mofos here are proud of it actually.
You mean "our" culture tolerates men and their egocentric behavior but finds feminism despicable? Jeez.
Do you understand that ignorance can also form people's culture? It was your culture to kill twins, it was your culture to enslave people, it was your culture to shave widows heads. Do you understand that culture can support evil ways?
To be honest, I don't even know where to start from with you. Moral, culture, feminism, religion, gender roles, or family institution.
Let me start by asking you this: how does feminism obstruct a woman from being a good ambassador to her society?? How does it make her uncooperative at home?
What is a 'good wife material'?

NB: I am not here to bash the women folk but to make some stand on living right.
At one time of every man's life, he would have been ignorance of some situation, thereby making him to take some nasty decision. They said:' Ignorance is a bliss'. Killing of twins, shaving of woman's head and some other wrong we have done in the name of culture does not diminish our cultural value.
To your first question: Women definitely play great role in the society but a situation where a woman begins to think more of herself and wanting to make her opinion count by all means whether forcefully or rudely in the midst of men, then you begin to wonder what theory they are defending. Every man is an ego carrier, being egoistic does no make a man self centered but retaining the masculine strength that has been imposed on him.
Second question: A woman is supposed to rise and become whoever/whatever she wants to become under the rulership and mentorship of her husband. But when a you begin to see women folk, not ready to give in to whatever the husband is saying or proposing, you begin to ask questions.
Your last question:
A wife materials is she who holds her husband judgement in high esteem and respect and value his judgement over her own.
She is intent as to giving than upon getting and does it freely and cheerfully.
She is discreet and obliging; every word she says, shows she governs herself by the rules of wisdom and humility. You can reference more in Proverb chapter 31.

Feminism is doctrine that advocates equal right right for women. Most country that practise feminism is not really getting into the root of the matter. I am of the opinion that men, with our egocentric behavior is not going to have a smooth passage with a feminist.
The other day, Chimamanda Adichie was praising the raising awareness for feminism, which I don't see as part of culture where she came from!
Men have been burdened to take over affairs in most of the homes, social gathering etc. he finds himself. I have heard a lot of complaint about female boss and the rest. I believe female voice should be heard and not shut down.
Take a look at a family scenario, where a woman wants to take the rule on the same page with her husband, because of feminism theory.
I agree some women are making headway in various parastatal in the society, but should feminism be given priority and attention?
In this part of the world, where much emphasis is laid on cultural value and belief system; many mind bugging question are: Will a feminist:
1. Make a good wife material,
2. Be a good home manager,
3. Be a good ambassador to the society,
4. Be able to cooperate with the husband etc?
Is feminism part of our cultural value?
Should we allow Education(which brought feminism) becloud and frustrate our cutural system?
Are we not exchanging our moral value system and the basic part of our cultural value system for western culture?
Have you seen a practising and radical feminist make a good home around you?

Let's have your constructive opinions and judgement.

Abeg, when will Ibadan dog show surface? Do they even do it at all? Who get answer?