Back then in secondary school when we were doing our first chemistry practical,accidentally,the acid poured a female student. The CHEMISTRY teacher was using distillation method to save the girl's life. The MATHEMATICS teacher was calculating the angle of elevation of the acid. The ENGLISH teacher quoted a suitable adverb to qualify the incident. The BIOLOGY teacher checked whether the acid could be parasitic or saprophytic. The ECONOMICS mistress was trying to check the elasticity demand curve of the acid. The FOOD AND NUTRITION teacher was busy preparing food for the girl to eat. The C.R.K teacher was trying to comfort the girl by reading Luke 6:12 which says,"Happy are you who weep now for you shall laugh. The GEOGRAPHY teacher was measuring the degree celcius of the acid. The PHYSICS teacher was accelerating the momentum of the acid. The FINE ART teacher was drawing and painting the whole story. The CLOTHING AND TEXTILE teacher was busy sewing the girl's uniform the acid burnt. The GOVERNMENT teacher blamed the government for not producing lab coats to students. The next day at the morning devotion hall,the HISTORY teacher reported the incident!!!

Its me,just doing my thang,man!!

Pastor Olu,its just me,trying 2b creative!

He had robbed several vulnerable people and had killed any who would dare stand on his way! He would rob banks,supermarkets,filling stations,saloons and even churches,daring the Almighty God. I tank God say him no cum my small laundry shop. Felix,or Da Bull,as he was also called instilled morbid fear in everybody living around as he and his 7 member gang would stop at nothing to reduce lives to nothing at disposal while carrying out their wicked nefarious robbing escapades. Nemesis finally caught up with him when they went attacking a man they had waited for to come out of the Zenith bank at Aka road! There were sporadic shots and shoot at sights causing blood to flow freely even more than our gutters. Our friends,the Nigerian policemen were no where to be found. Infact,i even saw that one of them whom i had seen early that morning,fully dressed in his black and black,had immediately changed into an Agbada like an Hausa man that sells soya.(i wonder if he wore the agbada under his uniform). Members of the JTF who accosted the men of the underworld swore with their blood none of them would escape,not even one as they"worked around the clock" killing 6 out of the 7 men and leaving Da Bull who went at large. News spread that he was hiding somewhere in the bushes and each and every member of the community was told to stay indoors while the search for Da Bull lasted! Well,after 45 minutes,we heard celebrations,cheers,claps and songs of joy emerging from the bushes as if another Abacha was dead but no..DA BULL HAS BEEN CAUGHT!! Chai-what a day it had been!! Members of the JTF would not waste time less he whisks away like he normally does(i no even know weda na him been dey act WILLIE WILLIE who would disappear at will)and so,they tied him to a pole,and a boy was sent to run down and call a local pastor that headed a nearby church and lived in the church's office some miles away! Explaining to him why he was called,the man knelt down,and thanked God in his ibibio dialect,"Oh abasi,sösönghö naha afo asuenne anye mfinem!! (God,thank you for disgracing him 2day). Rushing down with his bible and a crucifix,he was told to pray over the thief,before his very imminent death. Would you call that,taking laws into their hands? Call it whatever,anyway,but Da Bull must die!(an eye for an eye thingz) Having done with the prayers that God should,in his infinite mercies forgive him and allow him at least squad with somebody in heaven,that is if he could not be fully entitled to at least a self con,the man of God asked the thief to say his last words. Looking at the pastor,the heavens and the crowd,DA BULL opened his already swollen mouth and in his words,he said,"LET MY ENEMIES LIVE LONG AND SEE WHAT I WILL BE IN THE FUTURE!!!

No be joke sha but if we suppose dey sign AUTOGRAPH 4 any chig body wey we don DO,e get d kind chig wey u go meet,u go need clean autograph cömöt 4 her body b4 u fit get space sign ur own!!

Sori boy,i neva told u i was cracking a joke and meanwhile,my posts are 4 intellects...If vampires were here in Nigeria eating brains,u wudnt nid 2run cuz they wudnt be luking 4u!

If it was not written in the bible that God had 2 cars called ADAM & EVE,i never would have believed it. The holy bible says that when ADAM & EVE disobeyed and ate the Forbidden fruit,God DROVE them out of the Garden!!

Just yesterday,i came across a portion in the bible that proved that jesus christ had 2carz. The 1st bible portion sayz that John the Baptist was his FORE-RUNNER! Maybe John was a TOYOTA FORE-RUNNER!! The 2nd bible portion that proved that jesus had a car sayz,"....and he went down wit his disciples in one ACCORD!! Pls who knows of a car called HONDA ACCORD??

NIGERIA-The only country wey 5 LITRE PETROL no dey full 4 LITRE RUBBER!!
NIGERIA-The only country wey dey supply STEADY ELECTRICITY to 4 West African countries but even NEPA demself dey use GENERATOR!!
NIGERIA-The only country wey u go see MEAT inside EGG ROLL!!
NIGERIA-The only country wey be say if 2 people waka pass 4 road and maybe by mistek,their body touch,dem go rush go check dia DICK weda e still dey!!
NIGERIA-The only country wey u go see the manager of RHYTHM 93.7 dey listen to PLANET 101.1!!

My broda,no worry,if i no laf plenty,mek i die!! U2much my broda!

Mtchewww...houseboy material!! I been fil say u get smthng 2 write sef! Wait o,which hospital u dey sef cuz i knw 4 sure say u no well!!

Its Valentine & diz beautiful gal who went shopping stumbles on a luvly valentine card wit these sweet wordz,"TO THE ONE AND ONLY GUY IN MY LIFE and she just luvd d card so much. So she went 2d salesman and demanded,"PLEASE SIR,GIVE ME 12!!

True luv is like a pillow. U can hug it when ur in pain. U can cry on it when ur in trouble. U can also embrace it when ur happy. Infact,when u need true luv,just buy a pillow!!

Dat woman na winch..na Y she no dey slp..she get busy check her list knw who she press last nyte and who she go press 4 next nyte!

I stil dey wait 4d joke o...abi ur pen finish 4 road,houseboy material?

Afta several minitz of touchingz,she remuvd her undiez and told him,"Baby,put ur finger inside. He did. She told him again,"Put 2 fingerz plz. He did. Afta dmanding he shd put hiz 3 and 4 fingerz which he did,she said,"Infact put ur whole hand inside. He did just dat! "Plz put 2more fingerz,making it 7. He did it. She waz stil nt ok,so she told him,"Pls put ur 2handz inside,meaning 10 fingerz!! He did as waz inztructed. She then told him,"Now dat ur 2 handz are inside,can u clap them? He tried but cud not so she told him,"I TOLD U,I HAV A TIGHT P**SY!!

Mtchewww! Na now him day cum break? Or na bcuz 2drop posts 4 nairaland na free? I no blame una...Na me login!!

I say nothng go hapen. Police go just cari d couple enta bakyard,colect small money 4rm dem,giv dem bak d belt n chain mek dem go flog/kill d remaining membaz of d family! Mtchewww!

Nothing go happen 2d couple. Police go just carry dem enta backyard,colect small money 4rm dem,giv dem back the belt and chain mek dem go flog/kill d remaining membaz of d family! Nigeria is a country!

Afta dem go tel me say 2b nigerian no mek sense.NIGERIA na curse me i curse u country! If she frm naija,she 4 know say bullying na flexing! Mtchewww

A letter to my unborn kids-I'VE SEEN YOUR MOTHER BUT SHE'S FORMING FOR ME!!

After chasing her for 2years,i discovered her taste was just like mine-we're crazy abt GIRLS!!

If u like,stay 4 Nairaland from morning till nyte,if u no get handwork,u no fit mek the least thing like 1 Naira!!

It excites me when i recall,dear,
that u & i were there,
when we really needed to be there.
And to strike,i did dare
to kindle this nexus there
which now makes us hold each other so dear without fear!