₦airaland Forum

tnx noted,corrections taken
[quote
author=Larrylarex]Nice storyline, but, please decide if this story is a
reported one or not, also you have to work on your tenses and
capitalization, you knew that common nouns are supposed to start with
capital letters don't you? I also notice that you do make use of some
abbreviations, like, d, u, etc, that to me is not a feature if a good
author. Finally, I'll implore you to work on your punctuations. Like
others had said, I had not noticed any significant improvement in your
write up, but I'll keep following for a while hoping to see changes. I
hope I won't be dissapointed[/quote]

[quote
author=Larrylarex]Nice storyline, but, please decide if this story is a
reported one or not, also you have to work on your tenses and
capitalization, you knew that common nouns are supposed to start with
capital letters don't you? I also notice that you do make use of some
abbreviations, like, d, u, etc, that to me is not a feature if a good
author. Finally, I'll implore you to work on your punctuations. Like
others had said, I had not noticed any significant improvement in your
write up, but I'll keep following for a while hoping to see changes. I
hope I won't be dissapointed[/quote]

thanks dearie and how are you doing today?i promise to finish the story
[quote
author=kingphilip]Hey dear dont be discouraged jst write n take to
corrections here and there and possibly get Larry Sun to do a rough
review for u and twill get beta n beta[/quote]

tnx @all
i concluded not to finish the story before now.after going through your comments over and over again .am doing this and taking all the correction need i promise i will not let you down.
kasimi is so inlove with gina.
jeff care more about kasimi ,i will not let gina hurt him


[quote
author=biancabling]The storyline is nice..... infact I love it. There
nothing wrong with the way she is writing, its called double narration
technique/style, but there is sometimes the occassional spelling/tenses
error, I think she has heard/read alot of that complain so no need for
anyone to still rub it in further. Since she is still an amateur, I say
this is very good. BTW op try not to make kasimi look too much of a cry
baby and jeff too arrogant.[/quote]

tnx @all
i concluded not to finish the story before now.after going through your comments over and over again .am doing this and taking all the correction need i promise i will not let you down.
kasimi is so inlove with gina.
jeff care more about kasimi ,i will not let gina hurt him

[quote
author=biancabling]The storyline is nice..... infact I love it. There
nothing wrong with the way she is writing, its called double narration
technique/style, but there is sometimes the occassional spelling/tenses
error, I think she has heard/read alot of that complain so no need for
anyone to still rub it in further. Since she is still an amateur, I say
this is very good. BTW op try not to make kasimi look too much of a cry
baby and jeff too arrogant.[/quote]

Thanks dearie
I will do that,point well noted edit my work nd gramma errors
Point noted
Thanks

DzTzl: Creamy choc, pls do urslf & us (readers/fans) a favour, edit ur work & correct grammatical errors, will ya? Nice story btw! more ink to ur pen

The lecturer had just left the hall and the students started chatting with their friends.

Gina was chatting with her best friend kay,they were so lost in their discussion when kasimi showed up in front of them.


They immediately stop talking and looked up at him

"Hi girls"kasimi said to them
"Hi bug "they both chorus,the whole class turned their attention toward them

"Can I see you privately gina?"He asked her

"Boyfriend spit whatever you want to say right here dear"kay said
"Yea that's right sweet"gina back kay
Kasimi ran out of the hall feeling embarrassed of himself. the whole class burst out with laughter .


Jeff that have been watching the drama between kasimi,gina and kay could not take it anymore

"What is wrong with all of you?,you all are laughing,is bad to fall in love with someone"he shout,they become silent because of jeff personality.

He walked up to gina looked at her and left the hall.

Jeff waited patiently for friday ,he is be invited to a club by his friend that just arrived town from new york and he also want kasimi to have fun as well,he was going to introduce a babe to kasimi too.

It was on finally on friend 8 30pm,kasimi drove into the company ,he met jeff waiting impatiently for him
"Hey bro"he said
"What kept you so long"jeff ask
"I I have been to almost shop in town and could not get a perfect cloth for my self ,I was finally able to get this"he pick the bag from the other sit.

Quick dress up,morris have been calling ,he is aready at the club waiting for us,I will just wait for you outside
"Sorry bro I have to take my time, gina will be there"wink and entered the apartment
"Whatever"jeff said and walk around the compound

30min later kasimi appear from the door look well dress,wore a polo shirt,jeans trouser with half ankle allstar shoe,"how do I look?"He asked
"Like an idiot"he replied him laughing ,they both laughed enter the car and drove off

***********************************

"The party of big girls in town" gina said to her friend kay as she took time to apply her lip gloss to her finishing makeup

she and her friend kay have gone to her mother beauty shop to make their hair and some facial treatment during the day

"Finish up let's go,I don't know who you are trying to attract this time "she said her

"Jeff of course ,since the time he spoke to me at the hall I have not been able to keep my thought from him,his face ghosh what am I saying"she reply

"what will you do about the bug"she asked her

"Well that's left for me to take care of"she said

"Are you aware kasimi and jeff are brothers "kay reply

"No my dear,don't get confused ,they are just friends,kasimi is from a very poor home, jeff parents have been helping with education and took him in as their son believe me girlfriend I don't want to be with a low life like that one "she said and rolled her eyes looking at her friend who is yet to recover from the shock

"Like seriously,who would have told that?everyone thought they are brothers,I was even fooled to believe that,he does behaves like his parent own all he has,but come oh,how did you find out all this?"She asked her

"I surprise for you,don't you believe me ,first class news na we dey get for this town my dear,I have been know for months now since this kasimi started his music in my life,so I thought why not go for the rich dude instead"she fired back


"Hmmmm now I know you are in for the money abi bad girl?no love"

"Stop it there,money is not my problem you know that, far from that,am inlove with this jeff kay"he cut her short

"How is sam?"She asked her changing the topic?"


"Fine" she reply
"I think that dude likes you o"kay said to her.
"Nope that guy is not like ,he is decent and I look at him like a brother"gina said
"Brother indeed,give am do if he nor go do,forget that thing my dear"they both laugh and head out.

Gina and her friend kay arrived the club ,there were lots of people ,dancing,drinking ,chatting in different corners of the club,they had order drinks and they started chating

*****************
jeff and kasimi sat at the bar ,they order for remy martins,

"Hey guys "morris shouted from behind ,they both turned and saw morris
"Morris" they both shouted they shook hands and he sat with them

"Guys what's up with you ,while all alone?"Morris asked them
"Well am waiting for bella and her friend "jeff said,before he could finish bella showed up with her friend
"Hello guys "bella said
Hi they answered
"Meet my friend stacy,stacy this my sugar I told you about "she kiss jeff ,they all exchange greeting
"Kasimi ,stacy is here for you,"

He held the waist of bella and led her to dance floor,morris went with them as he catch saw kay dancing alone with them as well

"Stacy that's a beautiful name"he said to her,stacy smile,stacy is fat good looking woman,with a moderate hight ,she can be refer to as big black,bold and beautiful
"Yea thanks,I have been seeing you on campus and I think I like you"she winks
"Stacy I don't deserve you, my heart is some were else my dear"he said jeff appear as if he has been listening to the conversation
"let's do some dance common"he said to lighted the mood between them,

"I need some break I will be right back"they both saw gina walking out of the hall ,he left and went after gina

"Hey gina"he said
"Don't you ever get tired in your life?I have told you am not interest what more do you want from me ,am not you type and your class?"She replay
"But class don't have anything to do with love my lady it does just happen"he fire
Back
"If you will please leave me alone am tired of all this"she started getting angry
"But dear"

"Don't dear me"she slapped kasimi,let me be she shouted

Jeff,kay,morris watched as the event unfold ,jeff became angry as gina slapped kasimi,he walked to her and slapped her twice ,kay ran toward them slapped jeff .
"That's for slapping my friend "she said morris hold jeff who was about to slap her back and started dragging him to his car

The event was filled with everybody watching them,kay dragged gina into her car and they drove off

****************
"I can't believe this ,just received free slap from that sluts,who do they think they are?they will get it from me when am ready". As they down on the floor in jeff apartment

"Guys I was enjoying my self with kay and you brought all this up?I didt get a chance to chat more with her,was up with kasimi with that little princess "he asked

"Guys am sorry ,just could not get my heart away from that girl,guys help me ,am going to go crazy if I don't have her nobody will "he cried slowly and his friends tried to console him,he get up and went to his room and locked his door

"Come on open "jeff and morris bang his door

"Go away"he replied them,he sat on the floor backing the door brought out his phone and scroll the pictures of gina he has downloaded from the internet

"Gina give me a chance to show you my love "he said looking at the phone.

davseun2ta: following you closely!!! himmm

davseun2ta: following you closely!!! himmm

Thanks pumpkin

hey thanks ,let me know the part you are feeling
thanks for going through the story

zeemoore: Merit oooooooo!!!!!
I'm back again
O gini?
Worriz d ish?
I'm still not feeling this
You can do it girl
Give it ur best shot
I'll send you a pm

[quote
author=D9ty7]Try and modify d last update because i can see you use
'me' instead of 'him'.
Also i thought u said jeff was watching movie before kasimi entered.
But after their first conversation u said jeff continued playing his
game.
I know you will improve with time.[/quote]yea thanks again for reading joor,it the typo
thanks for correction i promise 2 edit over and over again before posting.hope you understand my storyline ooo?it not like i have degree for it,i did not offer the subject even in scondary school.but i have been doing short story and i decide to post this one.
i will give it all my best

chao

Jeff at his apartment in school,he stays off campus in two bedroom flat and a very big parlour .the house is painted in a white colour with artistic design of jeff image on the wall,big flat screen tv is placed on the wall,with different decorder ,dstv,mytv ,video games on the floor opposite are soft white leather chairs and a glass center table ,speakers are hanged on the walls which they use in listening to music.

Jeff was watching movie,kasimi enter and sat on the chair "sup" jeff turned to ask him.

"I dey o" he answer back
"Sup with your all this face"jeff fired back
"Guy I just want to be left alone please"he reply

Jeff Continue to play his game "if I should tell you what happen to me today"he said shortly,jeff close use his both hand to cover his ears "am not listening "he replied him
"Stop,am I not your brother ,you should listen na "he tried to remove his hand from his ears
"I'm not listening ,I just want to mind my business" he faced his game
"Jeff you should have seen the slap I received today and the worst part I could not do anything about it ""what?"He turned to face his brother angrily "in this school?,who?""Hmmmm,it that girl I told you about gina ,that one am in love with,that babe that set my heart on fire"he reply robbing his hand on his head knowing it will upset jeff more .
"You are a big fool,a woman slapped with because you were asking her out?who does that,that serves you right ,I have told you before to leave that cheap slut alone ,"he frowned

Kasimi is more like guy in body built,the different between the is complexion,kasimi is dark and has a perfect body built,he is the brother jeff never had and often refer to him as his brother,they are very good friends,they often refer to as birds of same feather,kasmi is from a very poor home.


They met when kasimi went to check his post ume result ,his name was above jeff name,he was also there checking his post ume as well,after checking,they both were given admission into the university, kasimi started crying at first every thought it was tears of joy,he continued crying and he did not stop every one around started to get suprised and they saw tear flowing from his eyes and jeff broke the silent

"Sup man?what's up with your cry,this supposed to be tear of joy right?"He asked
"No,oh my God "he continued to cry
"Then what?"Asked jeff
"My parent can not sponsor my education even while I have give the exam all my best and my name is out ,I have no hope of going to the university"he said. Bend his head down to avoid faces looking at him
"Well guy that's your headach as for him my parent can afford it and even more thank jez am not like some people crying"he said proudly but hurt at his heart,he turned and left and every one started leaving kasimi.

Two weeks later,kasimi was helping his mother in the kitchen ,when he heard someone calling from outside, he went to see who it was "good morning sir "as he saw an elderly man ,they handed him an letter and ask him to sign which he did,he opened it and scream at the top of his voice they parent and sibling came ran toward him.
"Papa this letter I received state that my admission is given to me and all my expenses are being paid that an apartment had been given to me papa"he told them,they were all surprised and started shouting in excitement ,how how. how as they asked themselves and began thanking God,the mother brought out their last chicken to prepare supper during evening for celebration after eating they sat outside chatting.

It was exactly 8pm ,a kia picanto drove into their compound,they never had a visitor that have car except the cathist ,that drives benz 190 to their compound on rare occasions. the car door open a young man of early twenties came. From the car walked toward them and they watch eagerly

"Good evening everyone "he said ,kasimi could recognize him he was the guy that mocked him some days ago
"Now what?are you here to mock me again?"He asked
"No,I'm sorry about that,I really did not mean it,I received a confirmation that you received the letter,we are actually behind it,I told my parent about and they decided to help you they sort out everything like you read on the letter,our apartment is ready and furnished ,this is the address you came stay anytime and my parent want to meet you "he hand kisimi with a piece of paper and hand they parent the sum of 200 thousand to enable them set up a business .

At first they refused the money and accepted it from jeff after much persuasion ,he stay for two more days

kasimi showed me around the village and they left for city,he follow him to his parent house stayed some months before they went to school .

Ever since they have be refer them as brothers,jeff parent have been supportive to his family,opened an account and deposit sum of money into it,that can take care of him a life time ,often go with them to vacations in china,europe,united kingdom every were
Jeff parents some property willed in his name,the parent often introduced him as their son and he has been living a comfortable but he never forgot him root ,his family.

Jeff at his apartment in school,he stays off campus in two bedroom flat and a very big parlour .the house is painted in a white colour with artistic design of jeff image on the wall,big flat screen tv is placed on the wall,with different decorder ,dstv,mytv ,video games on the floor opposite are soft white leather chairs and a glass center table ,speakers are hanged on the walls which they use in listening to music.

Jeff was watching movie,kasimi enter and sat on the chair "sup" jeff turned to ask him.

"I dey o" he answer back
"Sup with your all this face"jeff fired back
"Guy I just want to be left alone please"he reply

Jeff Continue to play his game "if I should tell you what happen to me today"he said shortly,jeff close use his both hand to cover his ears "am not listening "he replied him
"Stop,am I not your brother ,you should listen na "he tried to remove his hand from his ears
"I'm not listening ,I just want to mind my business" he faced his game
"Jeff you should have seen the slap I received today and the worst part I could not do anything about it ""what?"He turned to face his brother angrily "in this school?,who?""Hmmmm,it that girl I told you about gina ,that one am in love with,that babe that set my heart on fire"he reply robbing his hand on his head knowing it will upset jeff more .
"You are a big fool,a woman slapped with because you were asking her out?who does that,that serves you right ,I have told you before to leave that cheap slut alone ,"he frowned

Kasimi is more like guy in body built,the different between the is complexion,kasimi is dark and has a perfect body built,he is the brother jeff never had and often refer to him as his brother,they are very good friends,they often refer to as birds of same feather,kasmi is from a very poor home.


They met when kasimi went to check his post ume result ,his name was above jeff name,he was also there checking his post ume as well,after checking,they both were given admission into the university, kasimi started crying at first every thought it was tears of joy,he continued crying and he did not stop every one around started to get suprised and they saw tear flowing from his eyes and jeff broke the silent

"Sup man?what's up with your cry,this supposed to be tear of joy right?"He asked
"No,oh my God "he continued to cry
"Then what?"Asked jeff
"My parent can not sponsor my education even while I have give the exam all my best and my name is out ,I have no hope of going to the university"he said. Bend his head down to avoid faces looking at him
"Well guy that's your headach as for him my parent can afford it and even more thank jez am not like some people crying"he said proudly but hurt at his heart,he turned and left and every one started leaving kasimi.

Two weeks later,kasimi was helping his mother in the kitchen ,when he heard someone calling from outside, he went to see who it was "good morning sir "as he saw an elderly man ,they handed him an letter and ask him to sign which he did,he opened it and scream at the top of his voice they parent and sibling came ran toward him.
"Papa this letter I received state that my admission is given to me and all my expenses are being paid that an apartment had been given to me papa"he told them,they were all surprised and started shouting in excitement ,how how. how as they asked themselves and began thanking God,the mother brought out their last chicken to prepare supper during evening for celebration after eating they sat outside chatting.

It was exactly 8pm ,a kia picanto drove into their compound,they never had a visitor that have car except the cathist ,that drives benz 190 to their compound on rare occasions. the car door open a young man of early twenties came. From the car walked toward them and they watch eagerly

"Good evening everyone "he said ,kasimi could recognize him he was the guy that mocked him some days ago
"Now what?are you here to mock me again?"He asked
"No,I'm sorry about that,I really did not mean it,I received a confirmation that you received the letter,we are actually behind it,I told my parent about and they decided to help you they sort out everything like you read on the letter,our apartment is ready and furnished ,this is the address you came stay anytime and my parent want to meet you "he hand kisimi with a piece of paper and hand they parent the sum of 200 thousand to enable them set up a business .

At first they refused the money and accepted it from jeff after much persuasion ,he stay for two more days

kasimi showed me around the village and they left for city,he follow him to his parent house stayed some months before they went to school .

Ever since they have be refer them as brothers,jeff parent have been supportive to his family,opened an account and deposit sum of money into it,that can take care of him a life time ,often go with them to vacations in china,europe,united kingdom every were
Jeff parents some property willed in his name,the parent often introduced him as their son and he has been living a comfortable but he never forgot him root ,his family.

Fonydear: Nice story but you need to be consistent. Are you narrating or what? Some places you use "I" some "she or her", I believe if an action or something is being done to the protagonist...it should be he gave "me" a shirt not her since you are using "I" in narrating. And please make corrections on previous updates. I love this story



*hope I didn't talk too much* sabi sabi

Nope thanks very much,I will correct everything am still a learner

Hello people ,how una dey today,I beg make una still read my own and comment

https://www.nairaland.com/1527536/love-chemistry-101/1#19766524

This my very first people on nl
Please encourage a sister


Hello people ,how una dey today,I beg make una still read my own and comment

https://www.nairaland.com/1527536/love-chemistry-101/1#19766524

This my very first people on nl
Please encourage a sister

Yes bozz
Thanks for readin there oo

XclusivePIE2: u have a gud story line. Though its obvious dat u are still a learner, i will advice u to continue. As time goes on, u will improve. Pls work on ur tenses and spellings.