₦airaland Forum

hey pals,came across this and decided to share.

1. Your guy tells you that you're the only flower in his garden and you are happy? Abeg which garden has only one flower?
2. When next you check your boyfriend's texts. Ignore his chats with girls, and check the ones with guys.That's where the truth is.
3. No matter how expensive your Wrist watch is, as long as it won't tell you Christ's Second coming, its as Useless as the "p"in Psycho.
4. If you have attended over 100 weddings and you are still single. Sister, you are no longer different from a canopy.
5. You don't have to be in UK to be OK, Help comes from Above not Abroad.
6. Ladies are wicked. They will lay on your chest and ask, "Honey have you ever cheated on me?" ...then wait for your heart to beat fast.
7. A cockroach is afraid of a rat,a rat is afraid of a cat, cat is afraid of a dog, a dog is afraid of a man, a man is afraid of his girlfriend, a girlfriend is afraid of a cockroach. That's life.
8. LAST SEEN: Whatsapp- 1Min ago .BBM - 5Mins ago, Twitter- 2Mins ago . BIBLE OR m Q'RAN- 2002. My dear, the Devil has soaked your cane in kerosene.
9. BBM and Whatsapp have been rated as the 2nd and 3rd app for chats and gossip, but Women Still retain the 1st position.
10. Wedding ring is the smallest handcuff ever made. So think deep, choose ur prison mate carefully & sentence urself wisely to avoid Prison break.
11. To those who commit suicide; why are you So selfish? Why kill yourself when so many people are looking for who to use for money rituals?
12. As a matter of fact, there's no female angel in the Bible. So if any guy calls you an angel, why are u so happy?
13. And if after reading this u still don't have any reason to smile, I'm sorry its either your problem is bigger than the joke or you mistakenly sold your sense of humour on olx. !!..
have a nice evening! cc: lalasticlala.

How true is this?

ifeajikap:
so dy dnt love u, well love is overrated go for an intelligent guy u wuldnt knw wen u fall in love wit him

i mean i dont love them...they're nice sha,but the love isnt coming

ifeajikap:
U jus described my dream gal, well since u r intelligent u wuld also need a very intelligent guy but u must likely go 4 good looks nd mayb cash dats y

my dear money can always come...@least there should be love, tolerance and understanding...that my utmost priority not money.

juhan:
she have to mention everytin abt herself nah..... I see nothing wrong....

thanks for your understanding. so much appreciate!

saintneo:
u go soon beg for man, u no go see.

you don't have to be harsh...am only describing myself...mean no pride and i wont beg any man. my friend usually tells me that it cos i haven't met the right one,meanwhile m not desperate! thanks

Hello, am a female, God fearing,moderately slim,tall,light skinned,intelligent,calculated,smart and beautiful, but why do I meet guys that i don't like?
cc:lalasticlala

Good day,fellow nairalanders...came across this on facebook and decided to share...

This is to awake our security consciousness!!!. A
story is told of how armed robbers are snatching
the innocent people of their vehicles nowadays.

In an event or public gathering, they will meet
the MC to make an announcement of a
particular car with registration number so so
and so blocking them, while gun will be drawn
out to the potential driver at the point of the
car.
Do the following when your vehicle
registration number is being called:
(1) take ur time b/4 going out,
(2) don't go out alone, at least in company of two or more people,
(3) don't go directly to where the car is parked, at
least to confirm from a distance if you are
blocking another car truly.

Share this experience
today even if u don't own a car and save a lot
of people. hope this helps.

Many things guys base marital decisions
upon are very funny and a times; foolish
things.These has led many guys into a life-
time of regret .Let’s examine and burst
them one by one:

1: Curve: they ask, is she figure 8?If you
marry her for her figure 8, will she
maintain that when she become pregnant?
Never, it may even turn to figure 96

2:Size: they often ask; is she
“Lepa” (slim).They are crazy about’ Lepa’.
After giving birth to the first baby, what
will happen to the size? It will be as if you
took her to a vulcanizer to pump her up.
Stop fooling yourself, that ‘Lepa ‘girl will
later look like her ‘orobo’ (fat) mummy. If
you don’t like the present look of her mum,
you better don’t marry her.

3: Big Butt: Very wrong! How will you choose
a girl because she has a big buttocks, this is
even an heavy load to her, big but its just a
big sewage disposal unit, a magnificent
septic tank. Is that what you want to
marry? Wise up guys.

4: Pointed breasts: Will her bre*st remain
pointed after raising three children? Never!
Don’t go for breast, go for the best.

5: Tooth gap: “Eji Jo rice”.Quite funny, you
want to marry a lady without character just
because she has a gap in her teeth, she may
end up creating gap in your life and
destiny.

6: she dress sexy: A great woman will dress
to look beautiful not to look sexy. If you see
a “gala” whose nylon has been removed, will
you buy it? if she is exposing her breast,
cleavage, pants, thigh etc for the world to
see and you want to marry her, you will not
marry a “PRIVATE LIMITED COMPANY” but a
“PUBLIC LIABILITY COMPANY” Be wise guy.

7: Cat walking: you want to marry her
because she is cat-walking, sorry you won’t.
She that is in marriage will not cat-walk in
Pregnancy, she will only tummy walk.

8: Rich parents: So, you are a gold digger!
If you marry her because of her rich
parents and her parents begin to feed you
and your family in marriage, you are not a
Man. Just stop wearing trousers, go and
start wearing Skirt and blouse and don’t
forget “Iro and buba”.

9: Brazilian Hair: Do you want her because
her hair is long or because she is wearing a
Brazilian hair? That shows shallowness,
wearing Brazilian hair does not equate
beauty or brain. Any dunce can have long
hair and do one million braid.

10: British and USA Passport: Many guys
are looking for these; any lady that carries
British or U.S Passport is a hot cake to Men
who are generation of Esau, those who are
ready to sell their future and destiny for a
morsel of bread.

11: Beauty: A whole lots of beautiful ladies
are without discretion. Don’t ever marry a
lady just for her beauty, beauty will fade,
character will last. If she dress well but do
not act well, don’t marry her.If you do, she
will make your life miserable.

12: Bed expertise: “She is very good in bed,
very hot,very acrobatic” that was what a
guy told his mentor who ask him why he
wanted to marry a lady who kept on
cheating on him ,embarrassing and abusing
his mother.

Funny as it is, many guys are making life
long decision based on this. I think getting
married to a professional prostitute will be
better if bedroom high and long jump and
gymnastic is what you want to base your life
upon.

We live in an era where most people are like 'i wanna get married', i need a husband', 'am preparing for wedding', 'i want to marry but i dont have a job', truth is are we really ready for marriage? this is a question you actually need to ask yourself with all sincerity before taking that bold step of faith!
below are clear signs you're not ready for marriage:
You don't have a job
You can't do without your mum
You are selfish
You are a teen
You hate babies
You don't have a house
You love your privacy dearly
Lady: you don't know how to cook
Guy,you are stingy
You can't say sorry
You believe in laws are devils
You don't know how to love a woman
You love night crawling
You are all-wise and all-knowing
You are not ready to divorce your parents
Your Siblings are the center of your life
You are a lover of sleep
You can't keep a job
You are a Master not a Servant
Lady: you are not ready to submit to any
man
Guy: you are not ready to love a woman
You are too busy with your life...
feel free to add yours!

hello fellow nairalanders, saw this and decided to share.
During the burial of this young man, another
young man was
crying out his heart. He wept uncontrollably that
many people
kept wondering what is wrong with him. The mc
dropped the
microphone and went and took this weeping
young
man to a corner, calmed him down and he
started to explain. He
was with the guy that died the day he met his
death. He drove
off first and on getting to a particular spot, he
noticed that some
armed robbers were getting ready to block the
road and resume
operation. He managed to escape. He started
calling his friend to
tell him what he saw, that he should remain
where he was. This
friend would not pick his call. To him: “why is he
calling? He
should know that I am driving right behind
him”. He refused to
pick the call as this guy kept calling and calling.
Finally, he
drove into the now ready armed robbers and
they pumped
countless bullets on him. He died on the spot
and armed robbers
stole his car. This man was crying because he
knew his friend
killed himself. Many of us are just like this. Are
you the one
buying the credit for him or her? Pick your call
when your
phone rings and know why you are been called.
He was
saving credit for his friend because I am
driving straight to
where he is, he met his death. You are in an
occasion and you
are calling someone you are looking at because
you want to pass
a crucial information, he ignores the call and is
walking up to
you instead. It is possible that this caller
wanted you to code something. Some people will
not pick calls from numbers
they don’t know and Iwonder: HOW MANY
PEOPLE DO
YOU KNOW ON PLANET EARTH? Many people have
missed life saving opportunities because they
refused to pick a
particular call. PICK YOUR PHONE WHEN IT RINGS
AS
LONG AS YOU ARE AVAILABLE. ONE CALL CAN
CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOR THE BETTER AND REFUSAL
TO PICK A PARTICULAR CALL CAN TAKE YOU TO
UNTIMELY DEATH.
for safety reasons please...you can share with family and friends too to safe a soul.

icedbeatz:
But your #10 is something else, i don't think its a good idea for a man to let his wife in on everything.

hany, she's your wife and your equal,no secrets, no lies,she should be the first person to hear anything from you before even your friends, remember its always important to let her in totally...just incase...!

icedbeatz:
i don't mind doing all that on the list and more for my future wife but may God help us she will start acting like its my duty to mop or vacuum the house or cook. Most guys are willing to do these but some cases some wives tend to become lazy b/c my hubby will do that so let me relax, before you know it. Honey help me and clean the house before you go to work, hmmmm hubby don dey turn to house boy oo.

do your part hany and leave the rest for God and your wife...

It doesn’t take much time or effort to see that our culture is pessimistic about marriage. A happy marriage seems more like a fairy tale that Pollyanna dreamed up fifty years ago. Many of today’s wives are complaining left and right about their husbands’ many shortcomings. So why should a wife make her husband happy when he’s not making her happy? I like what host Bob Lepine of Family Life Today says, “Our role is not to figure out how to fix our spouse. Our role is: How do we reflect Christ in the marriage?” The game changes when we as wives make it our aim to bring joy to the marriage for the glory of God. It’s no longer about “What have you done for me lately?” it’s about “What have I done for you lately?” Instead of being disappointed in what your husband hasn’t done, you can experience great peace knowing that you are doing him good and not evil all the days of his life (Proverbs 31:12 ). And guess what? I can attest that when you respect your spouse and practice making your husband happy, he will turn around and pour that love right back onto you. Ready to get started? Here are the top ten ways to make your husband happy:
1. Make sex a priority: No big surprise here. Women understand intellectually that sexual fulfillment is a top need of a man. But do your actions demonstrate that you really get it? Maybe you’ve taken care of the kids, cooked a delicious dinner, and even endured an action flick. Compared to the other wives you know, you’re doing pretty well. Yet you may be discounting his need for fulfilling sex. Most husbands would rather have dishes in the sink and a wife waiting in the bedroom.
2. Make your home a haven: The world can be a tough place. When your husband walks in the door, he needs to breathe a sigh of relief. He’s home. Think of how you greet your husband. Does he see the back of your head as you type furiously on the computer or do you look him in the eyes and say, “Honey I’m so glad you’re home”? Make your home a place where your husband feels welcome.
3. Respect your man’s needs: What need does your husband have that perhaps you have discounted? It may be sex, quality time, the cookies you used to bake him, or going to ball games together. Don’t get defensive when your husband voices a need. Listen instead and then act positively to meet that need the best you can.
4. Let your man lead: The idea of submission has many women up in arms. That does not need to be the case. The New Testament speaks clearly in three passages that we wives are to submit to our husbands as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22 , Colossians 3:18 1 Peter 3:1 ). This doesn’t mean you become a door mat. What it does mean is that your respect your husband’s role as the leader of the home. After you’ve weighed in on a topic, the final decision belongs to your man.
5. Kiss every day for five to thirty seconds: Here’s something your husband will really like! It doesn’t cost a penny and it hardly takes any time. A healthy daily dose of passionate kissing will boost your marriage and keep the pilot light lit between you. Give out plenty of kisses, just like when you were dating.
6. Take care of your appearance: When you were dating, your husband found your body type attractive. He was hooked on your looks. Now that you’re married, it’s important that he still finds you attractive. When you take time and effort to watch your weight and dress nicely for your spouse, it communicates volumes. I care about you. You’re still the one for me. I want you to approach me.
7. Bring back date night: Someone once wisely said to me that date nights are less expensive than marriage counseling. When you have time to regularly connect with your spouse to be fun and romantic, you prevent the arctic chill from settling between you. Date nights give you something to look forward to. Make sure they don’t become family business meetings. Guard your date nights as pure recreation and pleasure.
8. Smile: You’ve probably heard the saying “Happy wife, happy life.” Most, if not all, husbands would certainly agree to that! When a wife is unhappy, everyone in the household knows. Some days you may not feel like smiling around the house, but go ahead and fake it at first. Put that plastic smile on and most likely, your natural beautiful smile will emerge shortly after. Your smile communicates to your man, “I’m happy to be married to you. I am thankful for a great life with you.”
9. Speak kindly: If someone were to repeat all the things you say to your husband, would it be “news that’s fit to print?” Are you heaping on praise and encouragement, or criticism and sarcasm? Treasure your husband’s efforts to please you and provide for your family. Don’t trash what he does either to his face or behind his back. Your words matter more to him than anyone else’s.
10. Get on the same parenting page: Your kids know they can divide and conquer. When they succeed, your home is anything but peaceful. Recognize that you and your husband are not on opposite teams with different parenting philosophies. You’ve got to get on the same team so you can be a united front to your children.
So which of these suggestions do you think would bless your husband the most? Try implementing that tip this week and then keep adding to your repertoire. You will have one very happy husband!

greatnaija01:
pls make your post neat ooooo.... its like a poor student's ESSAY

look much better right? my phone was acting up...thanks anyway

For many husbands, wives can be downright
confusing. One night, a husband looks at his
wife with puppy dog eyes and suggests romance.
She replies in frustration, “Not tonight. Is sex
all you men think about?” A few nights later in
that very same bed, she might say, “You just
watch TV and go to bed. Don’t you find me
attractive anymore?”
Another husband hears his wife complaining
about her need to exercise. He buys her a gym
membership. And that’s when the fight begins!
There are countless times in marriage when a
husband and wife get their wires crossed. No
wonder men are confused about how to make
their wife happy! Efforts to make your wife
happy may seem to backfire more often than
not. Although the mystery between men and
women is sure to continue, here are ten proven
activities to make your wife happy:

1. Make talk time a daily habit: Don’t allow
yourself to become so busy that you can’t spend
15 minutes a day talking with your wife. By the
way, the last 15 minutes of your day when
you’re utterly exhausted don’t count. If
possible, use dinnertime as a place for
conversation. If dinner doesn’t work, maybe
it’s a five minute phone call at lunch and 10
minutes sitting on the sofa in the evening.

2. Act interested in what your wife has to say:
Notice I wrote “act.” I know the things we
wives talk about can be boring, long-winded,
dramatic or illogical (or all of the above). But
if you simply act as if you care about what
we’re saying, it means the world to us. Just
picture yourself in a board room listening to a
boring presentation by your boss. You would
still act interested out of respect for your boss.
Act interested in your wife’s comments, not
always because the conversation is riveting, but
because you love your wife.

3. Hug, cuddle, and kiss throughout the day:
Remember the affectionate way you would hold
her hand, put your arms around her waist, and
kiss her softly while you were engaged? Do that
again and again. Remind yourself to romance
and court her physically with a steady flow of
affection. But remember, the goal of all your
hugging and cuddling isn’t to have sex that
night. It’s simply to be physically close (which
will naturally lead to more sex throughout the
week).

4. Write her a love note: It doesn’t have to be
pure poetry to make her heart flutter. Write
down the things you appreciate about her. Why
are you glad you married her? Did she do
something last week that you really liked? How
is she doing a good job as a mother?

5. Take her on a coffee date: Let her know you
want to hear all the details of her day over a
nice, hot cup of coffee. If you have younger
children, arrange for someone to watch the
kids for an hour or two. On the date, hold her
hand, open the door for her, and brag about
her to the barista.

6. Tell her she looks beautiful: What’s a common
question that little girls ask? Do I look
beautiful daddy? It’s a question that grown
women still wonder about. Women tend to be
hard on themselves regarding their looks. We
are afraid we don’t measure up in your sight.
But if you look into your wife’s eyes and tell
her she is beautiful, you will make her day!

7. Help with the household duties: you want to
make your wife mad, say something like “Oh, I
see you’re doing your annual vacuuming” (I
know this from personal experience). But if you
pick up around the house, help in the kitchen,
and yes even vacuum without being asked, your
wife will be incredibly thankful.

8. Notice what she worries about and reassure her:
Your wife is a security seeker. Maybe she’s
worried about an upcoming move, a child’s
development, or financial pressures.
Strengthen yourself first in the Lord so you
can then encourage your wife. Hold her and
reassure her often that everything is going to
be okay.

9. Bring her an unexpected gift: Most women love
gifts and it doesn’t really matter whether they
come in small or big packages. Surprise her
with a just-because bouquet of flowers or box
of chocolates. Maybe she’s compiling a wish list
online of things she wants. Take a peek and
surprise her with one item from her list.

10.Open up to her about yourself: The strong,
silent type works in the movies, but not in real
life. Your wife wants to hear about your life.
She wants to know what is making you happy
and what is stressing you out. This is how she
connects with you. She actually cares about
what you had for lunch and the strange thing
you saw on the way home. Don’t reply to your
wife’s questions with one word answers.
Elaborate.

Which of these activities do you think your wife
would enjoy? If you’re not sure, you can
always ask her. She’ll love that you were
reading an article about how to make her
happy!

menix:
Sweetlungs, it's a big lie to buy anger, aggression as a source of insult on nairaland..

It's FUN!!!...

Am I ok abii
Yes I am, online insults do get to me years back cous I know hauling same in person would only be a test of strength..

Today, It's fun especially if ur insults ve got humor, cous I laugh....
Well, back to ur mention, I hope u ve got big head cous I see u do lot of thinking..

there are people who insult badly get to...okay...and for my head...you have no idea...lol

menix:
Asking such queshion on Health section is an 'insultable' offense, but let me over look you cous hunger is a bad thing...

sweetheart, i thought you would have done a little thinking before this transfer of aggression. Anger is a mental issue which is connected to the brain and it concerns health so does happiness to say but a few. thanks

Without mincing words, i'll go straight to the point. I haven't gone through any comments in a thread without coming across abuses, insults and impolite way of correcting others which is done directly or indirectly...For crying out loud, no one is perfect,lets always put that in mind before criticizing or passing judgements. Here,everyone is free to err out their views and opinion and equally responsible for their post,besides you don't even know the person you're raining critics on. Even if someone is wrong or quoting one based on sentiments,there are polite words to make do with to avoid infuriation,or if the mistake of insults is made,lets adopt the habit of saying 'please am sorry' ...even the bible said 'a soft answer turneth away wrath....' (Pro 15vs1) If you must make jest or crack a joke through someone's post,do it tactfully and with respect...everyone deserves respect,we are all matured,responsible creatures and one big family let's act as such...hope this help!....

good one...this is what people to resolve issues...not posting something else to compound problems...thumbs up!!! OP more power to your elbow! but you should made it for both guys and ladies.

GodnGold:
Op,pls don't write this type of thing again.

as in ehh! what kinda write up is this? if your own wife is contentious which by the way i doubt if you have one, then you relate or treat her in like manner, don't come up and start teaching others how to run their homes,dont put problem in people's relationship or marriage,people like you wont even do this cos you'll want the best for your own home. it is only a foolish man that will give heed to such crap cos it wont solve any problems rather compound it,every woman is born with conscience,if you treat her like a queen,she will make you her king. please give your write up 'a food for thought' not pouring fuel in a fire. do to your woman what you want her to do to you ,its a two way thing! thank me later!

when a man complains about your looks and soze...my dear he isn't your husband...there are guys that will see that size and fall in love,so go where you're celebrated and not where you're tolerated!

exactly you're there...am so so guilty of those qualities...

Ramanto:
IS SHE TALL OR GRACEFULLY ELEGANT?

she's both

StefanSalvatore:
Dis ur nollywood movie don kill me wit laff oo

my dear na so me ma laf when i get the gist...

A guy dated a girl for 3yrs without sex, even after their Traditional marriage the girl did not still allow the guy to touch her. So the wedding day was fixed and the day before the wedding was the bachelors eve. so all his friends were with their girl frnds and they were having Fun so he was very Hot but his fiancee turned him down again and begged him to wait a little longer so he agreed. At last d D-DAY finally came and the guy was waiting patiently for the wedding to be over.....at 6pm the latest couple was at home relaxing so the guy ask his wife to come to the bathroom with him but she said she is shy and can't bath with him so the guy agreed so she went to take her bath first and after her bath she went to bed while her husband also went to take his bath. when he finished bathing he came out naked to meet his wife who was already asleep so he went to the bed and kissed her then she woke up and was panting when she saw her husband but he was already romancing her and she started crying begging him to wait till nightfall but he was too Hot so he managed to control himself. she asked him to wait let her get sum rest that when she wakes up he will do what ever he desires. Around 9pm armed robbers attacked them, they were 5 in number and the five of them took turn in raping his wife d first guy disvirgined her, he couldn't bear it, he cried as he watched those heartless men force themselves in his wife. they left her unconscious. she was rushed to d hospital and when she regained her consciousness her husband sent her packing. Did d guy do d rite thing by sending her packing? if you were d guy what will you do? Please friends, Be sincere. ... PLS MAKE SURE YOU PUT URSELF IN THE GUY SHOE

Yesterday,while i was busy with my phone,i heard some sorts of sound in my compound,i decided to look out through my window in order to discover what it was...Lo...it was a swarm of bees making lots of sound whiriling at a particular spot, after 2mins..they clinged to a wood some builders use in building the first floor of our compound because i stay @ the ground floor...they've been there since yesterday uptill this time while some are busy whirling around. please rummies what kind of bees can i call that and does it have any sort of symbolic meaning? thanks for your responses...

Ramon92:
how did evil come into existence since the devil was created perfect by someone perfect??

yeah the devil was created perfect as we are all created perfect...but he conceived pride in his heart and wanted to be like God...which is NEVER possible...so God has to send him away and those who wish to follow him.

Humblebloke:
But... The omni knowest should have known the devil would choose the evil path

offcourse he know our mind and thoughts before we conceive it, like i said he gave us choices...its now left for us to make good choice by...that's why God said he regretted for making man,cos he saw their wickedness,God is so merciful that he doesn't reward us according to our sins,even if the devil decides to make amends and ask God for forgiveness my dear he would surely forgive...

Ramon92:
You see, that's the problem right there. Lack of reason and fear...

Why or how would a God void of mistakes, problem, challenge create such a chaotic universe wrapped in errors?
He's got no problem, but he created his own problem - the devil. What happened??
On what basis is he the true one??

Let's talk.....

dearest, the devil was created perfect in beauty without evil...he wasn't created that way...he had a choice and he choosed the path of evil and made himself a problem so whatever you passing through just know its not from God...cos his thoughts for us is of good not of evil to give us a fulfilled end, its the choices we make sometimes that result to problems for us. i hope this helps