K. Kool. Thanx. Buh iz d barn hws still a secret?

@kay
pls can u drop more on dat? Nd av d d housemates found out bout d barn?

Im guessn tatiana is d "commander in chief of the voting forces"

Im guessn tatiana is d "commander in chief of the voting forces"

Roflmfbo, lmao, roflmfao,lol,Lwkmd, lwbmb, lmfbo U guyz HAVE 2 be on crack! Thumb ups 2 "operation save queen sheila" too bad i aint voting.

Wow 32 views, no reply nd no kals. . . . . Well i get d hint so. . . . I can as well gt my stuff nd fck off.

Xbox 360 4 sale at . . . . Call it a gv away price at 40k wit 6games all urs! 08021484369 holla Asap!

@rheinmetal
usually i just read all day without comments bt damn u crackd me up. Lmfbo.

Blondes Are Not Stupid"Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention
80,000 blondes are gathered for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" convention. The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "18!" Obviously, everyone is a little disappointed. Then, 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" The leader says, "Well, since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."

So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "90?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened. The blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, "OK! OK! Just one more chance. What is 2 plus 2?" The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "4?". Throughout the stadium, pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream , Give her another chance! Give her another chance!

probably. . . . . . . .www.verystalejokes.com

is ur light 10hrs/month. abi hw e sure u say na till nxt yr?

u dont nid ta go, i av a calculator here 4 u.

huh? na wa 4 u o. but i think u got d idea she. . . .einstein

. . . . i guess u just dont geddit do you? sorry. . . . . .im not d type dat xplains jokes, it takes away the fun. . . . . . , and, to think we wer suppose to laff at the blondes. lmao

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one…

===============

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry….

===============

Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

===============

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.
Tech support: Would you click on “start” for me and…
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.

===============



Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…

==============

Customer: I have problems printing in red…
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah………………, thank you.

===============

Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

===============

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work…

===============

Tech support: Your password is the small letter “a” as in apple, a capital letter V as n Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?

===============

Customer: can’t get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

===============

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.

===============

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

===============

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

===============

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: “No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.”

===============

Tech support: “Okay Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter “P” to bring up the Program Manager.”
Customer: I don’t have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: “P”…, on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT

. . . , u can like to review ur post.

xynerise:

This is bullshiit. How can my name not appear in the list? I aint voting. Ben 10 I will be waiting for you outside your place of work. Your cup don full. Seriously this is not fair.

sssssssshhh. stop shouting now.

sssssssshhh. stop shouting now.

. .length . . , still understandable, but wen i dont get the gist. . . , .

dis is soooooo. . . . , . .waybak.

too short innit?

Tips on how to survive in a horror movie.

If the house you're living in tells you to "GO AWAY", do so immediately.

Never take a bath or shower with a maniac/spirit/demon/creature in the house.

When it appears that you have killed the maniac/spirit/demon/creature, DO NOT check to see if he/she/it is really dead. Keep hacking at it until it is in pieces small enough not to be a threat to you. If you've shot at it, shoot it again in the head, and remember, shoot till it stops moving, and then keep shooting till you're out of ammo. Then reload and shoot it some more. Then set it on fire and burn it up, this works with everything except demons and spirits. Then get the hell out of there!

If plumbing fixtures or other structures in your home begin shaking and spewing body fluids, it's time to leave.

Never read aloud from a book that summons demons. Even as a joke.

Don't look under the bed.

Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

If trees, TVs, or other objects try to consume your children, save as many as you can and then get the hell out of the area.

If relatives or pets come back from the dead, don't approach them and ask "What did you come back to do?"

If inanimate objects such as dolls, toys, or furniture attack you, be prudent, leave the area.

If you've hidden from the maniac/spirit/demon/creature and you are not found, do not peek from or decide it's safe to leave your hiding place. If you do decide to leave, scan the ground for twigs before you take a step.

Never believe that your companion has truly become "dispossessed."

It is very, very dangerous to back into, or through rooms.

If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they do not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. (Note: It will probably take several rounds of gunfire to incapacitate them, so be prepared.)

When you have the benefit of numbers, never, ever, pair off, or go in alone. The more people the maniac/spirit/demon/creature is distracted by, the better "your" chance of escape.

Never get into a car without first checking the back seat for occupants.

If demons begin possessing your companions, it's a good idea to leave the area as soon, and as quickly as possible.

If your companions start turning up dead, make yourself scarce before someone else does it for you. Worry about funerals later.

If you've just finished running over the maniac/spirit/demon/creature in your car, keep going. Most certainly do not get out of the car under any circumstances to see if he/she/it is "really" dead.

As a general rule, don't try to solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

Don't fall asleep if you have a history of homicidal/suicidal nightmares.

Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, etc.

Never stand in, on, above, below, beside or near a window, especially those that appear that they would break easily.

If you find something that appears to be alive that you cannot identify, don't pick it up or touch it, with anything.

If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately or else you will quickly die.

If someone is in the water and starts screaming and is pulled under, Don't go after them or peek over the edge of the shore "to see what's wrong." If you are in a boat, head for shore.

If appliances start operating by themselves, you are in danger.

Do not accept/take anything from the dead.

If priests won't or can't enter your home, start looking for a new home.

If you discover the place you are visiting is known for its history of mass murders, deaths, freak accidents, or supernatural occurrences, leave.

If you wake up from a particularly horrific dream and find yourself still alive, you probably aren't awake yet.

If you find a town which looks deserted, it is probably deserted for a damn good reason. Take the hint and stay away.

Don't play with ouija boards. If you do and the ouija board starts moving by itself, stop playing and leave.

If supernatural beings start calling your name, leave the area immediately.

Never pick up a hitchhiker or stop to aid a suspicious person, especially if he/she/it resembles Santa Claus or Satan.

Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're really sure you know what you are doing.

Make sure that your weapon is really loaded before you try to use it.

If your space ship gets a alien distress signal from what appears to be a dead planet, don't stop to check it out.

Never put your back to or lean on a door.

Never take the dare to spend a night in a haunted house.

Never speak to clowns in sewers.

Never accept gifts from strangers, especially if you suspect that they are really supernatural beings.

If you're running from the maniac/spirit/demon/creature, expect to trip and/or fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Do not turn to look back, if you do, you stand a good chance of tripping immediately and being killed. If you turn and look back, and you don't see the maniac/spirit/demon/creature chasing you, stop and run immediately back the way you came because the maniac/spirit/demon/creature is now in front of you.

If your companions exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, biting, thirst for blood, howling, glowing eyes, unnatural hairiness, marked resemblance to demons, excretion of ectoplasm or other forms of gelatinous goo, flaming appendages, extra appendages, etc., get as far away from them as possible.

Listen closely to the soundtrack for hints on what is going on around you. Use all resources available, especially the audience, for on the average, they are much, much more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.

Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Crystal Lake, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help you if you recognize this one), Mydian, Questa Verde, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

Beware of transvestite doctors that sing.

Avoid secluded mountain resorts, especially those which keep 'Redrum' in stock.

Beware of strangers bearing tools of destruction such as chainsaws, staple guns, chipper/shredders, weed poppers, combines, lawnmowers, knives, flamethrowers, band saws, crossbows, napalm, grenades, high-powered rifles, gophers wielding axes, laser pistols, or Alludium Q-36 explosive space modulators.
If you're going to shoot something, in the immortal words of Robert Ruark, african game hunter, "USE ENOUGH GUN."

If entering your craft you put your hand in a kind of sticky/slimy/resinous kind of substance that was not there before, turn and run immediately.

If you are in the Arctic and find an alien frozen in ice, don't touch it, don't thaw it out, leave it alone. The alien should be incinerated with thermite (or preferably a thermonuclear weapon), otherwise if it thaws out, it will kill you and every living thing on earth.

If you are alone in a house and something calls your name, leave the house immediately through whatever exit is in the opposite direction. If there is no exit, make one

25 Interesting Things That You Learn About Computers in The Movies,

1. Word processors never display a cursor.

2. You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences.

3. All monitors display 2 inch high letters.

4. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.

5. Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.

6. Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.

7. Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS." Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors.

8. All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.

9. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer as the characters come across the screen.

10. All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backward. See #7, above)

11. People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.

12. A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.

13. Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.

14. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems transmit data at two gigabytes per second.

15. When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.

16. If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen. There are no ways to copy a backup file -- and there are no undelete utilities.

17. If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.

18. No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.

19. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has. However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't labelled.

20. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability.

21. Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY-MP.

22. Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face.

23. Computers never crash during key, high-intensity activities. Humans operating computers never make mistakes under stress.

24. Programs are fiendishly perfect and never have bugs that slow down users.

25. Any photograph can have minute details pulled out of it. You can zoom into any picture as far as you want to. Example: "What's that fuzzy thing in the corner? I don't know, let's check. It's the murder weapon! Let's look under the bed for the killers shoes. no, just some comics books (Marvel 1954, very rare). Let's check the closet shelves, !"

A pretty girl is driving through the West. Her
car runs out of gas, and an Indian comes along
on a horse, gives her a ride to a gas station.
Every few minutes he lets out a wild whoop that
would curdle milk. Finally, he drops her off
with a final Yaaaaa-Hooo! and gallops off.

"My god!" says the gas station guy, "What the
hell were you doing to that Injun to make him
holler like that?"

"Why, nothing," says the girl, "I just sat
behind him with my arms around him, holding
onto his saddle horn."

"Lady," says the guy, "Indians don't use
saddles."

If you refuse to fly due to fear over the
probability that there will be a bomb on your
plane, rethink your tactics, take a bomb with
you. The probability of there being two bombs on
any given flight is very low.

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the
weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his
back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the
second half of his round trip ticket. If he
could just get to the airport he could get
himself home.

So he went out to the front of the casino where
there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained
his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send
the driver money from home, he offered him his
credit card numbers, his drivers license number,
his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie
said "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the
hell out of my cab!"

So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to
the airport and was barely in time to catch his
flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked
long and hard to regain his financial success,
returned to Vegas and this time he won big.
Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to
the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to
the airport. Well, who should he see out there,
at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old
buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he
was down on his luck.

The businessman thought for a moment about how he
could make the guy pay for his lack of charity,
and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the
first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to
the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the
reply. "And how much for you to give me a
Mouth Gig once we get there?"

"What?! Get the hell out of my cab."

The businessman got into the back of each cab in
the long line and asked the same questions, with
the same result. When he got to his old friend
at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How
much for a ride to the airport?"

The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks."

The businessman said "ok" and off they went.
Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of
cabs the businessman gave big smile and thumbs up
sign to each driver.

A teenage boy and his girlfriend were making out
in his car. He says, "Please darling, I can't
take it anymore without some relief."

She replies, "You know I am saving myself until
we are married!"

He begs her, "How about I just put the head in
for a while, just let me marinate the head a
little?"

She reluctantly agrees if it's only the head.
So he proceeds to put the head in and that’s
all he does, for about 30 seconds, but he gets
carried away and before you know it he’s put it
in entirely and is pumping with deep thrusts with
all he's got.

After a few minutes she moans and says, "I know
we have this deal that you are only putting the
head in, but, this feels really good, so go
ahead and give it all to me!"

Thinking quickly he responds, "No, a deals a
deal."

A blonde, brunette and a red-head were trapped on
a island 20 miles from shore. The red-head
started swimming and got tired after 2 miles and
turned around and swam back. Then the brunette
started to swim and after 7 miles of swimming she
turned back. The blonde jumped in and swam 17
miles got tired and turned back.

There was once a single man who lived in the city.

Everyday he went to work and then came home. He
liked the single life, but sometimes he would get
lonely, and when that happened he would hire a
LovePeddler. As the years went by ,he eventually
started craving something a little different. One
day he saw an add in the newspaper: *Madam Zoe's -
We Cater To Every Taste*. So he went to Madam
Zoe's and informed her of his desire for something
different.

She said she had just the thing for him: a Rhode
Island Red Rooster that gave the best Mouth Action in
town. She led him into a private room and left
him alone with the rooster.

The man spent three hours trying to cajole the
rooster into giving him a Mouth Action, with no
success.

He left Madam Zoe's very dissatisfied. Several
months later he decided to give it a second
chance, and returned to Madam Zoe's. This time the
Madam said she KNEW she had just the thing for
him. She led him into a dark room where several
men were sitting around staring intently at a one
way mirror. On the other side of the mirror was a
woman in bed with a turkey.

"Wow! That's Nuts!" said the man.

The other men turned to him and one of them said
"Oh, that's nothing! You should have been here a
couple of months ago when the guy spent three
hours trying to get a Mouth Action from a rooster!

because?? u posted the joke??

its so funny how fast we take offence in this supposed "jokes" section.

skfa1:

I bet u have no respect for your parents at all. I was even joking with you, but dont know that you lack some manners and some home training.You need to improve in the way you communicate with people.Pls grow up.

shoooo u dey quick ves o.

xynerise:

To press delete for una office they sweet una abi?

LOL

xynerise:

Sorry I forgot to put the smiley " " at the end. Pls I was just joking with you. Am a free person o. I dont have a problem with anybody on NL. So how far na?

wow not many wuld do this. thumbs up


gud to knw yall sorted out tho nd i guess i av to put a smiley somewer here so so dumb fu<!< wunt stat spitting sh!t