₦airaland Forum

. . , i guess

Why do women fake orgazms?

They think men care.

Why do men pass gas more than women?

Because women won't shut up long enough
to build up pressure.

Q. Why do brides wear white?

A. So the dishwasher will match the stove and
the refrigerator!

. . , . . der we go again

wat made YOU think i was thinking odawise. . . . cuz i waznt. . . , . . .

;d

@aristotle
cnp or watever kip posting u'll only give ppl dat avnt read the article b4 anoda opportunity to.

DON FASZY:
I VE POSTED DIS JOKE B4 NW, CHECK MY HISTORY

COPI COPI MALU

im sure d time u posted the joke u tot it up in ur head innit? look into ur mirror and convince urself dat ure dat creative.

aristole:
I can now see you are a complete daft.Your brain is very empty.

nd y are u guys even claiming copy ryt of a joke dat rates 2 out of 5? . . . .beats me

rokiatu:
omg this is the cutest joke ever

WOaw Woaw woaw , did we read the same joke?

*clears throat*

@oleho
u cracked me da hell up! this is hilarious



"Philemon and his friend were fixing a bomb in a car.

Friend: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.

Philemon: Don't worry, I have one more. "
. . . , . . .lwkmd

One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane, only this time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"

General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?"

"Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie."

"I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too."

"I'd like to see that."

So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!"

"Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:

"You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."

Q:A Blonde, Brunette, and Santa Clause all jump
off a bridge, Which on hits first??

A: The Brunette,
because Santa Clause Doesn't Exist,
and the blonde has to stop and ask for directions

Giving very odd excuses
The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.

"Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late.

"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily.

"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but, "

"Let me guess," the General interrupted, "it broke down."

"No," said the G.I., "there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them."

A woman goes to her doctor and says, "Doctor, my
husband has developed a penchant for anal sex.
So I came to you for advice."

Ok, let's see, does it hurt you?

Hmm, a little.

Do you like it?

Hmm, well, yes.

Then, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't
do it. If you take care about not getting
pregnant.

Getting pregnant? I didn't know you could get
pregnant in that way.

Of course you can. Where do you think lawyers
come from?

What did the blonde say when the doctor told her
she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"

Trouble sleeping
The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."

"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."

"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today,"
said Jack as he stepped out of the shower.

"Honey, what do you think the neighbors would
think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money."

Crazy people talk
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

@

There were these three guys who like to
go deer hunting every year. So they hire
a guy to fly them to this remote forest.
They all split up to do their hunting,
have a successful day, and meet back at
the plane each carrying a buck. Well,
they loaded up the plane, and as the
pilot started up the engine, he said to
the men, "I don't think she'll be able to
get off the ground with this load."

Two of the men looked disappointed, but
the third quickly responded, "Don't worry
about it, we caught the same amount last
year, and we got off the ground no
problem."

So the pilot said OK, and the plane
started down the runway, and sure enough
got off the ground. But then the plane
started to make some strange noises, and
it crashed in the woods.

The next thing they knew, the three men
and the pilot were in the middle of the
plane wreckage, but in relatively good
health. One of the men asked, "Any idea
where we are?"

The other man said, "I don't know, but I
think we're about a mile or two from
where we crashed last year."

A bat came flying into his cave where all his
mates were hanging around. He had blood all over
his face and this was noticed by all. They were
insanely jealous as they had not eaten yet and
proceeded to badger him as to where he'd been.

"Leave me alone, I've had a bad night!" They, of
course, were hungry and wouldn't give up.

Finally, in desperation, he said: "OK, you want to
know where I've been, follow me."

They all flew out of the cave, down the valley,
half way up the mountain and landed in a tree.

"All right you guys, see that tree over there?"

They all nodded, eager to know more.
"Good, because I didn't!"

Talis:
ZIMBABWE

yeah dats becos we voted for kevin on their behalf. lmao
wen i saw ethiopia and ROA under kevin, i knw this forum waznt a joke. we are awesome! we even beat zim to their votes. roflmao. you guys are da fckn BEST!"

^
!
!
!ts funny wat ppl wuld do to mess up sm1 they dnt lyk.

I really dnt lyk how itai shut quin up. But if i imagined myself in d midst of 13 ppl calln me a liar, i think i'd av sparked.

Kev myte be annoyn, bt eliza disgust me.