₦airaland Forum

[color=#000030]Damn dog


A young boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him. He wonders, "How am I gonna get more dough?" Then he gets an idea. He calls his father. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they have a program here that will teach Fido how to talk!"

"That's absolutely amazing!" his father says.
"How do I get him in that program?" "

Just send him down here with $1000," the boy says, "I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again. "So how's Fido doing, son?" his father asks. "Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this, they've had such good results with this program, that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals to READ!"

"READ!?" says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?" "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

And his father sends the money. At the end of the semester, the boy has a problem. When he gets home, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he gets home, his father is all excited. "Where's Fido? I just can't wait to hear him talk and listen to him read something!" "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. This morning when I got out of the shower, Fido was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street?'

The father says, "Damn I hope you SHOT that lying dog!"

"I sure did, Dad!" [/color]

[color=#000030]^^^
If na you nko? You go gree kiss mirror again? [/color]

[color=#000030]
Lipstick Problem


According to a report, a middle school was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the restroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all of the girls to the restroom and met them there with the maintenance man.

She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance guy to clean one of them. He took a long handled sponge, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirrors. [/color]

[color=#000030]An Italian Man Visits New York

**[read with an Italian accent] **


One day I'm'a gonna New York to big'a hotel. In'a morning I go to eat'a breakfast. I tell'a waitress I wanna two pisses toast. She bring me one piss. I say you no understand. I wanna two piss on'a my plate. She say you better not piss on'a plate, you son'a ma bit[i]c[/i]h.
I don't even know the lady and she call'a me a sonna ma bit[i]c[/i]h.

Later I go to eat at the big'a restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife but no fork. I tell'a her I wanna fork. She tell'a me everyone wanna fork. I tell'a her you no understand. I wanna fork on the table. She say better not Bleep on the table, you son'a ma bit[i]c[/i]h.

I don't even know the lady and she call'a me a sonna ma bit[i]c[/i]h.

So I go to room'a in'a hotel and there is no sheets on'a my bed. I call'a the manager and tell'a him I wanna sheet. He tell'a me to go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna sheet on'a my bed. He say you better not sheet on'a bed, you son'a ma bit[i]c[/i]h.

I dont even know the man and he call'a me sonna ma bit[i]c[/i]h.

I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say "Peace on you". I say piss on you too, you son'a ma bit[i]c[/i]h.

I gonna go back to Italy. [/color]

mamalola19:
na true talk. wetin concern abegro with overload. na every every we go dey talk for here. wetin romantic abt the thread.

[color=#000030]LMAO! Wetin concern OKADA with seatbelt? [/color]

talina:
^^^ Its what we all would like or expect to happen when married.

[color=#000030]Sure. . . Requires effort you know![/color]

I dont even know who is more of a attention seeker, you or wife. why do you both open foolish threads to broadcast your marriage all the time. r u d only married people here. so immature and send the wrong signal u both prematurely went into ur union or u r both teenagers. if women here are calling you its because of your rough past and bleeping around before u settled with ur queen or how else did they gt ur digit. what would it cost u to avoid them. this thread is craps.

[color=#000030]***DIES ON ARRIVAL, AND SLAPPED BACK TO LIFE AND THEN FALLS INSIDE MALTINA BOTTLE!*** [/color]

Lmao @ painting California red with Murano jeep LAWD. Lefoool I'm from LA and the last time I sighted Murano jeep around me was 08 and guess what? By a Kenyan airport Cab driver.

[color=#000030]Falls from OKADA! [/color]

talina:
This can be so far from the truth sometimes.Married couples daily lives can be more intertwined, but often they are less close on a personal level than before. Depends what you mean by " closer" I suppose. Or you could even say people who are close dont necessarily stay attracted to each other.

[color=#000030]By closer, i meant emotionally closer. But that's of course if they both are committed to getting closer to each other, cos like you said intertwining of daily activities can sap them out, . [/color]

She is most likely not going to even perform any of the "rules" a lot of people are stating on this thread. She would not sit him down and say she wants to end it. You think women have such decency to take the guilt of ending a relationship by communicating maturely?

She would look for an alternative suitor, a nice back up, and then she would most likely start behaving irrationally and inconsiderately to create arguments. She would act so bad and disrespectfully, so he would have no option but to dump her. So she can now say (innocently), he was the one that ended it, not her but she is happy to move on.

And if he does not take the action, then she would move to Plan B: End it by saying they are "arguing too much and not compatible".

Then wait 4 months or so before she says she has a new man. The same one she has been communicating with when she was with her 8 year boyfriend.

[color=#000030]Funny enough this is 100 percent accurate! It happened to me! She did not want to feel as if she was dumped, so i let her play the "arguing too much and not compatible song". . . She fell for it! [/color]

onila:
lol lefu lefu u are so so so so funny!!

[color=#000030]Smh![/color]

REALITY101:
WTF 100 naira? That's less than a dollar. . Probably unregistered, that's why the crime and scam rate is so high. Op you gave em your number so deal with it. . When I was a kid my mom will tell us *always remember this, once you hit the enter on the keyboard or click send you ain't getting it back and the info becomes www property* so think outside the box

[color=#000030]Lol! You MUST register to use it even at that rate, and guess what? Registration is FREE![/color]

Sagamite:
What you think is out of order from the facts on the ground.

The main reason a lot of men are not leaving marriages is the fear of emotional blackmail, the tedious separating process and the domestic dependencies. You need to open your eyes in the same Nigeria to the amount of men playing away from home.

Only very, very few get "closer".

[color=#000030]I agree with the reasons you gave, but every marriage and every circumstance surrounding marriage and the eventual fallout(if there is) is not always the same! Very very few get closer like you said, and i like to think that those few are the ones that really committed themselves into making it work, irrespective of the fear of emotional blackmail and all that! [/color]

xynerise:
they told me they are Nlanders in romance section.

Opening a thread is d only way to reachout to all involved. I never took it serious but d joke is not funny anymore.

@mikael. Buying a sim and loosing my business partners number for something I call a joke?

[color=#000030]When did buying a new sim translate to loosing business partners? Aint there a way around that?
What if the callers and texters are not online right now?
What happens when the MODS move this thread to the general section where it rightly belongs, since i am yet to see any thing romantic about this thread?
Why wont you personally call those numbers texting and calling you and plead with them to stop? Jeez! [/color]

[color=#000030]The federal ministry of health warns that egbo smokers are liable to brain dysfunction, paranoia, delusions, hallucinations, partial discombobulation & sophisticated obfuscation, which invariably, consistently & systematically, leads to death!
Dont open threads after smoking! If you must smoke, dont open a thread, if you must open a thread, dont smoke![/color]

[color=#000030]Do i need a proof for "What i think?" Do you need a proof for "everything?" [/color]

freecocoa:
Is buying a new sim going to stop them especially since he doesn't know the people responsible?what if the perpetrators are among the ones who would get his new digits?[size=15pt] Oga antelope time to soak your sim in the blood and pray it rejects such texts.[/size]

Seriously though,such can be annoying,I wonder why some people can't be reasonable.

[color=#000030][size=17pt]What [/size][/color]          [color=#000030][size=23pt]tha[/size][/color]            [color=#000030][size=30pt]Fcck? [/size][/color]

REALITY101:
Expensive especially when you wanna feel important and seek some attention. Just saying. . So how much is it?

[color=#000030]A new SIM costs as low as 100 naira![/color]

[color=#000030]Onila, How about you make use of this link https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/board-31.0.html, and stop equating every encounter you had as "Nigerian Men" bla bla bla. . . It's boring! [/color]

[color=#000030]The federal ministry of health warns that egbo smokers are liable to brain dysfunction, paranoia, delusions, hallucinations, partial discombobulation & sophisticated obfuscation, which invariably, consistently & systematically, leads to death!
Dont open threads after smoking! If you must smoke, dont open a thread, if you must open a thread, dont smoke!

"Inconsequential perambulating bullshit in High Definition!"(HD) [/color]

[color=#000030]Affinity between dating couples and married couples is not the same. Marriage takes it to a whole new level. Married couples are closer to each other than mere dating couples, so i personally would not expect the level of attraction to remain the same! Except they were not that into each other before they got married![/color]

[color=#000030]Jeez! How much is a new SIM?[/color]

Sagamite:
So marriage will make you more attracted?

[color=#000030]I never used the word attracted! I rather meant it's pointless dating for that long![/color]

[color=#000030]This is what happens when you date for that long without marrying! It's no use going further with the Marriage, he'll NEVER be happy in it! I think he must have noticed something on one of his visits to her in camp, the trust he has for her certainly waned![/color]

^^

onila:
is diz sex kills?

[color=#000030]Yes! Got a problem with that?[/color]

[quote author=doe-eyed link=topic=856827.msg10062972#msg10062972 date=1327690391]^^^^^^^^
Where u copy this one from, Onila??

Nice though[/quote]

onila:
u think am not that smart 2 write this?

claremont:
Wickedly and blatantly plagiarized from>>> http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/articles/gbenga-badejo/the-7-wonders-of-nigeria-the-nigerian-woman.html.
In academia, the worst part of hell (if there is one) is reserved for those sad souls who plagiarize the sweat of another writer, without giving him/her due credit by a simple reference. It is an unforgivable sin.

[color=#000030]You all should keep breaking your dense heads over sexkillz! The best part is that sexkillz doesnt give a what? Doesnt give a FCCK! #Deal with it!


To whoever it is deleting my comments on this thread, i have as much right as do the people whose comments are not deleted! It's quite childish if my comments are deleted, and the others left! It makes one wonder if complains are compartmentalized! Cheers![/color]