₦airaland Forum

codemaniacs:
children are to continue legacy..

they have to be guided, nurtured and trained consistently so that they become productive and financially independent adults that can hold their own anywhere they are....

the widow can not hold her own anywhere she is and that is a product of bad parenting...

her in-laws duties are to the children of the man and not to the widow but they can out of empathy for the widow and to let the children grow up with their mother let her stay in the man's house.

Great....
I hope same measure is applied for your mother when your father dies.......

Shalom

bewla:
Olodo bi nu ologo

Where are we heading in this genz gadem war of I. Most treand

Iwo wi......

Who is the olodo and who be the ologo...

#yinmu

codemaniacs:
the woman did not ask to be born by her parents.

Her parents (man and woman) sat down and decided to have a child (the woman) that will continue their legacy..

you are wrong, children are definitely assets and investments.

anyone who decides to have children must be responsible for them regardless of their status which means the widow's parents should take care of the widow and let the care of the children go to both the widow's parents and the dead husband's parents and the widow herself.

this is not a divorce..

if the widow can not afford to pay rent in another property do you think she can afford to take care of the children, feed them, pay their school fees, pay Land Use Charge annually on the house, hospital bills e.t.c..

if her own parents cannot support her financially now that she is in need, do you think her own parents will support her children financially...

I see...

So the reason you decided to have children....for investments purposes..

A selfish reason I must say..

Goodluck

yemre:
@MissOpe, you can't change the way they reason. It is their culture. Although, the Nigerian constitution frowns at that but you can't change the mentality. I have also tried to educate some of them on these but they just can't reason that way.

You aren't from the same region, so you'll not understand. Ideally, a man only belongs in a family when he's still single. The moment he gets married, he gets his own family and becomes the head of a family. That way, he's in partnership with his wife to bear children. And in partnership, when a partner dies, the surviving partner continues the business and how he/she runs it is nobody's headache. Even if she likes, let her remarry tomorrow. Provided she carries along the children, who are the ultimate beneficiaries of the properties, she's good!

But leave culture for it's owners.

And the fact that the world (the men and even some women) are against women.....

The earlier tradition and cultural rules were made and by men, so I understand why the system is like it today...
Thankful for the women who rebelled and still rebelling to protect themselves and eradicate the patriarchy , if not women wont have it easy like they are having It now , even though the system still holds ground in some places.....but it aint as strong as before...
..........

adaxme:
It came out positive
But I'm still here

Sorry bro, hope you're using your retroviral drugs?

Lastmankc:
The world we never know peace till Christ comes

Christ will only come in the book called the beebulu.

kingthreat:
Making names out of the beginning of the letters was the point.

I understand King Threat...was just cruising, so sorry it didn't sit with you the way I intended

codemaniacs:
the widow was not the person that bought baby food when the man was a baby.

the widow was not the person that bought diapers when the man was a baby.

the widow was not the person that bought baby clothes when the man was a baby.

the widow was not the person that cleaned and wipe the man's nyash when the man was a baby.

the widow was not the person that paid the school fees of the man from day care to secondary school.

the widow was not the person that sent the man to university.

the widow was not the person that paid hospital bills when the man was a baby till he became an adult.

The man didn't ask to be born by his parents..

His parents (man and woman) sat down and decided to have a child (the man) that will continue their legacy, children are not assets and investments.....

Now same man decided with his widow to have children, anyone who decides to have children must be responsible for them regardless of their status....

I mean when a man and woman are divorced or separated, the man pays child support and is responsible for the upkeep of the children, shey na when he come die he go abandon his duties to the woman especially when he has assets to take care of them.....?

Rubbish and ingredients

Samuels90:
what do you mean chop? Is it sharwarma 😂😂

Na Pizza and Asun

codemaniacs:
the wife did not contribute anything to the man's life..

the wife should return to her father's house and leave the children with her in-laws..

Because na her inlaws born them??

You do well....

SixSeven:
Fair enough. I won't digress from the topic but I always wonder why men think about who will be with their wife when they die

Life is for the living

No mind them, because when they were alive they chopped other women asides their wives, and they dont want such to happen to them alive or dead...😂😂

Awon ole buruku

crestedaguiyi:
Questions should be asked before taking sides. Many men wish they could end the marriage or have the opportunity to have a marriage with an expiry date, as in something with an expiry date.

If you think i am lying, check bars and restaurants in the evening after work to see many men remain there till 8 or 9 before going home; e no rosy for house na im make them chill for bar so that before them reach house, them go don dey well na just to bath go bed go remain.

So even if he ends the marriage, na him father go take care of his children abi.....

No be the property him live go use care for the children by the way if we find out now, the woman also contributed her quote to the properties they solely claimed to be their sons'

kingthreat:
I feel sad when Nigerian men are not proud of their origins.
You see them being proud of what is not theirs. Some even westernizing their names. Such a shame.
Will an Harry Potter change his name to Haruna Popoola?

Haruna Popoola ko, Garuba Ishola ni

SixSeven:
Hahaha it's not fight na. You funny women. I wrote cunny but I'm sure autocorrect is female

No problem my Geeee

SixSeven:
Why does one lesbian behave like a man?

What about the fact that lesbian relationships have the highest rates of domestic violence than other ones? That's men too 😃

Six seven, u sha wan lo mi lofun ...
Okay you don win me oooo..

I accept..

Men, sha too stubborn people , dem no dey quick give up ...chai..

U don win me ooo i agree

SixSeven:
Ah. Èwọ̀

You terminated the next generation. No wonder. It's those boys that are disturbing you now. Dem no go let you rest

You ladies cannot do without us too. Have you heard of invisible woman syndrome?



The same men they despised so much, they now want their attention again. Na still man wahala. Women. I no de follow dem argue. What they say and what they do, na only una understand yoursleves. That's why you need men

Boys to the world 😎

We no dey do without gini??

You no dey see say lesbians dey marry?

Even though them dey get their issues tooo but you no go hear say them return bride, them do this when the relationship pafuka.....

SixSeven:
Let men breathe too Obìnrin!

Without us e o ni wa ni ile aye now......
You wont be alive...

We have the ability to kill and make alive....
When i found out that I was carrying the pregnancies of male children, I aborted them danu danu and I forsee a world where women will come together and birth only female children, without the help of men....
Then we will enjoy the Matriachal system as opposed to these patriach's world ...

gracias124:
a content is a lie designed to attract attention

Everything is not necessarily a lie.

Whether its content or not..

Is our everyday life activities not content?

Abi who can define content for me?

SixSeven:
rites are not paid to the woman but the woman's family who get to enjoy the

Now I know you are whining me because she is not property. Again you are proving my points for me. We cannot take the bad cases and use it to judge. At a point in time, fathers stopped collecting what they should collect because they claim they are not selling their daughters. But the bride price was for both families to be accountable for protecting and preserving the marriage. This is culture again. It wasn't the items, but the symbolism of it. This is why we need to understand culture. What is it trying to do? Why is it there? Abuse is inevitable if you don't know why we did things the way we did/do. The bride price is even a collateral for the woman that in case. Even the laws the British left us to be using for marriage were from our culture. However, the British did not simply adopt all traditional customs as law. They modified, restricted, or rejected customs they viewed as incompatible with colonial policy or English legal principles. And that is why we have confusion today. On a more serious note MissOpe, every system will be abused, even the best of them but culture is who you are. It carries your history, values, traditions, language, and the ways you understand and connect with the world.

If I support men today, women will think this one is part of them. If I support women tomorrow, the men will call me simp. Truth hurts when you call out the manipulation of each gender but if you think culture doesn't matter, you will eventually get into issues and realize that it's lack of culture that did not make you understand why people behaved in some way.

I don't believe a man should do 50/50. I've written about that before. It doesn't help men.

Six seven, chai your wahala too much ooooo.

Leave me oooo.

You wahala too much o jare...

Sha let women breath...cos I know it's us against the world of men.....

SixSeven:
My sister, this is ideal in theory but not the reality unfortunately. I also believe in live and let live and humanity but unfortunately, human beings are selfish and mischievous. We are still animals at the base and everyone is looking at for him or herself. That's why we need order. You are able to come to this conclusion of humanity lives due to your education and exposure but it's not everyone who has the same like you so you can wrongly assume that people will come to a rational conclusion like you. I was just going to ask, a Yoruba culture that says a woman cannot live with a man until he has paid for her rites is protecting who? Men or women? It's humanity that should protect both men and women, that's why those customs are there. Those who have made mistakes before, we have seen them. We only live life forward and have wisdom from those who came before us. SHIKENA

It doesn't necessarily protect the woman, the rites are not paid to the woman but the woman's family who get to enjoy the ;Ddidun obe that comes with the rites....
And once the rites sre paid, the family of the man now sees the woman as their properties, where she has to respect everyone in the family, submit to the man, abide by the rules and regulations of the family....which to me is outright nonsense if it is not mutual, one of the nonsense that irks me the most is that a woman would be calling children old enough to be her child aunty just because they didn't give birth to such child in her presence....

In my honest opinion, man and woman should just agree as partners in business to come together for marriage, no rites must be paid to Nobody, every party should bring 50/50 to the table, both contribute their quota to ensuring the relationship thrives, not one person seeing the other as glorified slave abd servant just because they paid bride price and rites ......

SixSeven:
Hahaha. The bolded is what I suspected all along. The same culture that let a woman leave a marriage if she doesn't like it until una religion come talk say divorce is a sin? Okay, live your life by your own rules. Imagine a society without rules or changing rules all the time... that's chaos but let's blame patriarchy. Good luck to everyone of us

My bro, I dont even support religion....
So don't think im in support of this, I said it somewhere in my previous reply...
And I'm also not saying society shouldn't have rules, the only rules that should guide the society is "THE HUMANITY RULES".

Dont do to me what you wouldn't like to be done to you ..

Live your life in a way that respects the dignity, freedom, and well being of others while taking responsibility for the consequences of your own actions...

SHIKENA......

SixSeven:
Again you miss the point of my message here. I said I am not interested in them as persons but you take me back to the original post you quoted. It's not about being rigid or static. If it were by that, we will wait for Peller to sleep with his wife to test his virility and her virginity. If you don't know what you are doing, you are lost. You don't have an identity and you pick up on what is not your own. You will make mistakes. I asked you about the girl's protection in this scenario, that's what culture does. Have you heard when they say someone is uncultured? E get why. That's because the person has not lived by rules and customs. In Islam, she does not need to kneel down to anyone, put on white or some unnecessary things but you call it change. What if she is on her period? Do you know what the Islamic culture says for that? If anything happens to her in this new culture, what do you do? You find out on the internet abi? Her guardian is not there, we don't see his family, it looks like children being fed to wolves. You just want to make up rules as you go and you say it is change and culture is rigid etc. Do whatever you want o in the name of change, na you go find out yourself why some things de...

Of course Peller broke the rules, norms expected of him by the society and that's Why he is Peller today....
There's nothing in life without its own share of merits or demerits or better put consequences (good/bad)..
Even if they try to play it safe by embracing your own idea of how things should be done culturally, consequences go still dey.....
By the way, who your culture don help??

Culture that was made by Patriachal men to subdue women, to ensure the women dont have a voice, women have never been protected by these nonsense culture (in my opinion) you keep screaming, if after a while Jarvis feels she can't continue with Peller,she can by all means part ways with him..

Life is not a do or die affair...

SixSeven post: For a practice to become an undisputed way of life, consecutive generations must witness their elders practicing it.

Sincerely, I laughed out loud when I saw this.
Don't worry. Peller's children, grandchildren, and future generations, along with those who believe in Islamic and Christian marriage rites, will watch their elders practise these traditions. By then, they'll likely see them as part of their own culture.
But I have a genuine question for you. Why are you so rigid and fixated on preserving the original culture exactly as it was? It seems you're not open to change or evolution. You appear to believe that our culture should remain exactly as our ancestors practised it.
Our ancestors lived in their own time, under their own realities. We, however, live in a different world with different experiences and challenges. Does honouring our heritage mean we must reject every form of change? What happened to learning, growing, and even unlearning ideas that no longer serve us?
Culture has never been completely static. It has always evolved from one generation to the next.
If Peller and Jarvis freely agreed to do things their own way, how does that negatively affect you or society? Why should their personal choice become a problem for everyone else?

SixSeven:
I don't want to digress because I have some misconceptions to correct in what you wrote here but let's do this.

Define culture and tell me which culture they used here.

Culture is the way of life of people....
The culture they used here is islamic marriage which is now a part of the way of life of most Muslims regardless of its origin/source.....

SammyB67:
Sometimes I just tired the way girls nowadays dress, you can't see this rubbish in the north and that is what somebody will work all his and keep saving for cux of dowry

Haba, but this is all shades of wrong but what do I know...

SixSeven:
Okay, so in this culture, does he need the blessing of his Alfa or Pastor to marry Jarvis? What they are doing is not even Islamic based on my knowledge of marriage in that religion. Where are her parents? Where are her people? What is with the white? She is left there like a naked sheep in the midst of wolves. She is the most vulnerable in that scenario. And the boy too seems to lack home training and culture. Because if he knew the culture of how to get married, he would not make the love of his life vulnerable to people who have no business with his family.

You didn't understand my perspective and rebuttal against the previous points you raised...seems like youre trying to digress here...you were talking about Peller neglecting his culture and I made you understand that you must first understand what Culture is ..........Asides Traditional marriage , Islamic and Christian marriage whether its borrowed from the whites or not is now a part of our culture (our way of life), just the same as our forefathers who using the internet, social media and advanced technology wasnt a part of their culture, but that seems to be a part our culture now...

Life's changing, we can't be stucked with old ways of life on certain things while neglecting other aspects...

If you want to stick to culture as you claim then we stick to it 100% without leaving anything out of it

SixSeven:
Africans are very funny people. I wish their marriage the best. What I observe about us is that we are not sure of our identity, that's why we do different things. As a Yoruba man, there is already marriage tradition and rites to be performed for marriages and in Yoruba land, marriage is between families. The phrase "My sheikh bless peller and his wife Jarvis" is not only absurd, it's a sign of confusion. Okay, I won't take it that seriously, let's assume he is using that word casually but we must get off this idea that pastors or imams are indigenous to traditional African culture of marriage.

The true officials of an African marriage are the elders, parents, and lineage heads of the two families. They negotiate, accept the bride price, and legally seal the union through mutual consent. I am not telling you to not go to your church, mosque or wherever. You can respect your religion but when something happens in the marriage, because we have abandoned our culture, we will now start going to social media, television, imams, pastors and people who do not have your best interest at heart. Family is everything!

Because the entire family was involved in the marriage negotiations and the bride price, the family feels ownership of the marriage's success. If a husband mistreats his wife, the wife's family will step in, and the husband's own elders will reprimand him to protect the family's honor. Because the community invested time, wealth, and energy into bringing the couple together, they will not easily sit back and watch the marriage fail. Women should be careful to not let strangers be in charge of their marriage or their man.

Before you shout culture, you must first understand what culture is, the way of life of people.....even though i don't support this (conversion from Christianity to muslim cos of marriage ,,, traditional marriage,is not only the way of life of people now, islamic and Christian marriage is now a part of our culture, even olodo uprising and social media foolishness is now a part of our culture....

Culture is made for the people, not people for the culture....Culture must bow to the people and not the other way round..... abeg

educatedfool:
I understand where you're coming from, and that may be true for some individuals. But it doesn't apply to everyone. Many people follow their religion out of sincere belief and conviction, not because of what they can gain from others.

One simple question for you........

If many people follow their religion out of sincere belief and conviction, how come the effects of religion is not showing in the country and the world in general..

Maybe you intend to say a few people and not many as you rightly claimed....

educatedfool:
Every religion has people who leave and people who join

Most people are in religion because of the help they can get from certain people on it..

I dont blame them though, hunger and loneliness is real....

He for no apologize na make Oshiomole give am the Natasha style again......

socoharley:
South Africans are born wicked!!!
How does the presence of one lady who was born in south Africa by foreign parents affect anyone?
I spit on every south African...tueh!!

My dear bro or sis, you dont have to spit on all south Africans, cos no matter how mamny theyre , I'm sure some of them do not support this inhumane act on Chidinma....