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Jullima:
My dear you have described the average Nigerian marriage.

So I though sha cos I'm not sure I'm d only one going thru this kind thing. Most marriages na just mk we manage dey push am dey go...

Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that I sacrifice everything I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

peteruuu:

God's healing hand be upon you in Jesus Christ Name. Amen.

Amen!! Thanks so much

engrelvis:
OK.pls update me

I will. Thanks

[quote author=engrelvis post=72955770]Alot of people v high bp before operation out of fear n anxiety (life sweet abeg...lol). madam please please b sure of yr hypertensive state before u start pumping yrsef with bp drugs.take care n Godbless![/quote

Thank u for your time and responses. I will try to get the bp monitor this week and also get a personal doc to be seeing. Then healthy lifestyle as well. God bless u.

engrelvis:
I dnt v issue with being diagnosed with bp but what I v issue with is giving me wrong diagnosis because u dnt know what you r doing.n den pumping me with drugs my body dnt need.since yr stylolic drop to 110 all dey v to do is to monitor it for d next few days n c.

Hmm monitor for few days? When they have given me appointment for mid january and packed drugs that will last till that time for me before i can see a doctor again. Maybe I will look for a good Private hospital or doctor to be seeing personally. This one I'm going to is a teaching hospital. D drugs cost around 9k plus see as e full nylon fear catch me, I don't smoke nor drink at all. Its just d c section I had that led to this cos I know I was so much afraid before, during and after d operation that they had to be beating beat down my bp during d c section self. And i later developed post natal depression cos of all i went thru. During my pregnancy before delivery, my bp never rose once.

engrelvis:
d greatest medical scam doctors r dishing out everyday is dis bp stuff.d introduction of digital bp monitors is making people crazy n obsessive about bp numbers.ls now controlling their lifestyle.if u r passing through stress , fear or anxiety yr bp can rise.dat deos nt it won't come to its normal state.yes some people v chronic bp but in most cases if our doctors,pharm r nt patient enough to understand their patients before pumping dem with bp drugs.madam d trick is understanding yr body.buy a good validated digital bp monitor n study yr bp at home when u r relax.130/80 is nt a bad reading .l v an uncle dat his Bp shot up when he had problems with his left eye because of panic,fear n worry.d doctor was an Experienc doctor.he put on a low dosage bp drug .he was taking it every other day n drinking alot of water n exercises.after d eye operation his started coming down.he was taken off d bp medications.his bp numbers r still very alright after 3yrs.l repeat understand yr body.there is bp hospital in London.their speciality is handling bp issues.lf u visit there u will understand y I said Nigerian doctors r too much in hurry to label u an hypertensive patient!d test n what dey will do to u before concluding . there is ambulatory u will wear throughout d day to assess.make I stop here because am getting angry

Thank you very much for that exactly my thots too. D doctor just carelessly told me I will take d drugs for life when I had to be d one to ask her that why are they still recommending drugs for me. She was acting so tired and didn't even give me any explanation why I will keep taking d drugs dats why I had to ask and yet still without explanation, she just responded to me; u will take it for life. Well God forbid. I rejected it in my heart there and then. My last appointment 4 weeks back my bp was 120/80 i was on d drugs and this apptmt it was 110/80 while on d drugs too. They didnt even talk about tapering the dose for me to watch how i will respond And no one has told me about exercising and healthy lifestyle all they keep doing is packing bp drugs for me to be swallowing. That's why I wanted to know if the xray result is proof that d bp is chronic. Immediately I told my brother in d UK, he told me something similar to what u said about how hospitals in UK handle this bp issue diligently. And just like u,he was also very angry with Nigerian hospitals. Hmmm it is well. God help me. I wished I had d privilege to travel n take proper care of myself. I now see why our politicians use d country's money to travel abroad to seek medical attention. It is well

Lawrittanneka68:
If you need a permanent healing to that use these two products Omega and Cal- C -mag,it has no side effect,if interested whatsap or contact this number for more details: 08038220168

I'm already on drugs so I'll pass besides heard hypertension has no cure, u can only control it. I still believe mine isn't chronic and will normalize with time. I just went thru a lot after d c section, my body was finding it so difficult after d operation that's why I'm facing this bp issue

peteruuu:


Follow the medications ma.
The BP WHICH was 130/80 isn't that bad though.
You can go there later...or choose another good private hospital, the dosage of the drugs might be reviewed and you'll not have to take them like they say. And as times go by, you 'May' even have to be breaking either nifedipine or aldomet into 2 equal size(depending on the BP readings though. The systolic and diastolic isn't that bad. I've attended to patient's with BP readings of 200/170, and now, they're doing alright with the medications.
Just use your drugs religiously.

You may even have to skip a day as times go by(depending on your BP readings though).

Alright Thanks doctor

Hola

Hello doctors in d house, I didn't have bp issues all thru my pregnancy but developed it after my c section and since I put to bed I've been on drugs. My baby is 3 months and I'm still on it. Aldomet and nifedipine. They tried stopping d nifedipine and told me to be taking just aldomet 500mg twice daily when baby was 3 weeks but during my nxt appointment they said it rose to 130/80 hence I have to go back to taking nifedipine together with it. Haven't been having good rest cos of baby. I was told to do xray, ECG fbs urinalysis etc and d xray result said cardiomelagy mild 55%, and hypertensive cardiovascular changes. D rest results were good. I asked d doc that I saw today she reluctantly responded saying I will have to take d drugs for life. I'm just 33 years old is that diagnosis enough to decide that its chronic hypertension?

I don't mean to disappoint you all but when minimum wage was increased from 9500 to 18000 how much increase did u (senior staff) get in ur salary? Now from 18000 to 30000 what makes u think there will now be an increase in ur salary. To me, I think it's only d junior staff that will benefit from this minimum wage thing. I have someone close working level 8 In a federal institution and when d minimum wage was increased back then, she said she got no increase whatsoever. Also before dey begin pay, e fit reach next year probably end of first quarter or so as senate will have to still seat on it and then back to president who will sign and implement n bla bla bla. If I'm wrong, someone who knows better should enlighten me.

Emvicprints1:
my sister God go do God go do I don tire literally I don tire as in fed up. It's worst as a man with 2 kids to take care of and nobody to help no relatives nothing at all.

I understand but keep ur hope alive. Things go better one day.

Emvicprints1:
that's my dream miss Jay relocating outside Nigeria but it's not easy at all especially when you don't have a govt job. If you think of going through agencies they would just eat your money.

Yes ppl like we that depend on small small business here n there may find it challenging applying n getting a visa. Docs, bankers, civil servants may find it easier cos they can apply directly. And Agencies won't do us any justice my two cousins just lost their 900k to agencies they were applying for US visa. My brother God will make everything beautiful in is time. I no wan dey give myself unnecessary headache over these issues. It is well.

Emvicprints1:
misjay I know what am saying look around you could divide the population in benin and there source of income most of it is from Yahoo proceeds another part is people with relatives overseas the. A handful from politics. Surviveing in benin is hard my sister.

You are right to an extent. Benin is kind of a dry place to succeed but truth be told there are still some persons that "genuinely" make it here but not very much. If i take relocating serious when God blesses me with some finance, i will think beyond nigeria, canada to be precise. Cos what's d probability that ul make it after relocating to another city?

frozen70:



The Lord will comfort you and bring everything to order and I appreciate those that have responded

God will do more favour for you and your family

Don't allow the situation to take a toll on you, there is always light at the end of every tunnel

Amen! Thank you so much.

Emvicprints1:
misjay you are in benin? This our benin Misjay what can man do to survive in this benin relocating is very difficult cause of finance.

Haha what can I say, well there are still people making it here. Running away from here may not always be d answer. I used to think about that at times aswell but i got tired of thinking of where to run to or how to go about it. I just believe with strong determination, hard work and prayers one can still make it here.

babeosisi:
Op I hope things are better now

Yes my dear thank you

frozen70:
Your request has no base

You did not state what made you to be stranded

You didn't state how come you already have 3 children, what about their father?

You have family members, is it that you are not working or their father is not working

You have to let us know how you got to this broken bridge before we can give you a flying boat to pass through

My sister I would have written a very long epistle but I just felt it wasn't necessary because a lot of ppl may really not have dat time to start reading very long messages which will make me not to get any positive response if not I have a lot of reasonable answers to all your questions. And I got help from some nice ppl here and I'm very grateful. I got a total of 17k so far. 10k, 2k and 5k. I really can't hide how pleased I am and of course very content. Thank u

I received 2k from another kind hearted person. God bless u. I just want to share how thankful I am for d response I got. I no wan just chop clean mouth waka. Pls help me thank d two nice individuals. I pray God will continue to bless them tremendously and replenish their pockets amen.

Wooow I just got an alert of 10k from a kind hearted nairalander. And oh! I am very much grateful to that wonderful person from the dept of my heart. That will go a long way for me right now. Thank u all for ur kind words at first I feared that I may receive insults but still decided to pour out my heart and I was amazed at d kind responses that followed my post. I hope to come on here someday soon to also help someone in need. And i promise i will be looking out for that. Luv u all.

MrBottle:
Continue watching him and hold off on the paracetamol for now to avoid overdosing him.

Thank u

MrBottle:
Do not rub anything on that leg or you run the risk of infecting it.
What dose of paracetamol are you giving him?
Expose and tepid sponge him and if the fever is making him look flushed, take him to the nearest hospital.

I'm giving around 3 ml paracetamol. I do expose n spong him then it seem as if its better after sometime only to come up again. Yesterday d fever was making him look really flushed, around d eyes looking red and d nose and d breathing was really somehow. I was almost rushing back to d hospital in d evening. But early in d morning a while after my post, i increased d paracetamol dose to 5ml which seemed to help a bit. He was able to sleep thereafter. At least it kept d temperature down for a reasonable amount of time enough to let me catch some sleep and not stay awake doing constant sponging. Thanks

Pls mother's out there my baby took immunization penta & opv yesterday and he keeps crying an crying in pain I gave paracetamol cyrup but it doesn't seem to be doing much. He has been so hot I keep dabbing he's body with warm water. I've not slept at all today becos I keep checking him out of fear d moment he close he's eye to sleep and he keeps crying in he's sleep. I didn't experience it this bad with my other two kids and to make matters worse I'm having serious blood pressure issues this period. Is there any other way to sooth he's pains & make him calm? Also why is d tempersturr not reducing despite d paracetanol? Is there anything one can rub on d leg?

mysticgal:

If you couldn't help,moving past this thread woulda been nice but no! you decided that you must comment,exposing how shallow minded you are.

yinmu

Thank u dear

Wilfredpat22:
When you were opening your legs without a job you forgot you needed help. Deal with your problems yourself

We got our own issues

Its just a temporary phase my dear it has not always been like this for us if u read my post well, pray not to suddenly find yourself in such situation especially when u have kids. Its a painful one. Thanks anyways

Springsdy456958:
Please your location should be made available. This is an Old account . Nairalander's please show some love.

I'm in Benin city. Thank u

inforesource:
You didn't say anything here Madam.

All I just need is something to cater for basic needs in the house for a short period of time. because im facing a really bad financial crisis at home at d moment. Feeding and basic needs are on total Zero, we havent even paid kids school fees or bought a single book as they just resumed thank God for their understanding director but that can be sorted out later when things iron out. Im not asking for much, just something to at least put food on the table this period till we bounce back plssss thanks

Pls pls Pls I need just a little financial assistance at the moment just to cater for basic needs at home especially feeding. I'm a mother of 3 and things are not going on well financially at home for us at the moment. All I just need is a little help. its just a temporary severe crisis we are facing right now i believe we will come out of it soonest by Gods grace. Anything will be very much appreciated. Pls no insults it will only break me d more. If u have faced what am facing, u will understand me. At times it doesn't need evidence to assist someone in need, just believe in d person. I'm begging someone here to just believe in me. Thanks in anticipation for responses. God bless