₦airaland Forum

SonOfEl:
if you don't have anything to comment, just keep quiet. you know absolutely nothing from your responses as regards me and even the marriage you claim you are in.

with your so-called ten years of marriage, you still reason like a juvenile.....

You are upset and hurling insults won't change my facts. Focus on your "wife".


Stay out the kitchen too! You can't handle the heat boo boo!

kevinberry:
You don't get me...the original post stated that she had to leave what she was doing to serve the food properly...I simply said the woman should time her self and schedule..and for the man too...he should check himself(though the licking of toto examle is extreme(in terms of religion,belief and moral)if the man does not mind,he should try and find ways,there might be reasons why he didn't lick her before penetrating,he just have to find ways to please her...or else go their separate. Ways

Bottom line is this we don't always get things our way and should be matured enough to compromise. If we will allow petty things to disrupt our peace then marriage isn't for everyone.

SonOfEl:
see, my position is this,

the OP should not have made a big deal out of this. to me this matter is trivial, and can be settled within the walls of the bedroom. better still, a counsellor in a church or other places of worship can follow the matter in details, because I know the man didn't just start the demand that day.

finally, ladies need to know that submission is not slavery, and that love does not negate ones headship in the home.

a man, NO MATTER HIS WIFES MISBEHAVIOR, isnt meant to raise his hand on her for ANY reason no mayter how angry he is right? that matured love. also, a man demanding to be served in a certain way, should not make the wife exploded in anger or bitterness, that matured reverence.

this are just one of the few instances given. thanks.

It is not a big deal to you that the husband want the woman to dish food but what isnt an issue to you may be an issue to the next person! You can't compare your comfort with the next person and I said that at the beginning of the thread!

Focus on what works for YOU and it isv okay! If submission isnt a big deal according to you then why do men have issues submitting to their wives?

Of course, you will say because the bible said so. Do YOU follow EVERYTHING in the bible? Don't lie.


One last thing....why do MANY religious folks have s n issue with true submission to Christ if submission isnt a bad thing according to you?

Do you think a gay pastor is m submitting to Christ?

Malawian:
in that case, i actually think the food should be dished.

although i have to say, once i went to see my tenant. his wife was cooking in the kitchen, he was beside her washing the dishes. i was baffled.

this man drives an 09 camry to put him in perpective.

And why were you baffled?

kevinberry:
We are both saying the same thing,according to the post,the man almost abandoned the food until she had to abandon what she is doing and serve the food...as a man/human you can't expect me to immediately respond negatively to an actions without me cautioning you about it....the best the woman can do is to time her self...it will take only 3 mins to serve the food from the flask or food heater and call him to eat his food....the man too will also find out ways so as to be able to satisfy and meet his wife demands(in terms of licking her) and if one thinks such task is impossible then they should both separate...always remember different strokes for different folks...I for example love being served...if I need more,I simply help myself since the food is in front of me...but if the food is in the kitchen I simply ask my wife to help me out....

No, we are not saying the same things and you are basically saying damn everything else and it only takes moment to dish food when I asked you a question . If the husband wouldn't lick his wife 's toto but had intercourse with her. Would you tell the husband it takes few moments to licked her toto?

Be honest.

SonOfEl:
still, you are entitled to your opinion about my status. na you sabi....

Don't dish out what you can't handle

No pun intended OP.

kevinberry:
there is something called preference....the man love being served,it will only take only two minutes...the man won't call you back to refill his plate when he is not satisfied...he just love being served...

You only see this has slavery when you don't cherish your husband...to you he isn't worth your time and strength...your man cannot just ignore your food simply because you didn't serve him properly,he surely has been complaining about such attitude...what wrong in making your husband happy...

Damn

There is a give and take in marriage or relationship and we as adult have to exercise reasonable consideration and maturity.

She prepared the food and brought it to the table..isn't that being served? The only thing she didnt do is take the food out of the pot and plate it. Why is that a big deal?

Would you tell the wife not to complain if the husband wouldn't lick her toto but penetrated her and she love to be licked?

Be honest.

raayah:
This is not the question. The question is that OP was busy when her husband was about to eat and he turned the food. She might normally serve him naked, we dont know. We only know what happened that day.

She served her husband, got busy and was unable to serve. Is it not ok for the husband to understand and plate his food? He didnt ask to come eat, he didnt ask for company. He was for food to a plated. Im sorry if i dont see the sense in this. He was arrogant and immature

Hmm. You brought up an interesting point.

SonOfEl:
no, you respond like an unmarried person.....I know you are hurt, because you know I know it hit you hard where you least expect.

you are now the man right?

I will take that as a no. It shows in your responses/comments.

No offense to other unmarried couples/people.

RoyalRoy:
[color=#000033] Lollz....


Been a really long while. How are you and Mr Chima? [/color]

Meat thief and I are doing good! Thanks!

SonOfEl:
who ever advocated that husbands should not submit to Christ? me? you are funny really.

every servant of God at any capacity has the moral authority to correct people with scripture. we are instructed, teach, reprove, correct, exhort..... with it. maybe you should dust your good book and starting studying...

I need to brush up on "studying" when I stumped you with the very book you quoted from?

Hit harder...you hit like a girl.

SonOfEl:
but you both argue over other 'unofficial' things right?

and you said you have been married for a decade and your inconsistency over this issue shows the type of person you really are. I doubt your marriage, what I doubt is your sincerity.

op should not have brought this issue up for people to assess her marriage affairs with an intent of villainizing her husband. its immature.

Damn...this nigga lives in our house! Unofficial things?

Are you married? Don't lie.

SonOfEl:
madam stick to the point and stop dodging the issue. so it is Christians only that should follow those moral instructions?

I don't need your approval to be a servant of God at any capacity. just take correction.

You do not need my approval, correct. Who has given you the authority on what is moral and just? Are you Jesus?

I find it interesting how religious folks love throwing quotes that benefits them but when the other parts contradicts their argument, they begin to deflect and create a smoke screen!

You can't ask Christian wives to submit to their husbands if the husbands aren't submitting to Christ!! It is in your bible boo boo!

Joy1706:
This is no battle of the sexes. This is about love, care, understanding in marriage. Ya'll have turned it into 'I am the man' argument and what not.
I am genuinely concerned about what you men have turned marriage into. Hence, the need to address it

Be easy on him sis!

SonOfEl:
oh so you are not a Christian? you should have said so since....ehen! now I can understand why all this is dragging too far......my apologies ma.

Oh we are playing the assumption game? I like!

You are not a true man of God or otherwise you would have presented a better retort and sense.

SonOfEl:
I hope you feel better? pls tell your friend to challenge her husband, bad mouth him, snub him, or even divorce him.

you called yourself a wife and you are spewing this. shame on you. IF YOU READ MY POST BEFORE COMMENTING ON HER SELF-DEFENSIVE REPLY, then congratulations to your shame.

Please tell me with evidence what I have spewed? Did you read any of my comments?

Yes, I am a wife and STILL HAPPILY married to the same man with multiple children going on almost a decade!

My husband and I do not argue and fight over dumb sh1t like serving and dishing food. We will not allow petty sh1t to disturb the peace in our home but then again my husband and I wasn't children when we gotten married.

No offensee!

TV01:
You are still here prating .

I command absolutely . When a man presents properly and enunciates his wishes clearly, he doesn't have to command repeatedly. Authority doesn't always have to be on show, leadership is in some regards about empowering.

A truly submissive wife does not have to be bossed, but you wouldn't know this as there are no leaders, no commanders and no authority is wielded in your "equalist" household .

Christian wives know how they do - feminists don't be pained

Ephesians 5:22 - Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Ephesians 5:24 - Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Colossians 3:18 - Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
1 Peter 3:1 - Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands,
1 Peter 3:6 - as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good


"Lord Commander" TV

Don't quote scriptures that benefits you but also quote scriptures that counteracts as well.

Read the verses after the wives submit to your husband verse. The chapter also focuses on CHRISTIAN families and those who are believers.

It does not apply to non-Christians, non-believers, unmarried couples, and husbands who do not honor Christ and give his life for the church.

deep huh?

I see you looking Mr. Royalroy. . I am behaving.

SonOfEl:
its no longer reasoning, its now the battle of the sexes.....are you ashamed of yourself?

if you read my post she responding to, then I am sorry for you......nice kor, noose ni...... foolishness.

Just because you disagree with her statement doesn'tmean I do.

You are entitled to your opinion and so does she. I will be whatever you wanting me to be as long as it helps you feel better.

I hate when my husband want to sample the food before it is done! Oh my gosh, he will wait until I depart the kitchen and steal a piece of meat!

Meat thief!

"Add a little salt"
"Can I have a piece?"
"Can I lick the spoon?"
"Can I sip the soup?"
"Add more pepper"
"Add more maggi"

Argggggghhhhhhhh!!!!

Why??!!!

I do not like my husband touching the food that I have prepared and I will dish his food because how I want the food to look on his plate. I am a chef so it is a chef thing so sue me!

If I tell my husband to serve himself he will ask me what is wrong because he will think it is a trick. He will serve himself without an issue but again each person and marriage is different.

We have to remember that people!!!!

TV01:
"Soon to be ex"? Sounds like there is yet hope.

I am first and foremost an advocate of marriage on NL - wishing a great union on everyone who truly desires it. Your situation is tragic, but hopefully still retrievable.

A wife who is humble and loving wil not consider serving her husband as evidence of his being brutish and selfish. Hope you can both make the necessary adjustments and heal and restore your marriage.


TV

There is nothing wrong with serving food and eating with the spouse but when it has become an order or requirement without prior discussion is the problem.

Serving food and eating with your spouse is a gesture but it does not count as a measurement of how much a spouse love you.

Joy, patience, understanding, meek, support, respect, empathy, encouragement, positive motivatuon, and peace is what helped one feel less resentful and mistreated.

She has prepared the food and a considerate response would be to say thanks. Why disturb the peace in your home if you know you do not have a malicious woman?

Why disturb the peace over petty things? Choose your battles and every battle isn't meant to be fought or won.

Joy1706:
Indomie chewing gum boys always hiding under the cover of 'I am the man'. A wise husband should know that he should be considerate and understanding.
A wise man builds his own home but the foolish man tears it down with his own hands

Hmmm. Nice.

bukatyne:
You know, the whole OP has to be twisted to fit into the mantra in family section:

Feminists do not make good wives.

Else what relationship exists between a woman who at worst can't manage her time and feminism?

A wife who had taken time to cook and dish the meal in a cooler did not think of slavery... it is now time to dish it that she starts thinking of slavery?

SMH

I get your gist however chatters needs to stop throwing around the word feminist especially if the person has not expressed themselves to be a feminist.

We often times throw an adjective on a chatter if they fits the mold or definition of that adjective. However, a woman choosing not to dish or complaining that her husband wants her to dish food HAS nothing to do with feminism.

It will soon become a mantra that a woman who doesn't kiss ass and say no is automatically a feminist.

Bullsh1t.

bankot123:
I would implore you to stick to the Facebook advice given to you. Most of the opinion given on this thread are from teenagers who does know the meaning of marriage and what it takes to make a home.

My own opinion which has been working for me for the past ten years, is for you not only dish but sit and eat together with him. It strengthen the bound and add spices to your marriage. Your husband loves you so much for him to have pointed it out to you.

Drop your pride and concentrate on building a great home. Everything lies in your hands.

You can't compare your marriage and what works for you to another marriage. There are no 2 marriages alije and sitting at the dinner table doesn't strength marriage if there aren't any love, respect, compassion, and effective communication.

Sitting at the table and dishing food is a choice. Some people do not converse while eating, some people aren't always hungry at the same time, and communication is not only effective during dinner but when 2 parties are available to listen and converse.

There is no set time and place for bonding and there has to be a deeper intimacy for effective bonding to occur.

emusmith:
That analogy of yours is not a good quintessence in this scenario.

Jesus' case is like the MASTER and Servants stuff...unless you think marriage is like that, which I know it's not.

Nice moniker tho

Jesus got on one knee and washed feet of someone underneath him in status shows great humility and leadership. You can't be a great leader if you are NOT willing to follow.

Very few will understand this adage!

zeeblamj:
Wow this has turned into a battle ground. Why is everyone fighting eachother? take it easy guys. Show some love.
My advise hasn't changed. U cannot get the right advise from Nairaland cause nobody here knows ur husband. U married him, unless it was an arranged marriage, I'm sure u knew who he was from the beginning.
U might have started an unrealistic relationship with him and now after marriage u expect him to grow out of it. He wants the submissive girl he married. Not the sudden Feminist after getting the ring.
I made it clear from the beginning we are equals. It doesn't make my husband less of a man if he cooks dinner and even serves it. It doesn't make him less a man if I set the table and have to prepare for work and he served himself. I don't think this is big enough to be a marital issue. People have bigger problems. Communication is key. Speak to the Man. Confess u were doing that before marriage to please him that's not who u really are. Women should really stop faking it. It doesn't make u low if u serve ur husband his food. I do it. But that's because we eat breakfast and dinner together. No matter what! The pots and floor and whatever I'm doing or he's doing can wait. We both wake up early and do all necessary chores so we can meet up in time. That's what a togetherness is. U cannot turn ur wife into a slave just because she is a house wife. It makes her lose her worth and self esteem. If he had helped her around the house a bit or told her to stop with the chores so they can both eat, she would have served the food. Actually she already served it. He wanted it in a smaller plate and that's why he was angry. One person has to be an adult. I think there is no love otherwise he wouldn't be able to eat without his wife by his side. Nothing is sweeter than sitting beside my husband and watching him enjoy what I have cooked. It's a beautiful sight. But if I'm really busy, he should understand and serve the damn food!!!! Or wait for me to be done so we eat it together.
This isn't even a marital issue. This is a battle between two egoists. They both do not want to talk out their issues.
One last thing, if he wants to cheat, he will. Even if u wash his butt after he poops!
Oya guys come crucify me oooooo.

Did she say she was a feminist? Just because a female created a thread complaining about her husband and the woes on their marriages has nothing to do with feminism.

If she chooses not to be submissive and perform dumb sh1t doesn't make her a feminist. It means she has exercised her freewill not to be submissive.

Some submissive wives have horrible husbands. It doesn't save a marriage if there is no love, respect , effective communication , and compassion from BOTH parties.

#teamagainstchildmarriages

I am against child marriages for obvious reasons.

She was sold by her parents.

I blame it on the rising costs of run ADULT girls.

Jarizod:
ok b1tch

Okay trick ass ho ass nigga.

Jarizod:
saw this late

Thats how relationships crumble, personally I cant accept such, Thats why I know MrsChima would never do that to me, she iz a faithful bish

It is b1tch!