₦airaland Forum

portal.abu.edu.ng/admission/2012___2013_Admission_report.php?a=integrated&ctlSearchFor=alex&simpleSrchFieldsComboOpt=&simpleSrchTypeComboNot=&simpleSrchTypeComboOpt=&criteria=and&type1=&value11=25640123fi&field1=regno&option1=More+than&not1=

(31)General Alex has been monitorin d movement
of his
only daughter recently. In fact, he first picks
her calls to confirm d identity of d caller
before handin over d phone to her after
thorough screening. But on one faithful day,
her
boyfriend akpors called and General picked d
call as usual. Watch
out !
General: Hello! May i know you? Caller
(akkpors): sorri i want to speak wit Joy sir.
General: i said who r u nd wht for?
caller (akpors hmmm (after he understood d
situation @ hand),
Okay Sir, i am FRANK EDOHO from WHO WANTS
TO BE A MILLIONAIRE. Joy's friends is presently
on hot seat and needs
her help to answer a question for 2Million
Naira. So the next
voice you hear after is hers, the time starts
now.......
General: ooh am very sorry!!!
Joy! ,Joy!! Pls take ur phone ur friend needs ur
help........... .
caller akpors: The question is when are you
coming Tomorrow?
A. Morning,
B. Afternoon,
C.Evening,
D. Night.
Joy: D.Night.
caller (akpors Are you sure? Final answer?....
Joy: yes am very sure!

luqgeezer: are u sure? If yes, drop ur Reg. No 4 confirmation. Thanks

ok here is it 25640120fi

BabatundeGPD: More namex av bin add to d list. Go an recheck. Gud luck. Pls check lyk 5tym b4 u confirm record found or nt cus i check mine dx morin aftr bin admtd in d eror list an d so cal authentic list an it was no record found, an just nw z display my adsn status admtd wit my course. Pls verify wela an moreover u can check ur self nw d site open witin a blink of an eye. Gud luck

d link pls

Hashiya: ALHMDL ALHMDL ALHMDL!I dont hve enough words to use n thnk Allah(S.W:A).My name was nt on d lst @ 1st n neither was it on d so calld error lst bt 2day dat names were added ma name happnd to b amng n finally i was gvn d course of ma dream(PHARMACY).Alhamdulillah..am jst toooo happy

happy 4 u, bebe God really love u, just keep praying 4 d rest of u

sombody should help me check
25640120fi

I Know Some of You Thinks English Is Simple
But i Bet You'll Find It Difficultin This Aspect!
...Please Translate
"HOW MANY YEARS YOU TAKE SENIOR ME"
To Simple and Correct English... Let The Fun
Begin.

sum body pls check dis 1 4 me 25640120fi

[quote author=bashy_demy]papa Akpos: I learn't your WAEC result is out.
Akpos: Daddy u remember Chidi wey dey carry first for our
whole skul ba? he failed. .
papa Akpos: dats terrible,wat happened?
Akpos: U also remember Tosin wey dey tutor me 4 house ba?
He failed too.
papa Akpos: wats with d poor performance?
Akpos: Daddy I dunno,na so e b oh.
papa Akpos: so hw was Ʊr result?
Akpos : haba daddy, if dem fail, wetin u expect, I be wizard??[/quote]hahahahahhahahahahahahahahaahahahahah

(30)A guy won a #10 million lottery, kept the
money inside a 'Ghana must go' bag, went
under a tree, buried the money, snapped the
spot and the tree with a camera and decided
to travel to London. As he was on a plane
heading to London, he brought out the
picture from the camera, stared at it and
was shocked to see Akpos on top of the tree
smiling
What would you do if you were the man?

A guy won a #10 million lottery, kept the
money inside a 'Ghana must go' bag, went
under a tree, buried the money, snapped the
spot and the tree with a camera and decided
to travel to London. As he was on a plane
heading to London, he brought out the
picture from the camera, stared at it and
was shocked to see Akpos on top of the tree
smiling
What would you do if you were the man?

Dis situation funny oooo, list is out, d list we av been waitin 4 since 5months ago, and no body is posting anything

oyetunji12: . if u go mrkt go buy chelsea jersey...if gudluck wife na ur english teacher

waitin chealsea do u guy, na my club ooo

YOU KNOW YOUR ANCESTORS FROM UR VILLAGE
ARE FOLLOWING YOU IF:
1. If you download anything on the internet
and it Fails at 99%
2. If you buy a bold 6 for 900k today and the
next day the price drops to 40k
3. You go to the restaurant on your first date,
and after eating fish, the bone chocks you!
4. After working for 30 days, you get fired
without salary
5. if you take cheat into the exam hall, and
cant understand your own handwriting
6. If u scope girl, take her to your room 4
action and junior does not stand
7. If after using a strong heavy perfume, your
body odour still remains stronger than RAID
8. If after photoshoping your Picture, you still
look ugly
9. If You Break-Up With Your Bf and he wins
100M UGX the next day!
10. If the person that you were cursing out in
traffic turns out to be the one interviewing
you for a job
11. If U lied to Armed robbers that u don’t
have a phone, then it rings
12. If junior refuses to stand on your
wedding night. You should know ITS FROM
UR VILLAGE
......ADD OTHERS.....

The teacher asked, "Boy what is your
problem?"
he answered, "I'm too smart for the first-
grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm
smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
third-grade too!" Teacher had enough. She
took Boy to the principal's office. While Boy
waited in the outer office, the teacher
explained to the principal what the situation
was. The principal told the teacher he would
give the boy a test and if he failed to answer
any of his questions he was to go back to the
first-grade and behave. She agreed. Boy was
brought in and the conditions were explained
to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: What is 3 x 3?
Boy : 9, maam!
Principal: What is 6 x 6?
Boy : 36, maam!
And so it went with every question the
principal thought a third-grade should know.
The principal looks at teacher and tells her,
"I think Boy can go to the third-grade. "
Teacher says to the principal, "I have some of
my
own questions. Can I ask him ?"
The principal and Boy both agreed.
Teacher asks: What does a cow have four of
that I
have only two of?
Boy : Legs, maam!
Teacher : What is in your pants that you have
but I
do not have?
Boy : Pockets!
Teacher: What starts with a C and ends with a
T, is
hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish
liquid?
Boy : Coconut!
Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then
comes out
soft And sticky?
(The principal's eyes open really wide and
before he
could stop the answer, Boy . was taking
charge )
Boy : Bubblegum, maam!
Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a
woman
does sitting down and a dog does on three
legs?
(The principal's eyes open really wide and
before he
could stop the answer )
Boy : Shake hands!
Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort
of
questions, okay?
Boy : Yep!
Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You
tie me
down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy : Tent
Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with
me
when you're bored. The
best man always has me first.
Boy : Wedding Ring, maam!
Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not
well, I
drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy : Nose!
Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates.
I
come with a quiver. What is it?
Boy : Arrow!
Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends
in 'K'
that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy : Firetruck!
Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends
in 'K'
& if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.
Boy : Fork!
Teacher: What is it that all men have one. It's
longer on some men, than on others,
the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to
his
wife after they're married?
Boy : SURNAME!
Teacher: What part of the man has no bone
but has
muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is
responsible
for making love ?
Boy : HEART, maam!
The principal a sigh of relief and said to
the teacher :
Principal: Huh! send this Boy .... to collage!!!
Even I got
the last ten questions wrong myself!
NOW CAN SOME BODY TELL ME HW GOOD IS D MIND OF D PRINCIPAL

On ma way home on
monday evening, I saw
a suit case! I took it
home and I opened it
and behold what I found
inside;$20,000 dollars!!
Fear first catch me, but
I took the bag home
and when ...I emptied It,
Ifound some
Documents, ID card,
ATM card and an
Iphone. Ithought about
throwing the sim away
and keep the phone and
also dispose the
documents and keep
the money. After a long
thought, I decided to
leave things as they
were, hoping thatthe
owner would call. Not
long after a call came
through on the Iphone, I
picked and talked with
the caller. Apparently it
was the owner of the
bag coz he named
absolutely every
content of the bag. We
met afterwards and i
handed him the bag. he
offered me
$2,000dollars but i
turned it down ,
hecollected my number
and i left.Yesterday he
called me and offered
me a job at Chevron
worth 750,000 Naira per
month, a 3 bedroom flat
fully furnished, and a
2012 BMW X6 As I was
smiling and testing the
car my brother just
slappedme and said
"Oya Oya Oya Wake up!!
Eba don ready!"

On ma way home on
monday evening, I saw
a suit case! I took it
home and I opened it
and behold what I found
inside;$20,000 dollars!!
Fear first catch me, but
I took the bag home
and when ...I emptied It,
Ifound some
Documents, ID card,
ATM card and an
Iphone. Ithought about
throwing the sim away
and keep the phone and
also dispose the
documents and keep
the money. After a long
thought, I decided to
leave things as they
were, hoping thatthe
owner would call. Not
long after a call came
through on the Iphone, I
picked and talked with
the caller. Apparently it
was the owner of the
bag coz he named
absolutely every
content of the bag. We
met afterwards and i
handed him the bag. he
offered me
$2,000dollars but i
turned it down ,
hecollected my number
and i left.Yesterday he
called me and offered
me a job at Chevron
worth 750,000 Naira per
month, a 3 bedroom flat
fully furnished, and a
2012 BMW X6 As I was
smiling and testing the
car my brother just
slappedme and said
"Oya Oya Oya Wake up!!
Eba don ready!"

(29)Dad: akpors, if Mr John ask of me, tell him am
not around.
How will u tell him when he comes, cos i
know u are funny?
Akpors: when he comes, i will say,my daddy
said i should tell you he is not around.
Dad, idiot! Just tell him, he is not around. Ok?
Akpors: yes dad.
Mr John: Akpors, where is ur dad?
Akpors: he is not around.
Mr john: when is he coming back?
Akpors : wait let me go and ask him he did
not tell me. (Rushed into the room,
shouting,daddy, daddy, when are coming
back?)
Mr John followed him into the room saw the
dad, they started fighting.
Abeg, was that akpors fault?

(28)Akpos who was a houseboy
usually sneaks into his Oga's
room, drinks his wine and
adds water to top it up. One
day his Oga bought a new
wine called pasties, it was a
french wine that changes
colour if water is added onto
it.
Akpos unaware of this,
sneaks into his Oga's room,
drank the new wine and
added water on it.
Immediately it started
changing colour.
Akpos: I am in trouble, big
trouble.
He ran to the kitchen.
Meanwhile, oga and madam
were sitted in the parlour,
while Akpos was in the
kitchen.
...
OGA: Akpos
Akpos: Oga
OGA: who drank my pasties?.
No answer!
OGA: Akpos, who drank my
pasties?.
No answer. Oga walked to
the kitchen and saw Akpos
there.
OGA: Are you insane or
what?. Why when i call, you
say"Oga"but when i ask
you a question you don't
answer me.
Akpos: Oga when you are in
the kitchen you don't
understand anything, except
your name.
OGA: Is that so?. Okay go to
the parlour, stand beside
madam and ask me a
question while i stand here.
Akpos went and did what oga
said.
Akpos: Ogaaaaaa
OGA: Yes Akpos
Akpos: Who goes into the
maid's bedroom when madam
is not at home?.
No answer.
Akpos: Ogaaaaaa!!! You dey
hear me, i say who dey
sneak enter the house girl
room when madam no dey
house.
No answer. Oga runs out of
the kitchen.
OGA: Wonders shall never
end. Akpos, it is true o, when
one is in the kitchen, one
doesnot hear anything,
except one's name.
MADAM: That's not true. It's a
lie.
Akpos: Madam, do you want
to be tested?.
MADAM: Yes
Akpos: Oya enter the kitchen
She enters.
Akpos: Madam
MADAM: Yes Akpos
Akpos: Who is Junior's
biological Father?. Me or Oga
Madam rushed out of the
kitchen
MADAM: This kitchen needs to
be fumigated o, i can't
understand anything at all

(28)Akpors asked d barber“How much for a
haircut?”
Barber:“N500.
Akpors:“And hw much 4 a shave?
Barber:N50 sir.
Akpos:Very well,shave my head

(27)Teacher: Akpors, assuming you were at a bus
stop and boko- haram throws a bomb.
What will you do?
Akpors: i will jux stop assuming…..

(26)Wife:If i knew u were this Poor I wuldnt hav
married u!
Akpors:wht do u think I meant when I said u
were d only thing I have
in this world?

(25)IS AKPORS WISER THAN THE DEVIL?
Three Men, A Philosopher, A
Mathematician And Akpors, Were Out Riding
In The Car When It Crashed Into A Tree. Before
Anyone Knows
It, The Three Men Found Themselves
Standing Before The Pearly Gates Of Heaven,
Where St. Peter And The Devil Were Standing
Nearby.
“Gentlemen,” The Devil Started,
“Due To The Fact That Heaven Is Now
Overcrowded, Therefore St. Peter Has Agreed
To Limit The Number Of People Entering
Heaven. If AnyoneOf You Can Ask Me A
Question Which I
Don’t Know Or Cannot Answer, Then You’re
Worthy Enough To GoTo Heaven; If Not, Then
You’ll Come With Me To Hell.”
The Philosopher Then Stepped Up,
“OK, Give Me The Most comprehensive
Report On Socrates’ Teachings.”
With A Snap Of His Finger, A Stack Of
Paper Appeared Next To The Devil.
The Philosopher Read It And Concluded It Was
Correct.
“Then, Go To Hell!”
With Another Snap Of His Finger, The
Philosopher Disappeared.
The Mathematician Then Asked, “Give
Me The Most Complicated Formula You Can
Ever Think Of!”
With A Snap Of His Finger, Another
Stack Of Paper Appeared Next To The Devil.
The Mathematician Read It And
Reluctantly Agreed It Was Correct.
“Then, Go To Hell!” With Another Snap Of His
Finger, The
Mathematician Disappeared, Too.
Akpors Then Stepped Forward And Said,
“Bring Me A Chair!”
The Devil Brought Forward A Chair.
“Drill 7 Holes On The Seat”, Said The Idiot.
The Devil Did Just That.
Akpors Then Sat On The Chair And Let Out A
Very Loud Fart. Standing Up, He
Asked, “Which Hole Did My Fart Come
Out From?” The Devil Inspected The Seat And
Said, “The Third H0le From The Right.”
“Wrong,” Said Akpors, “It’s From My Assh0le.”
....Akpors Went To Heaven.

(25)Akpors came home one night and his wife
throws her arms around his neck: "my
husband! I am a month overdue. Its like i'm
pregnant, d doctor give me test today but
until it dey sure, we no go tell anybody.
"The next day Akpors' wife receives a
telephone call from PHCN because dey had not
paid their bill. Am I speaking to Mr Akpors?
"Na im wife be this" she says
PHCN guy:"u're a month overdue shey una
know?"
Hw u take knw? stammers Akpors wife.
"Madam its in our files" says the PHCN guy.
She shouts "how it take enter una file?"
Phcn guy: Yes, We av a system of finding out
who's overdue
Akpos's wife: GOD, dis is too much which kain
tin be dis?
Phcn guy: Madam, I am sorry Iam following
orders ,I have to inform u dat u are overdue
Akpos's wife: no wahala Make I tell my
husband wen he come back. dat night she
tells Akpos "dem know say i dey overdue for
phcn o!"
The next day Akpors rushes to PHCN office.
"Wetin dey happen? i hear say una get file say
my wife dey overdue. It concern una"he says
angrily.
Just calm down, says the lady at the reception
at PHCN, its nothing serious. All u have to do is
pay us.
Akpors: PAY una 4 wetin? If i no pay nko?
Lady: Well in dat case sir, we have no option
but to cut yours off.
Akpos: if u cut am wetin my wife go do?
Lady: I don't know, I guess she would have to
use a candle!!!
Akpors fainted!!

(24)AKPORS AND OKON IN THE OFFICE
Okon: Akpors, I have been attending night
classes for 5 months now and I have exams
next week.
Akpors: oh!
Okon: For example, do you know who is
Graham Bell?
Akpors: No
Okon: He invented the telephone in 1876; if
you take night courses you would know this.
The next day, the same discussion took place.
Okon: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Akpors: No
Okon: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers",
if you take night courses, you would know
this.
The next day, once again.
Okon: And do you know who Jean Jacques
Rousseau is?
Akpors: No
Okon: He's the author of "Confessions", if you
take night courses, you would know this.
This time, Akpors got irritated and said: Do
you know who Adewale Azeeze Saremekun
is?
Okon: No
Akpors: He is your neighbour, screwing your
wife since five months ago. If you stop taking
night courses, you would know

Bendtner111: Dos p'ple wey d claim d got news 4rm reliable source,whr wer dos ur reliable sources wen d cancelled list was nt released? Why didnt ur reliable source tel u d date d list wuld b released? Me no get reliable source,bt al i knw is dat sum names wil b adde n odas remvd. Beta go pray 4 God's favour ova ur name dat cumin here arguein. A word is enuf 4 d wise. Jst 4 a reminda,hw many reliable sources ve failed us here wen d list was yet 2 b released?

sensational talk, love dis post die

MR XELA: palacio U bad oooo see hw u pack pple full dis trend again, hmmmmm

Viewing this topic: aliuzima(m), Shinexman
(m), iliyafik, Samafroxy22(m), Sani M. Haruna
(m), idowuu, Slowsteper(f), hardarms5050,
MR XELA, Aliyu333, its abdul(m), kutegee,
Oce4gud, ofelix15(m), Palacio, ehthad,
strechy3, Sodiq33(m) and 14 guest(s)

guy d fact say ur name no show no go make them cancel d list u hear? Even me my name no show just cool down and wait 4 full list or second list may God help us

he might be saying d truth oooo no body knws, pakavy were are u pls pls come oooo b4 palace kill some body here

U bad oooo see hw u pack pple full dis trend again, hmmmmm

Viewing this topic: aliuzima(m), Shinexman
(m), iliyafik, Samafroxy22(m), Sani M. Haruna
(m), idowuu, Slowsteper(f), hardarms5050,
MR XELA, Aliyu333, its abdul(m), kutegee,
Oce4gud, ofelix15(m), Palacio, ehthad,
strechy3, Sodiq33(m) and 14 guest(s)

guy d fact say ur name no show no go make them cancel d list u hear? Even me my name no show just cool down and wait 4 full list or second list may God help us

its abdul: Hi guyz, for those ov us dat are nt admitted, the info i got is dat another set of names are being uploaded, so pray harder.
There is still hope!

pls ur 2go username

congrat 2 does dat got admited babatunda, sodiq, joy, etc am so happy 4 u pple.

For those dat didnt see their name dont worry just wait 4 d main list 2 b fully upload on their site... Am sure our names are their

From what i heard, part of the list is still
blank, but i guess the managements of the
Institution are on it.
So if your name is not on the list yet, and
you know you made the ABU Cut-off mark,
don’t fret, just keep prayin and checking.

MR XELA: Some body told me dat he checked mine but he didn't see any tin he didn't knw if i av admission or not. I asked anode person he told me same pls can some body help me wil details pls 25640120fi

it's abdul pls help me am tired of askin