₦airaland Forum

(12)Akpors enters a church n finds the
priest."How may I help you son?" asks the
priest.
"Am looking for my wife, she said she would
be here but as I can see she's not around.
Now that am here, I would like to confess".
They go to the confession area,"forgive me
father for I have sinned."
"What are your sins my son?" The man replies,
"The other day, I went looking for my wife at
her home but she was not there. I found her
sister alone, I slept with the sister."
Oh, that is sin, but at least you came to
confess".
"Then another day I went looking for her at
her aunt's place but she was not there, I
found her cousin alone, I slept with the
cousin".
"You know that is wrong my son".
"Then the other day I went looking for her at
her working place. She was not there, I found
her colleague alone,.."
The priest interrupts, "Let me guess, you slept
with her colleague?"
"Yes father". There was silence after that.
Father?" Father?" Still silent.
Akpors peeps through and finds out that the
priest is no longer there . He looks for him
and finds him hiding."Why aree you hiding
father?"
The priest replies, "I've just realized I'm the
only one here and you came looking for your
wife"

mubarak629: ifu want genuine info on a.b.u 2012-2013 admissn den add me on 2go with mubarak629. am student of a.b.u!!!

i no knw about any body but as 4 me ehh i no want any fake genuine in4mation, post any tin u get here

(11)Akpors and johnny went for an interview for
employment. johnny was the first to enter the
interviewing office.. (the manager asking
johnny questions).
Manager: who was the first millitary head of
state in Nigeria..
Johnny: General Aguyi Ironsi..
Manager: when was the North and southern
protectorate in Nigeria Almagamated. .
Johnny: 1914.. Manager. Dat is gud of you..
Question no 3, is it true that the cure for hiv/
aids is discovered.. Johnny: eehm.. yes but
not scientifically proven...
Manager: good way of answering questions,
pls can you wait for us outside and we will
attend to you later... (when johnny went
outside akpors asked him)..
Akpors: johnny, what are the questions and
please tell me the answers??..
(as johnny was about to tell akpors the
questions and answer, the manager shouted
from inside `NEXT'..
Akpors then said to Johnny)..
Akpors. Ok tell me only the answers..
Johnny: answer to
number 1 is: General Aguyi Ironsi,
number 2 is=1914,
number 3 is=yes but not scientifically proven
(mumu Akpors got to d interview, after
exchanging greetings, d manager told him to
sit down)
manager. Please sir, What is ur name?
Akpors : General Aguyi Ironsi
(manager became confused)
Manager. Please what year where you born?
Akpors: 1914
Manager: (angrily, he shouted at Akpors)!! are
u mad?!!!
Akpors: Yes, but not scientifically proven.

gud morin guys, hope u pple have a wondeful 9t, d ABU @ 50 programme started on 4th of oct and will end on 24th of nov. Mayb after d Anniversary programme dats wen d list will be out, i didnt, predict i guess, but am sure d list has been prepared and about 2 b release, u know i don't post anything dat comes out of my mind, but d list might be out b4 dat day, (any time 4rm nw). any hw shaaa God dey...

Aliyu333: D fact is if i were pakavy i wil never post on dis trnd again,i use to find him guilty not until i received a better explanation.D MOMENTUM AT WIC WE ATTACKED HIM AT D FIRST PHASE WAS JUST TOO HIGH,EVEN WEN WE KNEW TWO WRONGS CANNOT MAKE A RYT.I RECALL ONE OF US SAYING HE SHOULD GO WE CAN DO IT ALONE SO Y IS HE NEEDED NOW-SIMPLY because D ONES WE TAKE AS BETA HOOKS AV ALL FAILED US.HMMMM U CAN START QUOTING BUT IN AS MUCH AS I AM ME,I....DONT.....GIVE......A......DAMN

nonsense.... U dont av anytin 2 say, just go 2 bed

(10)Akpos died and went 2 heaven
where he
met Angel Micheal
Akpos::: So finally I mak heaven
afta all d rubbish wey I do 4
life Tank God 4 God o
Angel Micheal::: Oya cum enta ya
room
Akpos::: Bros Micheal wetin dey
sup 4 downstairs cos d noise na
DIE
Angel Micheal:: Na hellfire b dat
Akpos:: I fit go peep?
Angel Micheal:: No wahala but we
go lock gate by 5pm so if u nor
quick cum back u go jus stay
hellfire
""Akpos goes 2 peep and der he
sees all d celebrities dat ever lived
on earth clubin and avin alot of
fun. Akpos comes bac by 4pm
and
Angel Micheal speaks::: 9ce 2 see
u bac early my son you r truly a
son of God O
Akpos:: I come pack my load
before Una Lock Heaven..
Angel Michael : Y ?
.
.
.
Akpors: i wan go groove 4 hell

playcharles: if u like bliv or nt.... just wait till 17th or kiss a lion

i didnt say d wont be out on d 17th as u av said but i said wot wil hapen to u if d list doesnt come out on dat day....

playcharles: if u like bliv or nt.... just wait till 17th or kiss a lion

guy am not sayin d list wount be out on 17th as u av said, but if d list dnt come out wat wil happen 2 u? Just say any tin dat will happen 2 u

i no blem una, so dis place has now become a place where any body can come 4rm any where and at any time 2 predict any things dat comes out 4rm his/her useless mind just 2 fustret pple. must of d pple do dis are those pple dat their hope is lost (dey dont av any hope of gainin admin) so instead of them 2 start saerchin 4 anoder hope somwher, day enjoy playin wit oda ppls faith.

Wat is "d list is going 2 be out on d 17th?". We all knw dat no body knws wen d list is comin out dat y we nid 2 calm down and wait 4 d day.

Guys, u pple should stop all dis nagative post and feed us wit positve ones plsss...
I dom talk my own oooo

(7) Whoeva answer my nxt questn right can go
home..
Akpos throws his bag outside..
Teacher : Who threw d bag?
Akpors: Me, can I go home?
-
( Teacher: Pig = Piglet, Eagle = Eaglet
Akpors please give us another example.
Akpors: SING = Singlet"
-
(9)Father: I heard you fell in love? Akpors: Yes
papa!, I dug a big hole , named d hole love,
climbed papa emeka's roof, and fell in it

(6)Akpors last week moved with his wife to
Victoria Island, Lagos.
A thief came to his house one night and
threatened to inject him with blood
containing the HIV virus if he didn't drop all
the money he collected from the bank the day
before.
Akpors: Are you going to leave me with the
money if I allow you to inject me with the
HIVvirus?
The Thief: I will not collect the money and I
will leave you.
On hearing this, he told the thief to give him 2
minutes and he went to the toilet. When he
came back from the toilet, he asked the thief
to inject him with the HIV virus.
The frustrated thief injected him with the HIV
virus and left immediately.
Immediately the thief left, the wife became
hysterical
The Wife: What the hell did you just do?
Akpors: Don't mind the silly thief, he doesn't
know that I put on a condom the other time
Iwent to the toilet

(5)Akprs was making love to a village girl
whe she realized he was not using a
condom.
She asked him, "U 're not using a
condom"?
Akpors answered, "Yes".
She said, "Hope u don't have HIV /
AIDS .
Akpors, "NO".
Girl: "Thanx God, i don't want to get
that thing again"
#akpors fainted#

(4)Girl: If we get married, stop smoking.
Akpors: Ok!
Girl: Drinking too.
Akpors: Ok!
Girl: N going to the night club too.
Akpors:- Yes.
Girl:-You stop watchin soccer matches with yo
boyz
Akpors: Okay!
Girl:- What else can u leave??
Akpors:- The idea of marrying You

(3)AKPORS THE PRESENTER
PRESENTER AKPORS:Wats ur contribution?
CALLER:There is dis lady i wanted in my life
shortly
after my NYSC,Bt all my efforts proved
abortive, She wouldn't pick ma calls, she
would laff at me while passin
by for reasons best known to her, 5 months
later, i was able 2 get an apartment, get a
new car courtesy of a contract job i secured
with a major oil
company. Now most of d missed calls i have
are
hers, barrage of sms and all dat, i am
confused on wot 2 do, Plz advice me.
PRESENTER AKPORS: Listen up give her a call
letting her knw
u'll be at her house in 2hrs, Wen its tym call
her up and delay for anoda 2hrs,Take a cool
Shower, wear a nice outfit and attention
catching perfume, When its tym drive 2 her
house, Walk 2 her door and knock,once she
opens, with d sexiest smile u've got, look
stylishly into
her eyes, draw her slowly to urself, take ur
mouth close to her ear and whisper
''THUNDER FIRE U'

(2)Akpors was doing his maths
homework & saying:
2+5, the son of a bitch is 7
3+6, the son of a bitch is 9. ..
His Mom : What are you doing?
Akpors : I'm doing maths homework
Mom : this is how your teacher
taught you ?
Akpors : Yes
Infuriated, Mom asked the teacher
the next day -
'What are you teaching my son in
maths ?'
Teacher : Right now, we are
learning addition.
Mom : you teaching them to say 2+2, the Son
of a bitch is 4 ?
Teacher after laughing :
What I taught them was, 2+2,
The Sum of Which is 4 !

Follow dis trend and laf at all akpors joke

(1)Akpors goes into a chemist,
reaches into his pocket and takes
out a small bottle and a teaspoon.
He pours some liquid onto the
teaspoon and offers it to the
chemist's assistant."Coul d you taste
this please?" says Akpors. Chemist
Assistant takes the teaspoon, put it
in his mouth swills the liquid and
swallow it.. "Does it taste sweet?"
says Akpors "No, not
at all" says Chemist Assistant.
"Good" says Akpors....."the doctor
told me to come here and get my
urine tested for sugar"The Chemist
Assistant fainted.

heeey guys, hw una day nw? Av ben following oooo, seriously nuc no get mouth 2 bite na only barck them sabi abeg una 31st of oct neva pass? Mitchewwww if i tell una say i neva tire 2 wait na lie i day talk... Even the 3 carton of indomie i buy don finish hmmmmm God pls help us. Sheeey them say registration go start on 5th of dis month? soo make we expect d list b4 dat day

let see if dis wil hapen again[quote
author=Sodiq33]I thnk statistician use pass figures to predict what
will hapin in d future...i wanna predict d list with past figures from
2008..
As i said earlier since wen prof.abdullahi mustapha resume office as d
vice chancellor of a.b.u zaria,in 2009 admission list were been release a
day b4 or on sallah day..in 2008,admission list waz release on d 27th
dec 2008,whch is on sallah day or a day b4 sallah(stand 2 b
corrected),also in 2009 admsn list waz release on d 12th dec 2009,(stil
stnd 2 b correctd)..,in 2010,admission list waz release a day b4 or on
sallah day whch waz on 16th nov 2010(monday)(stand 2 b
corrected),also,in 2011 admisn list waz also release on sallah day whch
waz on 6th nov 2011(monday)(stil stand 2 b correctd)..so,guys,dis year
sallah is on 25th or 26th whch falls on thursday and friday
respectively,22nd is d mdae of dat wik,nd 4rm wat i heard registratn 4
2012/13 session will strt on 27th of october..so,i predict 22nd or 24th
of october 2012...
NOTE-statistician use past figures 2 predict d future,nd dy re nt always
correct..*peace*..[/quote]or what do u pple tink

Callotti: See her 'Dumebi:The Dirty Village Fat Girl' face!
What are you doing in Lagos?
Don't you know the road to Aba?
How do we know the real ritualists if YOU BIAFRANS will not stay in the East?
No sympathies. . . the ritualists may be from any parts of Nigeria.
Thanks to Igbotic migrants and nomads like you!
Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!

lol guy u bad oooo so u no feel any pity or compassion on her instead ur callin her dumebi... Lol

afam4eva: Pls name some Alumni of ABU??

fomer president yaradua, vice president namadi sambo and forma governour of kaduna makarafi thea are all 4rm abu

Mortiple: Mine remains late SAM LOCO EFE (RIP)! That man was 1,000 miles ahead of the rest.

Others are in this order:
(2) OKEY BAKASSI
(3) DELE ODUNLE (that man is a clown).
(4) Mr. IBU.
(5) CHARLES INOJE
(6) EKPO .... The guy is new in the industry. He is from Akwa Ibom/Cross River axis. The guy funny die!

Sorry, I don't rate Nkem Owoh. He talks too much.

if dis epko is who am tinkin of wooow then i tink u knw funy guys seriouly... D guy is tall, fair, slim my God dat guy is a bomb very funny and foolish lol dat my guy

My list
1 charls inojie
2 francis odega
3 okey bakasi
4 mr ibu
5 ikem owoh
6 victor osuagwu
7 funke akindele
8 paw paw
9 dede one day
10 aki

shol: Odunlade Adekola
Ambali and Muniru
Saka
Pastor Ajidari
Latin
General Seun Shagarry( in the Movie NAIRYGARRY)

them give u options .... C waitin u da list am sure ur a yoruba guy... Nmh u like tribalisim like mad

peterowode: Why didn't you add John Osuagwu & Okey Bakassi

not john osuagwu it victor osuagwu

Aliyu333: Wen u eat #800 food in a restaurant in ALUU,and suddenly realise you've forgot ur wallet at home.wat wil u do

na me go 1st use my mouth day shout thief thief b4 any body start

Matilda henshaw: allllllllll but not love searching........far,near wherever u are i beleive me,mrxela and others wil make u(abu,zaria)

amen.... Maltida wer are u and wer is ur state of origin? And wat did u apply 4?

Matilda henshaw: IF I WERE A BOY-I THINK I COULD UNDASTED HOW IT FEEL TO LOVE A GIRL,I SWEAR AW BE A BETA MAN.I WILL LISTEN TO HER COS I KNOW HOW IT HURT WEN U LOSE D ONE U WANTED COS HE IS TAKING U FOR GRANTED AND EVWYTIN U AV I WILL DESTROY...................(BOYS WAT UR REPLY)

EVERYDAY IN MY DREAM I SEE YOU I FEEL U,DAT IS HOW I KNOW I KNOW U GO ONNNNNNNN(ABU,ZARIA)

are u a peom writer, a musician, a playwrite, a comedian, an aspirant, a motivanal speaker, a preacher or a love searching baby

Slowstep thanks 4 all d information. U said after friday our list may b release...

Pls like hw many student stays in a rum and is kongo far 4rm samaru? is kongo a comfortable plc like d main skul? What about security and other aminities like water and electricity

Kogistan pls answer dis questions

Kogistan pls dis is my question... Their z a mistake in the name of my date of birth certificate, instead of ALEXANDER OGECHI JOHN d foolish man put ALEXZANDER OGECHI JOHN is it gona affect my registration in any way?

kogistan: Hmmm...
It is gud 2 be around again. I remember 2yrs back, i was an aspirant 2. But 2day my story has changed. All 2 d Glory of God!
@dayo, am happy 2 see u around.
@pakavy or wat ever u call urself, just knw 1 tin is certain in life dat there is reward 2 every act. U might nt be d one 2 pay 4 ur foolish conduct, but b rest assured dat somebody in ur unborn generation certainly will, EXCEPT u beg 4 4giveness.

@all, i want u 2 knw dat every tin is set concerning d list. And in addition expect d list b4 sallah but wil nt exceed sallah.
Pls and pls, pray hard and God wil make ur story change as mine 2yrs back.

Any accounting aspirant in d house?

One luv!

am an accountin aspirant pls any news.... My 2go pin (mrxela)