Dear all,

Thanks so much for your advice and contributions, my daughter has been told about the matter, when she was told, the first question she asked was that does her stepdad knows he is not her biological father and when i replied yes, then the tears started, she later said she cried because of the way he has been with her despite knowing he is not her dad and never for once has he given her a moment to doubt the fact, that even many times she has been naughty or done something really bad and annoying to him, he never , even in anger said anything that will make her doubt he is not her father, she took it so well, more than i ever expected, she asked about her father, like how old is he, what dies he do, i answered as i knew 18 years ago, and she said fine, she does not want to know anything more about him, that as far as she is concerned, the daddy she grew up to know is her dad. she said yeah its ok she now knows, and that as far as she is concerned, end of story and that we should not talk about it again.

i knew she is probably in denial, and will have a lot going thru her mind and later may want to know her real dad, i will support her when she does, to find him. for now, a heavy burden has been lifted off my shoulders.

Thanks all once again for your advice and the confidence i got to do this. God Bless youy all

Ivynwa:

It will be unpretty for her to find that out from others, its first your onus to tell her that but your husband can give you the support you need at such a moment when she is being made aware of that.
Put yourself in her shoes and you may be able to understand that it's long overdue for her to know. The next thing that may happen when she comes to that awareness will be "curiosity at who her real father is". You may not be interested in seeking out her father because he abandoned you with no trace as you said but do be prepared for questions from your child. Some persons in that kind of situations sometimes long much to meet their father and if that happens do give her the support and understanding she needs.

BTW you have one hell of a nice dude as a husband, I am referring to his understanding and support to you concerning birthing issues, his kinds are hard to come by in our community.

thanks a lot, yes you are right, i may have left it a bit late, i guess i was scared of how she will take it. oh yes, i always thank God for my husband, he is one in a million.

thanks so much everyone that has contributed, im really pleased and you have given me the confidence to go ahead and tell her with my husband. i can assure you all, it will be done this weekend , fingers crossed, i will definitely let you all know how it goes.

thanks a lot, i appreciate this

iyatrustee:

Do you really av to tell her? Has she ever had any reason to suspect he isnt her bio father? Whats her relationship with her stepsister? If i were u, i wld let it be until she has become a full blown adult.

she has never had any reason to doubt he is her father, but recently she was saying, why does she not have any physical resemblance to her dad, and you know people can be terrible, they may tell her out of spite  . her relationship with the stepsister is good

here is my story- i had a child with aguy about 18years ago when i was in the university, he abandoned me two years later with the child and no trace of him till today, i later met and married my husband( he had a 15years old daughter then from a previous relationship) when my child was four yrs old, he has been a wonderfull father to my daughter, he adopted her as his and till today i never had cause to say to him that - if this girl is yours you will not do this to her, she has always known him as her father. unfortunately i was unable to have a child for my husband(my problem) and after all effort my husband assured me that child or no child he loves me and my child is enough for us. my dilema is this, my girl is now in the university, do i tell her the truth, that daddy is actually her step father before someone beats me to it, im scared someone out of spite may say something to her, and if i do tell her, would it change her feelings for my husband? would it affect her psychologically? therby affecting her studies, or should i leave it for a while when she is more matured to cope with the info.

will really appreciate your opinion as it is giving me sleepless nights.

thank you

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thanks allworld, but if coming from the uk ,is it ok to load the van with no problem with customs.

thanks so much everyone that took time to read and offer opinion. God Bless You, pls keep it coming

@stagger. pls dont scare me, thats why i aked for advice and info

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hi,

pls i seriously need advice , its about my daughter, i dont know what to do, she sat for last utme and scored 249, she choose, u.i for pharmacy as first choice, but her name did not come out for the first list , and we were assured another list will come out, but she has been offered admission at redeemer university for microbiology, and also she wants to try wesley university for industrial chemistry or information technology, the issue now is i dont want her to go for a course that the career prospect is not certain, or economically viable, not a course that she will struggle to find employment nor something that can not put suficient food on her table, because like me, i studied a course at the uni that i had to end up teaching

istly pls what is microbiology about? what is the career or job prospect, where can she work?

2ndly. is industrial chemistry any better? what is the career or job prospect, where can she work?

3rdly, information technology nko?

she is confused as well, as her heart is on the pharmacy at u.i, but we dont want to wait for u.i, in case they did not eventually come thru for her, so that she will not stay at home as she is fed up, we need to make a choice if u.i did not offer her. these private uni do not have much choice of courses for sciences , and hich other sciences courses are there that has good career prospect,

pls if you know about these things, dont just read and move on, you have to advice , tell me what you think.

thanks a lot, for your anticipated response and advice.

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@ nialong, thanx for your words, yes i do think women needs to really pay attention to their body, note any changes and seek medical advice as soon as possible, mine started when i was about 25years but i did not pay much attention, till when i was 27yrs old, i started missing a period or 2 and once i thought i was pregnant, but it will come back after a while, i went to see the doctor, did hormonal profile, my doctor said i had hormonal inbalance and put me on tablets which i took for over 3years to regulate and maybe fall pregnant, nothing, i later moved abroad and saw doctors here, after tests , i was told i am post menopausal, that i have gone through the menopause long ago,

the major symptoms i suffer from are 1, the loss of period, headaches, hot flushes, intimacy with my husband is a no go area, its absolutely painfull. my husband has really been understanding in that area, mood swings, but now its getting a lot better, as i have taken control of my health, my diet.

the cyclical hormonal replacement therapy did not work for me, and i am not on any medication, but i may go back on some form of hormonal patches to prevent bone density loss