₦airaland Forum

^^^

Yes oo. I miss that yeye fowl

[quote author=~*Mamken*~ link=topic=634417.msg8014639#msg8014639 date=1301466058]all the people who criticized my relationship and got married years after me, with their own pure race, r now divorced and single mothers.
but my man is still by mi side keeping me shining!

an advice i can give to the ones who r living in a multicultural/biracial relationship is:
even if its difficult, dont give a poo abt what others think or say abt u. even if it's your mother . . .keep on going your way!

wish u all a wonderfull day
[/quote]Please tell em. This is lovely

pc guru:
i'd tell him top pick a book and read up and enlighten yourself and get Paid like hell.true story besides Love doesn't Exist mate,dont fall for that fallacy

HEY!!! Why do u say that? Did you gave up hope on me or sumthin

*

huhh

Mama Gee, you need to behave like those Blackberry Babes to join and fit in.

https://farm6.static.flickr.com/5052/5546027053_4146e2998c.jpg

Tosinville:
Ms.potato
Its alright then, are you guys not on facebook to let him know you're back on nl?

No I dont have him on my FB nor do I have him on my YIM. Sad huh?


[quote author=Mrs.Chima link=topic=634417.msg8014317#msg8014317 date=1301456610]I will leave them to you. I like looking up with my eyes open and feeling something precious.[/quote]Its like u are criticizing one of God's work of art my dear. Nobody asked to be short, born with a small prick and ugly. I mean if they had a choice, they would definitely want to be the opposite of what they are.

HaveSense1:
I've once dated an Italian woman for a ripe 2 years. Even though she had her flaws, I still had love for her because she was one of the first to actually love me for me. We've long since broken up for personal reasons, but one of the many reasons was because her dad didn't like black people. And him being her dad, she was more or less forced to take his side. What bothered me is that she didn't stand up for herself, letting her dad and co. tell her lies. It was horrible, and it seriously put a dent in our relationship.

I don't think anyone should have to experience that, but hey.

That's life

I know what u mean and I understand u. IIm so sorry for what you have to go through

adamsrib:
How would you know what I have been through? Don't discount other peoples experiences just because they are not your own.

I have a newsflash for you, your parents are never going to embrace your boyfriend with open arms. You can rebel, threaten and do whatever you deem necessary, but you are not going to change them. Just like they are not going to change you. You have CHOSEN to be in this situation, and yes I said CHOSEN, so you have to decide between your family and your boyfriend. That is the reality of the situation. Its it fair? No. Does it suck that you have choose? Yes. But we all know life isn't fair. And no matter how hard you try, you dont have the power to change other people. That's real.

FYI, I'm an African American woman who just married a Nigerian man and moved to Africa. We happen to be the same color but our cultures are very very different. I'm still learning the language, foods etc. It has not been easy, and I have a long way to go but everyday with him makes it all worth it. Good luck to you and may you find peace in your situation.

My dear, Im sorry. Being in a new environemnt is definitely hard and the hardest thing is having to change your lifestyle to a tougher one. Mind me asking. why did you both decided to move to Nigeria instead of living in America ? Did your family approve of him marrying you and did his family approve of you marrying him? Are you both planning to stay in NIgeria and have kids there and grow up there?

I know my parents wont change and nor am I but yeah, I made a choice and Im sticking to it untill my last breath. But I dont agree that you are calling me a hypocrit just because I made a decision to love someone and I am fighting for my love life against those whom are trying their very best to destroy my relationship with the man I first love and presently love and have never love anyone else before, during and after him.

My parents have their own opinion about my love life, I also have my own . They had their chance to find their love, so do I. That still doesnt make me a hypocrit.

MzDarkSkin:
[color=#0066ff]HaveSense1 I feel you bro.  

@Potato *sighs*     sis bottom line you say you are not happy right? here is what i want you to do before we further drag this out.

get a sheet a paper and jot down all of the good things and the bad things you have experienced with your Naija other half ok? (yes i got the idea from 'Why Did I Get Married'   that is my MOVIE!!!!!) so you do that and you dont have to share it on here but when u do, come back and then we will discuss how to get you to move on according to how you feel after having time to think and reminisce. Sound like a plan?

Also I have EVERY right to speak on this topic. I wasn't always proud of my blackness much less a fan of my own black men. I used to suffer self hatred and like white and light skinned men. It was only when a white guy who i thought liked me, denied having feelings for me amongst his friends that i got a bitter taste of the exploring elsewhere thing. I was 12 at the time and it hurt but I am glad it happened.   Now my only issue is black on black ignorance but that is a battle I'm not even going to dwell on cause I know how to handle and stand up for myself. I just want you to, aswell.  [/color]

Missy, you are missing the entire whole point of what I said earlier. I never said I wasn't happy with my Naija bf. Have I in anyways said that I was not happy with him? Please read again. I am only mentioning about how angry I am with my parents and how they see this whole thing. Nobody said I was not happy with him. If Im not happy with him, believe me, I will break up with him like uhmmm . . . Lets see. . . 3 years ago! I am not the type of persin to beat around the bush. I know who I love and what I want.

My dear, there is a reason why people are born a certain way. I always ask myself, why am I not born a black person? but you know everything in life just is the way it is. But I believe that if I eventually get married to my Naija guy, Im sure it will make a difference and a huge impact in many people's life and maybe I can also win an award cause in my hometown, if I get married to a black guy, Ill be the first to get married to a black guy in this island. Woo pee!

^^^ U are mean

Not that naa. I thought you both are close friends that why I ask

Tosinville:
***Tosinville gives Ms.potato bunch of rose flowers***

Thanks dear. BTW, have you seen Lord Reed? Ive been looking all over for him?

[quote author=Mrs.Chima link=topic=634417.msg8014247#msg8014247 date=1301453981]I am mad at you Cousin!  [/quote]Who be your cousin? 

adamsrib:
I always find it ironic when people make decisions then expect everyone to fall in line just because they feel it's right. You have a right to love whoever you choose to, and your parents and family have a right to reject that choice. It's called freedom of choice.  Freedom of choice is a two edged sword. It allows you to make decisions based on your beliefs and it allows others to disagree with you based on theirs.

Anyone who makes a decision and then gets upset at someone disagreeing with that decision is the epitome of a hypocrite. Let your decision be yours and let others make theirs.

IMO there are too many fine chocolate and caramel colored brothas walking around for me to dip my toe in any other flavor.

MzDarkSkin:
[color=#0066ff]@ms potato im not blaming you sis. All i am saying is you can't help who u like (supposedly   just kidding)
so follow your heart and let it go. There is no need to force and interracial relationship on everybody or question why
you are not accepted or why you are attracted to a certain type. Just go with the flow. That is all I can say.  

@Mr.BJ     (no pun intended) seriously i understand where u are coming from.
I have dated AA, Caribbean and African men. I happen to have a preference for Caribbean
men and African men but I find my attraction for African men to top all. With that having been said I realize
(and this very site has confirmed it) that I would probably be disliked by some Africans should I marry into their
family because I am not African despite my black skin but I am prepared to tell them where they can go.  

I wont lie it would devastate me to know my kids might experience wishy-washiness or total disregard because their father's
ppl might not like the fact that he married/impregnated a Jamo/Akata but at the end of the day my mentality is
"live and let live" and those who do not like me, i will avoid but i wont apologize for being me. bottom line. I am blessed to have
a Jamo mother who is very much intone with reality and humanity and welcomes the idea that her future son in-law may be African
(she actually believes he will be lol), from another island or even black American.

If i am in love with a man who is from another culture i know i would be foolish to enter that relationship timid and not
head strong because ppl are ppl and hate is every where but one should not let is stop them from living their lives.
It's just up to the strong ones to pay ignorant ppl little to no mind and follow their hearts.

I do think internal racial/ethnic prejudice is more devastating and interracial. As you noted and i see to be true, some blacks
are more prejudice against other blacks than other races.[/color]

Ladies! Ladies Ladies! Yeah its a free world to choose who you want to be with but do you honestly think that sticking to your choice and ignoring what your family has to say or do would do you any good? Like i said, you ladies have not been trough this so you obviously dont know how does it feels and how hard can it be. Being in an Asian family, one's parents can go to the extreme just to have you get married to my own kind. You can even see it on Jay's posts earlier on when his gf's parents wanted to kill him and got all the higher authorities involve just to get rid of him.

Just thank God that you have feelings for your own kind and pray it stays that way.

Mz Dark Sweety, So now even the discriminate people whom have the same skin tone colour but different country?

^^^ Awww. . . Thats much better to hear. U are a nice guy u know.

Tosinville:
Ms.Potato
what kind of favor, baby boo?¿¿

Promise me you wont insutl me again oo. . . Your insutls are very hurting it can make me cry

Tosinville:
***Tosinville kisses ms.potato***

Thanks love Can u please pleaseee. . . . Im pleading with you do me a favour?

MzDarkSkin:
[color=#0066ff]Well potato its you giving yourself the headache. i choose black men
for that very reason. i am not in the mood to fight to be accepted or to have to
explain to my kids why i am black and they are brown. i find compatibility with black men
and our race is diverse enough for me to choose amongst the different flavors and cultures.

i dont need to look elsewhere but i am not mad at those who do.
all i have to say is the moment you and your other race partner made it official that you guys were
a couple you should have made sure you were ready to handle the ridicule, the looks and the
hatred that comes from the outside because you love each other. Otherwise what was the point?
[/color]

Dear, how can you say that? How can you blame me for all this? I dont choose who I be with. It all comes from the heart, Ive spend my years in my own country. Many guys of my own kind toasted me but everytime they tried to go near me, I get goose bumps and run 1000 miles away because of lack of attraction and no feelings at all. For a moment there I honestly thought that maybe I am a lesbian but I find it just the same disgusting having to kiss another girl. . . I went to Europe in hopes that I might fall for a white guy but the feeling is the same not untill I met a black guy. My feelings are for them and I cannot understand why is that so. Can u blame me for that? I myself cannot understand why do I have mutual feelings for black guys more than the rest. How do you explain that?

MRbrownJAY:
Ms potato
One thing that you and your bf should never do is FORCE confrontation. So unless the coast is clear, having your bf coming to your house to talk to your parents may be viewed by them as a big lack of respect.
May I ask if you are muslim? Is your bf? Is being black your parents only problem?
Your family is your family and although you will grow to have your own family it doesn't change the fact that they are very important in ones life. We all love our parents and to suddenly drop them like a bad rash would not be easy for any loving child. Also, if/when that r/ship ends, that person would have almost no one to turn to. Think about it carefully!

As for me, although we still chat on msn and laugh about the past, we understand that this exotic jungle love won't be possible (her parents mind hasnt changed)
We have moved on with our respective lives, its been 6/7yrs since we last met physically.

No, Im not a Muslim. We both (my bf and I are Chirstians) and yes, the only issue my family have with him is his skin colour.  One of my aunt which is my mother's elder sister got married to a Jamaican. I called her the other day crying on the phone about my relationship. She told me to fight for it if I want my own happiness and that life is a risk and its like a lottery. She told me that she ran away to Jamaica with her bf (which is her husband) cause her parents (that is my grandparents) treaten to kill her husband if they are going out together so she made the decision to marry him without her parents conscent. They have been married for 26 years and have 4 children which are my cousins. She told me that if I really wanted to be with my bf, I should make decisions for my own self and not to care about what other people thinks. She said she never regretted one day being married to her Jamaican husband.

Jay, to be honest with you, my parents only cares about money. (which chinese parent or any chinese blooded parent dont?) They are not the parents whom will always be there for their kids when their kids needed them. My parents are both workaholics, That is the kinda prents I have and I was raised mostly in the convent. So whether or not I dont end up with my husband for long or not for long, it doesnt make any difference. I still have to go on with my life.

I was thinking more like since your chinese gf is in Canada, amybe it would be easier for you both to have a relationship there  

MzDarkSkin:
[color=#0066ff]redundant topic.

racism exist and will always be here.
ppl have their preferences and some don't like how others live their lives.
i say be happy with your life and move on. end of story.

nothing special about interracial dating than same race dating.
man-woman or gay it's no different. end the hype.[/color]

Sister, easy for u to say. Ots not as easy as you think it is. Although I am not happy about this love life of mine but I just dont wanna stop going on. I will keep going untill the day they kill me. I dont care.

Tosinville:
Cmon girl, lets forget the past, i was only mad at that moment you know & whenever you're, wouldn't even care whether its your family or not, u already know i love u & asian ppl. I didn't mean all those fcukk up things i said to u before 4real, k i'm sorry.

Ok Apology accepted.

I cannot believe you are here talking to me after the insult of Asians being ugly and they all look the same.

And Jay, when you say how can I ask someone to "cut her arm" for our happiness I actually dont agree to it. The reason why I keep fighting everyday its because I know one day when my parents are dead in their grave, I will always feel uphappy for not making decisions based on my own free will before. When my parents die, they are not the ones whom is going to live a lifetime of regret but I will. The guy whom I actually love in the end has not ended up with me and It s my fault for not fighting for it. If my father threatens to kill him, Im sorry to say this but I will threaten him back till he will have no choice but to let me do what I want to do. Im kinda sick and tired of being in a Chinese home to be honest and it only makes me feel like I want to rebel even more.

MRbrownJAY:
@ms potato
As much as I was thinking like you do(back then), today I feel that:" how can I ask someone to "cut her arm" for our happiness". She loved her parents and therefore we would have been happy at a very high cost. Running away will ostracize you from brothers/sisters/couson etc. It definitely aint easy because you just never know how stubborn some parents can be. In Asia, it goes deeper  than 2people, parents feel the shame and "loose face in the community" so they are ready to do any craziness!
you got to try your hardest to have their blessing.

Mr Jay I kinda gave up hope on my entire family. You know there was a few times they made a gathering and I purposely invited my bf over and he also insisted on coming. They got angry they chased him away and my father lock me up in the basement. I remember it cause that was the first time my father ever slap me. Jay, since than I am very bitter. My father even brought his friend's son to toast me and almost force me to marry him I had to run away from home for a month just to not marry this 1mb3cil3! My mother pleaded with me to come back and I made them promise not force me into marriage. I thank God now I had a job that takes me around travelling so that I dont have to really see my family's face! It gives me more opportunity to even be with my bf. I dont know how long more do I have to keep up this way. My bf told me that when he really makes it and is well prepared he will go to my house and tell my parents that he wants to marry me but I told him I dont want that cause I know they will never accept him. He doesnt seem to care and thats whats bothering me. Jay, do you still have feelings for your gf?

MRbrownJAY:
Ms potato
My r/ship with this particular girl was very special. We were in love so when the parents were telling her all that crap, she didn't mind because we thought love would conquer all(she was even beaten to comply by uncles and father). Then they asked her to choose between them and me, she chose me and ran away to move in with me that same day. We thought that with time etc, her family would see that they were wrong about us. Oh, how stoopid we were!!!
Being a very affluent and rich family of Beijing, they instead kidnapped her and threatened me to stay well away from her, if I wanted to live another day. They even had cops knocking at my door threatening to deport me if I didn't comply. My gal called their bluff but when her father angrily threatened to have me killed if she didn't comply(she knew her parents were capable) she complied to their demand and was quickly sent to Canada for "studies"! We still great friends but it was an EXPERIENCE like none other.

Jay, reading your story only makes me cry even more. Now Im actually glad that I am not alone. My father is not an influential person but they are many times he locked me in the house and made sure I dont go out. Now that Im a littl more rebellious, I know my ways and if he threatens me, Im going to threaten him even more. U know, it came to a time where I even swear I would run away from this country and not be with my family like forever. I chose love over family too and I will stick to it. Just that it makes me fall and cry most of the days. I didnt know what to do most of the time.

MRbrownJAY:
@ms potato
Yes I have experienced that asians or muslims are the most vocal (and physical) about this issue!
Who do you think came up with honor killing?

Muslims and honor killing yes but Asians? WHich Asians do honor killing  

Jay, I really need your enlightment on your relationship with your chinese gf. pleaseee.  

pleep:
Ms. Potato
haha is that your kid on your profile? definatly not ugly

no, she is not my child but she is my friend's baby. That girl is very rare cause its the first time Im seeing a half Nigerian half Malaysian baby where her genes followed almost 80% of her mother's (Malaysian) genes if compared to the father.

MRbrownJAY:
What we all have to remember is that for all the r/ship with racist parents/family/friends, I can equally have 10 times that amount of happy interracial r/ship where family and friends blessed our union, so let us all not use the tip of the iceberg to lose faith in interracial r/ships.

Mr. Jay, please tell me what did you do and say to her parents when they told u that?

And is that the reason why your relationship ended with her?

Jay, Im so lost but I really really would appreciate it if you could enlighten me with this.

MRbrownJAY:
People are very protective sometimes and would gladly reject the "unknown" rather than giving it a try for something as special as marriage/relationship.

As a black man, I have experienced some form of racism or another, since the day I was born, so it doesn't affect me any longer but I know its there (although very minimal).
Every country I have lived in are not any different. Scandinavian/asians/latin parents and family being strongly against my r/ship with their daughters SOLELY because of the color of my skin. So it surely aint an African thing.

I clearly remember the parents of my Chinese gf calling our r/ship "the biggest disgrace in their lives" or the Norwegian ones saying that if we ever have children, they would be miserable and bullied in school. IGNORANCE, that's what it is.

Thats what my family told me too. And they say my babies are going to be the ugliest thing ever. . . Mehnnn. . . . Was I so upset that day . . .

Having a relationship with a different race apart from your own is very very challenging and difficult.I dont know about Black and White as Im not white but I most definitely know about Black and Yellow as my bf is black and I am Yellow.

Every single time when we both walk at the street, everyone will look at us like as if we killed their mother. And everytime I get my own local people telling me in my language that I am a disgrace for dating someone whom is not my own kind. And when i go home, my entire family asking me why do I have to disgrace them and insult them indirectly. And wherever I went, I can hear it all so clearly at the back of my head people asking themselves why on earth does she (me that is) have to fall for a black guy? Are they no more Asian guys for her? Are they no Asian guys wanting to love her?

Than its the cultural differences. To my culture, it is okay to smell the food before eating but for his culture, its very offensive to smell the food. To his culture, its okay to dig your teeth with a tooth pick while opening your mouth but its very offensive for my culture to be doin that. They are so many cultural differences that had actually caused both to fight over it.

The third one is perhaps the distance. One might not know when he/she will be moving back to his.her own country,When that time comes, than it will be a very big problem. Alot of people think its ok to be in a long distance relationship but how long can one wait when both are very serious? Its not as easy as many think it is.

These three alone is enough to not last a relationship but once everything has been faced together and both still manages to go on with the relationship, than love conquers all.