₦airaland Forum

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies
"O.K. do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife "No, no boyfriend either."
"Do you have a partner then?"
"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."
After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black"
"Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a Indecency movie. The lead man was black."
"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."
"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes."
"Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."
At this the midwife again apologises collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims,
"Well thank Bleep for that !"
"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.
"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that the little bastard was going to bark!"

6 feet

Think Deeply About It

A guy wins the lottery and decides to buy himself a Harley Davidson, he goes down to his local bike shop and after purchasing a top of the range bike, the owner of the shop tells him to coat the bike in Vaseline every time it looks like raining. That night he goes and picks his girlfriend up on his new toy and heads over to her parents house for the first time. As they arrive there, she explains to him that whenever they have dinner, don't talk.
"If you talk," she tells him, "you have to do the pots." The man is astounded as he walks into the house as it is a complete mess. Anyway, the family all sit down for dinner not saying a word. The man decides to take advantage of the situation by groping his girlfriend's tits, yet there is not a sound from anyone.
So he decides to shag his bird on the table, and still there is not a word. He then proceeds to do his girlfriend's mum over the table, but still, amazingly, there's not a word from anyone. Just at that moment he notices the rain on the kitchen window and remembers his precious motorbike, so he reaches into his pocket and flops the Vaseline out.
At which point his girlfriend's dad leaps up and shouts, "Okay! Okay! I'll do the fucking pots!"
-------------------------------------------------------

What do you mean?

Who is stronger, the man or the woman? The woman. A woman carries two mountains on her chest while a man needs a crane to lift two stones.

~Sauron~:
mass=900kg
initial velocity = 0 m/s
final velocity = 80km/hr=>22.22 m/s
time = 20 secs.
acceleration = 1.11m/s²

power= mass X acceleration X velocity

= 900 X 1.11 X 22.22

=22.22KW

Assuming g=9.8 m/s²
velocity = 90km/hr =25 m/s

Power = mass X velocity X g sin 30 degrees

= 1200 X 25 x 9.8 sin 30 degrees

= 147 KW


Final internal energy = {900-[400 + 50]}KJ

= 450KJ

Power=mass xAverage velocity x Final Velocity-Initial Velocity/2
=900 x 80+0 x 80-0/2
= 900 x 80 x 40
=144000W
=144kW

@A2J
Yes there is.

Th relation of the rich family dowager gather for the reading of her long awaited death. "Being of sound mind." read the lawyer "I spent every last cent before I died

Mom: Johnny, It's time for your bath
Johnny: Oh Mum, but I am not dirty
Mom: C'mon your water iss ready
Johnny: But I don't need water for my bath
Mom: What do you mean Johnny?
Johnny: I am to be drycleaned


After applying for the job,
Johnny: Thanks, I will send my brother
Recep.: Make it early, she closes at two
Johnny: Hold on, Is Uche a girl?
Recep.: Yes
Johnny: I'll go myself

A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them. The mother mouse goes 'BARK!' and the cat runs away. "See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?.

One of our co-worker went missing for a few hours and we tore up the place looking for him. The boss finally found him fast asleep. Rather than waking him, he quietly placed a note on the man's chest. "As long as you're asleep" It read"You have a job". "But as soon as you wake up, you're fired"

Lord, protect me from my friends; I can take care of my enemies

Win the victory before you declare the war

A name without fame is like fire without flame

One should not be too straight forward. Go to the forest. The straight trees are cut down while the crooked ones are left standing

If you don't sleep because you don't want to die, you will die because you don't want to sleep

The poor can't sleep because they are hungry. The rich can't sleep because the poor are awake

It's no fool for a man to lose what he cannot keep in order to gain what he cannot lose

Speak softly but carry a big stick

Do not be all sugar or the world will suck you down

A successful Ibo man is one who can make more money than his wife can spend but a successful Ibo woman is one who can find such a man

My mother taught me about stamina. You will sit down there until all that garri is finished

After a quarrel, a woman said to her husband"You know I was a fool when I married you. The husband replied"Yeah, but I didn't notice because I was in love

A man asked God how long 1 million years was to him. He replied: a minute. So how much is 1million dollars. God: Well a penny. Man: So can you give me a penny. God: OK, In a minute

Bride's dad hands note to the groom: GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE. Groom gave another note back to father:CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN.

CAB DRIVERS
Two cab drivers met and the conversation ensued.
First:Why did you paint one side of your cab blue and the other red?
Second:If I have an accident, You should see how eye-witnesses contradict themselves in court

What do you mean?

Thanks, more coming your way

UNSUCCESFUL DOCTOR
A grandma was nearly 80 years old when she won a million naira on an advertised product promo. Her family was extremely worried about her heart and feared that the news of her large win could come as a shock to her.
:I think we had better call in the doctor to tell her the news"suggested the eldest son. The doctor arrived and the situation was explained to him.
"Now, you don't have to worry about anything" said the doctor. I am fully trained in such delicate matters and I feel sure I can break this news to her gently. I assure you, there's absoloutely no need for you to fear for her health. Everything will be quite safe if left to me"
The doctor went to see the old woman and gradually brought the conversation around to the advertised product promo. "Tell me ", said the doctor. "What would you do if you had a large win in an advertised product promo, say one million naira?
"Why replied the old lady,"I'd give half of it to you, of course

The doctor fell down dead with shock.




GOD AND A CHILD'S REQUEST
Sally was kneeling down saying her prayers when a four year old brother of hers called Steven sneaked up behind her and pulled her hair. "Pardon me God"said Sally" I will be right back after I have beaten Steven"



NOAH VERSUS SNAKES,
After the flood, Noah released all the animals and said"Go forth and multiply." A few months later, Noah decided to take a stroll and see how the animals were doing. Everywhere he looked, He could find baby animals.
But suprisingly, one pair of little snakes not multiplying. "What's the problem? asked Noah, "Cut down some trees and let us live there"the snakes replied. "Why must I do that?" Noah asked. And the little snakes responded,"We are adders, so we need logs to multiply,



A DEACON'S FAVOURITE HYMN
A preacher once said "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river" and the congregation cried Amen. "And if I had all the wine in the world I will throw it in the river" and the congregation cried Amen!" And if I had all the whiskey, rum and squadron in the world I would throw it in the river". Again the congregation cried Amen". The preacher then sat down. For our closing hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our hymn book and sing"We'll drink from that same river

A DEACON'S FAVOURITE HYMN
A preacher once said "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river" and the congregation cried Amen. "And if I had all the wine in the world I will throw it in the river" and the congregation cried Amen!" And if I had all the whiskey, rum and squadron in the world I would throw it in the river". Again the congregation cried Amen". The preacher then sat down. For our closing hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our hymn book and sing"We'll drink from that same river

NOAH VERSUS SNAKES,
After the flood, Noah released all the animals and said"Go forth and multiply." A few months later, Noah decided to take a stroll and see how the animals were doing. Everywhere he looked, He could find baby animals.
But suprisingly, one pair of little snakes not multiplying. "What's the problem? asked Noah, "Cut down some trees and let us live there"the snakes replied. "Why must I do that?" Noah asked. And the little snakes responded,"We are adders, so we need logs to multiply,

BEST PART OF A WAR FILM
A film tycoon was determined to make the greatest epic ever filmed in Hollywood, and the film was to contain the greatest battle scene ever filmed. "I wll use two armies".boasted the tycoon. "There will be a huge 50,000 extras on each side." Amazing! exclaimed his director. "But how will we pay off the hundred thousand extras? "That's the best part of my plan"replied the tycoon"We'll use real bullets in the film"

Married man: I heard you were protesting against married men having girlfriends

Bachelor:Yes,You people should stick to your wives and leave the single babes for us

Married man: Shut up!, would you say because you have food at home refuse to eat in a restaurant?

A greedy man and an envious man met a king. The king said 'One of you may ask something and I will give it unto him provided that I give the other twice as much'. The envious person did not want to ask first for he was envious his companion would recieve twice as much and the greedy man did not want to ask first since he wanted everything that was to be had. Finally, the greedy one pressed the envious one to be the first to make a request. So the envious person asked the king to pluck out one of his eyes.

A wise man walking alone was being bothered by a fool throwing stones at his head. Turning to face him, He said "My dear chap, well thrown! Please accept these few dollars. You worked hard enough to get more than mere thanks. Every effort deserves its rewards. But see that man over there? He can afford more than I can. Present him with some of your stones. They earn a good wage.
Lured by the bait, the stupid man ran off to repeat the outrage at the other citizen. This time he wasn't paid in money for hs stones. Up rushed serving-men and seized him and thrashed him and broke all his bones.

Joy on her 108th birthday was asked what she enjoyes most at her age
Reporter: What makes you happy most about being 108?
Joy: There is no peer presure

I am something, you don,t want to have me and when you do you dont want to lose me?
Why was the stadium very cool?

A baby"s penis should look just like his father"s

Imagine this. Youre a billionaire that just gave birth to a bouncing

baby. The whole paparazis came to take your picture. So as you reached

out for your balcony to be showered with snapshots, then this happens:

your baby falling and the towel that covers your loin also drops. Which

would you go for first: your unclothedness or your boy

A one-handed person hanging on a cliff with his bom itching

Johnny's parents just divorced and they took the matter to the court.

While they were at it the judge called johnny aside and wanted his own

opinion o the matter at hand
Judge:Would you like to stay with your mom?
Johnny:NO,she beats me all the time
Judge:What of your dad?
Johnny:NO,he beats me all the time too
Judge:Then, who do you want?
Johnny:Watford Football Club of England
Judge:Why would you like to stay with Watford Football Club of England
Johnny: They never beat anybody

Like what the former speakers said, that 50k that you see branded in front of the offer is the listing price of any stock .i.e all stocks have a par value of 50k. Then due to market forces, (demand and supplies) it would now have the value printed on it. Each country has different lising or entry price e.g U.K 25p.
Secondly, companies offer discount to their offer when having a public offer. This is done to attract patronage.

Why U na dey dey hijack thread??

Please tell me

In case you people dont know me I am the junior brother of infobaba[the computer wizard]. Moreover if you dont know AIDS is a very good example of bio-terrorism. The Americans were very afraid of the growth rate of Africa and needed to do something about it. {Ihave proof for it}