₦airaland Forum

Just recently, in the last two sessions of School for Personal Leadership, I added to the curriculum, amongst other things, a session where I teach my students about the necessity of firing people. Okay, I know I am bad. That is not news, but can we just please pretend that I am good? Thanks. And not just about firing people, but also how to fire good people; people who are really putting in their best but their internal bandwidth is not just big enough. Okay, now we know I am really bad! But please, let’s get over that. In this life you must learn to take hard decisions.

One of the most common mistakes among Christians today is trying to play God. You are not God. You have never been, you are not, and you will never be. So, please, don’t try and hijack God’s job description. God has not called any one man on earth today to save the rest of the world. He sent Peter to the Jews and Paul to the Gentiles. So, let’s stop this fuss about trying to save the rest of the world.

Because you are concerned about one person, you condone all manner of nonsenses from that person and you start playing God. And before you know it, you become ineffective in reaching out to the many others who you should have reached out to. Some now go to the extent of employing diplomatic measures to salvage a relationship that was never meant to be by avoiding the cancerous tissue that is staring at them in the face. The lump you don’t deal with today will become the cancer that will kill you tomorrow. It’s just a matter of time.

I really believe in training people, watch them grow, see them make mistakes, and bounce back. I believe in giving people time because some other people did the same for me. But, believe me, not everyone wants to grow. And doctors will tell you, when it gets to a point where they have to choose between the life of the mother or the life of the baby, the mother comes first. And that is my stance. David Cho said, “If I cannot cast away the demon, I will cast the man and the demon away.”

You need to know that you are the CEO of your life. And your top two job descriptions are to hire and to fire. If you say you are so filled with the Holy Spirit and therefore you will not fire anybody, your patience is everlasting, your organization, which in this case is your life and others God has blessed you with, will crumble before your very eyes. You will end up losing everything. Don’t play God. He never sent you to save the rest of the world.

Be careful who you let into your boat. Sometimes the reason your boat is sinking could just be because of someone in your boat. If you are able to identify that person, don’t be afraid to throw him into the sea. God may just have a fish waiting for him. But if you let him remain in your boat, you, your crew, and your boat may sink while that person may still be saved. God was ready to sink a ship, killing everybody in it and still save Jonah.

Trees shed their leaves, Bears hibernate, Reptiles change their skins. All these are for us to learn from. If you want to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, then you have made yourself El Shaddai and you shall soon die. You will split heaven’s gate wide open but when the books are open and you see all that God destined for you that you never accomplished you will weep, then God shall wipe away your tears. (Rev 7:17)

The process of pruning is not easy but it is a necessary step. Some branches just don’t produce fruits. Period. Why keep that branch with you? Even in the corporate world, occasionally, organizations collapse entire departments when the departments no longer contribute to the overall objective of the organization. That is where outsourcing came from. Some organizations have to downsize and cut down on the salaries of those who scale through for the organization to scale through some tough times. If you cannot brace yourself up to take some tough decisions earth has no place for you.

I know many people think I am too tough. Some say I am too serious. So, when someone is chatting with me and see me use ROTFL, LOL, and other laugh chats, they are surprised. But truth is, I enjoy life just like, if not much more than most people. I have many editions of Night of a Thousand Laughs, I listen to Tuface, P-Square, Bracket, etc. I visit the cinema for movies. But I am a well trained person; trained by the best. And I have developed myself to the point where I know the line where emotion stops and reality kicks in.

Life is a complex machine, but the principles by which it operates are very easy. Once you align yourself with the principles, everything becomes easy. The problem is that these principles have no respect for emotions, tribes, religions, creed, or skin colour. These principles have no boundaries. If you practice them, they will work for you. If you break them, they will break you. That is why four times every year: January, April, July and October, I devote the whole month teaching people these principles from a biblical perspective at the School for Personal Leadership.

The one whom Jesus loves,
Mute Efe,
+234-803-874-9796 (SMS Only)
www.facebook.com/mutehimself

N.B
A special weekend session of School for Personal Leadership will hold during the last two weekends of the month of August, 2012. To participate, text WSPL*Surname*First Name*Name of Institution or Occupation (if working)*State of Residence*Country of Residence*Email Address*GSM Number to +234-803-874-9796. Please go to my timeline to read the full details about the school. Fee is N3,750 if you reside in Nigeria and US$30 if you reside outside Nigeria.

Hello,

Having considered the feedback sessions held during the main sessions of School for Personal Leadership which lasts for five weeks per session, the school is being restructured to make it:
Easy for anyone to participate without having to wait for three months before the next session.
Affordable for young people, especially students in tertiary institutions across the country and beyond.
Since Personal Leadership is an all encompassing leadership ability that is necessary for one to lead a fulfilled and significant life, I believe the earlier young people know, understand and start practicing the principles in their lives, the better it will be, not just for them alone, but also for the family, community and the nation at large. By ‘young’, I mean anyone age 30 and below.

Izedonmi Illobekeme Precious, one of the pioneer students of the school shared with me how she wept the day her mother told her younger sister that she has changed. And that change came because she participated in SPL. It was a complete make-over for her.

Maria Assuncao, a Brazilian, and retired medical doctor also shared how she wished she had participated in a school like SPL during her younger days. It would have saved her from a lot of wrong decisions she made over the years.

I passed through the tertiary institution as an Engineering student and even though I knew a little bit about Personal Leadership then, my experience at school would have been a whole lot better if I had been taught Personal Leadership the way it is taught in SPL today. Understanding and practicing the principles of Personal Leadership changes the entire dynamics of one’s life.

Apart from making the school more affordable for young people, this module of SPL will also be convenient for very busy people who only spend more time online during the weekends, saving them from the standard five weeks session that holds at the beginning of every quarter which is very intensive.

Now, since the school is going to be condensed into two weekends, Saturdays and Sundays, the entire dynamics of the school will also change. The basic changes will be as follows:

Higher workload for participants as one lecture will hold per day as against one lecture for two days as is done during the standard sessions. My lecture notes are not fun. You have to really be ready to spend some time reading and you are expected to read my lecture notes thrice before the next lecture. My regular facebook notes are like child’s play compared to my lecture notes. But they are very easy to understand.
In the standard sessions there are working sessions where case studies are done to aid participants in applying the principles while still within the school. That may not be possible in the weekend session or the case studies may be reduced.
There are no limits to questions that can be asked in the standard sessions but for these weekend sessions questions that can be asked will be limited so I can respond to as many people as possible.

Besides these changes the school is exactly the same as the standard sessions, only more affordable. The tuition fee for the coming October session will be N7,500 only for those resident in Nigeria and $50 only for those resident outside Nigeria. But for the weekend sessions the fee will be N3,750 only for those resident in Nigeria and $30 only for those resident outside Nigeria.

If you are still a student, participating in SPL will give you a head start in life compared to your peers. It is said that intelligent people learn from their own mistakes, wise people learn from the mistakes of others. I have had people in their forties and fifties participate in the main sessions and they all wish they had participated in a school like SPL when they were much younger. Now, you won’t be making that kind of wish if you participate now while still in school.

If you have graduated, but age 30 and below, probably employed or self employed, then you are still at the early stages of your career path. SPL will aid you by equipping you with the tools you need to attain your career goals in the shortest time possible whether as a self employed person building a business for yourself or as an employed person working for an organization.

However, I must warn here that SPL is not a regular school. There are no exams and no certificates will be given at the end of the school. What you learn is what you take a way. Also, people are expelled from the school when they flagrantly disregard the ethics of the school. For example, chat words are not allowed in the school: words like 4get, luv, bliv, 2moro, thx, etc. Words like these are not allowed in the school. A complete list of the school ethics will be sent to all interested participants before the school begins.

Finally, SPL is completely online. It holds right on Facebook. So, wherever you are in the world you can be a part of it. The first of these weekend sessions will hold on the 18th, 19th, 25th, and 26th of August, 2012. Registration begins on Wednesday, August 1 and ends on Friday, August 17. To enroll for this month’s session, send a text in the format WSPL*Surname*First Name*Name of Institution or Occupation (if working)*State of Residence*Country of Residence*Email Address*GSM Number to +234-803-874-9796. Payment details will be sent to you within 24hrs.

SPL is more than a school. It is an experience of a life time.

Regards,
Mute Efe
Facilitator, SPL.
www.facebook.com/mutehimself
+234-803-874-9796

I was having a chat with an online friend in the UK who was interested in School for Personal Leadership, hereafter referred to as SPL, since it is always mentioned at the footnote of my notes, but she really did not know the details. She was wise enough to ask some questions about the school and after answering them she decided to enroll for the school. After the chat it dawned on me that there might be a lot of others who have questions about the school too and don’t know how to go about getting the answers to the questions. This note will answer as much as possible, all the questions you may have about the school.

What is SPL about?
In a simple statement, SPL is about raising men and women, young and old, students and workers, employed or unemployed, who will go ahead to lead their neighborhoods, communities, nations, and the world by first learning how to lead themselves. The focus is not on leading others but on leading yourself. And we do this by using time-proven biblical principles.

Is SPL not just another motivational class?
No. In motivational classes people laugh, and there's nothing wrong with that. In SPL people cry. Motivational classes are one or a two-hour class, SPL is a one month program with two lectures per week for the four weeks. Motivational classes tell you you can conquer the world, SPL shows you how to conquer yourself.

How do the lectures hold?
SPL classes hold online. Presently, it holds on Facebook as a secret group only visible to paid participants of the school. Lecture notes are placed like wall post, only it will take as long as 20 to 45mins to go through each lecture note based on the reading speed of the student. And students are advised to go through each lecture note thrice. People actually retain less than 10% of what they read at their first reading. On lecture days the notes are posted very early. Anytime students go online and show up in class they get to read the notes and place their learnings from the lecture or questions about the lecture as comments. So students get to know who else has been in class by reading through the comments he meets when he shows up in class.

What about exams and certificates?
With apologies to international students of the school, the SPL model was built with the Nigerian system in mind. There has been too much focus on paper qualification without a commensurate improvement on the person holding the certificate. If your car broke down on the highway, do you look for someone with a certificate in Mechanical Engineering or you look for someone who can fix your car?

While we respect the need for certificates in some areas, in Personal Leadership, certificates are useless. So, in SPL there are no exams and no certificates. What you learn is what you take away. Life will set the exams and issue the certificates. And from the feedback sessions conducted in previous sessions, not a single participant was bothered about a certificate at the end of the school. On the contrary, it spurred everyone to focus more during the lectures.

Are there interactions among students?
Since most of the participants are usually professionals in various fields (students have been less than 10percent since the inception of the school), interaction is highly encouraged. However due to time zone differences, there are usually more passive interactions than active interactions except if both parties happen to be online at the same time. Nevertheless, SPL is not a dating school, so the objective is not to provide you with your future husband or wife even though anything is possible.

Are there school ethics?
Yes, there are school ethics sent out to all paid participants with the program schedule. It is sent via mail to all paid participants the week the school opens, which is a week before the lecture begins. The school ethics are guides that will enable you get the best from the school. They are not rules, they are guides.

How many courses are taught at the school?
Presently, SPL offers four courses:

Personal Transformation and Leadership
Significant Habits
Entrepreneurial Mindset
Redefining Purpose

What else should I know?
SPL has two different modules presently:

1. The Premium session holds at the beginning of every quarter that is January, April, July, and October. But the school actually opens one week before the months just listed for there to be a welcome address, introduction of facilitator and students, and expectations. Everyone gets to give a profile of themselves, what motivated them to be part of the school and what they aim to get from the school. These expectations are inculcated into the lecture notes so everyone at the end of the school has their objective(s) met. Lecture finally begins first week of those months listed. There is continuous follow up from the facilitator to all participants of the school to ensure none is left behind. Sometimes, though in rare cases, the lecture notes are too heavy for some students, so such follow up enable the facilitator to guide the student through so he or she does not give up midway. And there is no limit to the questions that can be asked during the premium session. The Premium session costs N7,500 for people resident in Nigeria and US$50 for those resident outside Nigeria.

2. The Basic session holds on other months when the Premium session is not holding. It is targeted at young people below the age of 30. From undergraduates to people who are just at the early phase of their career paths in their jobs or just starting their own businesses. The Basic session holds for just two weekends: the 3rd and 4th weekend of the month, Saturdays and Sundays. The cost of the Basic session is N3,750 for people resident in Nigeria and US$30 for those resident outside Nigeria.

Mode of registration into any session of the SPL sessions will be made public weeks before the session begins and it will be on my facebook wall (www.facebook.com/mutehimself) and on the walls of past students of the school. Interested people will have to send me a friend request to be able to participate in the school.

Overall, it is a beautiful experience. And feedback sessions have shown that the school is worth far more than the fees. It may cost a little, but it saves you a lifetime of struggles. I encourage you to participate in the next session.

Thanks,
Mute Efe.
Facilitator, SPL
www.facebook.com/mutehimself
+234-803-874-9796

Have been looking for notes you can really apply to your life? Something that will really add value to you and not just entertain you? You need not look far anymore. There is now a one-stop shop where there are over 50 life transforming notes and still counting. Only thing is that they are not cheap, they are completely free. Yes, free but not cheap.

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https://www./233541130047701

The beautiful part is that if you don't like them you can always come back.

Regards,
mute4real.

"And the Lord said to him, 'You are old.'" –Josh 13:1

If you are into Nigerian gospel music, you will agree with me that these young guys from Christ Embassy are just it. My favorite artiste is Frank Edwards. I mean that guy blows my mind everytime. Just when you think it can’t get better than this he comes out with something out of this world. Of course, Sinach is in another world of her own. Let’s not even talk about her here. But have you ever wondered how they get their inspirations?

I remember watching one of their T.V stations. I can’t remember whether it was Love World or Love World Plus but one of these artistes from there was being interviewed and he was asked that very question. Guess what he said: among others was that he sits in church listening to a message and right where he is seated a song comes into his mind from that very message and he quickly writes down the song.

The same message that some other people hear and fall asleep, someone else listens to it, gets an inspiration for a song, goes to the studio, records it, mass produces it and makes millions out of it. Life is spiritual.

I am not into music professionally but I identify with that experience completely. The inspiration for this note came while listening to a speaker in church. The verse of the bible stated at the beginning was one of the scriptures he used in his message but I got an inspiration to write a note from that verse.

First, let’s go through some of the names or attributes of God as regarding age: The Rock of Ages; Ancient of Days; Beginning and end; One who was, who is, and is to come. All of these attributes tell you that even carbon dating cannot tell you how old He is. How do you measure the age of the one who created time?

The puzzle here is how come God, who created time, will now call a mortal old? When the one who created time; when the one who has always been and will always be; when the one who is the ancient of days, calls a man ‘old’ that man must have serious issues. That man has got some major problems.

You see, we have been told that opportunity comes but once. The truth, however, is that there will always be opportunities. We will never run out of opportunities. Scriptures say, as long as the earth remaineth, seed time and harvest will not cease. Those are opportunities. They will always come.

However, and this is where most of us miss it, time is a limited resource. We don’t have control over time. We only have control over what we do within time. That was why God looked at a man whom He created and told that man that he was old. God can do anything for a man but rewinding time is not one of them. He created seasons and expects us to accomplish certain things within the season set for them.

There is a misconstrued notion around that whenever you wake up is your morning. I’ve heard it in gospel music, heard great speakers use it, and read it even on the notes of people here on facebook. But it is not true. Whenever you wake up is not morning. Your belief system will always affect your life. And when you believe those kinds of postulations, you will live a laid back life.

Seasons have been set by God. You cannot alter them. Praying in the tongues of men and of angels will not turn springtime to summer. Seasons don’t respect persons. When you try to change things outside your control, sir, ma, you’ve missed it. You are only signing a contract with frustration. You only have control over what you do within the season.

The man who wakes up at 2:00pm and tells himself that that is his morning is living in self deception. I’m sorry to tell you sir, but your morning is gone. You missed it. Just maximize whatever is left of your afternoon and evening. You will never reclaim your morning.

When I see youths in the morning season of their lives, living like it will always be morning forever, my heart breaks. If you are in that category, you are in the very last bus stop of ignorance. Ignorance does not go beyond there. Soon, your morning will pass you by.

When a retired medical doctor who once participated in my class said she wished she had participated in a class like that when she was a teenager, a sharp sensation ran through my spine. It was more than just a comment to me. It was a word from God.

In life, you must learn to do what needs to be done when it needs to be done. The skills necessary for growth must be acquired before the opportunity comes. A big change is just around the corner. Nigeria is at a bend. And once we successfully negotiate that bend it will be too late to start getting ready. If you think this nation will remain like this forever, think again.

God said to Joshua, “You are old,” not because there will be no more opportunities, but because time was running out. There were yet many lands to be conquered but time was far spent. All those big aspirations you have will remain castles in the air if you don’t wake up now and start laying the foundations for the castles.

The man who wakes up at 25 to pursue his dreams will be light years ahead of the man who wakes up at 65 to start pursuing his dreams. Their capacities for shocks are not the same. A 25yr old who fails can start again because he has time on his side. A 65yr old who fails will find it harder to get back on his feet.

When you’ve passed the season when you should have achieved certain objectives in your life, God will look at you and say you are old. And when God says to a man, “You are old,” then that man is in serious trouble, because he is now older than God.

Thanks,
Mute Efe.
+234-803-874-9796
www.facebook.com/mutehimself

N.B.
To enrol for the July session of School for Personal Leadership, an online school that holds on facebook every quarter, Text SPL*SURNAME*FIRST NAME *SEX*STATE OF RESIDENCE*COUNTRY OF RESIDENCE*EMAIL ADDRESS*GSM PHONE NUMBER to +234-803-874-9796. Payment details will be sent to you within 12hrs. N6,000 only. US$45 for those outside Nigeria. Note that you will need to add Mute Efe as friend on facebook to participate in the school.

Profile:
Real Name: Adegbite Adetunji
Facebook: Adegbite RemoteSpartan Adetunji
Occupation: Computer Programmer, Software Developer
Location: Lagos, Nigeria

Testimony:

Before SPL, by this I mean the time constituted right from some years after birth till the year I got to know about SPL, I knew some norms of life and was busy putting up with that, I knew some things that would never save my world. Although I had little or no power to forsake the so called useless things and go for what would save my world, I still kept them right here in my mind. I cannot remember if I wrote them down somewhere but what I know is that they were just there in my mind and they persisted. When I came across one of the advertisement of Mute Efe, the piece in my mind attracted the advert and informed me of the birth of a path to thread. I have been able to come about a lot of paths earlier and some I had tried while some I did not bother to follow.

A little digression, some days back there was a post on facebook to Mute from someone who was asking him if he was going to give a certificate. I wanted to make a comment on the post but for some reasons best known to me, I restricted myself from doing that. In fact one of the reasons is that I was personally angry with the question. I wondered within and asked myself, "What would you use a certificate for in personal leadership?" End of digression.

When I saw the advert from Mute, I made a decision to give SPL a try and all I did was to have a chat with Mute himself in order to have an overview of what I was to expect from SPL. He asked me if I had been reading his notes and my response was no. I told him I did not need to have read any of his notes and that I had made up my mind to register for SPL. For those who might like to know some of the reasons why I registered for SPL, first, because my mind convinced me. Second, it was not free. And third, it was online. I might not be able to explain these points in detail because of the constraint of the size of this write-up.

SPL started and ended and here I am today, writing about the great experience. It was indeed great for me. These things listed below, I got to affirm, to strengthen me and bring out that ‘save my world’ point that had been in my mind all the while.

1. I realized I had the power to achieve whatever I wanted to achieve by just doing the things I needed to do and not thinking they are just too big for me.
2. I got to realize that an intelligent man learns from his own mistakes while a wise man learns from the mistakes of others. I decided to be wise rather than being intelligent.
3. I got to realize that a lay-man would think the word 'unemployment' means 'job running away from people' when in its actual sense, to me it means 'people running away from job opportunities.'

I would say I had a glimpse of the points listed above among others but as I said, they were affirmed by the power in SPL and they moved from being known to being actually put to practice.

In conclusion, I would like to confess that It took me some time before I decided to put up this write-up, not because I did not have what to write but just because my personality does not allow me to advertise myself, I had always preferred to be in my shell. The question is; will SPL still allow you to be in your shell? THE END


Profile:
Real Name: Izedonmi Illobekeme Precious
Facebook: Izedonmi Illobekeme Precious
Occupation: Lawyer, Civil Servant, Writer
Location: Benin City, Edo State, Nigeria

Testimony:

Before I heard about SPL, I was almost always procrastinating, doing things at the last minute and even though it tends to work for me, I get to be on the edge and then lash out. Also, I had a set way of doing things, taking matters into my hands before thinking them through, it had to be my way or I'd back out completely. Once I latched unto an idea of how/why I want something done, I go for it regardless of what whom I'm trying to 'help' feels about my approach. Then, in November 2011, the SPL idea came and I decided to see what it had to offer, besides, I've always admired Mute's mind so I was curious to see what the school had to offer.

Then school resumed, subjects I otherwise thought I knew all about and had firmly mastered came in a new light. That I was astounded would be an understatement, my ignorance and pride had practically blinded my reasoning and let's just say, it was an/a eye/mind opener. Then came the lesson about God, what would God do in circumstance? Play God when he's not been asked to? And then I realized I've been playing god. Not God the Father, just my own ego and limited understanding.

After the school, I had a deeper insight towards things, a very different approach towards work and my immediate boss noticed. I didn't know till our overall boss actually commended me in a general meeting and asked I be emulated. He said January seemed a new beginning and he urged others to find out the 'secret' behind my new found attitude. Also at home, I had issues with this same 'god playing' and then I decided to take some steps back, apologize for the unintentional hurt my attitude had caused and then decided to follow counsel. That, I must confess, has helped me avoid a lot of 'wahala' (trouble) and then made me the 'go to' person when there are issues to solve.

My sister told me that my mum said I had changed. I wasn't the aggressive person I used to be, I just took things nice and easy, that she is happy about my new attitude and wondered how come. I wept. Then came an offer I had no idea I qualified for in the first place neither was I looking at it. Someone said something and I didn't know I was being watched closely for recommendation. When it came, I was too surprised and thankful.

The best thing about the SPL is your duty to yourself to improve yourself by yourself. There are no exams or certificates, your adaptation of what is taught there is certificate enough. It costs you nothing to make your money work for you (token you paid to register). It is an attempt worth trying. Thank you. THE END.

Thanks,
Mute Efe
+234-803-874-9796
(www.facebook.com/mutehimself)

CAUTION: Tunji and Precious, whose testimonies you just read, participated in SPL in December 2011. They sent in these testimonies six months after participating in SPL. SPL does not perform magic. Months of living by the principles taught in the school produced these testimonies.

N.B.
A new session of School for Personal Leadership, a five weeks online lecture on Personal Leadership, will commence on the 25th of June 2012. Lectures will begin 2nd of July, 2012. To register, text SPL*SURNAME*FIRST NAME *SEX*STATE OF RESIDENCE*COUNTRY OF RESIDENCE*EMAIL ADDRESS*GSM PHONE NUMBER to +234-803-874-9796. Payment details will be sent to you within 12hrs. N6,000 only. US$45 for those outside Nigeria.

Avicky, thanks for your comment. Tautology is using the same words with the same meaning. That two words have the same spelling does not make them tautology. 'Bank' is a verb, and also a noun. It does not make it tautology. The same applies to 'Building.' If you are suggesting I should have used a synonym, fine. But that is not tautology.
Thanks.

Efemena, thiscounts, and tolufaith, Thanks for your comments. I'll be placing chapter two very soon. Will love to read your comment on it too. Thanks once more.

Chapter One

[size=16pt]How Hard Can It Be? Just Try[/size]

Sometime ago in the early months of 2011, I walked into a bank to make a withdrawal. And as usual with the bank that I bank with, which is a first generation bank, there was a long queue of people waiting to be attended to and I naturally joined the queue. It was going to take about 45mins to 60mins before I would be at the head of the queue and be attended to by the teller. Patiently I waited; slowly I was moving towards the teller. Just when there were about six people ahead of me, an elderly man who would be in his seventies walked into the bank. He, too, seeing the queue had to join in but something in me became uncomfortable.

Fifteen years ago a man like that would have been asked to go straight to the teller to make his withdrawal. But a lot has changed in Nigeria in the last fifteen years. And this senior citizen knew it too because he did not even make any attempt to walk to the head of the queue, he just remained at the tail meaning he would have to wait for at least another 60mins before it would be his turn. Somehow I could sense uneasiness in the queue among the rest of us. You know that feeling you get when you suddenly feel something is not right but you just can’t place your finger on it? It was something like that. Only this time I knew what was wrong. Now, there were only three people in front of me and some people were now behind the senior citizen, others who had come in after him.

I knew what I had to do but should I do it? The Nigeria of today is no longer the Nigeria I grew up in. Will these people who had been waiting become irate and shout me down if I did the right thing? Will there be a few others who would support me for doing the right thing? These and a lot of other questions whizzed through my head while the clock was ticking. Well, I thought to myself, I’ll never know until I try.

Isn’t that just the way it is with life? We get scared of the unknown and let the fear of the unknown keep us from trying. And then we recline to living a mediocre lifestyle. Just blend in with the crowd. "Well," we'd say to ourselves, "I have a wife, a car, and a home of my own and this is enough. If I reach out for more maybe I will fail and end up losing even the little I have." And that fear of the unknown keeps us from trying, from reaching out for more, from making a significant impact. All we have to do is just to try. How hard can it be? Just try.

Back to my tale, I decided I’ll rather try and fail than live a life of regrets. So I called on the elderly man and asked him to come and stand ahead of me. And walking slowly as age has had its toll on him he came and I created room for him to stand before me. The banking hall became still for what seemed like eternity as they watched the old man make his way to my front. Okay, the deed was done; the moment had arrived; that moment I so dreaded. What next? I could hear my heart beat as I waited for whatever was to follow. All eyes were on me and the senior citizen. And what was the reaction? Nothing. Nothing? Yes, nothing. Just dead silence. Not a word was spoken by anybody. It was like they were struck with ataxia.

You see, I believe that while I was pondering on what to do all that time, everyone else was thinking the same thing. But everyone was afraid of what everyone else would say if they did the right thing. So, nobody ended up doing anything. This reminds me af a popular saying during my teenage years. A job was left for everyone to do. Everyone thought someone would do it. At the end, nobody did it.

I have great respect for the man who tried and failed and zero respect for the man who for the fear of failing refuses to try. Because what he does not know is that he has failed already. I'll rather try and fail than live a life of regrets. I don't want to be sixty-five tomorrow and start saying to myself, "Maybe if I had started that business 30yrs ago I'd have been successful." I want to start that business now and if I succeed, good, if I don't, good also. At least I tried. Many of us are waiting for the weather to be perfect. Well, I've got news for you; it never will, duh. Twenty years ago only daddy was working for the family. And by 5:00pm daddy was back home to assist the kids in their assignments. Today, both daddy and mommy are working to fend for the same family, or so they say. When do they get back home? 10:00pm. Sometimes later. What does that tell us? As the world advances we have to push harder to maintain the same status.

Les Brown said, "Great men are the ones who determine a course for themselves, and if they can't find a way, they create one. You don't have to be great to start. You have to start to become great." There is a seed of greatness in everone. And that seed cries out for expression. Maybe it's a book you have to write. Maybe it's a song you have to sing. Maybe it's a movie have to direct. Or maybe it's building the tallest building this side of the world. It does not matter how weird it seems to you. With so many things happening around you, how can you make a difference? You ask yourself. Well you never know until you try. I wish I can promise you that you will succeed if you try but I can't. One thing I can promise you however, is that you will never succeed until you try. Please try. Now, really, how hard can it be? Just try. Please promise me that you will try.

Thanks,
Mute Efe.
+234-803-874-9796
www.facebook.com/mutehimself

N.B
Does this look like a book that you will love to read the following chapters? If yes, then please leave a comment. Thanks.

When Omotola Beckley (UK, https://www.facebook.com/Olori.Omotola.Alaka.Beckley) now speaks, her husband listens with surprise. Izedonmi Ilobekeme Precious (Benin, https://www.facebook.com/izedonmip) is now a role model in her place of work. Dapo Ogunlana (Ondo, https://www.facebook.com/OladapoLana) now has a firmer and tighter grip on life. Unlike her usual self, Maria Assunção (Brazil, https://www.facebook.com/maria.assuncao.338) waited three hours in a bank without getting angry. Adenike D-light Akinsanya (Lagos, https://www.facebook.com/nikesoprano) has resumed writing, something she abandoned many months ago. Ajiboye Abayomi (Lagos, https://www.facebook.com/ajiboye.a.abayomi) executed a dream he always had. Adegbite Adetunji (Ghana, https://www.facebook.com/adetunji1) achieved a goal he had been after for over a year. If you ask all of them how they did it. They will say School for Personal Leadership made the difference.

Wow! It is almost 3months already after the last session. And it is time for the 4th session of the School for Personal Leadership to hold. What began as a vision in December 2011 has finally put on flesh. And now the game has changed. At the beginning it was just my voice alone. Today, there are outstanding testimonies from past students of the school to give credence to the school. The July session of the School for Personal Leadership which will actually commence on the 25th of June is going to be the bomb. You don't want to miss out on this.

SPL, as it is popularly called now, is a school like no other. How do you explain a school where people pay tuition fee to attend, and they never get to do any exams and are not given any certificates? Yet people residing in four different continents of this world have participated in it? There has to be something in that school, and indeed there is. And the amazing part of the school is that it holds online, right here on Facebook.

SPL is not just a school; it is an "EXPERIENCE." And it is an experience of a lifetime. Apart from the outstanding testimonies of past students that is used to welcome the new students for an entire week, the very first week lecture begins you will feel like you’ve been hit by lightening. A whole new perspective of life will open up to you. By the second week you will be dead, figuratively speaking. And by the fourth week a new you would have emerged.

In SPL, you are trained with biblical principles on how to lead yourself. Forget about leading others, learn to lead yourself first and before you know it, others will come to you for you to lead them. Personal Leadership is the key to real life.

In case you are reading this note on a friend's wall, you don't really know who this person is or what he is talking about. Let me say I am the voice of one crying on the roof tops, "Lead yourself first before trying to lead others." My name is Mute Efe and I am a Personal Leadership Tutor. I am the facilitator of SPL.

So, if this is your first time of getting to read anything written by me and you really want to know what SPL is about, then you need to go to my notes page and read my note titled "What Is School for Personal Leadership About?." Or copy and paste the link https://www.facebook.com/notes/mute-efe/what-is-school-for-personal-leadership-about/10150626329264051 on your address bar to go there directly. There is detailed information about the school there.

I also don't advice people who are just getting to know me for the first time to just pick up their phones to send in the enrolment text. First, read some of my notes, there are scores of them, over sixty. But after reading between five and ten of them you can make up your mind to participate in the school.

Registration for the July session will be open for 3weeks. Initially planned to begin June 1st, which is a Friday, it was moved forward to Wednesday, May 30th, to allow for three days of registration on the opening week. And it ends June 22nd. The school officially opens June 25th and lectures begin July 2. So the time at which you are reading this note right now should give you an idea of how much time you have left.

The fee for the July session is NGN6000 (six thousand naira only) or US$45 (forty-five US dollars only for anybody residing outside Nigeria). To begin your registration procedure, please text SPL*SURNAME*FIRST NAME *SEX*STATE OF RESIDENCE*COUNTRY OF RESIDENCE*EMAIL ADDRESS*GSM PHONE NUMBER to +234-803-874-9796. Payment details will be sent to you almost immediately.

Remember, in SPL, there are no exams and no certificate, what you learn is what you take away. And it is completely online, right on facebook. God bless you.

Thanks,
Mute Efe.
+234-803-874-9796
www.facebook.com/mutehimself

Good one. Habits make or destroy us. Thanks.

Some may find this hard to believe but the title for this note has been on my mind for the past nine months. To sit down and write was just something I could not bring myself to do. And it became like a thorn in my mind.

Dale Carnegie, in his classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People, said, “The most important desire of a man is the desire to be important.” This note will tow along that line.

Everybody needs attention. We all crave for a listening ear, a pat on the back, a hug. When I look around today and see the spate of obscene dress codes all around I try to look beyond the veneer of seduction like most people will claim as the reason behind it. What I see are people crying for attention.

Shrinks know this better. Most of the people that pay them for those sessions are just there because they need someone to talk to. Marriage counselors will also affirm this. Many of the challenges couples face will melt away if they spent a little more time to talk. Sometimes all the lady needs is just a hug from her man. But when that hug is missing, things that would have been unimportant now become important. That’s when where to press the toothpaste tube now becomes a big issue.

A large chunk of the ladies we see that dress in ways guys term “seductive” are not really out to seduce guys. Most of them dress that way because it gives them the attention they don’t get when they dress otherwise. Deep down is a lady who just wants to be hugged; a lady who just wants to be listened to; a lady who wants to share her story but has no one to listen to her.

It takes a higher level of discipline to find your sense of self worth in yourself. For most people, their self esteem is derived from those around them. And when they can’t get that hug, in a manner of speaking, from those around them, they either withdraw into their own shells or do everything possible to get that attention, even if it means walking naked.

Even a child wants you to recognize its presence. Nobody wants to feel worthless. So if we will learn to be a little bit more receptive to people, a lot of things will change. Your productivity is also a function of your sense of self-worth. So, if we make those around us feel important they will perform better. John Maxwell will always say, “If you treat people like a ten, they will ultimately perform like a ten.”

I need a hug, don’t let my masculinity deceive you. You need a hug; we all need hugs. To the man: When was the last time you just held her in your arms? Not because you want sex, but just to let her know you really love her. To the woman: The last time you sat on his laps was five years ago, before you got married, when the butterflies were still flying. What happened after you said “I do?”

When she’s telling you about her day in the office, it’s not because she wants you to show your prowess in problem solving. She just wants to empty her tank. All she wants you to do is to listen.

You see, when we begin to realize that lots of people are just craving for attention, it will help put a lot of things in perspective. All those “irreconcilable differences” that we hear about every now and then leading to divorces will just fizzle out if both parties will just learn to pay attention to one another. When she says, “I have a headache.” All she could be saying is, “Please hold me in your arms I need a hug.”

Thanks,
Mute Efe (www.facebook.com/mutehimself)
+234-803-874-9796

This is a 3 Part series. In the first part, which is this very one, I will be establishing the necessity of religion in our relationship with God and in the marriage relationship as well. In the second part, we will look at the effect of the loss of religion in our churches and homes and how the loss of religion leads to broken homes and dysfunctional families. Then, in the concluding part, Part 3, we will be looking at the difference between religion and tradition. Please keep your mind open and enjoy this ride with me.

Contrary to what is becoming very popular among Christians today, I choose religion. I choose to be a religious Christian. I believe that without religion in Christianity, Christianity would crumble like a pack of cards. And in this day and age that we are in, I think the religious Christian has a much better chance at winning the fight than the non religious Christian who only believes in “as the Spirit leads.”

I have written and taught several times that God has called us into a relationship and not into a religion. And it is very true, but embedded in that relationship is religion. Without religion our relationship with Christ is just lip service. In fact, for any kind of relationship to really thrive, religion must be practiced. Religion is the lifeblood of any relationship.

If you look closely beneath the veneer of any thriving relationship you will find RELIGION written in bold letters. Just lift up the blankets and you will find religion having sex. When there is no religion in relationships, relationships fail and families crumble. I believe that one major cause of the high rate of broken homes and divorce cases in the world today that the experts have failed to spot is the absence of religion in our families.

The highest divorce cases in the world today occur among Christian families. Take a close look beyond what the clueless experts are saying and you will find that the moment we started to take away religion out of Christianity everything started to crumble. And one of the necessary factors to stem the tide is to resurrect religion back into Christianity.

Read through the entire bible and you will find glaring straight at us in the Old Testament and between the lines in the New Testament is the word “Religion.” In fact Christ Himself institutionalized religion in Christianity. And religion held the early church together. I will make my submissions as we go further into this topic. If you are privileged to spend seven days with any of these great men of God in the church today who are doing well both in the ministry and in their relationships you will find religion in their lifestyles.

What do I mean when I say religion is the lifeblood of any relationship? First, I will define religion so I am sure we are on the same page, then, I will give two illustrations to drive my stance. The first illustration will be that of a marriage relationship, and the second will be that of man and God. I could have even gone further to include the relationship between a man and his dog so you find religion at play there also, but I think the first two illustrations will suffice.

Definition of Religion

The Oxford ADVANCED LEARNER’S Dictionary defines Religion as: the belief in the existence of a god or gods, and the activities that are connected with the worship of them.

If you go further down and look up the word “Religiously” you will find: very carefully or regularly.

The religious Christian, therefore, is one who practices the activities related to or necessary for the worship of God regularly or routinely. That means the person engages in that act whether he feels like it or not. So when we see someone who engages in an activity at a set time regularly, for instance, we say the person does that act religiously. It is this act of doing something at a set time regularly that I refer to as religion, and I am saying that this very ingredient is the lifeblood of any thriving relationship.

Illustration 1
In a marriage relationship, and please let me be clear here that by marriage I am referring to a union between a man and woman where there is a clear gender difference, which do you think will thrive more? One where the man regularly calls the wife at the office to affirm his love for her or one where the man occasionally calls the wife to affirm his love for her, other things being equal. I believe we both agree that the first relationship will thrive better than the second.

Now, let’s go a notch deeper, two men decides to be calling their wives regularly, let’s say they both call their wives on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, one calls his wife anytime of the day on those days, but the other calls his wife between the hours of 10am and 12noon. Which of the two relationships do you think will thrive better all other things being equal? I believe the second will. Why?

You see with the first relationship, because the wife has no idea when her husband will call, she will either be on edge all through the day or she will just go about her duties normally after all she has no idea when her husband will call. But with the second woman, between the hours of 10am and 12noon, you will see her glancing at her phone every now and then at because she is expecting a call from her husband. She will be unusually happy during these hours that even her colleagues will notice.

What we just established with the above illustration is that the more religion is institutionalized in a relationship, the better it is for the relationship. Every lady is happier if she can predict the time her man will call. Yes, they may want to be surprised occasionally, but not at the expense of that special moment when she is certain you will call. That is why when a guy usually calls his girl every night, the day he calls her in the afternoon she still expects him to call again at night.

Illustration 2
Someone says “between 1am and 2am every night I will wake up to pray for at least 15mins.” Or maybe between 5am and 6am, whatever time he decides. Someone else says “that is religion, I will pray when I have that awesome Holy Spirit urge to pray.” In this day and age where so many things call for our attention, before you know it, the second person would have gone six months without praying before he suddenly realizes it. Except for Sundays when he is at church.

But because the first person institutionalized religion into his relationship with the Lord, he becomes better for it. Soon he becomes more sensitive and responsive to the promptings of the Spirit. And he is better able to walk in the Spirit than the other guy who was waiting for the Spirit to move him before he prays.

Ravi Zacharias says, “In this day and age, the biggest battle you will face in your life is in keeping your daily appointment with God.” Let me add here that only the religious Christian will win this battle because you have to come to the point where you say to yourself, “Whether I feel like it or not, I am going to do it.” And that, my friend, is religion.

My stance may not be the most popular, but I choose to be a religious Christian. In the part two of this note we will trace back to the early church and see how religion sustained them and see how we can apply religion in our churches and families today to build stronger churches and family ties. We will also see how the “as the Spirit leads” theology is actually leading to a collapse in our churches and subsequently, our families.

When the 2011 divorce statistics were grouped based on denomination, guess what showed up? Pentecostals had the highest, Catholics had the lowest. In part two of this note we will see why this trend occurred.

Thanks,
Mute Efe. (www.facebook.com/mutehimself)
+234-803-874-9796

In the short time I've lived on earth I have come to realize that the word "Random" only exists in the dictionary. In the real world, nothing just happens. You know, many of us look but only few see. If I look at a football match for instance, all I see is a group of grown up men chasing after a ball in a pitch and somehow are getting paid in figures most people will never handle their entire lifetime. But when Atoyebi Oyelere, one of the most brilliant minds I've met on Facebook, looks at a football match what he sees is different. He sees life.

Some people look at life and see football, so they think life is a game of fun. But some other people look at football and see life, so they draw out principles that will enable them win in the warfare of life. Atoyebi Oyelere is one of such people who look at football and see life. And he says every now and then that, "If someone is better than you are in any area, then that person knows something that you don't know." And may I add here that that principle holds irrespective of your opinion about the person. Whether he is proud, arrogant, disrespectful, or just plain annoying, if that person is better than you are in any area, then that person knows something you don't know.

I have seen people who, irrespective of how hard they think they are trying, they never seem to achieve any meaningful success. They may seem to be doing OK, but deep down they know they have hit an invisible ceiling. They just can't cross certain boundaries. This I believe is due to these people violating certain unwritten codes of life and living. In this note I will be highlighting five categories of people who will never go far in life. Of course, like I said in one of my notes, in the 21st century everything has become debatable, but the end will tell.

Category 1: Those who can't be taught.
This category feel they already know all they need to know. A variant of them will only listen to big names, not so much so that they can learn but just so that they can quote those big names. Once they feel you are of the same age range, educational qualification, or the same demography, then nothing you say ever matter to them. Once you say something that strikes a chord in them, they want you to tell them where you heard it. They would rather say they learnt it from that person than that they learnt it from their mates.

These people idolize icons a lot. Once the words are from the lips of so and so person, then that is it. You can never convince them otherwise. As far as they are concerned, their idols are infallible. You probably have names of these people coming into your mind right now. The strange part, however, is that none of us is here. We only know others who are here.

Category 2: Those who don't invest in self development.
This category is really not far from the first. They could pass for Siamese twins. These people have read all they need to read during their undergraduate days. "I'm done with books," is their mantra. You may not believe it but I know people who have not read a single book from cover to cover since they graduated for over five years. It's just too much work. But they usually have the latest toys and they also love to belong.

Category 3: Those who are at par with their mentors.
This category starts out well until something happens to their brake fluid. They are initially teachable, they spend time to study, and usually have a mentor or mentors, until their eyes open. And suddenly they start rubbing shoulders with their mentors.

They are usually gifted and their gifting draws a lot of attention to them. So they now feel there's no need to step on the brakes anymore. What they forget is that he who is driving very fast and forgets to slow down at the gas station to get gas will never get to his destination.

Category 4: Those who compete instead of complete.
I know there is a natural tendency for competition in all of us. I have it, you have it. But God gave us eyes to see and eyelids to cover them. This category will always want to show you they know more than you do on your wall, instead of them going to write on their own walls. If you go right, they go left. If you go left, they go right. Their mantra is, "What you said is true, but…" There is always a "but." And those who want to affirm your stance will go into their archives to pull up a thousand and one examples to show you they are more detailed in the subject at hand. Their comments are usually longer than the note they read.

Category 5: Those who hiss at the first four.
This category is angry right now. If this was a piece of paper, they would have torn it up already. But their laptops are too expensive to be smashed against the wall. As they read the first four categories, they were hissing. "What rubbish is this?" is what is on their minds. "Who is this guy to tell us who will go far or not?"

The truth is that, they are a combination of two or more of the categories listed above. But instead of making amends, they've gone too far on the wrong road and too ashamed to turn around. These people get to their destination first. And their destination is called NOWHERE.

Conclusion.
Now, you may think that whoever wrote this note must be perfect, but you cannot be farther from the truth. The truth is, this is one of the most painful notes for me to write because of all the seven billion people on the face of the earth today, I only know one person who, at different times, finds himself in each of those five categories. And I see him everyday in the mirror. The good part, however, is that every time I have a chat with him, he is getting better and better. He is still a work in progress.

I believe at one point or another we all have exhibited traits of these categories in our lives and still do. But to the degree to which one has the habit of doing these things, to that same degree is such a person placing a cap on how far he will go in life. Irrespective of the amount of time such a person expends in spiritual activities like praying or speaking in tongues or making positive confessions. If what you are on the inside does not align with what you exhibit on the outside, then there is a disconnect. And you will get the universe confused as to how to respond to you. That is why I said these five people will never go far.

Thanks,
Mute Efe, [www.facebook.com/mutehimself]
+234-803-874-9796

"It was now the fifteenth year of the reign of Tiberius, the Roman emperor. Pilate was governor over Judea; Herod Antipas was ruler over Galilee; his brother Philip was ruler over Iturea and Traconitis; Lysanias was ruler over Abilene. Annas and Caiaphas were the high priests. At this time a message from God came to John, son of Zechariah, who was living out in a strange place." - Luke 3:1-2

Occasionally, I collect my thoughts together before I write. But most times, not until I take the pen and start writing, nothing flows, all I just keep seeing is the title. This is one of such notes. You may not believe it, but right now, I have no idea what I am going to write about. I have spent some time thinking about what to write about such a title, nothing came besides the verse I used as my supporting scripture. But what I know beyond the shadow of doubt is that as I write something will flow.

The passage of the bible I used in my opening is about John. What I find interesting about those two verses is the way the writer, Luke, who, by the way, was a medical doctor, did not just go straight to the point to tell us that the word of God came to John, which really was the essence of the passage. Instead, he first mentioned all the big names of that day and time, the up and in, before telling us that the word of God by-passed all of them including the high priests, and went to John, a strange man, by the circumstances of his birth, living in a strange place, the wilderness, eating strange foods, locusts.

One of the most difficult lifestyles to live then and even now in our days is the lifestyle of being different. All through history, the lifestyle of solitude is the most difficult lifestyle to live. And it has only gotten worse today. Everything and everyone is calling for you to belong. Everyone wants you to be like them. And it takes a lot of will to be different, to stand out from the crowd. And it is a painful experience.

Somehow, in a way I am still unable to decipher, the man who must experience God, the man who must function at maximum potential, must be ready to walk the lonely path. For the man God will send to the palace, He first sends to the wilderness. And like Ravi Zacharias would say, "You must be willing to pray and pay for the privilege and responsibility of beholding God’s glory." It does not come cheap. After all the Oohs! And the Aahs! in church, after all the electrifying messages from the platform, the man who is yearning for significance must be ready to walk the lonely path.

I think this is where there is a disconnect in this age. We've lost the value of solitude. We want to stand before kings, but while waiting we still want to be partying at that club, instead of spending time in the wilderness preparing for the palace. We are ready to go anywhere as long as we can go with the television box. But things don't really work that way. The caterpillar that must become a butterfly must be ready to lose water first. It must be ready to go through that process of pain that will drain it of every fluid so it can become light enough to fly.

John was a strange man, by the circumstances of his birth, living in a strange place, the wilderness, eating strange foods, locusts. But when God was sending His word, it went right past over the names that matter in that age. It went right past the up and in of his days. And that word came to him in the strange place where he was living. I see a principle worthy of emulation here.

Oje Ohiwerei, the man who created me, hypothetically speaking, drummed it into my head in the 90's when I was in my late teens, he always said, "The period of waiting might be painful, but it is worth it." Don't get distracted by the names around. Don't get distracted by what the crowd is going for. God is always looking for that man who nobody knows but has been faithfully doing his thing. It is that man God is looking for to make him a sight to behold.

"That it works does not make it right, because everyone is doing it does not make it right" was also another counsel Oje Ohiwerei gave those of us who sat under him in the 90's. Cummulatively, I am not sure I have had more than a 20mins conversation with him in the last ten years. But what he taught me in the 90's still sounds in my ears everyday of my life.

What he said to me almost two decades ago is what I am telling you right now. Don't let the noise drown you. Those who walk with the crowd never get ahead of the crowd. Go through the process. Practice personal leadership. Stay in your zone, even if no one stays with you. Fight for what you believe, never, never, never, give up. The Chinese say he who must play six, must first throw the dice. If out of fear of getting a one or a two or a three, you refuse to throw the dice, then you have already failed before you started.

I am not here to be the best writer. I am here to make the greatest impact in the lives of people around the globe. I am not a local champion; Nigeria is too small for me. The world is my constituency. Why play in the pond when the ocean is waiting for me? That is why I do what I do with a passion. Because whatever I do must resound through eternity. I hope you are on this train too? Because it is when I am functioning maximally in my zone and you are functioning maximally in your zone that we will make a great team making the greatest impacts in the lives of people.

I feel like praying for someone, I don’t normally do this in my public notes, I normally only pray for my students in the School for Personal Leadership. But I have a strong urge to pray right now. I pray for that person who is crying on the inside. You have been on the lonely path and it seems like no one is recognizing your effort. You put in the best at the office, yet no one seems to notice. I pray for that person who is asking, "When will my time come? I have been on the lonely path for long." I pray for you, that in just a little while, the cloud will shift to your location, your rain will fall. They think you have failed because you've been going through the process. Soon, very, very, soon, they will be the ones asking, "How did it happen?" I declare a season of change for you, in Jesus' name. Amen!

Thanks,
Mute Efe. (www.facebook.com/mutehimself)
+234-803-874-9796

It's a very pitiable state we are in. I gave one of my notes to someone to read yesterday, before she got halfway she was already complaining that it was too long. But I know she won't be bored watching one of those stupid Nollywood or is it Nakedwood movies for hours. Yet she could not spend 5mins to read a short article.

If you read wide and think deep you would have discovered that Moses and Superman is one and the same person. The difference is just creativity. And in case you are still wondering where the link is, then be patient and read on.

Funny as it may sound this note is neither about Moses nor Superman, but because I am a business man I have come to know that no matter how good your product is, if it does not have the right packaging it will not sell much. This note is about creativity.

One of the courses I teach my students in the School for Personal Leadership is Entrepreneurial Mindset. And contrary to what you may think it is not about starting businesses it is about thinking like the owner of the organization where you work in as an employee, because the lady who can think like an entrepreneur will rise to the top of any organization where she finds herself.

I sincerely pray that I can communicate what I have in my mind right now in this short note. Whenever I write for the public I am constrained by my readers. In the school my notes are much more longer. My students can attest to that.

In the course of teaching Entrepreneurial Mindset, we always look at the qualities of entrepreneurs. Now, this is not a lecture so we will go straight to the one quality I just want to talk about: Creativity and how you can change your whole life just by being creative.

It is no longer news that talent is overrated. Only the cream rises to the top. It takes creativity to make your talent work for you. My objective here is to show you how you can add creativity to your talent.

In his note If Life Is a Game, Atoyebi Oyelere wrote, “Just like gold in its rawest form, so is unrefined talent.” Creativity is one of the ways you can refine your talent and make it marketable. People go to the market to buy refined gold.

The only way to know if what you have is of real value is by attaching a price tag to it. If you offer anything for free there will always be someone who wants it. Some people are just addicted to freebies. And because there is a crowd around you, you think what you have is of real value. But to know the truth for yourself attach a price tag and see how many of those same people will pay for it the way it is.

If nobody is willing to pay for it, it means your talent is not refined and you still have some more work to do. This is where creativity comes in. How do I turn my talent into a marketable product? This is the question you must keep asking yourself. This kind of thinking is what is called Creative Thinking.

I could share with you stories of people who have changed their lives with this process but not too many of us are able to identify with such people. We admire them but we don’t really connect with them. So I’d rather use myself, seeing I am just starting out on this journey, too. And I am just like you.

When I began writing in this direction where the central theme of my notes is Personal Leadership I noticed a steep rise in my friend requests. Between 2008 and September 2011 I only had 200plus friends. Between September 2011 and November 2011 my friends list increased to 450 friends, and I only sent out about two or three friend requests. When I noticed this, a light bulb came on in my head.

If I could have had a hundred percent increase in friends within a space of 3months then there must be something right that I am doing. But I needed proof. After long hours of meditation I woke up one night in November 2011 with this concept in my head. So to test this theory I decided to start an online school where there will be no certificate and no exams: Two things that Nigerians go after. And the cost for the online School for Personal Leadership for the first set was N5,000. It was going to run for an entire month. To my amazement people paid, people who have never seen me before, both within and outside the country. As I write the second set of students are somewhere in cyber space going through my lecture notes. What did I do right?

Between 2008 and 2011 I had written several notes before, but there was no central theme. Today, it could be about bus conductors, tomorrow could be about relationship and the next day about politics. The same talent of writing was at play but it was unrefined. So all I was doing was helping my readers while away their time. But after my transformation occurred and I decided to focus on Personal Leadership because that was what led to my own transformation, everything changed. Today people pay me just to read my notes.

John Maxwell said, “There are so many things I can do but I will focus on the ones that yield the highest returns” Creativity helps you repackage your talent so it becomes valuable in the market place.

Like I said, this is not one of my lecture notes so I really cannot go deep. But I hope you were able to get one or two things?

Lest you think I have forgotten my promise, I have not. If you are still wondering what the link between Moses and Superman is, here is it.

Moses
The Hebrew were being persecuted, their first-born were being slain. A Hebrew couple placed their infant son in a little wicker basket and sent him down the River Nile where he was discovered by an Egyptian family who raised him as their son.

Superman
The planet Krypton was about to explode. A scientist and his wife placed their infant son in a little rocket ship and sent him to earth where he was discovered by the Kents who raised him as their son.

If you read wide and think deep you would have discovered that Moses and Superman is one and the same person. The difference is just creativity. And that difference generated revenue of over 532 Billion Dollars.

Thanks,
Mute Efe (www.facebook.com/mutehimself)
+234-803-874-9796

What is the most important part of a car? Have you ever thought about that? I mean, we all get into cars everyday. If someone were to ask you what the most important part of the car is, what would be your answer? Is it the wheels, the steering wheel, the engine, the seats in the car? Or would you say the battery, the carburetor, the radiator, or maybe even the headlamps? What part of that car that you get into everyday is the most important part?

OK, I believe you’ve come up with an answer. Or if you are the skeptic type, you’ve tried to deduce where I am going with this question and so you have come up with two or more parts together and say, “Well, actually, the engine, the battery, and the wheels together make up the most important part.” That’s okay. I remember once when I asked a question on my wall whether truth was relative or absolute. One question, two options to choose from. I was amazed when I started seeing theories on my wall. Well, let’s leave that for another day.

Anyway, whatever your answer(s) is/are to the question, I want you to now answer my next question. If I gave you that most important part(s) can it be said that you now have a car? Have you ever been on the road and you saw the engine of a Hummer SUV just moving on its own?

Lest you think I am trying to disprove the concept of some things being more important than others, I am not. Some things are definitely more important than others but that is just what it is, “more important.” It does not therefore make the other things of no importance. Have you ever seen a car moving without its bumpers? Does the sight look attractive to you? Or maybe the bumpers were there but the doors were off. Would you like to have a ride in the car?

You do know by now that what I am discussing here has nothing whatsoever to do with cars, right? It has everything to do with you. In the last four decades beginning in the 70’s, the “one thing” theory began to find its way into the body of Christ, erroneously backed up by Phil 3:13, “…this one thing I do…” not realizing that Paul was talking about goal setting and not character building. So, we began to hear of the one thing that mattered most which just incidentally happened to be giving.

We compartmentalized the principles of God and decided for ourselves that one was more important than all the others and therefore disregarded all the others and focused on that one thing and look where we are today. Where on earth did we get the idea that we would live the complete life by focusing on just one thing?

Ask the average lady today what sort of man she wants and the answer most probably would be “a God fearing man.” But who is a God fearing man? Is he the man who goes to church? The man who reads the bible? The man who prays? The man who loves children? Or, is he the man who is a giver? What really does God fearing mean? And so that lady gets involved with the first man she meets who is “God fearing” and what do we hear in a few years time? He wasn’t the man I thought he was. Of course, he wasn’t. He never was.

The principles of God were not meant to work in isolation. Yes, if you got the engine, the battery, the wheels, the steering wheels, the chassis and you couple them together, whatever it is you end up coupling may move from point A to B but are you safe in that kind of car? Haven’t you ever been in a car that took you from point A to B and by the time you arrived at point B your clothes were torn? How did that experience make you feel?

And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; and to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; and to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But he that lacks these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins. Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if you do these things, you shall never fall. 2 Pet 1:5-10 KJV

The principles of God were not meant to work in isolation. It is either all or nothing. Well, I know you have questions. I have questions, too. But I choose to believe what the Word says. Isn’t that what we call ourselves? Believers! Even in the midst of questions we choose to believe the Word. The word says “if you do these things, you shall never fall.” Not if you do one of these things or if you do some of these things. I think it’s high time we returned to the basics. If the foundation be destroyed what can the righteous do? If you have an aspiration for significance you cannot but make sure you get it right at the basics. And guess what? Foundations are not inherited, neither are they transferrable. They have to be laid for every building. And it begins with personal Leadership.

Thanks,
Mute Efe (www.facebook.com/mutehimself)
+234-803-874-9796

Nairalanders, please let's try and be placing our thoughts about write-ups as comments. So we know where our areas of improvement are. Reading through motes without commenting is not really encouraging. I guess we still have time to change.

One of the chapters in my book is titled Anybody Can Cook. Some of you may have read it when I first published it on Facebook sometime back. It was a note of encouragement to tell people irrespective of where they find themselves in life they can still make something meaningful with their lives by following the right principles. This is true but not an easy task for most people.

Part 1
YouseeformostpeoplewhatlifehandsthemislikethenoteyouarereadingrightnowYouhavetobetheonetoprovidethespacesnecessarytogivemeaningtothewordsYouhavetodeterminewherethecommasshouldbewheretheperiodsshouldbewherethereshouldbeanexclamationmarkwhereanewparagraphshouldbeginandalltheothersymbolsthatwillmakethenotehavemeaningWhenlifehandsyouthiskindoflifebelievemeitisnotaneasylifetoliveYouhavetoworkahundredtimesashardasyourmateswhojustseemtohaveeverythinggoingforthemjustforyoutogetafractionoftheresultstheyhave.

ThisiswhycomparingyourselfwithothersisnotwiseTruecompetitioniscompetingwithyourselfAmIbetterthanIwasyesterdayThatistherightquestiontoaskNotAmIbetterthantheJonesesThatisafoolishquestiontoaskYouhavenoideawhattheJoneseshavegotgoingforthemTheymaybesailinginsomeoneelsesboat.

Part 2
Asyou maketheeffort, nomatterhowharditis, tomakethemost ofthecardslifehas handedyou, followingtherightprinciples, youwillsoonbegin toseealightattheendofthetunnel, anditwon’tbeamovingtrain, likeyouarebeginning tonoticethespaces inthenotenow. Thoughthespacesandsigns arenotyeteverywheretheyshouldbe, atleastitisbecoming alittlebiteasiertoread.

Manywhohadstartedreading atthetopmayhavegivenup becausetheywouldwant toreadthenoteatthesame pacetheyusedtoreadother notes.Butlifeisnotlikethat allthetime. Sometimesyouhave toslowdowntomake senseoutofsomethings. Everythingwillnot justbeinaperfectstate. Someareincodes foryoutodecipher Andifyouhave eversolvedapuzzlebefore youwillagreethatpatienceisavirtue. Ifyoudonotdeteratthisstage, butkeeppressingon, afterawhileyouwillbegin toseeclearly. Everythingwillsoonbegin tomakeperfectsense.

Part 3
Now you are able to read at your normal pace because the spaces are right, the signs are in the right places, and it just feels good reading the note now. But even at this stage once in a while you will hitbumpsinthe roadthatwilljoltyoubacktothetimewhennothingjustmadesense, whenitseemedyouwere borninthewrongplaceatthewrongtime. Andyouwillbeforced toslowdownagain orjustthrowinthetowel.

When you get to this stage, the skills you had developed in the earlier days will come in handy. Use the tools life has given you, the tools you picked up at the early part of the journey. And remember, God has been with you all along. Ask for His help or guidance. Believe me He is more than willing to help if only you will ask. And in a short while everything will go back to its normal state. And you are now able to read this note perfectly well again.

Part 4
When you get here please don’t forget to help others who are humble enough to ask for help. A few of your friends might not be able to read this note. Some will just discard it, a few will ask for your help. If they come to you to help them see through the puzzle, please help them. Life is better that way.

And do you know what the most beautiful part is? At the end, the epitaph of the man who lived this kind of life will be “He lived a beautiful life.” The sum total will be that his life was a beautiful life.

Mute Efe,(www.facebook.com/mutehimself)
+234-803-874-9796

N.B
It will be selfish to read a note like this and not share it with your friends. Click on the "Share" link and type the name of 4 or 5 friends you would want to read something like this.

If you would like to participate in the April session of School for Personal Leadership, first add Mute Efe to your friends list on Facebook then send a text in the format, SPL*SURNAME*FIRST NAME*SEX*STATE OF RESIDENCE or COUNTRY (If outside Nigeria)*EMAIL ADDRESS*PHONE NUMBER to +234-803-874-9796. Payment details will be sent to you within 24hrs. The fee for the April Session is N5,500. God bless you.

What I want to share with us today is about the pain of pleasure. We live in a world today where we are literally killing ourselves with pleasure. We are dying everyday, not out of pain as we define it, but out of pleasure. And nobody seems to be saying anything about it. We are amusing ourselves to death and nobody really cares. Stella Damascus, the Nollywood actress, shared in her column in about how a friend of hers was mad at her because when her(the friend’s) kids wanted to watch TV the only channel that the decoder was locked on Nickelodeon and the kids wanted one of the “more interesting” channels like Ben Ten where some real violence take place.

Today, entire families sit in front of the television box and are ingesting pleasure capsules hour after hour not realizing that they are dying. May I suggest to you that just like any other thing in this life, pleasure can be addictive? And the addictive nature of pleasure brings about negative repercussions. I don’t have to be a genius to know that unless urgent measures are taken to fight this addiction we are going to keep seeing an increase in divorce rates as families become mere acquaintances of one another. And an increase in divorce rates will lead to an increase in fatherless and motherless homes, which leads to half-prepared children sent out to face the pressure of society, which leads to these kids growing up to be men and women who are not responsible enough to be fathers and mothers themselves but have the tools between their legs to make them have babies. So, when they have kids they abandon them. They never knew what it is like to have a father or a mother so they have no idea how to be one, themselves.

Besides the long term effect of the addictive nature of pleasure like just narrated in the preceding paragraph. I also see that one of the more immediate effects of the pain of pleasure is the reluctance to learn. I see a dearth of knowledge all around. All that is on the minds of recent graduates now is how he or she can get his or her own Blackberry. I hear the cost of a new Blackberry today begins at N20,000 ($130). I even hear that the cost of some go for as high as over N100,000 ($660). Is that true? And when I turn to have a decent conversation with one of these young and beautiful ladies brandishing their Blackberrys all around, I get the shock of my life that all there is is a Brazilian hair and an empty brain. Except for the well developed part of the brain used in pinging.

I and a friend in Benin run what is commonly called a Business Center. Nothing much, just a few copiers, about 10 computers, 2 printers, a scanner, two good digital cameras for passport photographs, etc. You get the drift. He manages the day to day running of the business, since I reside in Lagos. But once a year I go to Benin and spend a couple of weeks there. And whenever I am in Benin, I usually spend some time with him at the shop. In my last but one visit to Benin, I was at the shop with him when a beautiful young lady in her NYSC Khaki pants came in. She needed to work on her CV. The two employees we have working for us are just Senior School Certificate holders, so we just pointed to one of the computer systems for her to use by herself. To my utter disdain she knew nothing about Microsoft Word. Maybe she is only used to Excel, but I doubt that too. It was one of our employees that ended up working on the CV for her. But she had in her hands one of the higher classes of Blackberry. Of course the lower classes are for guys.

I worship in a church where there are over 20,000 regular members. My church seats over 5,000 people per service and holds 4 services every Sunday. And this number does not include children who have a different building. It’s one of the new generation churches. Once in a while corporate trainings are held so members can develop themselves. These trainings are not free but very cheap. As low as N7,000. There was even one that was for N2,500, but the training materials was like N5,000 which was optional. One would expect that for a new generation church where everything from religion to business is being taught there will be a mad rush for such trainings. You will be surprised to know that for some of these trainings only 700 people participate out of over 20,000 members. And these are trainings that go for as high as N100,000 in the corporate world. But why should I spend N5,000 for a training when I can get some good time with my babe in a fast food restaurant with some cups of ice cream?

I advice the young ladies, I am focusing on you because you are at the frontline of the receiving end of the ills of the society. I advice the young ladies, there is more to life than “my boyfriend dresses well and smells good. Hmm! I am so in love with him.” It’s high time you started asking the right questions. How much of his budget does he invest on Personal Development? How many books did he buy in the last six months? How many has he read? What did he learn? When was the last time he spent his own money, not the company’s, to attend a training session for himself. You need to have an answer for these questions because perfumes never made any marriage work. Any marriage where the woman has a flare for personal development and the man does not, can never be a happy one. Just listen to one episode of Real Life issues aired on Inspiration FM 92.3 in Lagos if you doubt me.

If you, referring to the young ladies, would follow through on the advice given on the previous paragraph, I promise you, many of you will be shocked to discover that that guy you’ve been kissing for more than a year now, has not bought a single book in the last one year. That means all he knows now is still the same things he knew like 3 or 5 yrs ago. Except maybe that Jonathan did not have any shoes. I have met guys who never bought a book in the last 5yrs but never failed to renew their DSTV subscription. And when you are the type that wants to spend your Saturdays attending seminars and your husband sits at home to watch football, then trouble is brewing. Why not nip it in the bud now? It may hurt but you will be saving yourself a lifetime of pain.

From my personal projections based on the number of people that have enrolled for the April session of School for Personal Leadership, for the first time in three sessions ladies will outnumber guys by a long pole. And this is a trend that is beginning to show all over the world, especially among the black race. In the United States today, the ratio of educated black girls to guys in the corporate world is about 3:1. There are not enough good guys to go around anymore so sex is now being used as a weapon to keep the few good black guys. The crave for pleasure in the Rap industry is causing a lot of young black brothers to drop out of schools while those ladies in bra and G-strings dancing in the music videos are attending night classes to further their education.

Am I going to continue to see this kind of trend in the School for Personal Leadership that current projection is indicating? More ladies interested in Personal Development than guys? Are guys only interested in buying Blackberrys for the ladies so they can at least get some sex in exchange for it? But I want us all to have a rethink. The problem with the world today is not just pain as we know it. It is pleasure. The pain of pleasure is far worse than any other kind of pain you can think of.

I want to encourage you. If you are the type that has never seen the need to invest in Personal Development, begin with School for Personal Leadership. It holds right on Facebook, completely flexible, you go into the online classroom when it is most convenient for you. You get to meet people from different fields, different states of the nation, and residing in different countries. It is awesome. Come spend some time with other people who have a desire to make a difference in their lives and in the lives of others. Come and learn principles that will change your life forever. All you have to do is to first add me as friend on facebook then send a text in the following format, WSPL*SURNAME*FIRST NAME*SEX*STATE OF RESIDENCE (If in Nigeria) or COUNTRY (If outside Nigeria)*EMAIL ADDRESS*PHONE NUMBER to +234-803-874-9796. Payment details will be sent to you within 24hrs. The fee for this August's special weekend Session is N3,750. God bless you.

Thanks,
Mute Efe,
+234-803-874-9796 (SMS only)
www.facebook.com/mutehimself

N.B
Please leave a comment as an encouragement after reading the note.

“Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love.”- Rev 2:4 (NKJV)

I still remember. It was February 9, 2012. I was listening to Rainbow FM Comedy Happy Hour hosted by The Don. Listeners were asked to call in and state the professions they are into. And from the profession The Don deduces the kind of prayer that person prays in the morning concerning his business. So, if the caller was a launderer, it means he prays for people’s clothes to get dirty quickly so he will have a viable business. That was the fun in the program.

In the course of the program a nurse called in. Now you get the drift. Believe it or not I can feel the chuckle on your face right now. What kind of prayer does a nurse or a doctor pray in the morning based on the premise given? I got curious to know what her response would be when The Don told her that her prayer would be for people to get sick when she wakes up in the morning. Believe it or not her response was “na so na” (it's like that). I really did not listen to the rest of the program because those three words, “Na so na,” got me thinking. But it did not take me long to realize that she had fallen into the danger of routine.

I have a total of 66 months working experience in the corporate world. And every single working day of those 66 months was in the manufacturing and production industry. First one year was during my industrial training. While the other four and half years was after graduating. Before I finally called it quits with the corporate world. And I started from the very bottom of the ladder: From being a Line Technician, operating a production line, to being the head of my own team, to being the head of operations overseeing an entire shift during production, to being a Talent Developer training other employees, to being a Safety Program Leader responsible for the lives of everybody in an entire department during production. I went through the whole nine yards.

When it comes to accidents that happen on the production floor, I have seen it all. I have seen fingers chopped off. In one case we had to use a flashlight to look for the chopped off thumb in the machine. I have seen legs crushed in forming drums. I have seen steam pour on a member of my team. I, personally, have been caught between a suction box and a corrugated steel table at 80 degree celsius where for the next 15mins colleagues were unable to decide who should come into the machine to pull me out.

I have seen sights too horrendous for me to even write about. Sights that if I narrated would make you puke over your next meal. I have seen sights that I better not tell you about. When it comes to industrial accidents I have seen it all from near-misses to fatality. What I have never seen, however, is someone who, on his first day on the job, got involved in an accident. Every single accident I have witnessed happened to people who were already good at their job, people who were already familiar with the routine and neglected one small detail. When you become too familiar with a process you increase your chances of having an accident.

I have also been privileged to work with project teams as a Safety program Leader. And if there was any one lesson I learnt while working with these teams, it is that more injuries or accidents occur during the close-out phase than at any other phase of the project. When project members become so familiar with the project that they unconsciously violate safety rules.

Why would a nurse admit to praying for people to fall sick on an on-air radio program? Because she has fallen into the danger of routine. When you have seen so many deaths, especially with people who are not related to you, you become used to seeing deaths. And the next time someone is wheeled into the ER fighting for life, you no longer see a person. You see just another person. You have lost your passion to save lives because in your many previous attempts to save lives, many died. Death has become the norm to you rather than an anomaly.

When you no longer commend your spouse when he or she does something good you have fallen into the danger of routine. When you no longer dress well to remain attractive to your spouse you have fallen into the danger of routine. When you can no longer interpret the body language of your spouse you have fallen into the danger of routine. When you no longer say the words “I love you” to your spouse you have fallen into the danger of routine.

You see, in relationships, “Yesterday,” does not count. “But I told her yesterday,” “But I hugged her yesterday,” “But I bought her a gift yesterday,” “But I took her out yesterday.” Yesterday does not count. And even if you are the type that works by a calendar, you have everything planned out. Every last Friday you go to the movies. Every six weeks you eat out. Every three months you lodge in a guest house away from the kids. When all these and more becomes a routine to you, then you are missing out on the whole idea.

The idea is for you to do it everytime like it was the first time. And that makes a lot of difference. This difference is called “glow.” There is this glow in your eyes when everytime you see your spouse you treat him or her the same way you treated him or her when you first fell in love. This is what Jesus means by “Nevertheless I have this against you, that you have left your first love.”

I have, also, seen women who would answer "Yes sir," "No sir," "OK sir," to men who are not up to their husbands at the office while they show not even the slightest respect for their own husbands at home. They, too, have fallen into the danger of routine. They've become too used to their husband that they start treating him like just any other person. One may say "but 'sir' is not necessarily a sign of respect." No it is not, but when it is a mark of respect to your boss because of the culture of your community, then it is to your husband. Never get used to your husband.

During my days as a Safety Program Leader, when my job was to ensure that the same number of people who came to work that morning should go back home to be with their families, one admonition I never ceased to tell them during team meetings was, “As you go into the production floor today, don’t assume. If you must assume, let that assumption be that you are going into that floor for the very first time today. If you do this, you will go back home to your families.”

When you take things for granted you fall into the danger of routine and before you know it you may end up losing everything that really matters most to you.

Mute Efe, [www.facebook.com/mutehimself]
+234-803-874-9796

N.B
Registration into the April session of School for Personal Leadership is on. School for Personal Leadership is an online school that holds on Facebook once every quarter to teach people biblical principles that will help us get a full grasp on life. Lead yourself first before trying to lead others.

If you would like to participate in the April session, first add Mute Efe to your friends list on Facebook by clicking this link www.facebook.com/mutehimself. Then please send a text in the following format, SPL*SURNAME*FIRST NAME*SEX*STATE OF RESIDENCE (If in Nigeria) or COUNTRY (If outside Nigeria)*EMAIL ADDRESS*PHONE NUMBER to +234-803-874-9796. Payment details will be sent to you within 24hrs. The fee is N5,500.

Wow! 225 reads, only 2 comments. Nairalanders are sure a hard bunch of people, lol.

Skulboy:
Am I too late or is help still needed?

I think it would be better if you just offered the help. You may just be at the nick of time.

There are two schools of thought here. The first is that the lady who can suffer with a man when he has nothing is the one who has proven that she’ll be a good wife to the man, my emphasis being “to suffer.” The second is that the man should first prove that he is a man then he deserves to have a woman by his side. I don’t belong to the former. I belong to the latter and here are my reasons:

Those who belong to the first school of thought claim that a young man, and young can be 24 or 42, who is just starting his life but has a vision of where he is going deserves to have a woman to fight it through with him before the money comes. That then she’d have earned the respect of the man. Let me state here that I wholeheartedly agree that every man should have a vision of where he is going to in life and should be able to articulate it at anytime he is called upon to do so without thinking. But my question is, “Is vision enough?”

When the people of His time accosted Jesus with a question on marriage he replied them with the phrase, “… from the beginning it was not so.” (Matt 19:. Let’s go back to the beginning and see what it was like to get married.
Adam and Eve: Unlike today where we have the privilege of knowing the lady we want to marry years or even decades before we actually get married, Adam was not that privileged. For him he got married the very first moment he set eyes on the woman. There was no opportunity to date and get to know her first and find out whether she can cook or whether she’s good in the bedroom. None of that occurred. They were married the very first moment they set eyes on each other.

Jacob and Rachel: Okay Jacob had the opportunity to fall in love. Nevertheless, he had to prove he deserved her. “Finish her week” was the term his father in-law used to tell Jacob to work for her. That week turned out to be a period of seven years of hard work.

Today, the world has changed. Boy meets girl, boy knows girl, they fall in love, and, then, if their love is strong enough they marry. That is more or less the sequence. Somewhere in the process the question arises, “How do you know she’s the right one?” This brings us back to the two schools of thought.

The scriptures places the virtuous woman above rubies, some versions uses the word gems, jewels, pearls, or trophies. The question is “what do you do to earn a pearl or win a trophy?” You work, you fight, you battle. The trophy does not fight with you. You fight to win the trophy. You prove yourself worthy of the trophy. No man is given a prize before the race. Why then should I need a woman to “suffer” with me to prove she deserves to be my wife when the reverse should actually be the case? I, the man should fight to prove that I deserve to be her husband.

Here is a man, whether 24 or 42, who has no job for whatever reason. He probably has a vision but has not started actualizing his visions and dreams. He is not financially predictable. Cannot say that at the end of the month twenty thousand naira or two hundred thousand naira will be in his account either from his job or from his business, but he wants a lady, probably a very beautiful one, to be by his side just so he can be sure she’s the one for him. And luckily, he finds a lady who is really there to fight it through with him. And before you know it she’s not only feeding him, she’s paying his rent all in the name of love and struggle. The heavens forbid that I let a lady who I am not yet married to, pay my rent. I will rather break stones to make a living than de-womanize a lady to that extent.

An understanding of “woman nature” will reveal, like the Nigerian comedian, Gordons says, that they were made from finished product. When the woman came into the scene, the picture was already beautiful. So don’t be angry that they love beautiful things. They are not pecuniary. They are just designed to love beautiful things. At least have something you are doing before you bring her into the picture. Why should I deserve to have a lady when I cannot even take care of myself? Doesn’t that run contrary to common sense? Okay, I share with her my vision for life. What next? She takes the vision to the salon and tells the beautician she’ll pay her bill with the vision I shared with her? Or she’ll buy her nail polish with the vision?

Now, I know there are a few ladies out there who are dating guys without jobs. Fending for the guy, cooking for him and even paying his rent because they believe in his vision and that one day there will be a change. I know there are, I have seen some and I’ve been with one. These very few percentage now makes the larger percent of ladies who’d rather a guy was working, and had his acts together before he approaches them to look like they are gold diggers. So the lady who will, therefore, not go out with a jobless guy who has a vision is then perceived as one who cannot make a good wife. But is that really true?

Let’s take a look at what I call The Absolute 100 Theory. If all the ladies were a 100% on either side of the divide, on which side will it fare better for men? Assuming all the ladies decided that they would “suffer” with men, cook for them and pay their rents if needs be until fate deals them a good hand. Or all the ladies say “No.” Men should fight for themselves, become responsible, have a vision, have a job or start a business, and then you can come for me. On which of the divide do you think men will be more responsible? I think the latter. When men see women as valuable prizes that you have to earn, that you must first meet certain criteria before you can have them, then, more and more men will get to work.

I am an empiricist. I believe that everything that can be tested must be tested. And that includes women. Scriptures say “… try the spirits” (I John 4:1). One doesn’t need to travel far to know that there are fake pearls. But I don’t believe making a lady suffer with you is the litmus test for a good wife. There is a difference between a helper and a sufferer. God made them helpers. You help someone who has already made an effort or is making an effort. Just because your girlfriend earns salary does not mean you should not give her money to make her hair, or fix her nails, or buy clothes. She has a lot more needs than these. But you show that you value and appreciate her when as often as possible you buy her stuff, pay her fares, give her money to make her hair, take her out for diner, etc, even when you know she can afford to without your help. That is how a lady spells R.E.S.P.O.N.S.I.B.L.E. Then, in your hour of need she will be there for you. Don’t saddle her with the responsibility of cooking for you, making your bed, and probably paying your rent all in the name of suffering with you. And most guys will let any lady suffer with them, but, if they had everything going for them, they wouldn’t date those ladies. Why waste her time then?

In conclusion, it does not matter whether I am 24 or 42, if I cannot take care of myself the heavens forbid that I saddle that responsibility on another lady. My conscience will not permit me. And to every beautiful lady who has found herself in such a state only to be burnt at the end of the season I apologize on behalf of all the irresponsible men who had a flawed definition of what it means to be a man. Please forgive us.

As I write this note, the actual title at the top of the page is The Little Things, but by the time I will be publishing this note I may either have changed the title completely or added some more words to the title. This is because in my recently published book, Sitting At The Edge, I had a chapter titled The Little Things. So, getting an appropriate title for this note was a little bit difficult for me.

As I study the scriptures, read the biographies of men, study successful people, I realize that there is a common thread in people who have enduring successes. There seems to be this thin line we can find among those we would term really great. Not great in terms of material acquisition only but great as in deserving our highest respect. These people value little things. They seem to do instinctively the little things that most of us tend to ignore or place little or no value in.

Now, for clarification, I am not saying this is just the factor that made them great. I wish I knew what the one thing is that makes people great, but I don’t. One does not have to look too far to see that two people may appear to have the same set of qualities, loving, caring, hardworking, focused, tenacious, etc. One attains greatness, in a manner of speaking, the other is just okay. I wish I knew why that happens, but like I said in one of my notes, life is like that.

So, please, I am not making any promises that if you practice what I am about to share then you will suddenly have a 100% lift in your income generating ability. But I strongly believe that practicing it would make the world a better place for us. I believe the highest question one can ask themselves is, “What can I do to make the world a little bit better than it is?” And we change the world by changing ourselves.

As I begin to value the art of being still, meditating, and learning to be silent, it begins to dawn on me that it is not the big things that really separate us at the end of the day. When the final whistle blows it’s not going to be about whether you had great dreams or if you practiced goal setting or how comprehensive your résumé was. Neither is it going to be about who drove the most expensive car, or who worked at the best company or who had the highest number of degrees.

When the final whistle blows the question will be about who did those little things that don’t carry any points. I don’t know about you but back then in school as an engineering student I did a GNS course, “Use of Library.” It was a zero credit course but you were not graduating if you failed that course. I think that is really what life is about. Some things may not carry any point but nonetheless, very important.

Things like saying, “I’m sorry,” “Thank you,” “I love you,” etc. Things like keeping up with your promises, helping the elderly get into the bus, getting your neighbour’s clothes out of the line when it’s about to rain. Things like forwarding a good mail you received from a friend so it can add value to some other people, placing a comment to encourage the writer of a good note you just read, refraining from using insulting words on your president even when he is obviously doing something wrong. These little things might not carry any points but when the final whistle blows, believe me, you are not graduating if you fail in these courses.

When we say the world is getting worse and worse, what do we really mean? Planes fly faster than the speed of sound, man pays a visit to the moon every now and then, we can calculate the distance from the stars to the earth, you can have a teleconference meeting with someone at the other end of the world right from the comfort of your home, production lines are automated and there is no human interference, cars are already driving themselves. Yet we say the world is getting worse, why?

I believe it’s because the little things that really matter the most are almost no longer there. Parents leave the home before the child wakes up and returns after the child is asleep. Teachers are rated as high-performing while less and less kids are able to complete high school. There are more relationship experts yet the divorce rate is higher than ever before. Young people no longer stand up for the elderly to sit when in a bus. And like Sam Adeyemi would say, “We missed it. We missed it by a very long pole.”

We missed it when we no longer placed value on the little things that really matter the most. We missed it when we started desiring to be like the Joneses next door. We missed it when we started looking for changes outside rather than on the inside of us. We missed it when we thought the teachers were responsible for our children. We missed it when we thought that because the children can’t vote therefore they had no voice.

Today, we are paying dearly because we missed it. Just when we thought technology was everything, we finally realize that there is more to life than technology. Technology may make life easier but values make life better. Having the right set of values makes life better. Valuing the little things that seemingly go unnoticed until the final whistle is blown is what would really make the world a better place for all of us.

There’s no use climbing the ladder only to realize at the top of the ladder that it is leaning against the wrong wall. Time, once spent, can never be recovered. Words, once spoken, can never be taken back. Before we spend that time, before we say those words, let’s be sure that we will not regret it. Because these little things, they matter the most.

Mute Efe,
+234-803-874-9796

Warning: All articles written and published by Mute Efe are the intellectual property of the writer, reproduction of the writer’s articles either in part or whole must be done with the prior consent of Mute Efe.

I wrote this note just to unwind. Sometime in November 2011, I attended a Transformation Summit for young minds with the theme 'Dare to Aspire' somewhere around Alausa, Ikeja. I had scheduled an alarm for that event some weeks back but forgot to include the time it would begin. So I just showed up and discovered I was 45mins early. So instead of wasting my time listening to the loud music blaring in the hall I decided to while away time by writing a funny note. That was how this note came into being. So I just wrote this note to unwind. There are a lot of gifted people who have studied deeply into this area. I am not one of them. When it comes to issues about boy-girl, I am a novice. So please take this as my personal opinion. In fact take it as a joke.

Okay, the air has been cleared. The question is ‘What do I want in a woman?’ This is one question that has been debated over and over. And there have been different answers. Beauty Vs Brains, Character Vs Cooking skills, etc. Some even quantify it in percentage now. My friend Kessena was telling a woman that he was looking for something around 70%, whatever that means, and the woman screamed that 70% was asking for too much. That if he got 45% that’s good enough. This is where the Urhobo man exclaims ‘Oghene me biko!’ 45% of what? Beauty or brains, or character, or cooking skills? As for me, the answer to the question “What do I want in a woman?’ is a one word answer. Everything! Everything? Yes, everything. Was it not a question? So why does my answer disturb you? I want everything a woman can offer. Not just can offer but everything a woman is supposed to offer. From Beauty to Brains to Character to Cooking skills. Everything. Now which of them do you want me to strike out? Sweetheart I want everything because you were designed to give everything. So don’t tell me I am asking for too much. If you offer less you don’t just shortchange me you also shortchange yourself.

Balance! That’s the word in vogue now. You write anything and someone pops up his head and says there has to be a balance. And he then points out why your note was not balanced. But he that had the balanced one did not write anything. After someone else has taken the time and effort to write something, he now wants to create the balance. Nevertheless, before one of such people comes in to balance this note for me let me balance it now. I know this is the 21st Century and people say it is now impossible to get everything. I say they are wrong. I want everything because I need everything. And I will have everything. The only balance is that I may not get all four at 100% each but if you think I am going to go down on one knee and pop the question ‘Will you marry me?’ when you have never cooked a meal for me before, then think again. Three decades ago I could have done that because three decades ago I would be coming to visit you in your parents’ home. But this is more or less 2012, sweetheart; you will not come into my house as a wife when I don’t know whether you can prepare a good egusi soup.

It does not matter whether you have all the right curves in the right places, wear tight jeans to make it even more tempting, work in a good company, earning a six figure salary, blast in tongues so much that hell knows someone is praying, speak impeccable English. If I cannot ascertain that you can cook, sweetheart, you belong to someone else. Why? Because this is an age where a lady can live off Indomie, Fried rice, Chicken and chips, and Sharwama for a whole year and you wouldn’t know. So I have to be sure that you can prepare something else besides fried rice. So if you are a 10 in Beauty, Brain, and Character but a 2 in Cooking then you have to try the next door. I am not saying you must be a 10 in all the areas but somewhere between 7 and 7.5 in all the areas will not be asking for too much now, will it? After all you came out with a First Class Degree in the university and you did over thirty courses. So these four courses should be a walk-over for you.

There are those who say she can learn how to cook after I marry her. Come on! Man, do you really believe that? This is planet earth, not mars. A lady who at the ages of 15 to 21 could not cook now gets married at 27 or 28 or maybe even 32 and you want her to learn how to cook in my house? Please tell that to the birds. In the same way if she’s good in cooking, has good character, has the best brain but is not a beauty to behold, at least in my sight, then she’s not for me. If what I see physically is not tempting enough for me then we have an issue. I want to wake up in the middle of the night, look at the babe lying beside me and say to myself ‘O boy you try.’

In the light of the aforementioned examples there is really nothing I can strike out, sorry. I’d really love to so the window can be a bit wider than it is, but after looking at it up, down, left, right, front, back, I realize I am going to be with you for the rest of my life. And I don’t think I want to gamble with that sort of thing. Is there a perfect woman? No. But is there a woman with all these qualities to a good degree? O yes, there are. In fact there are loads of them. The problem is some of us guys are looking for a woman that is a 10 in beauty and don’t even bother to rate the other qualities because it seems irrelevant for now. But the truth is we are not getting married for today. We are getting married for tomorrow. And tomorrow all the other qualities will become even more relevant than the beauty. So, I’ll rather answer tomorrow’s questions today than wait till tomorrow.

Finally, does this guarantee success? No. The bible says ‘a prudent wife is from the Lord’, Prov 19:14. But He gives a good wife to the man who is seeking for one. Otherwise He wouldn't have said 'Seek and you shall find.' He won’t just throw a good wife at anybody. So the wisest man said ‘a virtuous woman who can find?’ Prov 31:10. She has to be found. And I will find her because she exists.

‘I will do to you just what you have asked. I, the Lord, have spoken’ –Numbers 14:28.

Please like I said at the beginning, I wrote this note just to while away time. Nothing serious.

Mute Efe
+234(0)803-874-9796

Warning:         All articles written and published by Mute Efe are the intellectual property of the writer, reproduction of the writer’s articles either in part or whole must be done with the prior consent of Mute Efe.

Most humans hate snakes. I would do anything to kill any snake I see before asking whether it was a venomous snake or not. Better safe than sorry. I know a lot of you share my stance too. But why then does the bible say we should be wise as serpents? A creature so hated by man.

Despite the hatred man has for snakes, snakes still thrive. Snakes flourish. They’ve learnt the art of moving without being noticed. They’ve learnt the art of not attracting attention to themselves. They reside in places that are difficult for man to access.

We are admonished to learn this wisdom from the snake. There is a time for everything under the sun. Something done before its time may yield an undesired result. People rejoice when a married woman gets pregnant but are not happy when a teenage girl in secondary school gets pregnant.

In the journey to success, in the journey to achieving our dreams, many of us are not patient with ourselves. We don’t want to go through the whole process, especially the very talented ones. The love for money, fame, power, etc. has made a lot of people to go shipwreck. And many there are that will yet experience shipwrecks in their journey.

Attracting something to yourself before time is not wise. Fully ripe and almost ripe are not the same. Wisdom is in knowing what to do per time. Knowing what battles to fight per time. And it is not all battles that you are mature enough to fight. That is why one should not attract undue attention to themselves. Attracting undue attention could mean attracting conflicts that you are not yet fully developed to handle.

If you kick a dog when it is a few days old, it may die, but try kicking a fully grown Doberman or Alsatian dog, you may die. The difference is in development. There are many half-baked people around. Be patient with yourself. Give yourself time to grow. When you go through the process you become well rounded. The appropriate challenges are what comes to you to help you grow.

In my note Living in Crazy-land I said that to develop a muscle you need a little more load than its normal capacity but placing too much load on the muscle will break it.

As I journey through life I come across too many young people that are in a hurry to make it (and please don’t ask me what my definition of “young” is as you might be offended). They won’t sit down to learn from those above them, around them, and below them. Such people are on a self-destruct mode.

As a young writer I have had the opportunity of getting offers that will bring me big publicity, both on television and print media. They are all waiting for my word. I have been hesitant because I know that there is time for everything. With publicity will come its problems. Am I well prepared for the challenges that will come with it? I don’t want to be the artiste whose first album makes great sales, earns him great publicity, then he fades into the shadows, never to be seen or heard again. Or his next album is nothing to write home about.

Saying “No” to good things can sometimes be the best decision of your life. Some people will innocently bring offers to you that will lead to your downfall. Not because that was their intention but because you accepted an offer that you were not mature enough to handle. I know of someone who got an offer from a lady who works with one of the TV stations in Nigeria. She read his notes, fell in love with them and wrote him. She was offering herself to be his publicity personnel. But he tactfully turned down the offer by giving a condition that will not go down well with most people so he can have more time to do what I really loves, which is writing.

I have realized that in this life to be truly successful, to have an enduring success, you must love the job more than the position. Your desire to heal people must be stronger than your desire to be called a Doctor. Your desire to teach must be stronger than your desire to be called a teacher. Your desire to sing must be greater than your desire to be called a singer. Your desire to give must be greater than your desire to be called a philanthropist. Having this paradigm will help you in responding to the noise around you. You are not competing with anybody.

When you are truly in love with the process instead of the destination, it gives you the strength to endure the process. The growth process is not rosy all through. Pain is also a part of the growth process.

Sometime in 2011, at about the same period, I discovered two young ladies with potentials in writing. But I had great love for the one I felt had the greater potential. The few weeks when I gave up writing on Facebook, I even gave her one of my notes to publish in her name. Because even though I had said I will no longer write on Facebook, my love for writing kept me writing. She published the note in her name and got great credits and I was happy for her.

When I started my School for Personal Leadership classes, I sent her an invite but it was her exams period so she could not participate. When registration for the second set started I wrote her again to participate. I, likewise, wrote the second lady who I was not really in close communication with. To my utter amazement the second one who I considered as having the lower potential responded immediately and registered. The one I loved more turned down the invitation without any stated reason.

Weeks later, just as the school commenced, I wrote her to find out why she turned down my invitation without any reason. It was then she told me that she did not have the money. I did not need a prophet to tell me I was not of value to her anymore. And like I do to people who I no longer add value to or who no longer adds value to me, I removed her from my friends list. Sometimes you need to let people go and be successful elsewhere. If you must be around me we must go through the process together. I wrote this note a week after the incident and I am publishing it 5 weeks later, she has not shown any remorse. My speculation was correct. I really was not adding any value to her. While the second one completed the school and is doing excellently well today.

In your growth process stay in touch with those who matter most to you. Those you know add value to you. Sometimes, you will be spanked by your mentors and coaches. When you are, do everything you can to restore communication. Go on your knees if you have to. Roll on the floor if you must. But make sure you restore communication with them. Pruning is part of the process, endure it.

When you turn your back on your mentor or your coach because he or she spanked you, you stunt your growth. I don’t want to go into details of how I was spanked several times and sharply in meetings where my subordinates were. But, today, I am the better for it. Sometimes you must endure shame.

The wisdom of the serpent is to remain hidden and grow until the right time to be seen comes. “Wisdom does not always come with age, sometimes age comes alone.” –John Maxwell.

Mute Efe,
+234-803-874-9796

Warning: All articles written and published by Mute Efe are the intellectual property of the writer, reproduction of the writer’s articles either in part or whole must be done with the prior consent of Mute Efe.