Mamacita007: sorry OP. how are u sure he married u just for papers? 12yrs is even too long. it takes 3 yrs for us citizenship. ur marriage didn't work maybe that's why he left u

You know, for so long I did not want to believe it. What woman wants to believe her husband married her for 12 years? It took him 10 years to get to citizenship. It takes longer when a person comes over here on an Asylum claim, then adjusts the claim-especiialy if they had a previous marriage. I filed for divorce 03 Nov 2007. It was not finalized until 2011. He said he did not. He said he loved me. Love may have come later, but he took me through hell to get a divorce. Considering I was not taking anything from him, it was difficult to understand. Later I learned he is a man who believes in the Institution of Marriage whether that means love or not is a different story. Thanks for asking. I appreciate your sentiment. I won't be back to this forum. Some of your peeps are not communicating with substance, they are merely bashing. That is okay, but I have had enough. There are hundreds of more discussion boards full of substance and sincere questions.

Chillisauce:

, on point! She needs to wake up and see a shrink

Baby_123 Wow! You tell me a lot without sharing anything. Please do not begin to know "Me" As I surely would not know anyone of your personality type. Sorry you do not believe in love. Perhaps you are miserable. I married for love. Prenup?Laughable? Why do you suppose I don't work? Never mind. I won't be back to hear your response. Still, it tells me A LOT ABOUT YOU! The comments on this forum has really helped me more than you realize. It is good to see how his people think beyond the United States. For those who know him personally they stand by my side. For those who are still trying to get to the U.S. I just say, "don't marry for a Green Card-It is hurtful." Physicians from Nigeria or any other country don't get the sponsorship that you may think-do your research in 2013.

Chillisauce:

, on point! She needs to wake up and see a shrink

The Shrink sent me to this Forum...Lol

Goldenboy007: Dear OP/Tina, I had to watch the video again, Na wa o ! Does it come as a surprise that you never mentioned what you do for a living? we know your type, child support and alimony crooners! A story like hers can only hoodwink few that have not visited or lived in US before. For any successful African immigrant in the US, the AA woman would be last choice even if all the other races were dead! They are devoid of character and their reputation is next to zero! I walk on the street of US daily and i see the mess these set of people live as life! Yes they got the independence on paper but that slave mentality never left majority of them! A slave master can free the body of the slave but cannot free his mentality. I have never seen a culture without an iota of moral values as these lots, their men make going to prison looks like paid holidays and their teens are the worst in my experience of interacting with hooligans! They live like lords and they have this vain belief that the land and government owe them a source of livelihood without lifting a finger, we are heavily taxed so that grubs like them could get free unemployment handouts to feed their b@stards and have left overs to get drunk and smoke weeds! Our elders have an adage - " It is the rain that caused the eagle and the pigeon to seek shelter under the same roof", I do not blame you i blame our greedy African leaders!

How can I get child support without any CHILDREN Genius? If you live in the U.S. as a Nigerian then you know why there is such a problem. I wish I had been his last choice-So Truly, it would have saved me 12 years. Tell all of your Brother's not to marry African American women-I am telling my sister's. I have learned enough from this forum. I am signing off-unfollowing for good. thanks for all the comments. It has been interesting. God help us ALL. I have a Master's in Psychology. I practice in mental health and work in mass media.

eeewise: exactly my point!!! Ts myopic for pple to think the whole world is hinged upon their own experience..whereas its jst their experience which is an experience not d norm.ask her how many nigerian men does she know?how many states in d us out of 50 has she visited?how many africa communities around d us hav she visited?

This is MY STORY!

pickabeau1: Damn.. You put it out there...

I am sharing as openly as I can

armyofone: OP dear,

with all you mentioned yet $400 per month?

Yes, $400 per month for 6 month's was enough. I married for Love. I divorced because I finally realized why he treated me so bad-he was not in love with Tina. My worth has never been tied to him and never will. People do marry for love and when the love is gone then in my mind everything else too should go bye-bye

baby_123: Am sorry but if your ex was Kenyan what does that have anything to do with anyone. Don't you guys mostly claim your AA guys are mostly in jail or looking to leech on you? So you went for a Kenyan Physician with the goal of leeching on him. It didn't work out and you are claiming something else. He is a physician not hard for them to get green card genius. Now, why is this on a Ngerian forum and not a Kenyan? You think the whole of Africa is a state? I see why you are here lamenting now. Mod please direct this madam to a capable Kenyan forum. We are tired of all these smears by other Africans heaped on Nigerians. This is like blaming America for Mexico's problems

Baby_123 "Yes [y]ou guys mostly claim your AA guys are mostly in jail...." is the sentiment that I share in my introduction video. I take it you did not watch it before commenting-it is okay! How is marrying someone you fall in love with leeching on. I learn a lot on this forum. People tell you more about who they are based on the words they say verses specifically stating, "I am......." I have never used the term leech on to describe meeting a person and falling in love. You can say I was foolish. You can say I was even dumb as hell about the culture of men from Africa. If you say leech on to describe the process of love, then you are telling me something about yourself. Africa is a Continent. I never said Africa is a State You should be tired of other Africans heaped on Nigerians-GOOD FOR YOU! Unfortunately, that is the reality in the United States. I am sure there are many other sub-cultures that are never mentioned outside of Nigeria, but don't tell that to an American. Thanks to the wide spread publicized fraud of Nigerians it is "heaped" as you say, onto Nigerians. Blaming America for Mexico's problems is apples to orange's. Perhaps I too will find a Kenyan forum. I have a feeling another forum from Kenya will be reflective of they type of comments I shall receive on this forum. Would you agree? Thanks for sharing. Comments don't have to be easy on the heart, just full of substance and that is enough for me. I learn something each time I read through enough posts.

yellowpawpaw:
Politician
Chilli, u never cease to be funny!

HONESTLY, I met another anesthesiologist from Nigeria and I would not marry him! So what does that tell you. He is a man of substance, but men from Africa scare me. Whether they are nigerians or from Kenya-I can't do it now. Money? U don't know the half of your own words! But I hear your sentiment and it is okay. After all, I opened myself up for this so I have to be ready for all comments. Including the wise crack's-its all good. Maybe next time I would just do as everyone is thinking, get a deal in place to marry for a Green Card-NOT...NOT...NOT

Akeem79: Hmmmm .....
There is can be No deep disappointment where there is No deep LOVE !
But LOVE is always open arms,
If you close your arms about LOVE , you will find out that you are left holding only yourself !

LOVE IT! I really love that quote and your sentiment is heard loud and clear. Please pray that I get to that point in my life. Understanding is the beginning for me and you are correct about love. WOW! I will be posting this comment along the way-it is noteworthy for me to remember for years to come.

Lucasbalo: User getting used.

Sometimes the worldview of a person is so skewed its hard to imagine otherwise. When I married I had almost a year of undergrad remaining. We built 3 companies together. He had a personal income of about $250,000 a year. One property of 175 acres. About 16 homes. 1 condo. and nearly 7 accounts. 2 commercial buildings. In the divorce I asked for 6 month's of maintenance at $400 per month. We split the marital property in the home based on what he wanted to give me. My only real frustration with the divorce settlement was the Christmas stuff that my mother, who passed, brought for me-it is meaningful. Do you know he would not even send that little to me. This is the only comment of all comments that got under my skin. I married for LOVE. Perhaps you don't know what that word means. I married what I thought was a sexy, articulate, God fearing, zero children, affectionate man who would love me for me and accepted me for me. I WAS WRONG. I WAS FOOLISH. I WAS MANIPULATED. I wanted nothing from him but the love he could not give me. Through trying to understand his desperation to become a citizen, I am working toward forgiveness but it is a journey. So please DO NOT mention User getting used-you sound like an idiot. At least say something of substance verses spattering out one sentence that only applies to YOUR PERSONALITY

eeewise: I dnt lik pple generalizin,AA men,white guys,asians all do same,no shoe size fits all...plz op stop all dis and get out of ur small box and look ,thy re lots of nigerians,kenyans married to whites and AA wit strong stable rships ,marriages with kids..so dnt get it twistd.my uncle,a nigeria in newyork is married to a AA ,he even paid her college fees to study nursing,she is a motivational speaker now

This is MY STORY to BEGIN SHARING. If it was so general, then why did Canada release a video of personal stories to help their citizens not fall victim to fraudulent marriages. Why did they prevent person's from re-marrying within so many years who was seeking a Green Card. Really? You really think my box is that small? When is the last time you have checked outside of your worldview. Stepping outside of my worldview led me to marry this man. Now I am within my worldview to determine all that I missed. I missed a lot. The manipulation and fraud was beyond anything I could have imagined-can't compare. I did not grow up dreaming about Coming to America. I was not equipped to see the warning signs. But I am now. I had such love and respect for men from Africa. So if I got it twisted, then you need to scream your sentiment to the top of the mountain. I had warning signs, but I WAS FOOLISH AND IN LOVE. NEVER AGAIN. Still, thanks for sharing, but this is my story to share and I welcome all comments-including the one's from your box.

t2luv:

As I'm reading your story from Snellville. I couldn't believe what I am reading. You were married to the man for 12 years !!!!, C'mon now that's a longtime to put up with foolishness. I am trying to feel you on this one but I just can't seem to feel it. Are you saying the man married you to get papers or am I missing something. I found that logic amazing. He is a Physican, and as a Physican, board certified I assume. he does not need to get married in order for him to get any papers.

Unfortunately he did. After 2 month's of marriage, I found out he had been divorced for 2 month's PRIOR to marrying me. The signs of why he married me was present in the beginning-talk about foolish-I WAS. From his statement of, "I married you for my convenience......don't inconvenience me....white women taste better.....I don't like to kiss (we kissed when we were dating). Refusal to do the slightest for me without any inconvenience to himself such as pick me up from the airport....buy me a bed.....the list goes on and on. Physician's no longer receive the inherited need from the Department of Labor to obtain Work Visa's as they use to. Unfortunately, it is not that simple for physician's to be sponsored by employer's. Without the ability to practice and obtain hospital privileges, having the title as a physician means nothing. Sure it is hard to believe. It took me about 10 years to even believe it-why would I want to. Do you think this was easy for me to accept? It took me 3 years to even begin to share my story. Still, I appreciate your honesty. When time permits, look at my video again and really hear my plea. Thanks for chiming in.

pickabeau1:

Sorry, but i thought your ex was kenyan?......

Absolutely correct. Unfortunately it just goes to demonstrate how far I have expanded my beliefs about men from African who date African American women-they only want a Green Card. This is awful. I can only pray that one day I feel different. Prayerfully something will spark a change of heart. But for now, I will not date any man from Africa regardless of their city, tribe, or sub-culture. If the dominant culture is Africa-it is hands off for me.

funnyx:

He he he lwtmb bobo cougar yi tun ti de o, make you no kill persin with laff. As my Yoruba people will say 'aaya gbon Ogungbe naa gbon, aaya n tiro Ogungbe n bere'

Yield: Thanks for sharing your story, OP. Many people who go abroad do this, not just Nigerians. People're always looking for greener pastures and unfortunately, they leave their victims hurt and broken. Here's a video the gov't over here put out to warn people:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoyzsFaHk5g

HATS OFF TO CANADA....I HAVE NEVER, NEVER, NEVER SEEN A VIDEO LIKE THIS IN THE UNITED STATES....WE ARE BEHIND THE CURVE. WE KNOW IT EXISTS, BUT THERE IS NO NATIONAL ATTENTION LIKE THEIR IS IN CANADA....WOW! WOW! WOW! I am going to post this video next to mine.
If the United States had a NEW Rule like CANADA fewer Americans would be manipulated and scammed.

juman: They messed the country up and people are running away from the senseless country.

God knows how many many years of people's life they spend on pursueing another country's paper.

One nigeria is the problem.

AGREED

bellong: For most relationships, individuals tend to have reasons and motives for going into it. Some because the guy is rich, the lady will give free s-ex and many more sincere and insincere reasons. The onus lies on each partner to ascertain the sincerity and intention of each other in the relationship.

My blame will mostly be on the ladies that are swindled into marriage for selfish gain of the men involved because most, if not all, of those women do not apply their head and brain in verifying the sincerity of the men. They are always betrayed by their emotions and sweet talk, probably because they have not heard such sweet words from men in a long time. No matter how good a guy can lie, he will always leave a loophole showing his real motive for the relationship and only the lady whose emotion has not taking over her reasoning can detect this.

Advise your fellow African-American women to do their due diligence in verifying the identity and sincerity of a guy before throwing away all forms of sensible caution.

I have to ask in kind? "How can you blame someone for being swindled for anything, much less marriage? Marriage is sacred. But yes, HATS OFF TO YOU FOR RECOGNIZING THAT THE KEY IS TO ADVISE MY FELLOW AFRICAN AMERICAN SISTERS.

bellong:

I am very sorry that I may not be able to help you to comprehend what I wrote. Is there anywhere in my comment that I mentioned "Nigerian man"? The OP was talking about Africans in general and not Nigerian men in specific.

If a grown adult does not know how to test sincerity of a relationship without resort to database, I am sorry I can't be of help. You may probably re-read my post to have a better grasp of what I was trying to say.

Thanks

My ex is from Kenya. After 12 years I met many, many, many, many friends and colleagues from Nigeria. I am telling my story, but The Green Card Game is Real. African American women are NOT ready for the raft that a Nigerian or Kenya man can bring to their life in the name of The Green Card Game. We are NO match and the minute I ever allow myself to believe I can judge sincerity from another dominant culture, then I am foolish all over again. What ADULT WOMAN does NOT grow up thinking about marrying a man who will provide, nourish, and cherish her? Are you serious REALLY REALLY? TEST SINCERITY----WOW!

Kanwulia: The game is real!!!

By now, you AA peeps should have been wiser. Are you saying you did not gain anything from the 'manipulative man'?

Dear Tina, please stop hurting. If you think you had it bad, you need to visit Nigeria and see what NIGERIAN WOMEN go through with NIGERIAN MEN! At least you still have YOUR MOUTH TO TALK about your experiences!

You have to move on dear!

You do NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH A NIGERIAN MAN! They are NOT capable of loving even themselves. They can't help it.

NIGERIAN women go through the same manipulation from the sociopaths!

I am a NIGERIAN WOMAN! I would NEVER dream of dating an AA man. Not even an OBAMA!!!

Bottom line? Stick to your own AA man!!!

NO MATTER HOW DYSFUNCTIONAL AND 'MENTALLY-INCARCERATED AND CASTRATED' my NIGERIAN HUSBAND IS. . .I will prefer him ANY DAY, ANY TIME!!! I sabi deal with them WELLU-WELLU!

Thank you in kind. Now I do stick to my own. You are correct, I should have been wiser. I was STUPID, STUPID IN LOVE AND FOOLISH!!!!

juman: They messed the country up and people are running away from the senseless country.

God knows how many many years of people's life they spend on pursueing another country's paper.

One nigeria is the problem.

I can HONESTLY SAY, There is so much truth in your statement. I won't even date a guy from African. When I meet them, I have to apologize with humility and say, "I can't date Nigerians anymore." Some I will feel compassionate for when they look at me strange-explain my past situation. Unfortunately for others I simply say "no thank you."

I appreciate all of the comments...even the one's "not so nice."

As an African American women with so many African American men incarcerated, living below poverty lines, or barely able to care for their families-I was in love with my ex within 2 day's. I did not know he had been divorced from his wife in New York for less than 60 day's when we met. My ex is a physician, good looking, charming, affectionate and made me feel like a princess. With 0 children and God fearing-WHAT WAS NOT TO LOVE?Yes ladies the merchandise down low was good too.

On DAy 2 of marriage, this man looked me in the eye and said, "I don't like to kiss." I SHOULD HAVE RAN ON THAT DAY. We had been kissing before marriage; oral before marriage; now that we are married, you don't like to WHAT The pain of this day was the beginning of 12 years.

Sure. The Green Card Game: I Married an African Physician is specific to my story. The blog I have started this week is titled, "The Green Card Game" Perhaps others have fallen victim to African men marrying African American women for the purpose of obtaining citizenship. Therefore, their story may read The Green Card Game: He promised to pay me; The Green Card Game: We had children during our marriage-now what?
My initiative is to start a national dialogue to help other young African American women at minimal understand what they are truly getting themselves into. If you watched my video, then you have been introduced to my story. I am nearly finished with my memoir and it is full of facts from e-mails, written transcripts, and so forth to begin the process of cleansing my name. My ex was the most manipulative man I have ever met. It is time to share my story and begin healing. Thanks for chiming in.

I don't know your origin of birth, but when you did not sign up for the "mix" and did not learn of his citizenship until after you said, "I do," then caring about The Green Card become an issue that forever lingers in the back of your mind. Thankfully, you have honesty going into your marriage. Good for you! Sincerely, congrats and wishing you much love and prosperity.

The real question is, "Can you stay married to the man you love knowing he cheated on you." You may love him; you may forgive him, but if you no longer trust him.....then you have your answer. A relationships without trust is like a house divided! I'm just saying......

I say, "Chunk it" Throw a white cloth over the tradition and marry in the traditional wedding that the father desires. If not, you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt. What if Dad does not get over it?

No matter where you go, men seem to think they have plenty of fish to choose from. Do they I believe women have just as many fish to choose from. Notice I don't cite any statistics. I don't want to know the facts of this issue-it may make me feel bad about myself...Lol

Ladies, I came across this forum from Google Search Engine. However, the discussion began in 2006 and seemed to extend to 2011. Now it is 2013 and African American women have the need to dialogue about men from Africa coming to America marrying an African American woman for the purpose of obtaining a green card, while most hold White woman to a higher level of praise. I am glad to see this forum. I have began blogging about this issue. Romance was limited. I believe my ex married me for the purpose of obtaining a Green Card. I was so in love with him. I am not sure if my video will be uploaded, but I want to know if African women from Africa agree with me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUFMyq1fYHg