I'm enjoying this thread! Pls continue to reply, unfortunately I'm about travelin now but will respond as soon as I get a network. I'm learning a lot and think I have identified at least 3 ethincities in this thread, just by your jist and rationale. Its interesting how people believe that its not possible to generalise when there are some things that are just culturally a part of us or engrained without us even being aware. That includes me as an AA and as a Native American. Thnx for not bootin me out, but I also think that some shld be a bit more receptive to dialogue even in regards to broaching sensitive subjects. Hv a blessed day and may all you aspire to achieve be yours exponentially beyond your expectations.

Iits just 2 pages follow through its all there.

ifyalways: OK.

So what is your focus?What is this thread about?

Ok but there was another as well.. I didn't understnd

kulyie: i mean different characters on nairaland.from the sarcastic to the blunt and so many different ways of thinking.actually 'orisirisi' is a yoruba term that means different kinds of things,it could also be wonders shall never end depending on the context it is said or used

Uv gotten my post wrong dear. That's not my focus, if it was I wld hv been married long ago.I consult for them and deal with them daily so I know those inside n out. Not looking to b possessed or owned, just loved. Thnx for ur insight

ifyalways: The thread is about you trying to hook up with/understand made,older Naija man not me.

Good luck on your quest sha.Update us as you go

Actually I am chatting from my BB. Is that against the rules? When I sit down to my laptop its to work and write not browse and I don't use my tablets and bigger gadgets for social things. What exactly is a BB fevered Sissy by the way? If its abuse, please I dnt think I deserve it as I said if I'm not welcome say so and I will gracefully bow out.

ifyalways: Is it just me?The OP writing style does come across like a BB-fevered sissy

This is what first wife's do.I'm sorry but you aint bringing in anything new or fresh by Nigerian standards.If you really aim at being a second or third wife to an older,made Nigerian man,you have to be fly in your looks and a freak in the bedroom.

Passion,business acumen yada yada can only impress an average,struggling man not one who has a rock solid business empire.You need to get a Unilag girl for tuition.

Pls can u expln what these 2 terms mean?

kulyie: orisirisi characters on nairaland

That is what ALL wives should do, girlfriends and mistresses too. Your point is noted though. Very funny and sad at the same time. If that's what you have chosen to believe. Also if a woman is a freak in d bedroom its between her, her man n God. He alone should kno thts y its clld a private life.

ifyalways: Is it just me?The OP writing style does come across like a BB-fevered sissy

This is what first wife's do.I'm sorry but you aint bringing in anything new or fresh by Nigerian standards.If you really aim at being a second or third wife to an older,made Nigerian man,you have to be fly in your looks and a freak in the bedroom.

Passion,business acumen yada yada can only impress an average,struggling man not one who has a rock solid business empire.You need to get a Unilag girl for tuition.

No its the issue that we r discussing that has stopped me from choosing, I can't seem to understand the communication method. If I dnt cll, instead of being busy, I must be " having fun" but if he doesn't call I'm selfish becuz don't I realize he's a "busy man". If I refuse to go out its because I'm hiding from someone instead of me being protective of my image so that none can come and make useless advances to me because iv been seen out with too many men due to the type of business I do. That if I have to travel even when I've informed him for business, I receive midnight calls and clls at inopportune time and yet there is no trust, when I've never shown you that I do anything bad. That there's this insane desire to bed me, when you haven't even taken the time to know what makes me tick, wat makes me happy, what I do when I'm nervous. If you can admit it takes time to know those things, why won't it take time to posess my most precious treasure. They get annoyed and ask am I a virgin, after all I hv children and I expln tht I live my life by example to my children. I can't ask my daughters to behave and be a good girl, if I don't show them wat a good girl is, I can't demand or expect my sons respect women if I don't show them wat a good woman looks like or what to look for in a wife. I must admit that I do have high expectation because I have seen men, real men, not just those who cll themselves that because they were born with a extra member. Nigerian, AA, Global. I want a man that can be my head, that I can trust and believe in. A man who will allow me to close my eyes, streach out my hand and allow him to GUIDE me, not in obedience but in love and TRUST, because I know what it means to be a wife, a mother, a lover .... a helpmeet. I take my position seriously. Its not a right to be a Wife or Husband, its an honor and privelegde that comes with responsibilities and expectations

Ujujoan:

I'[m sorry . . I guess I missed that. My condolences.
Still you've got to admit that you do sound like the perfect woman, men should be falling all around you like flies na . . . even Nigerian men wey too like better thing!
Except there's errrm something you are NOT telling!

Actually I did dear, I've always been a realist. Even as a child. Don't judge me til you know me, people who see me nvr believe I hv children as grown as I do or my age. So it has nothing to do with me being or lookin old, in fact. It has everything to do with me understanding my self, what I am capable of giving to my partner and what I expect in return.

Ujujoan:

Ohhhh now ur talking . . . .
You are right on one thing, you really are a realist!
A widowed mother at over 40 can only be a second wife in Nigeria.
I'm sure when you were in your early 20s and full of life, you didn't think "men were polygamous because they can procreate till death" . . . _{or some crap you wrote earlier!}

Well I'm an old woman too. Well over 40. Iv so much to bring, most my passion an vision. My dedication n loyalty, my business acumen and discipline. Sori I will not lie n say I'm gonna pound his yam naked behind the kitchen as he watches. I'm not going to wash his clothes. But I will run my home efficiently and he will see growth in his vineyards if he's open to new ideas. If not I will continue with my work, be a gud wife, loyal n faithful n raise my family.

ifyalways: So,when you get or see that Nigerian man that fits your description,what are you bringing to the table
Unless you are mixing with the wrong crowd,you should have no problem getting an old politician that fits in.

You say abuse, I say critique. The world is full of different perspectives. You cry out for transparency and accountability and yet you balk at honesty and can't accept criticism. There is a difference between constructive and destructive critisim. One is to build and the other is to destroy, malign, debase and detract from growth and development. With constructive criticism there is positive and negative reinforcement. Negative reinforcement is a negative reaction given to inappropriate behavior to impact a positive behavior in future interactions. We as parents do it all the time with our children. But it works in y situation. If negative attention is drawn to negative behavior the feeling associated , discontent, offence, embarassment will most likely lead to a positive future behavior. Its difficult to handle sometimes but it creates consciousness thts where the concept of transparency and accountability comes from. The worl I'd a smmall place and becomming progressively smaller doe to global innovations. We interact daily with people with different backgrounds, ideologies, mores ,d motivators. If we want to grow we need to learn tolerance and assimilation. Me must be willing to at least tolerate others perception no matter how different. I never came here to be malicious or denigrate Nigerians becuz I'm in love with Nigeria and hv adopted her as my home, but tht in no way implies that loyalty an love means I should blind myself from certain truths tht I. Feel should be adressed and that are possible to change because thts called development. The only thing consistant in life is change and suprisingly its what we r most resistant to. Enough of my preaching tonight unless u decide to post again of course. Again I'm intrigued. Thnx for giving me more to digest

coogar:

i agree you have freedom of speech but do not abuse the privilege!

R u sure, iv so many asking me to introduce them. You'd be suprised.. If given d chance and I'm not here for an grammar lesson I'm typin b bb you get my gist with or without spell check[ I didn't post in black planet and you are free to post what you like where you like it. There is freedom of speech I believe as long as I'm not brealking any rules I'm free to speak my mind and express my thoughts and will endeavour to do so. I also nvr asked how many times you've come or gone in anout of Niger or to where as its not my concern. I simple stated tht I'm not from those places you are naming as I stated please google my town dear. quote author=coogar]

next time, endeavour to put your words together articulately. you don't come to a nigerian forum to denigrate nigerian men - it's insulting! no nigerian would go on black planet to insult african americans.




i am not judging by what i see on the tube. i have been to america several times, i have got friends n family there. treat people with respect and the favour shall be returned. you expect me to give you a bunch of roses for saying nigerian men are drama queens? really? if you don't like their ways, look for male anglosaxons to date! leave us alone with our drama - our women are not complaining![/quote]

Actually he is not. He just lives comfortably within his means n his wifes r happy with their status. They too loans for their business to grow and they utilized their natural talents they also developed initiatives within their clime to support their business and the local people so they propogate the business and drive some aspects of it. He is innovative an open to new ideas and I assisted in developin on wat they had now girls r n school powered through them, but he's no where near a magnate he just realizes that business growth and development isn't about initial returns, other more vital areas tht hv been lost and forgotten

biolabee:

The man you referred to is a magnate and is a very wealthy fellow

an average person will not be able to maintain that kind of households thus bringin back the demerits of polygamy

Anyhow i appreciate your POV though it is a very diffeicult thing here in this part of the world




She stepped down later

You misinterpreted my text pls read from the beginning til the end its just 1 n a half pages. I was driving at a point. Ithink its unusual that instead of reading an entire thread, one will choose a single point and begin a tryade of insults. Thing must be taken in context. It makes me wonder. Is it because I stated I'm foriegn tht everyones soooo worked up? Either way, I'm quite enjoying it and will have so much to write later. BTW I'm not from NewYork. I'm from a tiny village, Google it its called Naperville Illinois and its been listed severally as the Best place to live in the US. Don't dare try n judge me by what you see on tele when you haven't even given me the benefit of reading my entire post. At least you owe yourself that much before saying what's out of place. You never know where you may meet people tomorrow

coogar:

so you're african american and you had the gall to denigrate nigerian men? wonders shall never end. are your men any better? in what way is the average african american better than the average nigerian man? literacy? drug use? alocholism? violence? infidelity? name one thing your menfolk have over nigerian men?

go back to your newark or bed-stuy if you think nigerian men are not good enough....

I'm not sure if this comment is targeted at me, but I will reply as I can think of who else it me be referring to. Responding to posts is not seeking attention, I have a free day today and am using it to research in my bb and chat up a few friends. I feel its rude to not respond to a open post if I see it. I also see no harm in expressing my opinions as this is an open forum. No one here knows who I am and though there have been messages sent I don't choose to go further than expressing and sharing ideologies and ideas. I was under the impression that that's what this platform was for. If I was seeking attention I would have posted my email, my telephone or at least my name instead of speaking in anonymity. I'm just simple like that. I don't ask for tea if I really want tea with milk and sugar. Iv no problem with communication or communicating. Now if for some reason I'm not welcome here, perhaps because of my origins, ideologies or frankness I'm the last person to force myself on anyone. Bit if this I'd truely a platform for dialogue as iv seen it as for over 10 years then I don't understand these snide, and facetious comments( not referring specifically to you) I have been in love with Nigeria since I was 16 yrs old that how long iv known your country exhisted and unknowingly since I was 6 yrs old becuz that's when I met my best friend, and sister (as my mother never gave birth to one), I'm not here to seek anyones approval, or endorsement because my actions speak for me. I'm not afraid to share my ideologies because in the end iv no one but the Almighty to answer to. I try to always respect people but respect doesn't mean I won't say my truth. The truth is most often bitter, that bitterness makes it no less the truth though. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that iv no need to seek attention to be noticed, because I receive attention without trying and if my presence isn't welcome. No need to beat around the bush, just say it and I will fade into black.. As it seems I'm threatening some unseen heirarchy here

Ujujoan: ^ I can see you are trying so hard to be noticed. Just be patient and wait for your turn eh

Its been 10 yrs dear. I'm learned to cope with it for the most part and hv had 2 relationshps since. 1 bk home n one here both Nigerian

biolabee:

my condolences...
May he rest in peace and may you have the fortitude to bear the loss

i see u uju

Your welcome.
Its clear. Men are visual and easily motivated. Pls let's call a spade a spade
Having a girlfriend is wayyyyy mor expensive than a wife, calculate dates, private time, entertainment, incidentals. Thoughthey r nominal amounts isolated when you add them up its costlier than what you invest in your household.. Which you see a return on. Your wifes hairdo you see daily, the fuel in her car runs ur kids around or gets her to her biz. Your gf hair you receive 1/3 of a return on if u c her (wice n a week and who knows who she's seein wit the fuel you provide I am not insinuating poligamy is for everyone, but if the parties involved are honest and mature enough to handle it. It can be a beautiful experience. Iv a friend with a massive estate and each of the wives hande an aspect of the business, one legal, one marketing and the newest wife is the technical expert. They c each other as sisters. The children barely have issues and u can't tell who is mother to whome as they live in a commenal home. That's a prime example, but its because the hubby was honest and the wives are all loved and supported as in he develops them, and has family time with them, they are not competing and he is sitting bk enjoying his family. I asked if he will take another he says where is his time. His wives keep him busy. 2 can still bear children and the business is still growing. That's a man with vision, a wise man that chose compatible women to grow with him and build his future with. What man or woman wouldn't wan that. A home filled with peace, security and love
e

biolabee:

Wow you put it out there but this a potential powderkeg here
The cyber feminists are going to run riot

I do understand than men are naturally flirtatious but the truth is that economic realities have forced out having more than a wife
It is a very costly endeavour in addition to the inherent insecurities and in fighting FUJI HOUSE OF COMMOTION

The stress of having a polygamous house can be detrimental too emotionally if not well managed but in the case of an empowered woman it may work.. NOT SURE

Good of you to have visited round the country as part of your enlightenment

It is well

He died, thts wat makes me a widow.

Ujujoan: Lmao. .
Nothing wey I no go hear for Nld . .
Just curious @ poster, you seem to be the perfect 'realistic' wife, what happened to ur first marriage

Sweetie iv seen 17 states so far. I know all of lagos and the southwest, south south, imo state then several of the northern states. The funny thing is that virtuelly every woman is in a poligamous relationship whether they like it or not. There's no difference between a gf, mistress n wife except percieved boundies that we conceptualize to give us a false sense of security. Its only when we accept men as they are that we have peace in our homes and our hearts. When we stop making men try n conform to mores that are unatural to them, bigomy, poligamy, and adultery are all man made westernized words. If men were not created to be poligamous. God would not hv made it possible for them to procreate til death, their bodies would sync with their mate when married or after 1st sexual encounter and they wld imprint like animals who mate for life(those animals never fine a mate even in death of their mates mind you)and once the woman can no longer procreate thts the end of their reproduction. God doesn't mk mistakes and thts y men can procreate because their can and will b other women. Most women in fact if cndid will even admit that they hv dated mattied men before they themselves married so why be possessive now when you enjoyed in the past. Its safer to have a wife than mistress and far safer than a gf. Because they're not vested in the development and propogation of your family and dynasty. They're instead focused on their intrest but a wifes interest is your interest or it should be anyway. If she's settled and productive, your settled and productive then its now just for you all to allow peace to reign n keep him happy; between the 2 or 3 of you the hubby has no stress and in turn if you ladies are wise, no energy to go outside and jeapordize the peace of your home or familial unit. I don't believe a sane man would choose to spend money on women outside if he doesn't hv to. Most me go outside looking for sanity, appreciation, excitement and a wise wife or wives can do and facilitate all those things. Please don't fight me ladies, but I'm a realist

biolabee: ^^^ i wish you all the best in your journey but if you are open to sharing a man
I hoe u know naija women are very agressive and possessive about such things


* Southern drawl*

Hey who you be coming round this here parts
This man is not big enough for both of us
We dont take to your kind around here

LOL.. i feel you should use the oppotunity to get immersed in our ways first
If you dont want to go too far from Lagos

Ibadan is a nice place to visit and its an hour or two tops from Lagos
Also Epe is a lovely town and they have nice festivals there
Abeokuta is also not too far

Gradually it takes time.. appreciate us first and u will blend in superbly
The truth is that though we speak various languages, our cultures are 60-70% similar across the country

I cn and do motivate them n do one or 2 thgs to facilitate but I'd prefer a nigerian man based here

biolabee:


You are very open minded and i like you
You keep it real

Just be patient and maybe you shd give the oversea pple a chance
when they see ur faith in our dear country maybe they will gradually come to see naija as home again

Straight n to d point! Nice

kulyie: you have spoken my mind but as for you poster this is the characteristics of the regular nigerian man,sad but true,so you have 2 options.its either you marry them and live with all this characteristics or marry a non nigerian.

I'm not being defensive dear. Just making my point as she did hers we r all entitled to our opinions. Thnx for the feedbk tho, its duly noted tho quite off point as was hers,probably due to my inability to truly expln my bkgrnd n identity, But noted none the less

jidegirl12: OP listen rather being defensive here, @chaircover have stated the obvious bout your mentality and peeves toward Nigerian culture, well sometimes the way we converse is what I can call weird

Lol @Byvan @wind up dead I don't blame you.

Btw my own Nigerian man is somewhat like you, doesn't want to have anything to do with Nigerian culture besides his association with older over 40 Nigerian uncles that mentors him( which was enforced by me), his mentality is wayy different from any typical Nigerian.
I don't know but his prerogative and I respect his decision all the way as much he respects mine.
His arrogance makes him more irresistible too so I don't wanna change him.( well if I can )

Have a open mind . They come in varieties.

Thnx. Well noted. The funny part is its mostly the ones outside tht chase me and feel they understand me. I can't seem to get along with them cuz they hv no faith n Naija , are neg and yet proffer no solutions to d problems at hand. I want a man as committed to naija as iam and who accepts that this will be home to his children n grand children so we had better start looking for solutions. I'm more drawn to Nigerian men who see Naija as the Queen she is as there's no place like home, no matter how green the grass may look on the other side. All people, nations, countries and governments face the same issues. What makes Naija unique n makes me love her more is that she's not hiding her inadequicies as most do. Its open and in your face so you know which areas need work. I love that no ones pretending to be perfect. Nigeria is just an infant going through the same growing pains as did every other nation once harnessed by Big Brother. Its all part of development. She will

byvan: In order to love them,you have got to be like them.......Don't ever get too emotional while dealing with a Naija man.There own love always wears a magnifying glass,let yours do the same and you will be just fine!!!Am married to one by the way,just that he is not the typical Naija man.

Keep seeking,their are exceptions.I really can't handle the typical Naija man because one us might wind up dead.

Love the post very informative. I know of the carnival tho iv nvr gone cuz I try n avoid crowds. I dnt really like publicity n try to maintain as much anonymity as possible. I Will try more festivals and weddings though. As I said thnk I'd prefer 2nd wife tho most cnt believe it due to my bkgrnd. I'm too busy to b 1st wife n dnt want the responsibility. I'm a stress free person who doesn't mk noise n wnt my time to be quality n relaxing not full of strife.

biolabee:

wowee....
Cherokee are brave warriors and [s]also a fine brand of car id like to drive [/s]

I hope you can find what you are looking for in this land
You just have to be patient

Also moving round the country would have been nice taking note f the security situation

Have u been to the Calabar Carnival happens december
Also visiting the village homes of your friends for weddings, new yam festivals can help your assimilation process

With your accent, you will surely not lack admirers as a foreigner is always a novelty but only a[b] self - assured amd made man[/b] will want to be with you for you rather than a ticket to yonder

The problem is that most of them are married already/divorced bla bla
They may not want that whole drama all over again where there are younger women who will not complicate their lives

I won't say I'm dating married men, but if you read that Im a widowed mother( my eldest child will be 19) I think that wld imply that I am of a certain age range. That age group if reasonable and responsible will either be married, divorced or widowed. If you've not been married by your 40s+ then I'm worried that either your priorities are not on family or tht there is an issue sumplace. I love and care for myself and my family dear, there's nothing I can't do for myself, which is y I wonder y a man feels I must grace his bed to prove commitment dear

achina boy:
there is no culture shock as i can,she is basically dating married men that got their own family to love and care,,,my advice is at this point of her life,she should lower her expectations and flow with the game,,that will be the best for her

Am a very Atypical AA. Think its becuz of my Cherokee bkgrnd. Iv adopted Nigeria as my home so where in genetically tied here, I am spiritually planted and going no where! This is my home. I'm not a expat I'm a Nigerian by choice and I utilize my energy developing my country. I'm not saying I don't love America, but there is a sense of peace that I get only when here. A satisfaction I never had before. I love workin with the youth n women, they hv such passion. I am home and choose not to do a DnA test because I just want to be a Nigerian not an igbo, yoruba, uhrobo, hausa, tiv,fulani, itsikiri,I will b from where ever my hubby is from by Gods grace. Insha Allah. We are one Nigeria and we need to remember that. Its the only way forward.

biolabee:

Fair enough but you will have to be patient then to get the kind of man you want

Interesting, have you done a DNA check, you may have naija blood iin your bones
Innately drawn.. however i bet you know that expats of other races work here in naija

this will be controversial and coming from an AA woman.
Prepare for attacks from your own kind


I would like to discuss with you more on what you think your ideal man shd be like

No I think you have misinterpreted. I go on dates, but I hv no lover. I dnt feel buying me a drink or dinner or shoes, a bag or even a phone entitles any man access to my body. I dnt think because I spend time with you that meams I'm obligated to lie n ur bed.. Is that what your insinuating? That's why I clarified that I'm not dating anyone. I spend time with friends, we go out, but I will not sleep with sumone as a precursor for him saying he wants to commit to me. I have many friends and many as you call toasters, but sex seems to be the hangup. Is it sex that quailfies a relationship? Once you sleep with a person? If so then I guess your right I've no right, but if a relationship is a sharing of commonality, hopes, dreams and a merging of commonalipeople to grow and build a future then I feel I have more than enough right. It just seems my definition of a relationship may be outdated due to realities that face some. Is it wrong to feel that I'm not a posession to b traded upon. You dnt even kno if u can deal with my tantrum, but u wanna enter my bed. Aren't there prerequisites tht should be met before such levels of connection are attained? Am I looking at it all wrong? Wat I want from a man cnt be bought with money.

pleep: haha wow, if your not actually dating anyone i don't think you have any excuse to make generalizations like this... why would you expect people to "open their hearts" for you when your not even their girlfriend?

Lol, i suggest you try dating more than 1 Nigerian dude before you form opinions. gl

Thank you for the candid and focused reply, but I'm still a bit frustrated. I apologize that the post was a bit disenfranchising, but someon seriously annoyed me. I say Nigerian men because I'm in Nigeria and I will not date another race for now. The type of business I do entails I interact with different people globally and yet I'm inately drawn to the Naija man so I cnt refer to any other than him and my hubby was American like me so no other reference point except Naija.. Sori, but I say it as I see it. No harm intended. The reason AA women r single is also subject for another thread. Our families were intentionally turned upside down and women have forgotten what a pride it is to be a woman and prefer to be a man and relegate the men to duties which don't allow him bear his crown as he in his prime is a threat to govt and society's perpetuated ideology of a perfect life. I'm enjoyin your jist by the way.

biolabee: Your post is long but i will take your points one by one



Good point but this is not limited to nigerian males. All men do this especially in the middle life age range which you are obviously interested in
your target males will be moderately successful men (married or divorced) who may not want drama in their old age
So a FWB arrangement willl be suitable for them

If this does not work for you, hold out for what you want but dont go bashing Nigerian men for them being who they are
Have you forgotten the most endangered sub group marital-wise are african american women?



Good one, I admit you are right here cos i do it a lot too and some people not from this culture dont get it
So i consciously stop it when i am relating to non naija females,
Look at it as a sort of ice breaker they mean no harm
The correct response is just to say "Sorry, I have tied up with work stuff. how are you doing"



We are traditional also family people but not all of us are into all that solo family time
A typical naija guy recreational ish is to hang out with family, friends and talk about good times with good food and drink
All this your bungee jumping, hold hands etc is not sth you will find easily

Holdup, we are not the best out there, so lower your expectations or hold out for the Mr White Knight

All what youve said here, i am sure other women will tell you is common to other men of other races

I like how you put out your points. Your first post was

Im open to more discourse

I know your not a man dear, have known from your first post. I'm a analyzer of people. I understand your statement, but what you need to also understand is that we are all individuals and unique in our interaction,communication and the way we rationalize. That's what makes us individual, you do as you do and I do the same in my own unique styles. That's why I'm me and your you. You should understand that you speculated as well, and I made a huge disclaimer at the top of my post" I'm a foriegner living in nigeria" I also concluded by asking for advice hence the last line " please help me understand or will I live single in Nigeria as I've chosen to live my life here"

You see why I said that you are going about all this the wrong way. You should have asked for advice rather than to just speculate.

I saw my sister on Friday night . . . when she called me yesterday evening, I said "Haaaaaa!!! youve forgotten me sinceeeeeeeee! I am not a Nigerian man BTW and that is my own sister. Many people greet that way. I dont think they mean any harm; just cultural differences and I think that is what you should be trying to understand . . . being different doesn't always automatically mean bad. [/quote]

Where r they hiding. Lol. No, but seriously, how do you identify a serious gentleman. Not a wiseguy lookin to ride ur back, or gigalo lookin for a lay. I sometimes even think I'd prefer to be 2nd or 3rd wife as its less stressful and you already know what the person is looking for and their expectations. Its not for everyone , but if the woman is not overly jealous and understands her position it think it can work in proper circumstances.

Brand_new: I'm sorry @Op there are still some Nigerian men who qualifies to be called a gentleman in every sense of the word.

Ok.. But I'm not dating anyone as tht implies intimacy to me. Iv friends that I kno are intrested, but only met 1 who was trusted n felt safe enough to allow to call me his own. But tht was ruined by envy as it breeds hatred.. Another thread completely. I'm just deciding to dive in again but seems I've no clue what to make of the vibes I'm receiving.

pleep: Ok I see what the problem here. You are dating rich Nigerian men, guys like that no get time for love, in their minds all women want is money.

This is because Nigeria is a very materialistic society, and relationships have basically devolved into a money for sex transaction. These guys are dating you like they would date a Nigerian woman and you are experiencing culture shock.