₦airaland Forum

Episode 19

I woke up by 10.00am in the morning and na Saturday be that, so no lectures and classes almost all the whole students in our lodge woke up late, because from the whole days of the week Saturday always is the sweetest of all because that day school children go just park for house play, enjoy and have a nice sleep, but many parents no like am because na that day is when they go talk from morning till evening, even some in our lodge always they pray make week start so that there trouble some children go begin school again, (that's why teachers need to be appreciated, thumbs up to our dedicated teachers )

Kpoor kppr Jo! Yes who dey knock this early morning for my cabal I shouted from inside .
Jo open that fucking door u no know say 10 am don knack echoed noga
I opened the door to see noga carrying a broken bowel in his hand, O boy what happened I asked him.
Jo na just now wey I wan come beg you of groundnut oil the thing just fall from my hand , so u get oil noga asked me

Yes I get but na one cup is remaining sure e go reach you because na later today I will go market,

Yes na e go reach me just wan use am fry one small yam I get for house noga said .

I gave him that oil and shut my door ,I reached my bed and as am about to write down things I am going to need in my house, my phone rings behold the caller is my mom ,

Hello Johnny ,how are you
Mom good morning, am fyn and you guys over their I asked her .
Well we are doing great, so xup have you eaten anything since this morning, she said

No ma am writing things that I will need to buy in the market today,
Jo just find somewhere eat after that you can still buy your foodstuffs ,are you hearing me she said

Yes mom ,

Good so hurry, ten O clock you have never chop , come on go and eat is like you have never experienced stomach ulcer before ,just ask your dad he will tell you she told me

OK mom so how lag be.

We talked and talked I asked her about my younger siblings and all the rest till she remembered that I need to eat ,I off the call and I proceeds to my market list

When am through with the compilation of my list I hurriedly changed my clothes because I have already taken my bath early in the morning ,
I wore a Gucci design clothe ,with a dorce and gabbanna shore sprayed my passion perfume,brushed my teeth and also combed my hair,

I stepped out from my room looking fresh ,all eyes are on me because am looking more handsome,
Jo you look take are away noga is the first person to complement me ,

Even some of the girls just they admire me none of them they talk because if they talk now those married gossipers will talk say they be oloshi so those girls they mind their business when ever those women are in the building, especially mama bola na she be the top nine and lone striker for gossip team ,mama chiamaka be the supporting striker,while mama Evans be the winger , others na midfielders, and defenders .

So all of us no want anything wey dey go use that person talk because they can cause for Africa, even the latest version of causing they don download am to their website, so we wey be students they avoid them na only them they shout among themselves no day pass they no quarrel ( if you live or have lived for public yard you will understand with I meant) but with standing that many of them like me because am always neat and a well arranged guy ,even sometimes they always give me food and some foodstuffs, and I the thing that always surprise's them is that they have never found me among tenants queueing to go toilet and bathroom so they respect me more, not knowing that I usually wake up early to ease my self.

Jo mighty mama bola hailed me chia you fine joor she said I greeted all of them and I winked at loveth that babe that brought me food yesterday and she laughed silently, as I stepped outside our compound I started to hear shouting and causing flying behind me I thanked God say I no dey when it started so make them kill themselves,
I flagged down one keke man , Douglas! I asked him
100 he told me I entered because if I reached their I will withdraw money and buy so electronics and also some foodstuffs.

Episode 18

Jo jo he said silently na you ? Papa bola asked
No na them, hahhaha u don die papa bola today your wife go kill you ,I told him.
Papa bola who is in his mid fifties always fight with his wife all the time, mama bola ,and their only daughter bola 15yrs old ,even na we their neighbors they separate them all the time ,and na him wife dey beat him black and blue ,so this they make him to avoid anything that will arouse any fight because he knows that his wife forbids smoking,
Abeg no tell that bull dog please Jo I dey use God take beg you please as he discard the cigerates his holding, he begged me

OK no problem but on one condition ,I told him.
What condition Jo

Papa bola that from today you will stop smoking, because is not good for the body, I said

Well Jo na ciga dey make me forget my problems so how I go stop am na check, ok ok no whahala I go finally quit smoking ,he said

Eh ye na now you come I told him, oya please clean up so that I go use the toilet , I stepped outside the toilet and he locked it , fews minutes later he finished cleaning up himself and off he went to his quarters,i looked at the time and is 4.00 very soon other tenants go come dey queue ,so I hurriedly used the toilet and cleaned myself up as am about to go carry water wey I go use take my bath I see that girl that brought me food yesterday putting on a towel ,
Good morning Jo
Good morning how are you doing I asked her
Am fine and you ,she asked me
Well am cool,
OK let me use the toilet before others will come she told me .
I picked up my water and took my towel and rushed to the bathroom ,as am going I heard yarns and sounds from each room showing that they are awake.
I hurriedly took my bath as am about to finish I heard other tenants shouting (I dey your back ) na how we dey do for our lodge because if we no say am another person go come and use the toilet while the person who suppose to use might have an urgent call so that's why we did it like this, so if you have an urgent matter or you want to check your food you be rest assured that your space is intact before you come back ,and that's we call our toilet ATM because na wetin we dey say for atm queue .
I greeted my neighbours as I passed them and the time is 6.00 am ,is only those going for work is on the line ,both for the toilet and the bathroom, but if during school days the queue na die because everyone go commot no one want to go late ,but Saturdays the queue is laser and short ,may be around 5 to 7 persons on the line ,is only during the evening time that other tenants will file the line so as to take their bath and ease themselves before they go to bed , I sometimes think that this suppose to irritate most of us but it even make them to laugh because for that queue you will hear all types of talks both funny one and insulting ones ,

I reached my room as I want to open my door I saw noga coming out of his room with speed with a bucket,
O boy why you dey rush ,I asked him
Guy that my rice and beans dey Pudge me ,and thank God today na Saturday he said
Hahhaha hahhaha , I laughed uncontrollably
Why you dey laugh na ,abeg how many people dey for line he asked
Well your God don save you na 3 for now just rush you meet up , I told him ,and off he zoomed like lightening

Hahhaha I thank God say I no follow you chop your rice if not wetin I will talk ,I said in my mind ,because for our lodge you need to avoid any thing that will make you to Pudge, because it will embarrass such a person in the house, and people that are living there has a bad mouth ,they can talk ,even any thing and mistake wey person did for many years dey go remember still for queue ,so we are always careful.

I changed to a new clothe,combed my hair, and I go back to bed because na 6.30 am ,
I slept off not minding things around me

Episode 17

I saw that girl who is dimming eye on me few hours ago, she has been crushing on me but am not showing any green light

Her name is loveth ,not only her but also her room mate and they are trying to figure out any opportunity so as to see me ,
Hi jo she said

Hi loveth how are you doing?

Am fine and you? She asked

Cool girl

Please manage this, and she handed me a nylon ,
Whats this, I opened the nylon and also in it is a cooler of hot jelloff rice with two big meat, I was surprised and also happy because God don use her provide manna for me because baba God know say I no get strength to cook,

Wow lovi am very excited come in ,I ushered her in ,this she has been waiting for,
Loveth she is a beautiful girl around her twenties she is average height and with a good statue ,but her problem is that she opens her leg anyhow, in our lodge she has intercourse with almost all the guys in our lodge ,except me and noga though noga she just don't like him but ,in my case am her first crush before other guys start to follow her ,so am not interested in her but right now she is my life saver .

She sat down in my bed while I rushed brought two spoon's and gave one to her and I used the other one ,
Because maybe this is her evening meal and she want to share it with me ,
We ate and talked I asked her several questions which she answers with all pleasure, after eating for some time she said that she is OK I am even happy because
hunger don hold me so I ate all the food and the meat, after which I washed the plates,

Loveth your food na die ,e get level ,I complemented her

Hahhaha she softly laughed ,Jo you funny this rice wey I no put anything,
Yea is fine joor ,as I went to seat down after washing the cooler my phone beeps up and it rings behold my girlfriend peace ,

Hello girl how are doing, I asked her.
Am fine and you ? am OK

You said you will call me but I no see your call which makes me to be worried , she said

Na eh babe my room is dirty so na cleaning I dey clean am na ,or you want the almighty cockroaches to full my humble lodge. I asked her

Jo jo hahhaha you don come again she said, so how O town be she asked me ,

Well it dey nothing much just quiet, but how the person you go visit for Onitsha na ,

Fine

Loveth knowing who is calling me have to leave I waved her hand as appreciation for what she has done for me,
I also locked the door ,me and my girlfriend talked like about 1hr we cracked jokes and share experiences, I was wondering inside me how come this girl wey no dey talk come dey talk right now

OK na good night love you she said
Love you too I replied

I plugged my woofer again and lower the volume so as not to disturb other tenants because everyone don off his or her own CD and woofer only the small volume of different TV ( u no say TV na the last electronics to off in our lodge )all types of films my neighbours are watching ,

Even those girls has television but na only me a noga with other four guys no have it but Sam has a big plasma TV ,

As I stepped inside my bed nepa just took the light ,chia see cursing if to say all those curse they affect them they for don die finish, and the time is 11 pm in the night so this one be oya everybody go to bed
I slept immediately my head touched the Fringes of my bed ,

I hurriedly woke up by 3am in the morning and I took my toilet bucket, but before I leave my room I on my stove ,I have a gas cylinder but if I put it on it will boil the water instantly which I no need am ,so the Stove be the best option for me I put water in my kettle and placed it on the stove to allow it to boil ,

And I bashed out of my room ,on reaching the toilet I noticed that is opened half way ,I thank God say I be the first person to use am ,but as I want to enter inside I smelled of cigerates smoke emitting from the toilet, I opened the door and meet nobody in the toilet as I was drop my bucket big,heavy and strong shit passed at my head to the closet bour buu!
I was surprised when I looked up to see papa bola in the ceiling of the toilet balancing on one wood with his trousers down ,and using one hand to smoke the ciga ,as he dey smoke he dey shit at the same time, he no even recognize say person comes inside the toilet, because he dey get inspiration

I laughed hard because I never see this kind of stunt before and this my laugh called to his attention, he was very surprised to see me and afraid because if his wife hear am na die he go die.